Gaze watched over my shoulder, simultaneously checking our surroundings and looking at the images.
“Crazy that our official prom picture is in a pizza joint.” I put my phone back into my dress pocket. “So now what? Head home?”
“Oh hell no. We haven’t even danced yet.” We waved as we got whistles and honks from random cars. Clearly, Pete had the word out that we were walking the streets.
“I’ve got it.” Gaze pulled me along. We got to the park and walked close to the swings. Two kids younger than us, but still in their teens, were sitting on the swings. Another was leaning against the bars that held them up.
“Get.” Gaze grabbed one of the chains of the swings. “I’ve got this reserved for tonight.”
“You what? You can’t reserve this shit.” I recognized the kid as one that played on the basketball court from time to time.
Gaze didn’t say anything. He just stood there as still as a statue. They complained a little more before pushing on, leaving the swings.
Gaze stood behind one of the swings like he hadn’t just intimidated kids off of them. He patted the seat. “Here we go.”
With his help, I was able to get my train over the back of the swing and he pushed me to get started. Once I was pumping my legs, I could do so without wrecking my dress.
He hopped on the other one and started to do the same. Once we were synched up, the whole structure started rocking.
“Crap.” He put out one of his feet so we would be off pace with each other. Passing in the middle over and over, that action seemed to appease the swingset. We had an even ride after that.
Both Gaze and I eventually slowed down, linking our fingers between us.
“So what else are we missing?” Gaze ran his other hand over mine.
“I guess music? Right?” I pushed myself off the swing and Gaze helped me move the train to flow behind me again. Still, it was pretty freaking dirty.
“Let’s roll then.” Gaze and I walked away from the swings and the surly pre-teens kicked rocks on their way over to take up their previous positions.
The night was losing the touch of humidity it had, and the breeze that had picked up earlier was sustained, blowing my hair and his around.
It was dark now, and the colors of our formal wear dipped in and out of the shadows without breaking the color palette.
“Here we go. Perfect.”
Right next to the river, which was sloshing from the wind, there was an illuminated pool of light from the streetlamp.
“A dance floor,” I offered.
Gaze pulled his phone out of his pocket and flipped through a few screens. Then he sent off a short text. After putting his phone into his breast pocket, my favorite song filled the night.
“Awww. You remembered.” I stepped close to him, wrapping my hands around his neck.
He clasped his around my waist. “I never forget when it comes to you.”
The soul that I connected with so much as a kid was attached to this handsome, confident guy.
“Thanks for being so thoughtful. For taking this and making it the best.” I hoped he knew that I appreciated how much he’d changed to include me in his life.
“I had no other choice. It’s all about you, Pix.” He kissed the top of my head before spinning me and then letting me return to his arms.
“What’s all about me?” I mean, I could understand the prom and the dress all seemed so important for the girl.
“My life.” It was simply how it was for Gaze.
I had no words then. Between the love I felt and his devotion, I could only kiss him to let him know how I felt. He tasted my lips and gently nibbled on the bottom one. He gave me shivers.
“Hey, you kids break it up.” I recognized Austin’s voice after gasping broke our kiss.
“Hey, brother.” Gaze smiled and then turned to me. “He’s going to take our, ” he did air quotes, “‘official’ pictures. I thought we’d do it before we totally ruined your dress.”
“Oh my.” I covered my mouth, pretending to be scandalized. Gaze quickly tried to fix it.
“With dirt. Your dress is getting dirty. I noticed on the swings!”
Austin was close enough to hear us. “So, you know I’m down if you guys ever want to be swingers.”
Gaze rolled his eyes. “With as much as I’m paying this photographer, you’d think he’d leave the dirty jokes at home.”
They gave each other the handshake that I was now used to. “Thanks for coming out here.”
“Honestly, I’m stoked to get some of these outdoor pics. It’s hard to get indoor pictures to feel quite as alive.” Austin had a duffle bag and a wireless ring light with him.
Now that I thought about it, when reviewing Austin’s Instagram, it focused on the fashion and content, but a huge skill he had was capturing images.
“I’m down. This seems right for tonight.” I went to my toes and fixed Gaze’s hair that I had mussed up when we were kissing.
And then we had our photoshoot. It was so unstiff. Austin had us laughing and posing, even when we didn’t know we were actually doing it. He dragged us back to the swings, and we kicked the kids off again, which made them grumble. My job was to swing and flip my head back so my hair and the dress would follow the same line, whatever that meant. Then we kissed a few times, staged by Austin.
After seeing the images, I was thrilled. We looked so in love. You could see it all. The way we grew up. The bond between us was beyond all the normal things teenagers worried about.
I thanked Austin and hugged him, even though I’d see him in just a few. Gaze had a few more stops on our DIY prom, so we wished Austin well.
“Hungry for some dessert?” Gaze put his hand on my lower back. I stilled, just warmth from his hands. I didn’t tell him that I was scared his touch would remind me of the things I hated to remember. But not yet. Not tonight. So we continued. The past was buried tonight. We strolled to our favorite Creamsicle dealer and Gaze got us each a pop just before he closed down for the night.
“There is literally nothing better than this on a hot day.” We toasted the Creamsicles. We had to pause to thank random passersby for the compliments on our outfits. Gaze grinned at me proudly every time someone told me I looked beautiful. It was perfect. But the humidity was picking up now that the breeze was breaking down.
I heard the telltale laughter echoing off the buildings and I knew. This time I took charge of the date and pulled Gaze behind me after we tossed out our popsicle sticks.
“How about some fireworks?” I pointed at the fire hydrant shooting crystal clear water into the air as the kids ran through it. Friday night had a different feel around the neighborhood, even when we were kids. There was a joy in it. The kids were up late, but still allowed to play. I twirled under the spray, feeling a little guilty that Austin’s hard work was getting destroyed, until Gaze took off his jacket and joined me. He picked me up in his arms and spun. I held the edge of my dress so all the kids around us would get sprayed like a sprinkler from my wet train. Gaze stepped out of the water to let us catch our breath and let me stand on my feet. One of the kids in the crowd had a bubble gun and added the detail to the atmoshere.
I touched Gaze’s jaw with my fingertip and then outlined his smiling lips. “No one has ever had a better prom than us.”
We kissed again, water streaming from our formal wear, I tilted my head back when we were done, and despite the city lights, I could almost see the stars.
Chapter 67
Pixie Rae
THE BEST PART about prom was it was the beginning of the end. The senior rites of passage collided with final tests and traditions that made things move quicker for us. Seniors finished school in May, and at the beginning of June was Gaze’s and my matching birthdays. What it meant was the teachers were more lax. They were closing out the books on us earlier, which meant that if you finished everything you got to skip some classes. Even if you were just sitting in the classrooms on your phone, you w
ere getting credit for being there.
When Gaze and I got back to school, the place was buzzing. Apparently, all anyone wanted to talk about were the incredible pictures that Austin had taken of Gaze and me on our prom night. He was even in talks with a few magazines and websites that wanted to hire him for jobs. He already had a huge Instagram following, but this was beyond. Gaze and I were even getting recognized as the “love” couple in the streets. Ashlin was pissed beyond words. She had been voted prom queen and Mark was voted king, but apparently, everyone was busy looking at their phones during the announcements at Austin’s Instagram. Local teens’ impromptu prom pictures go viral and were actually on Buzzfeed.
I wasn’t sure if taking away my presence at prom had done it, or the fact that Gaze and I were clearly together and happy, but Ashlin seemed to back off.
Gaze and the coach had to do a little planning about the colleges offering him scholarships. They were looping Mike and Ronna in via Austin’s phone as a way to bypass the restraining order that Bruce had filed, even though he seemed to have no intention of enforcing it. But he was always around and people in the neighborhood would talk all the time. Any strange cars or people might make their way back to Bruce. It was only a month more before Gaze and I celebrated our birthday week. And when we were eighteen? Then the restraining order didn’t matter anymore because Gaze would be considered an adult.
I was headed home by myself, a rarity, when I was stopped in my tracks by Bic. He loomed over me, his shadow mixing with mine on the sidewalk before I saw him.
“I’ve been trying to talk to you for weeks, Pixie.” He grabbed my upper arm, but didn’t squeeze.
His voice and touch paralyzed me. Silenced my voice. All I could do was look up to his eyes in dread. “I’ve been telling Dreama that I needed to get ahold of you.”
I didn’t breathe. I could feel my veins getting wider as they tried to accommodate all the blood rushing to my head. My disappearing reflex was trying to kick in. My go-somewhere-else-defense here in the street. “I’ve got some of your mom’s stuff upstairs, and I need to show it to you before I throw it out.” He dropped his hand.
Mom’s stuff. The perfect carrot to dangle in front of me. I was missing her. He knew I was always missing her. Made fun of me whenever he saw me cry over something that was hers back before Gaze came home.
I shook my head no. Just a small movement, but a victory nonetheless. I did it again. No.
As much as I wanted my mom’s stuff, I was never going to be under this man’s control again. My throat was dry. I watched his big slug-like tongue roll around in his mouth, curl around my name, order me around, again.
“No.” My voice was outside of my head, outside of my heart. “No.” It wasn’t loud enough for how much rage was behind it. How it boiled in my heart. I didn’t want to be this man’s prey, his toy anymore.
His voice was friendly, but he didn’t mean it. It was his outside voice, for when people could be watching. The jovial Bic. The friendly Bic. His eyes were hard, like an angry statue. “Okay, fine. No problem. You don’t want her stuff? No worries. I’ll pitch it. But I think you need to know something. And I was going to tell you upstairs…” He made a step toward me, arm extended, waving his other hand toward the front door of my old building.
I stepped backward, my paralyzed feet somehow learning a new trick when I needed them. In their defense, I had to force all my reflexes and actions to still back then. To stay alive back then.
His cologne hit me as the breeze came behind him. I felt my soul curling small, wishing herself away.
“No.” Louder this time. A bit of an edge.
I ran both my hands through my hair. I was getting ready to make a scene. I was getting ready to finally let that fight impulse have her head.
“Your mom made me promise to give you a present this year. In her will, it was a thing she did from when you were little. I’ve got the envelope in your old room. Just come on up and I’ll give it to you.”
My chest was tightening. I could not stand this any longer. I wanted out. Out. Away from him. I stepped to the side. It was broad daylight and the streets were busy enough that he couldn’t grab me. If I could overcome my terror. If I could make things happen. Unfreeze. Run.
I could do it. I could.
And then I was off. Each breath freeing my lungs a little more. Each pump of my legs took me closer to my freedom. From him.
Bic didn’t get to live in my head forever, and he didn’t get access to me anymore. I was mine. Hitting the front door, I took off up the stairs. I didn’t glance back. It wasn’t as much fear as it was determination. He wanted me to do one thing and I was going to do the exact opposite. By the time I got to Gaze’s place, I had the key in my hand. My fingers were shaking a little, but the key slid in. I could hear Bic lumbering up the stairwell behind me, maybe a floor down. He was faster than I imagined he’d be, but still far enough away that I felt confident.
I swung the door open and slammed it shut behind me, slapping all the locks shut. Still, my heart was beating, pounding. After grabbing a steak knife from the drawer, I watched the door. In my head Bic was the largest monster, but knocking down a door seemed like it’d be hard. Really hard. But if he was able to complete that feat of strength, I’d be ready.
I waited and waited, tempted to glance through the peephole, but instead, I listened. The heavy footfalls I was waiting for never came. After about ten minutes I did look, and the outside of the door was empty. No one was following me. I kept the knife, but walked back into Gaze’s room. I eyed the window and went over to it, sliding it open a few inches slowly, but still hiding behind the curtain.
These buildings were so close, sometimes you could hear complete conversations. I took some steadying breaths. In and out. I was here. I was mine. I would be safe.
The visceral reaction to Bic’s voice still got me, even though I knew now he was back in my old apartment.
His deep mumble washed across the space between. Then I picked up Dreama’s grating voice. “Where is she? You saw her, right? She’s supposed to be here.”
Bic frustratedly lashed out, “Do you fucking see her? No. She ran away. I couldn’t throw her over my shoulder in the middle of the street, Dreama. That’s not how real life works.”
Dreama had an argument still. ”Please. She’s your kid. You could just tell them you’re disciplining her. Everyone would mind their own business.”
Bic’s voice was booming more now. I gripped the knife tighter, hearing his anger. “Not Pixie. She’s everyone’s fucking favorite.”
“Wait, I thought she was getting bullied in school and stuff? At least that’s what some of my girlfriends were saying. She’s been a huge slut since she left. Has that good-looking kid as her boyfriend now and—”
Dreama’s speech was cut off abruptly.
“What did you say?”
I inched closer and moved the curtain out of the way so I could see inside. Where I was hidden in the dark, they were shuffling into my old room. Well, Bic was shuffling, but Dreama was opening and closing her mouth with Bic’s hand around her neck.
Before I was done registering the violence I had just witnessed, he dropped her to her feet. “Keep your fucking dick sucker shut, Dreama.”
Bic was acting possessive over my name and how Dreama talked about me. It made me so viciously sick at once I had to hold my stomach.
“I know we need her to move back in. We need proof of residency by Monday or all the checks stop rolling in. And if we’re ever going to get any of that money her mom set aside…”
Dreama seemed eager to please him again. “We need it. You need it. You deserve it. You raised that little girl all by yourself. No one helped. You earned that money.”
I lifted my eyebrows in bewilderment. Bic had not raised me. I raised myself. He abused me. He didn’t get to profit from knowing me. From hoodwinking my mother into marrying him.
“Don’t tell me what I already know. If I don’t get Rat
sy his money soon, I won’t have a mouth to complain with anymore.”
It figured. It figured so much. He was in debt to Ratsy, the worst guy in the neighborhood. And there was still an issue with him getting my mother’s checks.
“Well, we get her in here and we lock the damn door. That’s what we have to do.” Dreama rubbed Bic’s shoulders.
I felt even queasier watching them. I let the curtain fall and slowly moved the window into position. Just then the front door opened. Gaze and Austin were back.
“Hey, Pix! We brought sandwiches for dinner. Where are you?”
I slid the knife under the mattress in Gaze’s room. I had to hear how it’d gone for Gaze. And I understood that telling him what Bic had been saying would enrage him. So much so, he might not do what he needed to do to get the scholarships.
Chapter 68
Gaze
THE DREAM WAS coming true. Two colleges were excited to have me play for them, and I was getting offered full rides. Which was amazing. One college was about forty minutes away from the Burathons, and the other was about four hours away. I spoke to Mike and Ronna through Austin’s phone and they offered to have Pixie stay with them before I could even ask. I saw Teddi get all excited in the background of the thought of another girl coming to the household.
I wasn’t sure what Pixie’s plan was for the future, but I just needed her next to me. As I walked into the apartment, and Austin came behind me, I felt a shift in the energy of the space. Something was off. I immediately went looking for Pixie, who was sitting on my bed, looking pale, but happy to see me. She held out her hand and pulled me down to my bed.
“Tell me everything.”
Austin wound up bringing in the sandwiches and we all ate on my floor like it was a picnic.
“So you have to go visit the schools, right? To see which one you like best?” She took a sip of her bottled water. I could almost detect some hesitancy.
“Well, we have to go, and yeah, this weekend. They’re really pushing it, but Coach is saying that they’re trying to prevent anyone else from snatching me up.” I shrugged but couldn’t really play off my excitement. This was huge.
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