“Me too. What are you doing right now?” she asked.
“Jace and I are finishing a corral for this pesky bull and tryin’ to get a fence built that he can’t get through and then we’ve got cows to tag and two pastures that need to be plowed. Ranch work is like wipin’ your butt on a wagon wheel—there’s no end to it. At least that’s what Grandpa always used to say. But if I get done by dark, would you like to ride down to Tulia for an ice cream? I could be there at nine.”
“I’ll be ready.”
Brody whistled all the way from Hope Springs to the café that evening. He knocked on the back door and she opened it immediately. One step and she was in his arms, his lips were on hers, and their hearts were both racing. Then she stooped to pet the cats that were right at her feet.
“Are you okay, Lila? Is something wrong?”
“Georgia is stayin’ in the apartment until her stuff arrives on Monday. I hope she likes cats.”
“If she don’t, they can stay in the bunkhouse until you get ready to go to Florida,” he said. “And, darlin’, you look beautiful tonight in that red dress.”
“Thank you,” she said.
“Don’t worry, darlin’. We can spend time away from here when Georgia moves in.” He kissed her pretty red lips again and they left the apartment together.
He opened the passenger door on his truck for her. “I reckon I should’ve brought along my pistol to keep some handsome cowboy from stealin’ you away from me.”
“Then I should have brought my pepper spray to keep the women from trying to take you away from me. Reckon we should call in our pizza so we don’t have to fight off the crowd?” she teased.
He started the engine and backed the truck out enough to turn around and start south to Tulia. “I know I’ve said it before but I’m really going to miss you when you have to leave. I can’t imagine how Kasey gets through the days, knowing that she’ll never see Adam again.”
“Think she’ll ever get a second chance at love?” Lila asked.
“I hope so but it’ll have to be a really special man. It’ll have to be something like what we have got.”
“What we have is special, but is there going to be an us after I’m gone? Do you really want a long-distance relationship?” Lila asked.
He laid a hand on her shoulder. “More than anything in this world.”
“But is it an us like we were in high school or is it something more? Have we simply gone back to wild sex and the way we were or is this something lasting and real?”
“What do you want it to be?” he asked.
“I’m askin’ you.” She turned so that her eyes met his.
Men, especially Dawsons, didn’t normally do all that analyzing their feelings crap. They took things as they were and moved accordingly.
“I’ve loved every minute of this summer with you, Lila, and it’s not like we are still in high school. Admit it. We’ve been to church together, to my family reunion, and out on dates. That much has changed but…”
“There it is,” she said.
“What?” he asked.
“In a real relationship there are no buts,” she told him softly, and looked away. “Let’s not ruin the evening with an argument. I’m lookin’ forward to an evening with you, one that doesn’t have a single but in it.”
What’s wrong with you? the voice in his head screamed loudly. She’s an amazing woman and you’re in love with her, so why don’t you man up and tell her so.
Because I want it to be more than words. I want it to come from so deep in my heart that she doesn’t doubt it for a minute because I never want to hurt her again like I did last time. I love her too much for that.
“It’s not so far from here to Conway. We can do weekend trips a couple of times a month,” she said.
“And you’ll have two weeks at Christmas and spring break.” What he wanted to say was that he wasn’t sure he could live without her for two weeks at a time. And the way Clancy looked down on Lila, like he was the king and she was one of his servants, aggravated the hell out of him.
“Do you want a big wedding if you get married?” he asked, and then wondered if he’d said the words out loud and where they’d come from.
Her head snapped around and her brown eyes were huge. “Where did that come from?”
He grinned. “A picture of you in a big white dress flashed through my mind.”
“All those times you could have—and probably should have—proposed and you choose now? Why?” she asked.
“Who says I proposed? And when should I have asked you to marry me?” he asked.
“Well, there was the time when we lost our virginity.”
“We were both too damn young to think about marriage,” he said.
“Yes, but you should have at least told me that we were headed that way in the future.”
“You didn’t propose to me, either,” he said. “What about all the other times?”
She laid a hand on his thigh. “The morning Mama and I left.”
“We still weren’t even old enough to get married without parental consent. Can you imagine your mama and mine signing those papers? Besides, you wouldn’t roll down the window. And…”
She held up a finger to hush him up. “But you should have offered.”
He wrapped his hand around her fingers and kissed them, the heat from his lips warming her from the depths of her heart. He kept her hand in his, holding it on the console separating them. “And if I had proposed tonight?”
“I would say no.” Lila hoped that she would be able to tell him no. Her mind knew that they needed more time—her body, not so much.
“Why?” His voice came out in a raspy whisper that made her wonder if he might be testing the waters instead of teasing.
“Because you’d only be sayin’ it to keep me from leavin’ and because if you were askin’ for all the right reasons, I still would not. We need to see if we can survive a long-distance relationship before we talk about a commitment like that. So let’s have a good time while we can.”
“Lila, are we okay?”
“I think so,” she said.
“Think or know?” He kissed the tip of her nose first and then moved on down to her lips. There was no thinking or knowing when his lips were on hers. If he’d have proposed even in a teasing manner right then, she would have said yes and followed him to the courthouse as soon as it opened the next morning.
“The jury is still out,” she panted when the kiss ended and grabbed for the door handle.
Chapter Nineteen
Lila awoke on Wednesday morning to find Duke and Cora sharing the same pillow with her. Duke’s little paws rested in her hair on the left side while Cora purred into her ear on the right side. She carefully moved them over to the other side of the bed and headed for the bathroom for a morning shower.
The cats were sitting side by side when she started across the living room floor. She’d only been in Happy for a month. How could so much have happened? When she first arrived, all she could think about was selling the café and getting out of the town. Now she dreaded telling Molly, Fred and Paul, Kasey and her kids—but most of all Brody—good-bye. Knowing that Georgia was coming home and she really wasn’t needed at the café was like a big awkward elephant sitting on her chest. Her heart hurt and she had trouble breathing.
“I’ve been lookin’ at this all wrong,” she said out loud.
All she had to do was load her cats, pack her clothes, and get in the truck and drive away. That way she didn’t really have to tell anyone good-bye. Maybe that’s why she moved so often.
She was struggling with the idea of simply going after work one evening when she opened the door into the café kitchen.
“Well, good mornin’. What’s the matter with you? You look like you’re about to cry.” Molly narrowed her eyes at her.
“Nothing’s wrong,” Lila answered.
“Don’t give me that crap. You look like you lost your best friend. Did you and Brody
have a fight?”
Lila put on a clean apron and shook her head. “No, ma’am. Things are good between us.”
“Is it because Georgia is coming home? I told you that we really want you to stay on here. You can choose your hours and live in the apartment, free of charge as long as you like.”
Lila layered a sausage patty, a slice of cheese, and a scoop of scrambled eggs inside a biscuit. “I appreciate that. I’ve got to take a few days after July Fourth and get moved out of my apartment in Florida. I’ve got an interview in Conway, Arkansas.”
“That’s good, isn’t it? Closer to here if you and Brody do stay together.”
“I’m not sure what’s a good thing right now. My world is kind of crazy.”
Molly shook a knife at her. “I told you that gettin’ mixed up with Brody was not a good thing.”
Was that knife an omen? Should she simply leave? It wouldn’t be like the last time because she and Brody had the foundation of a relationship. There would be phone calls, texts, and Skype. But there wouldn’t be those painful last-minute tears. Plus, if she got back to Florida and cleared out her apartment by the first of July, she wouldn’t have to pay another month’s rent.
She’d weighed the pros and cons until closing time at the café and decided that leaving that night made sense. She wanted to hug Molly and tell her that she wouldn’t be there the next morning but she couldn’t make herself do it. She did take time to write her a note before she packed everything into the truck and got the cats into the old wooden crate.
“We’ll stop at the first store we come to and I’ll get you a proper carrier and a new toy to keep you entertained on the ride. If you don’t whine, I’ll even buy you some cat treats.” Talking out loud helped take the sting out of driving away from the café.
She couldn’t leave town without talking to her father first. Stopping at the cemetery, she got out of the truck and sat down in front of his tombstone. “I never did tell you good-bye. Not even at your funeral and I can’t do it tonight. Remember when you would leave and I’d beg you not to go away? We’d touch each other on the forehead and we’d say ‘see ya later.’” She traced his name with her forefinger. “I love that cowboy so much. Am I doing the right thing, Daddy?”
No answers came floating down from the big white puffy clouds above her. The sun didn’t stand still in the sky. Her phone pinged a couple of times but she ignored it.
“Evidently you’re tellin’ me to figure this one out on my own, aren’t you?” she finally said as she rose to her feet. “See ya later, Daddy. I promise I won’t wait twelve years to come back this time.”
The kittens had decided to claw at the crate and whine about being cooped up. “Y’all might as well settle down. We’ll be driving most of the night and I expect you to stay awake and talk me out of making a U-turn anywhere between here and the Louisiana border. I didn’t bring you to listen to you fuss at me the whole way.”
Duke meowed pitifully.
Cora glared at her.
She stopped at the edge of town and pulled off to the side of the road. In five minutes she could be back at the apartment. Tears rolled down her cheeks. If leaving without even saying the words out loud created this kind of pain, she didn’t want to even think about seeing Brody waving in her rearview mirror like she remembered from the last time she left Happy.
She pulled back out onto the highway and flipped on the radio. Every single song had a message to her heart but she kept going until she got through Tulia. Then she saw the flares and hit her brakes hard. She counted four cars ahead of her truck but the traffic was lining up behind her pretty fast. A semi blocked both lanes of traffic but it didn’t obliterate the flashing lights of half a dozen police cars, along with a couple of ambulances not far ahead of the traffic jam.
“Okay, guys, is this an omen? And if it is, what’s it tellin’ me? To turn around and go back to Happy or is it telling me that there will be obstacles in the way of this long-distance relationship?”
Not a single meow came from the backseat.
“Some help you are,” she fussed.
It took thirty-two minutes to get the semi pulled out of the way and the ambulances going back south with their sirens blaring. For the next half hour the traffic was horrible and it was nearly midnight when she stopped to buy the things she’d promised the cats, along with a bag of chocolate donuts, a couple of apples, and two bottles of cold Dr Pepper. That much caffeine and sugar should keep her awake for several more hours.
She set the new carrier with a fluffy throw in the bottom, along with a little bowl of treats and a new toy on the passenger seat. She managed to get a kitten in each hand and relocate them. They nosed around, ate a few of the little treats, sniffed the toy, and went back to sleep.
She smiled for the first time since they’d left Happy. She’d bought some ribbon and a leash so they could get out and run around later but right then she needed to get more miles in before she stopped for a rest. She turned on her phone before she started the engine. Six messages and four missed calls from Brody. One call from Molly and two from her mother.
She hit the button to call her mother first.
“Where are you?” Daisy answered. “Molly went back to the café to get some sugar and found the note you left. What were you thinkin’?”
“I’m on my way home. I’ll stop in Shreveport or sooner if my eyes get heavy. What was I thinkin’? That I couldn’t bear another good-bye,” Lila answered.
“What about Brody? Did you kiss him good-bye?”
“No.” Her voice cracked.
“That’s good enough for him.”
“Why would you say that? He came back that morning we left to apologize but I didn’t want to hear it,” she said.
“You’re taking up for the man who broke your heart?”
“I guess I am, Mama.”
“You love that cowboy, don’t you?” Daisy sighed.
“Always have. Probably always will. Can we talk about this later when just the sound of his name won’t make me tear up?” She wiped away a fresh batch of tears.
“Turn around and go back, Lila.”
Had she heard Daisy right? Surely she wasn’t throwing in the towel and admitting defeat where Brody Dawson was concerned.
“I can’t. Something in my gut says that we need this time apart to see what happens and where this is going. If it is meant to be, I’ll know it. If not, I’ll survive on the memories,” she said.
“I know this is hard for you and hearing the pain in your voice is making me cry with you,” Daisy said. “I wish I’d stayed in Texas all those years ago. I may have ruined your life.”
“You did the best you could with what you had to work with that day, so don’t have any regrets. You were only thinkin’ of me when you left, not yourself. I’ll text after a while. Bye now. I’m going to get back on the road. I’ll text you when I check into a hotel. I love you, Mama.”
“Call Molly. She’s worried sick that she offended you,” Daisy said.
“I will. I promise.” She hit the END button before Daisy could say anything else.
Molly answered on the first ring. “I’m sorry for whatever I did.”
“It wasn’t anything you said or did. You’ve been great, Molly, and I’ve loved working with you but I couldn’t endure a bunch of tears and good-byes.”
“When are you comin’ back?”
“Don’t know that I am,” Lila said.
“Oh, yes, you are. It’s just a matter of time,” Molly said.
“We’ll see. Thanks for everything. I need to get back on the road.”
“Don’t drive when you get sleepy. Get a hotel room.”
“I promise I’ll be careful,” Lila said. “Tell Georgia hello for me.”
“Hmmmph,” Molly snorted. “You can tell her yourself when you come home.”
She waited another hour to send a text to Brody: Too late to call. We’ll talk tomorrow morning.
Seconds later the phone r
ang.
“I thought we were good.” His voice sounded raspy.
“We were. We are. But you said it when you told me you were lost and your heart hurt when I left the first time. Imagine how hard it would be to go through that again.”
“I am going through it again,” he said.
“So am I but I have to get moved out of my apartment and we need some time apart.”
“How long is some time?”
“I don’t know. I just couldn’t say good-bye, Brody.”
There was a long silence before he said, “I understand. Does that mean you’re coming home to Happy for the rest of the summer after you get this job in Arkansas?”
“It means I’m leaving Florida. I’m not sure where I’m going. I’m at a rest stop right now and I need to get back on the road.”
“Be careful, darlin’, and call me every couple of hours so I know you’re okay,” he said.
“I’m a big girl, Brody. I’ve been traveling alone for years. I’ll text you when I get to a stopping point. If you’re awake, you can call me.”
“Lila, I don’t like this.”
“Neither do I, Brody.”
She hit the outskirts of Shreveport at four in the morning. She’d thought she’d feel a tremendous sense of relief when she crossed the line from Texas into Louisiana. The inner wild child would disappear and she’d be another person.
It didn’t happen.
Her eyes felt like they’d been worked over with eighty-grit sandpaper but she couldn’t rationalize paying out money at that time of night for a hotel. Checkout in most of them was noon and only a few would let her take the cats in without a hefty deposit. Three or four hours’ sleep, maybe just until the sun rose, would get her on into Panama City Beach by bedtime.
She saw a sign for a roadside rest at the next exit. She whipped over into the right lane and slowed down. The place was empty except for a van with a family who looked as if they’d been traveling longer than she had. A little red-haired girl must’ve slept through the night because she was running circles around a picnic table where her daddy slept on top of it.
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