His words brought Melanie’s world suddenly crashing down around her. She sat up abruptly in the bed pulled the sheets tightly around her. She still needed to tell him about the baby and the fact that she can no longer have kids. She knew this was something he felt very strongly about and she wondered how he will react when she told him
“Melanie, what is it” Sam asked, his voice filled with fear that she was about to bolt again. He knew she was hiding something and he didn’t know how to reach her and get her to open up to him the way she used to. “Please talk to me”.
Melanie wanted to tell him the truth. She wanted to tell him everything right there and then but she was scared. She knew once she told him she could never take it back and he would never look at her the same again. But she knew she needed to tell him the truth.
“Sam I don’t know where to begin” she confessed. “The thing is when I came home from the Cape I was such a mess. I was hurt and angry. I pushed everyone away. When I looked into the mirror I didn’t recognise the person looking back at me”.
“I am so sorry Melanie” he whispered and he pulled her to him. She closed her eyes and allowed him to wrap her in his strong arms and she felt instantly better. Maybe she could tell him the truth and it would be ok.
“Sam the night of my birthday” she said and took a deep breath before she continued. “When I got your text, I felt for the first time there was hope. I wanted to talk to you so much it hurt. But I needed time to think about what it was I wanted to say and more importantly what I wanted to hear”.
“But you didn’t call me back” he said sadly, as is the memory was still hurt him. “I waited all night for you but the call never came”.
“I know. And I am so sorry” she replied, unable to look at him anymore. She realised in that moment she had hurt him as much as he had hurt her and the thought broke her heart. Once again tears filled her eyes and quickly trickled down her face.“I swear I had fully intended to call you back that night. I never meant to hurt you like I did but what happened was out of my control”.
“Hey” he said as he wiped the tears from her face. “Please don’t cry. None of that matters anymore. What ever happened doesn’t mean anything. All that matters is that we have found each other once more and I am never going to let you get away again”.
“Sam please, there is something else I need to tell you” Melanie said looking him in eyes. He had never seen her look so scared or worried before.
“You can tell me anything” he said and gave her a reassuring smile.
But before she could say another word the buzzer on her intercom sounded. A look of pure panic washed across her face. Who the hell could be at her door at nine o’clock on a Sunday morning?
“Shit” she said as she quickly jumped out of bed and pulled a pair of leggings from one of her drawers and pulled them on hastily. She quickly pulled opened another drawer and pulled out a baby pink over sized t-shirt. “Who the hell can that be at this hour?”
Sam watched Melanie as she quickly dressed in a panic. He had never seen her so unravelled and freaked. He quickly jumped up from the bed and pulled her into his arms and held her tightly.
“Stop” he said calmly. “We will sort this out together. I promise I will be with you every step of the way”.
“Sam I am very grateful for the offer” Melanie replied and smiled. “But this is something I need to deal with myself. And I don’t want anyone to find out before Simon. Sam if I am going to break up with him and break his heart, I think I owe it to him to be the one to tell him. I don’t want him to find out from someone else”.
“If?” Sam replied anxiously.
“I am going to break up with him” Melanie reassured Sam. The buzzer on the intercom sounded again. “Please Sam”.
“Ok, I will wait in here” he replied and kissed her on the forehead. Melanie smiled and then left the bedroom closing the door behind her. She quickly grabbed Sam jacket from the floor where it was dropped the night before and hid it in the closet beside the front door. She took a moment to clam herself down then picked up the receiver on the door.
“Hello” she finally said into the handset of the intercom.
“Jesus Mel” Lucy’s voice came bursting through the hand set. “What the hell kept you?”
“Good morning to you too Lucy” Melanie replied and buzzed to let Lucy into the building. While she waited for Lucy to reach her apartment she quickly tidied around.
Lucy reached the apartment in record time. She hadn’t waited for the lift instead she took the stair and Melanie thought judging from her breathlessness she must have taken them two at a time.
“Hey Lucy” Melanie said as she watched her friend gasping for breath. “Is everything ok? What brings you here at this hour on a Sunday morning? And where is Calum?”
“I dropped Calum at my Mom’s” Lucy said when she finally caught her breath. “I wasn’t entirely sure what I would be walking into when I got here”.
“Excuse me” Melanie replied, a little taken back by her friend’s comment.
“I had James on the phone at six o’clock this morning” Lucy said as she slipped off her coat and threw it on the cream armchair. “Simon was freaking out last night. He said he spoke to you and something was wrong. He said you were acting weird and seemed upset. Simon was going to get the first plane back this morning. James managed to talk him out of it but promised he’d get me to come straight around here first thing this morning and check on you”.
“Oh God” Melanie exclaimed as a wave of guilt washed over her.
“It’s him isn’t” Lucy said her tone was almost accusatory. “You have let Sam get back inside your head and now you are going to fuck up everything with Simon. I mean Sam seems like a really nice guy but have you forgotten how messed up you were when you came back from America. We all thought you were going to end up in the loony bin. You fell to pieces and that was even before what happened the night of your birthday”.
Melanie’s eyes instinctively darted to her bedroom door. She knew Sam would be able to hear Lucy and she didn’t want him to hear all her secrets like this.
Lucy’s face froze when she saw Melanie reaction and quickly followed her eyes to the bedroom door.
“He is here, isn’t he?” Lucy said, her voice mixed with both shock and disbelief. “Jesus Melanie what were you thinking? What about Simon?”
“Lucy I don’t know what I was thinking” Melanie snapped back. “I haven’t known what I was thinking for the last seven year. I have walked around trying to be what everyone else wanted me to be. I had to pretend I was just fine even though my life had fallen apart. I have lived every day for the last seven years with people watching me. Waiting for me to freak out or fall to pieces. Everyone worrying what way I will reacted to every little thing, and God forbid if someone was having a baby, I was always the last to know and then I was avoided for weeks”.
“That not fair Melanie” Lucy shot back angrily. Angry was something Lucy rarely got so her tone surprised Melanie. “We have just been concerned about you”.
“But it’s is driving me mad” Melanie shouted back feeling exasperated. “Everything changed back then and you all treated me differently and still do. But Sam doesn’t. And for the first time in seven years I feel normal again. And the only thing I am sure of right now is how much I love him”.
“He ruined your life” Lucy cried in frustration. “And he is going to break your heart again. And we will have to pick up the pieces all over again”.
“Jesus Lucy, say how you really feel” Melanie snapped back angrily. “I have never asked any of you for anything. But you were all there suffocating me every step of the way. Waiting for the next big screw up. And now I should feel grateful that you pitied me enough to stick around. Well please don’t feel obliged to hang around this time for the fall out when I apparently fuck up my life again. I think I can manage just fine on my own”.
“Mel you are taking it the wrong way as usual”
Lucy shouted back. “Just like you did with your Dad back then and just like you did with Sam at the beach. Just like you always do. You push people away and you don’t care that you are hurting them when you do”.
“Fuck you Lucy” Melanie replied to her friend with such anger that even Melanie was surprised. Lucy’s words had hurt but Melanie knew she was right. She had let things get out of hand with her Dad back them and although they had managed to sort through it, their relationship was never really the same.
What if it was the same with Sam? Could they really get back what they had back then? Probably not. And he wanted the one thing she couldn’t give him. She couldn’t give him a child. Suddenly a sobbed escaped from her and she slumped down onto the sofa and buried her face in her hands “I am so sorry that I am such a huge disappointment to you all. I don’t know why any of you bother”.
Lucy was about to reply when she saw Sam appear at Melanie’s bedroom door. He was wearing jeans and a t-shirt but his feet were bare and his hair was a disaster but Lucy could see why Melanie was so crazy about him
He didn’t say a word, he just moved quickly across the living room and dropped to his knees in front of Melanie and tilted her head with one hand so she was looking at him. His other hand brushed a loose strand of hair from her eyes and he kissed her softly on her tear stained face.
“Melanie O’Leary, you could never disappoint me” he said staring straight into her eyes. “You are the kindest, sweetest person I know. I love you so much sometimes it scares me. You are all I have ever wanted. No one ever even came close”.
Lucy stood glued to the spot. This was possibly one of the tender moments she had ever witnessed.
“Sam she is right” Melanie sobbed. “I am a disaster. You should run far away from me because I know I am going to screw up and I can’t bear that I might hurt you again. I don’t know if I can ever make you happy”.
“I am going nowhere” he replied and kissed her softly on the lips. Then he turned at looked at Lucy. “I know you don’t like me very much and probably with good cause, but I swear to you I never meant to hurt her and I promise I will never hurt her again. Please give me a chance”.
“I don’t dislike you Sam” Lucy sighed “In fact I think you are probably a really nice guy. But you have no idea what she has been through and I am scared that she is throwing away a chance of a happy future with Simon to chase after some childhood fantasy”.
“Maybe you’re right” he replied. “And maybe I should walk away. God knows I have tried to forget her. But Lucy I am a selfish man and I can’t imagine loving someone even half as much as I love Melanie. I wish I could be strong enough to walk away if it meant she was happy. But I can’t”.
Lucy stared at Melanie and Sam and she knew in her heart they were right for each other. She sighed loudly and flopped down on the sofa next to Melanie. She reached for Melanie hand and squeezed it tightly.
“Ok” she said and smiled. “How are we gonna do this?”
“We?” Melanie asked.
“Yeah” Lucy replied. “Call me an old romantic but I would kind of like to see you two get your happy ever after. I think you both deserve it”.
Melanie threw her arms around Lucy and hugged her tightly. Sam could feel himself relax. At least they had one person on their side.
“I’ll make some coffee” he said standing up and kissing Melanie lightly on the forehead before leaving the girls alone.
“Thanks Lucy” Melanie cried, feeling a mixture of relief and gratitude for her friend. “That really means a lot”.
“What are best friends for” Lucy said with a smile but then her smile faded. “Katie is not going to be so thrilled though. And you know your Mom is going to go postal”.
“I know” Melanie replied. “What are you going to tell James?”
“I am going to tell him to tell Simon that you are fine, which you are” Lucy said and sighed deeply. “And I am going to tell him to enjoy himself and that he will see you when he gets home”.
“Good” Melanie nodded her approval. “He will be really late on Monday so I probably won’t see him till Tuesday”.
“Do you want me to go with you to tell your Mom and Dad” Lucy asked as Sam returned from the kitchen with three cups of coffee.
“No I think it’s something that I should really do myself” Melanie replied and she reached for her cup of coffee and looked at it for a moment. “You know what. I really do hate coffee”.
“Finally” Sam said as he quickly stood up and disappeared into the kitchen and returned with a large glass of milk and handed it to Melanie. “I knew the girl I feel in love with was still in there somewhere”.
“Well I hope if she is” Melanie sighed. “She is a lot stronger than she used to be because I don’t know how I am going to face Simon”.
Two hours later Melanie was sitting alone at her kitchen table playing bejewelled on her Facebook page. She had switched on her laptop to check her email and make a list of everyone she was going to need to notify that the wedding wouldn’t be going ahead.
Sam and Lucy had left about forty minutes earlier. Lucy had to go pick up Calum and Sam went home to get a change of clothes. He told her he would be straight back.
She had started making the list when she realised just how big the fallout of her actions were going to be. She found the task just too huge to contemplate and she buried her face in her arms on the table. Finally when she sat back up she logged into Facebook and began playing the game without even thinking. Her dad would tell her not to procrastinate and get the job done if he saw she was playing the game. He hated Facebook and Melanie always teased him that he was beginning to sound like an old fart.
The thought of her Dad made her stomach flip. How was she going to tell him about Sam? She knew he would understand and would want her to do what made her happy and Sam made her happy. But he had spent so much money already on the wedding it made her feel so guilty.
Simon had wanted to pay for the wedding himself but Alex had insisted that Melanie was his only daughter and he was paying for the wedding and there would be no argument about it.
Melanie sighed as she closed down her laptop with a bang and pushed it away from her. She decided she was going to jump in the shower before Sam got back but before she even reached the bedroom her phone started to ring. She walked back to the sideboard where she had it plugged in charging. She picked it up quickly and answered it before whoever it was hung up.
“Hello” she said distractedly as she pulled the charger wire from the bottom of the phone and bent down to disconnect the plug from the wall.
“Mel” Simon said the anxiety clear in his voice.
“Simon” Melanie replied and held her breath, her heart beat pulsing loudly in her ears. “I thought you would be on the golf course by now”. She didn’t know what else to say.
“I didn’t make it to the golf course” he replied sounding almost embarrassed. “I had a little too much to drink last night and so I spent most of the morning with my head over a toilet”.
“Aw no” Melanie said, the guilt bubbling up inside her rapidly. She knew he drank too much because he was upset about her. And the worst part was his fears weren’t unfounded. But that wasn’t something she was about to admit over a phone while he was hundreds of miles away. She owed it to him to say what she needed to his face. Over the phone was the coward’s way out. “Are you ok now?”
“I have felt better” he sighed. “I just wish I was there with you right now. You always know how to make me feel better”.
“You’ll be home soon” was all she could manage to say in response as once again the tears pooled in her eyes and she closed them quickly and tried to concentrate on her breathing. She didn’t want him to know she was upset again.
“Melanie you know how much I love you don’t you” Simon said, his voice completely sincere. “You mean the world to me”.
“I love you too Simon” she replied and it wasn’t a lie. She loved him
very much indeed but she wasn’t in love with him. And she realised she never was in love with him. At least not the way she loved Sam. She wished she did love Simon like that. She knew he would have done anything to make her happy. He accepted her for who she was now. It scared her that she didn’t know how Sam was going to react to what she had to tell him. She knew how much he wanted a family and that was something she simply couldn’t give him.
And if she was honest the thing that scared her most was she was afraid he would still stand by her out of a misplaced feeling of guilt and then in the end he would be miserable and would resent her for the rest of their lives.
“Mel, are you ok sweetheart?” Simon asked softly. “You seem very down. You have me so worried”.
“I am fine Simon, honestly” she replied. “I just still feel a little under the weather”.
“I will be back late tomorrow night” Simon said nervously. “Maybe I could drop in on the way from the airport”.
“But won’t you get in awfully late” Melanie replied panicking, she knew she had to face him sooner rather than later. But a showdown at God knows what time he would reach her apartment at was not how she planned it. She needed to think quickly. “Besides Lucy suggested I stayed over at her place tomorrow night. We have to go for a dress fitting Tuesday morning early. I could drop by your place after that”.
“Oh, Ok” he replied and Melanie could clearly hear the disappointment in his voice. “Well I should really get going. I told the guys I would meet them soon”.
“Have a great night Simon” Melanie said as the tears that had been dancing in her eyes finally broke free. “Love you”.
“I love you Mel” Simon said trying but failing miserable to sound more upbeat than he actually felt. “See you soon, ok”.
“Ok” Melanie whispered. “Bye”.
As she hung up the phone she sunk down on to the sofa and began to cry. She was going to break his heart and she felt so ashamed of herself.
Forever and Always Page 18