Ben’s fingers found the thin piece of paper. He pulled it out and lifted it to the flickering light of the lamp. Katie’s face looked back at him, her eyes shining with love. He remembered leaning over the photographer’s shoulder that day to distract Katie as the woman took the picture. Those days seemed like years ago, the joy lost in the pain of his jail time. Destroyed because of what he’d done. Oh how he’d loved Katie—and she him! He was sure of it. Katie wasn’t one to fake such things. That was no doubt why Katie was going on so well with her life…like he’d never even existed. That was the way she would go about things. Honestly and without thought to appearances. Not that anyone blamed Katie for loving him, especially since she’d joined the church and made peace with Da Hah and the community.
Ben laid the picture down with a sigh. He had no one to blame but himself. And now Katie would be sitting beside Norman on Sunday night. Norman, the shy, awkward guy. So unlike me, Ben thought. Was that what attracted Katie to Norman? She now wanted someone who was the opposite of his daring ways? Not that he could blame Katie for that either. Look how he’d turned out—a total disgrace to his family and the community. Walking to the window, Ben looked out at the barn and the road that lay on the other side of it. Lights from an Englisha automobile moved toward the north, having just passed the house. He watched the lights go, momentarily distracted from his troubled thoughts.
Out of the corner of his eye, Ben saw a flicker of light beside the barn. Just a brief flash, but it shouldn’t have been there. Moments later it came on again then blinked off. Someone was outside. Perhaps Daett was checking on some last minute chores. But it couldn’t be Daett. He’d be in the living room for evening devotions by now. Ben stayed by the window until a single beam found the house. It lasted only a moment. Someone was searching for something, and Ben was now sure it wasn’t anyone in his family.
Rogge’s threats echoed in Ben’s mind. Was he imagining things even as fear pounded through his veins? His family shouldn’t be placed in danger because of him. He needed to face whoever was out there. Slipping out of the room, Ben crept down the stairs. Everyone was seated around the living room when he appeared. They looked up with pleased expressions on their faces, thinking he was joining them for devotions.
“I’m sorry,” he told them, “but I think someone is outside by the barn. I’m going to check.”
“There’s someone out there?” Daett was already standing.
Ben held up his hand. “There were threats made against me in court and in jail. I don’t want you to go outside until I’ve checked to make sure everything is okay.”
“Threats?” Mamm asked, her face turning white.
“I will go with you.” Daett stepped toward him. “Da Hah will protect us.”
Ben forced himself to smile. “Yah, I hope so. You don’t have to worry, Daett. I won’t do anyone any harm. I didn’t learn how to hurt people while I was in the Englisha jail.”
Concern didn’t leave his daett’s face. “I was also thinking of your safety, son. Let me go outside and look around with you.”
Ben kept his voice firm. “I did what I did, and I want no one else with me. Not until I know if there is danger or not.”
Daett sighed and sat down. “I hope it is nothing then, but we must pray.”
“Who could it be?” Mamm asked, her hands on her cheeks.
Ben left them to their questions. He couldn’t answer them anyway, other than saying what they already knew. That he’d done wrong first of all, that his confessions placed others in jail, and now he might have to pay physically through the hands of those seeking revenge.
Grabbing a flashlight, Ben slipped outside, comforted at hearing the soft prayers of his family in the living room. They must have skipped the Bible reading and knelt at once in prayer. Ben paused only long enough for his eyes to adjust before creeping toward the barn. There was no sign of the blinking light now, so maybe he’d imagined it. Still, he was certain he hadn’t. The light beam playing on the house had been real enough. As he approached the barn, he hollered, “Hello! Anybody here?”
Silence.
Ben entered the barn and checked the horse stalls carefully, the light from his flashlight illuminating every corner. Everything looked okay. Longstreet greeted him with a soft whinny. He hadn’t driven the horse in more than a year now. There hadn’t been time since he was home, and he didn’t have any place to go right now anyway. Katie had loved the name he’d chosen for his horse, he remembered with a pang. The only person other than Brenda who thought the name fitting.
A quick sweep of the flashlight beam into the back barnyard showed nothing out of the ordinary. The cows stood calmly chewing their cuds after the evening’s milking. Finding his way back, Ben was closing the barn door when a rustle sounded behind him.
He turned around and a thin beam of light hit his face.
“Who are you?” Ben asked.
“This is from Rogge,” a voice answered. “Just thought you’d like to know. Bye bye.”
A loud boom rang in Ben’s ears just as his chest seemed to explode. Pain filled his body and mind. Gasping for air, he collapsed on the ground beside the barn door.
Chapter Five
In what seemed like another place and time, Ben struggled to awake. He thrashed an arm, and someone grabbed his hand and held it still. Ben forced his eyes open, focusing on the forms standing around him in the dim light. They kept fading in and out of his vision. Where was he? His mind groped for understanding. What had happened? The memories came back in a rush. The loud noise, the pain, the feeling of falling. Had he been shot? But he must not be dead. This didn’t look like he’d thought heaven would. And the pain in his chest was still present, dulled now to a steady ache from those first stabbing flames of fire.
“Hold still,” a female voice instructed. “You’re doing just fine.”
An Englisha voice, Ben thought. “Am I in the hospital?” he managed.
“Yes,” the voice replied. “And don’t move anymore or I’ll have to strap your arm down.”
Ben blinked as he tried to see better. More memories were coming back now. His daett leaning over him in front of the barn. Urgent voices calling his name. Sirens and flashing lights. The voice saying, “This is from Rogge.” Ben’s thoughts paused. He knew that voice from somewhere. It was a haunting piece of his past that he’d tried so hard to forget.
“How badly am I hurt?” Ben asked as the face of a woman in a white uniform came into better focus.
She smiled down at him. “Bad enough, but you’ll make it. You were brought in last night. You’re a tough fellow, huh? Taking a bullet for a good cause.”
“I don’t know what you mean.”
Her smile dimmed. “There are two detectives outside waiting for you to wake up. They seem to have urgent questions about catching the person who hurt you. You can see them as soon as you’re able or feeling up to talking. The doctor said it would be okay—considering the circumstances.”
“What happened?”
“You were shot in the chest. You’re lucky to be alive.”
Ben winced in pain. “I thought it was something like that. Where’s my family?”
“Right over here,” Brenda’s voice piped up. Her face appeared within his vision a moment later. “Hi, Ben. I stayed here with you all night.”
“Thanks.” Ben closed his eyes. There was so much to absorb at the moment. So the threats Rogge made hadn’t been idle, Ben thought. And his family had been in danger, to say nothing of himself. What if Daett had gone out to the barn instead of him? Would the shooter have threatened Daett—perhaps even killed him as part of Rogge’s revenge?
“I’m going to let the detectives know you’re awake,” the nurse said, interrupting his thoughts. “No more thrashing about now.”
Ben nodded.
The nurse vanished, and Ben heard the sound of a door opening and closing. Brenda’s face came into his view again.
“How are you doing?” she asked.
“Rotten.”
“We’re glad you’re alive, Ben.”
Ben moved his arm and then stopped. “How’s Daett taking this? That must have been quite a ruckus if the things I seem to remember really happened.”
“It was a mess,” Brenda said quietly. “But Daett and Mamm and the rest of us are glad you’re alive.”
They would be, Ben thought. Even with the shame of having Englisha police on the farm. The police must have come after the shooting and stayed around like they did, asking questions of everyone.
Ben forced his eyes to focus on Brenda’s face. “Was anyone else attacked?”
Brenda shook her head. She looked weary and the evidence of streaks from earlier tears marked her face. Her kapp was wrinkled, which was so unlike Brenda. She must have been up all night sitting watch with him. He didn’t deserve any of this attention. He should have died like the shooter intended. Then his family would have been rid of him once and for all and they’d be safe.
“I’m sorry, Brenda,” Ben whispered. “I didn’t know it would go like this.”
“That’s what comes from sin, Ben.” Brenda’s voice was clipped. “It always gets much worse than we intend.”
Ben blinked as the pain of her words cut deep, especially coming from Brenda. Mamm would say something like that—and Daett too. But Brenda? The shock from last night must have cut deep into her heart.
When he didn’t reply, Brenda added more. “We thought you were going to die, Ben. Daett found you in a pool of blood after we heard a gunshot. All of us ran out after him. Do you think that sight was easy to see? You lying there and not moving? Seeing your face so white and blood everywhere? It was awful, Ben. Worse than enduring the time you spent in jail.”
“I’m sure it was.” Ben looked away. The sorrow in Brenda’s face was hurting him more than his chest. He’d known to some degree what his family must have gone through because of him. But seeing the pain on his sister’s face and listening to her, he realized it was much worse than anything he’d imagined.
A door opened and two uniformed officers appeared within Ben’s eyesight. They approached his bedside.
One of them looks familiar, Ben thought. Perhaps he’d met the officer during his time in court or prison.
“I’m Detective Barton,” the first man said. “This is Detective Lessen. Are you able to answer questions at this time, Mr. Stoll?”
“Yah, I guess. But I don’t know much about what happened.”
“Anything will help. What do you remember before the shooting?” Detective Barton asked as he took out a pen and small notepad.
Ben’s vision blurred and he felt dizzy. He forced himself to focus. “I saw a light blink out by the barn from my bedroom window. Looked like a flashlight perhaps. And a light beam hit the house at least once. I didn’t think it was anyone in my family. I didn’t want my family to be in danger, so I went outside to check it out.”
“You were expecting someone?”
Ben gathered his thoughts. “No. But last year I testified in a drug trial against Rogge Brighton, and he had made threats in court and in jail. I hoped he wasn’t serious, but apparently he was.”
Detective Barton appeared grim. “It appears that way. We reviewed that case before coming to see you. So you didn’t see anyone before the shooting? Did the shot come out of the dark?”
Ben glanced away from the detective’s face as the memory came into focus. “A light shone in my face, and I heard a voice. Then I heard a loud noise. I don’t remember much beyond that.”
“Did you recognize the voice?”
Ben winced. “Yah, but I don’t want to say any more about this.”
The two detectives looked at each other. Then Barton said, “We understand how the Amish community feels about law enforcement. But it’s important that this suspect be apprehended. If he tried to take your life once, there’s no reason he won’t try again. Tell us what you know, Stoll.”
Ben met the Detective Barton’s questioning gaze. “My family’s safety is more important to me right now. I want to leave things as they are.”
Detective Barton didn’t back down. “They might come looking for you again. This won’t be over until we arrest the gunman.”
“I don’t care about that,” Ben said. “I can’t draw attention to my family.”
“You won’t. And next time they might hurt someone in your family. Share what information you have, Mr. Stoll. Help us help you.”
Ben tried to smile. “I can’t…not right now. I need to think about this.”
Detective Barton folded his notebook and put it in his rear pocket. He clicked the pen and placed it in his breast pocket. “I hope you get well soon, Mr. Stoll. The doctors said it won’t be long. Just be glad you didn’t take a bullet in the heart or some other vital area. That would have been a shame after the information you gave during the investigation of the drug ring a year or so ago. We’ll see if we can get you some protection at least until this thing blows over. And we’ll be back…soon.”
Ben’s arm jerked up. “Protection? What do you mean?”
Detective Barton shrugged. “We’ll see if the county can run a car past your parents’ place a few times during the night. And I might even convince them to post a guard outside your hospital room door for a few days.”
Ben stared at Detective Barton’s face. “You can’t do that—going by my daett’s place. Only protection from Da Hah through prayer is allowed by my people…” Ben’s voice died out.
Both detectives frowned as they glanced at each other. “Religious beliefs again. Well, we’ll have to see then. But we’re not leaving you unguarded so someone can take a shot at you again. Dampens the spirit of the next informant who might come along. And you still have information we can use.”
Ben let his head fall back on the pillow. “Is that what I am? An informant?”
Detective Barton smiled. “Don’t look so down in the face. You did a great service for the county and community. Helps make up for what you did wrong. Isn’t that a good thing?”
“I suppose.” Ben closed his eyes. His head was swimming again, and their voices sounded miles away. Moments later he heard the door open and close. He opened his eyes, and Brenda came up to stand beside him. She held his hand.
“You did the right thing, Ben. Daett wouldn’t have wanted armed men going by the farm. That goes against everything we believe in. And don’t tell them anything more. You’ve already told them too much.”
“I can’t place the family in greater danger,” Ben muttered.
“But what else can you do, Ben? We’ll just have to trust Da Hah. He’s protected you so far, hasn’t He?”
Ben groaned. What was there to say? The shame was too much. He was bringing great evil on his family. First had come the jail sentence, and now there had been Englisha police on the farm. His family shouldn’t be asked to bear this. What a price they were paying for what he’d done.
The door swung open again and the nurse reappeared. She glanced over the monitors and held Ben’s wrist for a moment as she took his pulse. “Everything okay here, young man?”
Ben nodded.
“Are you up to more visitors? Not as taxing this time, I would say. Your parents just arrived.”
Ben didn’t hesitate. “Yah, please let them come in.”
The nurse disappeared again.
Moments later Ben’s mamm and daett entered the room.
Mamm rushed to Ben’s side and looked him over carefully. “You had us all so worried!”
“I’m sorry,” Ben said. “I didn’t mean to bring this trouble on you and daett.”
“It’s the price that sin causes, Ben,” Daett told him. “But we will bear it with you. That is who we are as a people. When one suffers, we all suffer.”
Ben blinked back the tears. He wouldn’t cry in front of his parents, but their compassion was tearing him up. How could he have sinned so against them?
Mamm squeezed Ben’s arm. “Y
ou must not make him feel worse than he already does, Leon. And we shouldn’t be staying very long.”
“How bad was it at the farm last night?” Ben asked, not looking at either of them.
His mamm glanced at his daett before she answered. “We were worried about you, Ben. That’s all that matters.”
Mamm would say that, but both of his parents knew what he really meant. His daett spoke brave words about bearing the shame of his sin along with him. That was because there was real shame to bear. The community would not look lightly on the disgrace Ben had brought on all of them. They had obligations that his parents alone didn’t have.
Mamm squeezed Ben’s hand again. “No one can fault you for how you conducted yourself last night. You could have let Daett go out to the barn, but you didn’t.”
Daett cleared his throat. “Maybe it would have been better if Ben had. Whoever that was probably wouldn’t have shot me. You’d better stop taking things into your own hands, Ben. You have to let others help carry the load. That’s also what our people are about.”
Ben glanced away from his daett’s gaze. “What should I do then?”
“You have to live at Dawdy’s for awhile…at the dawdy haus.” Daett’s voice was firm.
Ben’s arm twitched. “And put them in danger?”
“It will take awhile for anyone to figure out where you’re living. That will give everything time to settle down.”
“But I don’t want to,” Ben managed to get out.
“You don’t have any choice,” Daett said. “It’s already been decided. I’ve spoken with Dawdy this morning. They have the extra room in the back. It’s small, but gut enough.”
Mamm squeezed Ben’s arm. “It’ll be for the best, Ben. Trust us.”
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