by Jane Blythe
Slamming his fist into the wall at the prison hadn’t been the smartest thing he’d ever done. But the anger simmering inside him had been threatening to bubble over and he’d needed to do something to relieve the tension. “It’s nothing,” he answered vaguely, standing to go and get Laura some painkillers.
“Did you hit something?” she asked.
He was saved from having to answer that when Rose set three plates down on the table. “Dinner’s served.”
“Once you’ve eaten, you can take some aspirin,” Jack told Laura, setting the pills and a glass of water down beside her.
But Laura wasn't to be distracted. “Why did you hit something, Jack?”
“Eat,” he ordered, taking a mouthful of his own meal.
Laura obediently ate a little of her omelet, then repeated her questions, “Why did you hit something?”
Obviously, she wasn't going to let it go, so he may as well answer her. “Rose and I visited Frank Garrett this morning.”
Every ounce of color drained from her face, and the hand holding a forkful of omelet halfway between her plate and mouth began to shake. “You saw him?” her voice trembled more than her hand.
“Yeah,” he answered softly. “We needed to see if he’d give up the third man.”
“Did he?” Laura’s eyes seemed to grow larger in her pale face.
“No, I'm sorry, angel,” he replied apologetically. He would do anything to end this for Laura, only he couldn’t, because they didn’t have enough information yet.
“Did he say there was a third man?” Laura asked.
“No, he wouldn’t confirm it, but there was, Laura, you know we’re right. He said that maybe you deserved what had happened to you, that you deserved what was happening now, which implies that whoever’s behind this blames you for something,” Jack explained. “Can you think of anyone who you had an argument or a disagreement with or any sort of problems with at all while you were in college?”
Laura gave a minute shake of her head. “What else did he say?” she whispered, although she seemed unsure that she wanted to hear the answer.
“Nothing, Laura, he just made some taunts about you to try and upset us,” Jack told her. It had worked, too. Hearing that man even say Laura’s name had been enough to make Jack want to lunge across the table and wrap his hands around Frank’s neck like he and his brother had done to Laura.
Setting down her fork, Laura pushed her plate away from her. “I can't eat anymore.”
“You’ve hardly had any; you need to eat to keep your strength up,” Jack protested.
“Really, Jack, I can't eat anymore.” She was still shaking, and she looked like she might throw up at any moment.
“All right,” he agreed.
“I'm sorry, I have to …” Laura trailed off as she stood on wobbly legs, seemingly unable to gather enough strength to come up with an excuse, and left the room as quickly as she could manage.
“Do you want me to come with you?” Jack called after her.
“No,” came the reply, and then a door slammed shut.
Jack muttered a curse under his breath. “We should have prepared her for the idea that we were going to be talking to the Garretts rather than springing it on her, so she had time to get used to it. If we can get her calm enough to focus, she’ll be able to figure out who this man is. He’s so angry with her—she can't have crossed paths with him and not have noticed him.”
“Unless he’s some sort of stalker whom she’s never even met,” Rose suggested.
“No.” Jack dismissed the idea. “He’s so angry with her, he had to have real actual contact with her. He blames her for something, so they definitely met somewhere along the way.”
“Jack, about Laura …” Rose began tentatively.
“What about her?”
“Are you sure? Are you sure that you want to get involved with her again? She’s clearly not the same person she was back then. Jack, I like her, she’s sweet. And I most definitely feel sorry for her after everything she’s been through. But, Jack, she’s messed up. Totally understandable, but are you sure you're ready to handle that? She needs a lot of help if she’s going to get her life back. Are you up for it? Because we’re not talking some mild issues to work through, she is on a whole other level, she's like a fruit loop …”
Rose broke off as they heard a gasp.
They both turned to find Laura watching them.
“Oh, Laura, I'm sorry, I didn’t mean it like that,” Rose began to babble apologetically.
Laura turned on her heel and disappeared.
“Jack,” Rose turned devastated green eyes on him. “I didn’t mean it the way it sounded. I totally get why Laura’s messed up. Who wouldn’t be after going through what she has? And you know I love Paige and Sofia, and both of them are still suffering the effects of what they’ve been through. I am totally on board in helping you help Laura, so long as you are one hundred percent sure that it’s what you want. I just want you to be sure, since she's …”
“A fruit loop,” Jack supplied dryly. He would have been angry with Rose if he’d thought she meant it.
“That was a poor choice of words.” Rose’s cheeks heated in embarrassment. “You want me to talk to her, explain?”
“No, maybe you'd better go. I’ll talk to her.” Jack thought he’d have a better chance of calming Laura down on his own.
“Jack, I'm so sorry,” Rose implored.
“I know you are,” Jack assured his partner.
“I truly didn’t mean to upset her. I'm an idiot,” Rose groaned.
“Yeah, you are,” he agreed mildly. “You go on home and I’ll call you later.”
“Okay,” Rose agreed in a small voice.
Leaving his partner, Jack headed for the bathroom where Laura had taken refuge and found the door locked. He could hear running water coming from inside. It seemed like she was in the shower.
“Laura?” he knocked on the door. “Let me in.”
JULY 26th
12:31 A.M.
“Laura?”
She ignored him.
She didn’t want to see him right now.
She didn’t want to see anyone.
Rose was right.
She was a fruit loop.
She had never thought about herself in that particular term, but she couldn’t deny it fitted her.
She was crazy. A complete and utter mess.
“Laura?”
It had been a mistake letting Jack back in.
Both physically into her apartment and into her life again.
She was sinking further and further down.
It wasn't fair to drag Jack down with her.
He had his faults, but even she had to admit he was basically a good guy.
He deserved better than her.
He had been banging on the bathroom door ever since she’d fled in here.
She sought solace in the shower.
She was sitting on the floor, curled up in as small a ball as she could make, with the water pounding down on her.
She had the water turned on cold, though.
She’d done that before.
The first night after she’d been released from the hospital. Her parents had taken her home to their house, and she had climbed into the shower. Staying in there so long that she used up all the hot water.
At first, of course, the cold water had made her shiver, her body coming out in a mass of goose bumps.
But then she’d started to go numb.
Not just her body, but her mind, too.
She had liked that.
The feeling of numbness. Nothingness.
Sometimes when she felt overwhelmed, like now, she liked to do it again.
Numb was so much nicer than terror.
“Laura, let me in.” Jack was still at her door. “I'm worried about you.”
Shouldn’t he have given up and left by now?
Why was he being so persistent about her?
Like Ro
se had said, she was no catch.
Jack was gorgeous and kind and caring, cheating notwithstanding, he could have his pick of any number of women.
Why did he want to waste his time with her?
Just because they had a past?
So, what?
They hadn’t been together in fourteen years, much longer than they’d been a couple, almost longer than they'd known each other.
He certainly didn’t owe her anything, even if he had cheated on her.
He should just go and leave her alone.
“That’s it,” she heard Jack mutter.
A moment later, she heard some jiggling and then her bathroom door swung open.
“What are you doing?” Jack demanded.
Laura didn’t bother answering, just rested her head on her knees.
“Arrgh!” Jack yelped as he reached above her to turn off the water. “This is cold, what on earth are you thinking?”
That she didn’t want to feel afraid anymore, that she didn’t want to feel anything anymore, that was what she was thinking.
“Damn, you're like ice,” he said as he touched the back of his hand to her cheek.
Why couldn’t he just go and leave her be?
The more he hung around, the more she got used to the idea of having him around.
And that was a mistake.
He left for a moment, returning with a stack of towels. “Come on, let’s get you warmed up.” He wrapped a fluffy towel around her and lifted her out of the shower and into his arms. Carrying her into her bedroom, he set her down on the bed. “We better get you out of these wet clothes before you catch pneumonia.”
Instinctively, Laura tensed. If Jack took her soaking wet clothes off, he would see all her scars. No one other than the doctors at the hospital had seen her scarred body. Not even her mother had seen it, and her mother had taken care of her after she’d come home from the hospital.
With broken fingers on both hands doing even simple, everyday tasks had been difficult. Having her hands so badly damaged had been the worst thing they had done to her. At least, the worst of the physical things. The rape had been the worse of the worst, because it had left her feeling so violated and filthy. But the snapping of the small bones in her fingers had been excruciatingly painful, and having her nails ripped out had been even worse. She had passed out from the pain the first time Francis had done it.
Her nails had eventually grown back normally, and her broken fingers had healed well, and these days you couldn’t even tell that they had been injured.
Unlike when you looked at the rest of her body.
Then you could read what had happened to her like a book.
“No, Jack,” she protested, teeth chattering. She was starting to feel the effects of the cold; her whole body was shaking uncontrollably.
“I'm sorry, angel.” Jack was already pulling off her socks, “But you’re already freezing, we have to get you dry and warm before you get sick.”
Laura scrunched her eyes closed so she wouldn’t see Jack’s face when he saw her body. But even without being able to see him, she could feel him tense as he removed her sweatpants and sweater. When he had all her clothes off, he didn’t bother redressing her, simply grabbed another towel and began vigorously rubbing her all over. When he was satisfied she was dry, he wrapped her in another towel, and then a blanket and picked her up once more, carrying her through to the living room, turning on the heat, and sitting down with her in his lap. Laura burrowed closer against him, tucking her face into the crook of his neck, trying to let his body heat help warm her up.
“Why did you do that?” Jack asked. “Was it because of what Rose said?”
Shivering too much to speak, Laura simply shook her head. Her need to feel numb hadn’t really had anything to do with Jack’s partner. She had been feeling overwhelmed long before then.
Apparently not believing her, he continued, “Because Rose didn’t mean it. We have two friends who have been through traumatic experiences and it messed both up, so she totally gets it. It was more about me than you, anyway. She knows you're going to need a lot of help and she just wants to make sure that I'm up to giving it to you because I've been a little depressed lately.”
That caught her attention. Jack was always so calm, so confident, so in control that Laura couldn’t imagine anything pushing him to the point of depression. She lifted her head from his shoulder to look up at him.
“Nothing for you to worry about.” Jack smiled down at her. Then he grew serious. “Laura not only can I be here for you, but I want to be here for you. Whatever you need, whenever you need it. You’ve struggled for ten long years on your own, don’t you think it’s time to let someone help you?”
Was it?
She truly didn’t know the answer to that.
She had spent ten years trying things her way and it obviously hadn’t gotten her anywhere.
Maybe it was time to try someone else’s way?
Taking her silence as evidence that she was at least thinking about it, Jack continued, “Do you trust me, Laura? You said before that you didn’t, but I think maybe you trust me more than you realize.”
Laura wasn't sure about that.
Did she trust Jack to keep her physically safe from harm? Yes. Did she trust Jack to take care of her? Yes. Did she trust Jack not to hurt her again? No. Well, maybe not no, maybe more like she wasn't sure. She didn’t think Jack would intentionally do anything that wasn't in her best interest.
How had he managed to gain so much of her trust back in just a couple of days?
A week ago, she wasn't even thinking about Jack Xander. He was just someone from her past. And now … now …
Well, now she wasn't sure what Jack was. But she couldn’t deny he was something. And if he had managed to wiggle into her life this quickly, what could he do in a few more days?
But Laura had the feeling that Jack’s question about trust had to do with something specific he had in mind.
* * * * *
12:57 A.M.
“Laura?” Jack prodded. “Do you trust me?”
“Yes and no,” she answered him honestly.
He smiled. That was an improvement. Just a few days ago, she’d told him she didn’t trust him at all, now he’d been upgraded to a half and half. With just a little more time with Laura, he was convinced he could get all the way up to a yes.
“But you know I want what’s best for you?”
“Yes,” she agreed.
“Then let me take you outside,” he said.
Absolute horror washed over Laura’s face and she would have fallen off his lap if he hadn’t been holding on to her. She struggled in his grip, but he kept a firm hold—she wasn't going to run from him. They were going to deal with her problems together.
“Let me go, Jack,” she begged, fighting him frantically, like a trapped animal.
“No,” he told her firmly. “Just think about it. We can do it together.”
She was shaking her head so quickly, her black hair went swishing around her face. “I can't,” she whispered desperately.
“But you’ve been outside since your abduction, right? I mean, after you were released from the hospital, you went home and to court and I'm guessing a few other places?” He continued when she nodded. “So, it’s only since you left home and came here that you became agoraphobic. Maybe you can go outside, you haven’t tried it, angel,” he coaxed.
“No, I, uh, I don’t think, I'm not sure, I …” Laura stammered.
“What if I carry you?” he pressed. Jack wasn't sure attempting to take Laura outside was a good idea, but he had to do something. The way she was disconnecting from reality, withdrawing further inside herself, was scaring him. He had to do something, and this was the only thing he could think of that might snap her out of it.
If he was honest, he also wanted to prove to Laura that she needed him. That he could be there for her. That she should rely on him. He was desperate to win her back, and if he cou
ld help Laura work on her phobia, it would have to give some points in his favor.
“Come on, you can do it,” Jack encouraged. “How about we go and get some clothes on you?” He stood with Laura in his arms and walked with her to the bedroom. Setting her down, he retrieved some dry clothes from her closet and handed them to her.
As the blanket he’d wrapped her in earlier dropped down, exposing her shoulders, he caught sight of her scars. Jack had thought he’d been prepared to see them; he’d seen the pictures of what her injuries had looked like just after she’d been found, so he’d thought seeing the scars eleven years later wouldn’t be all that hard.
He’d been wrong.
Seeing all those round pink circles from the cigarette burns, and the words that you could still make out on her back, had left him shaking with anger. Poor Laura would be forced to relive her attack every time she looked at her own body.
“Need any help?” he asked her when he saw she hadn’t made any move to put her clothing on.
“No.” Laura’s voice trembled, as did the rest of her, although now she appeared to be shaking from fear and not from cold.
“Pop your clothes on,” he instructed, then gathered up the wet clothes he’d discarded earlier. “Two minutes,” he warned, as he went to put her things in the washing machine. He had ended up using a credit card to open the lock to her bathroom when after at least ten minutes of calling her, she had refused to let him in. Jack hadn’t been expecting to find her huddled in the bottom of the shower, letting cold water stream down all over her.
When he returned to her room two minutes later, Laura was dressed and standing in the middle of the room looking terrified. Still, the fact that she had complied and put on her clothing had to be a good sign. Jack was still worried that what he was about to do was not a good idea.
Before either of them could change their minds, he snatched her up and walked determinedly to the front door. Laura was completely still in his arms, her arms locked around his neck.
“I'm opening the door now.” Jack kept his voice as soft and gentle as he could manage, all the while his heart was pounding with dreaded anticipation. “I'm going to take a step into the hall,” he informed her.