He hung his head. “I never expected to see you again, Katie. At least not like this.”
“Ben…” Katie clutched her hands together. Silence fell and long moments later Katie looked up to see Ben rise and then move to sit beside her on the couch. His face was etched with sorrow, and his hand trembled when he touched her arm.
“I’m so sorry, Katie. So very sorry for everything.”
Katie placed her hands on Ben’s shoulders and pulled him closer to her.
He tried to speak.
She pulled him even closer and kissed him gently.
Ben responded by embracing her and returning the kiss.
Katie never wanted this to end—this moment with his face slightly above her, his fingers tracing her face after he moved his head back to look at her. She pulled away and nestled against his shoulder just as the tears came.
“Katie, it’s okay. I love you. I suppose I always will. I’m so sorry that I ruined everything for us. I thought I’d lost you—the most precious thing in my life.”
She turned her face up toward his and kissed him again. At last she pulled away. “Ben, I don’t ever want to lose you again. Not ever. This has been the most awful thing I’ve ever gone through.”
“I’m so sorry, Katie.” Ben’s fingers stroked hers.
“Don’t say that again, Ben. I’ve forgiven you, and the past is behind us.”
He smiled. “When I heard you were seeing Norman, I really thought it was over…that I’d really lost you forever.”
“Norman means nothing to me. I don’t know what I was thinking.”
He drew her close. “When the heart is broken, who is to say how it will be mended? If Norman could have made you happy, I wouldn’t have objected. I know I’ve brought you little but sorrow.”
“And love.” Katie looked up at him. “Don’t forget that. I love you, Ben Stoll. More than you know.”
He sighed. “That leaves us in a grand pickle, doesn’t it? Where do we go from here?”
She nestled against him again. “I’ve missed you so.”
“And me you.” He stroked her face again. “But there’s a world out there that doesn’t feel like we do, I’m afraid.”
Katie sighed and sat up. “I guess dreams can’t go on forever. But can we at least enjoy this afternoon?”
Ben glanced out the window. “There’s Willis out there. He’s going to get tired of waiting.”
“Oh, Willis! I forgot him!” Katie took both of his hands in hers. “Tell me quickly then what has happened since we…since we broke up. The arrest, the sentence, going to jail—I want to hear it all even though I know it will be hard.”
Ben’s face fell. “I’d rather not. Those are dark days, and I’d rather forget them. But I will tell you what I thought of during the time. That’s worth the telling. I thought of you. Of how you looked, so happy and carefree, your eyes so full of love, and how I’d been so stupid…such an idiot to lose it all. I thought of what you might tell me about the things you were learning in Switzerland.”
“Ben, I couldn’t…” Katie said, but he silenced her with a finger on her lips.
“What a fool I was, Katie, to ever risk losing you. But please understand that when I began distributing the drugs for Rogge, I hadn’t known you yet—other than you were just a girl named Katie Raber who lived with her widowed mother. You weren’t part of the community very much. And back then my life was so empty. I think that’s what led me to get involved with Rogge and drugs. The money was good too, I admit that. But then you came into my empty life and made it full. You brought in the sunshine and laughter. I’d never felt such things with any other woman.”
“Ben…”
He silenced her again by holding up his finger. “It really is true that I stopped delivering drugs because of you, Katie. I just didn’t know how to get out of it any faster.”
“Ben, are you the one who gave me the money for the trip?”
He looked down. “I know it wasn’t gut money—honest money—but I wanted to use it for a gut cause. I wanted to help you.”
“It came from a gut heart, Ben. Thank you for making my trip to Europe possible.”
“You’re welcome, Katie. I’m so glad I could do something good with the money.”
“What do we do now?” Katie asked.
“I’m not sure, Katie. Have you given it much thought?”
“No, I haven’t.” Katie leaned forward and kissed him.
Ben soon pulled away. “Katie, when folks find out about this visit, you’re going to be in a lot of trouble.”
Katie stood up. “Well, I’ll face that when it comes. For now all I care about is when I’m going to see you again. When, Ben?”
He shook his head. “I don’t know, but not too soon. We have to take this slowly. We still have a long way to go before everything can be made right. The effects of my sin will not be done away with so easily.”
Katie hung her head and then reached out to find his hand. “Okay. Just don’t doubt me, Ben. I love you. I came down to the hospital that night because of my Christian duty, yah, but my heart would have been willing all on its own—duty or not. Norman had that right, at least.”
“The only thing Norman did right was leaving you for me,” Ben declared. “And for that I will thank him someday. But for that only.”
“Then you don’t doubt that we can love each other even after all that’s happened? Can we believe Da Hah has brought us through this, and that He will take us onward?”
“Mamm always said you were a woman of great faith,” Ben said as his fingers touched her forehead and then twirled the hair that hung out from under her kapp. “She was right. Now I see it for myself. But there is still the matter of my faith. I need to make things right with the church. And I want to, Katie. I believe in the Amish way now.”
“Then you will make things right, Ben. I know you will. We belong to a great faith.”
“I know, Katie. Mostly because that’s where you come from.”
Katie shook her head. “Nee, Ben, that can’t be the only reason. It also has to be where your heart lies.”
Ben nodded and led her to the door. “You really should go. I’ll find a way to come by and see you. I promise.” He opened the door.
“I’m holding you to that.” Katie gave Ben a quick kiss before turning and running across the lawn. When she climbed into the buggy, Willis clucked to Sparky, and they took off for home.
“I think you’ve been doing something you shouldn’t have,” Willis said as they were pulling out of town.
Katie didn’t answer, but she kept her eyes on the road. If Willis didn’t want to witness things like that, he should have stayed home. Still, she was thankful he’d brought her. And this was probably what Willis had been wishing for all along. Why else would he have insisted she see Ben right after he was shot? And today, Willis had come along quite willingly. Tilting her head up at him, she gave him a sweet smile. “I appreciate you, Willis. I really do.”
Chapter Twenty-Three
“You did what?” Mabel’s shriek echoed off the kitchen walls on Monday morning as she collapsed into a chair. “Katie, what is wrong with you?”
“There’s nothing wrong with Katie,” Mamm said as her hands fidgeted with her apron. “She went down to see Ben yesterday afternoon, and…”
Mabel was on her feet again. “You know this isn’t right, Mamm! What about my wedding? Katie is supposed to be my bridesmaid. How can that happen now?”
“Nothing has changed.” Mamm reached over to rub Mabel’s shoulder. “You’d better calm down. This isn’t becoming for a young bride.”
Mabel flopped down on the chair again and glared at Katie. “About Ben, I don’t care. The two of you deserve each other. But you would have to do this now, wouldn’t you? If nothing else than to torment me. To get back at me because I won Norman’s affections. I thought you were low, Katie. But this is really, really low.”
Katie winced. “I’ve told you before tha
t I don’t care about Norman. So don’t be making this into something it isn’t.” She’d been expecting a negative reaction from Mabel, but this was over the top even for her dramatic sister.
“I’m not buying any of her excuses.” Mabel spoke to the wall, as if it needed an explanation for the outburst. “But I can’t have Katie be my bridesmaid under these conditions.”
“But you have to, Mabel,” Mamm declared. “You’ve already asked Mahlon to be her escort and told everyone. How will it look if you change your mind? Everyone will know you’re at odds with each other. That’s not how it should be.”
“That’s better than the option of having people think I approve of Katie sneaking around to see that criminal,” Mabel muttered.
“She wasn’t sneaking around,” Mamm replied. “Jesse and I talked with her about it before she left. And not very many people know she visited Ben. How would people find out before the wedding anyway?”
Mamm was obviously grasping at straws, Katie thought.
Mabel’s face turned even redder. “I can’t believe you’re joining Katie in this…this sneaking around! Think about what you just said! People will find out, and they’ll know we knew. Nee! I’m having none of this.”
“Fine. I won’t be your bridesmaid. I’m okay with it.” Katie shrugged. She could feel the shame of it burning inside of her, but she wasn’t going to let Mabel know it. Sitting in the unmarried girl’s section on Mabel’s wedding day with everyone knowing she’d been rejected again, albeit in a different way, would be painful. But she wasn’t going to apologize for seeing Ben. Not with the love Da Hah had stirred up in their hearts.
Mabel turned to Katie with a hopeful look on her face. “If you confessed to the church that you visited Ben and you know it was wrong, maybe everyone could be convinced to overlook your indiscretion again. Yah, if the proper things were said to the right people that might work. They’d understand that you’re troubled right now, Katie.”
Katie shook her head. “I’m afraid I can’t do that. I don’t regret visiting Ben.”
Mabel’s face turned stony. “You’ve made a royal mess for me, Katie!”
Katie tried to think kind thoughts about Mabel. This wasn’t going to be easy for her. Mabel would have to give some explanation for why her sister wasn’t sitting in the bridesmaid’s place during the ceremony. And Mabel had Norman to deal with. Likely when Norman found out, he wouldn’t even want her at the wedding. If there was even a hint of scandal in the air, Norman would balk. Mabel must know that much about Norman by now.
“Please, Mabel,” Mamm said, trying to help. “What harm can be done by Katie sitting beside you? People will be thinking of you—not Katie—that day.”
Mabel didn’t even hesitate. “It’s out of the question!”
Katie turned and went into the living room. Carolyn was sitting in there, tears running down her face. The poor girl. What a shame that she had to listen to this family meltdown. Katie sat down beside her and slipped her arm around her teenaged sister’s shoulder. “I’m so sorry that you had to hear that.”
Carolyn looked at her with big eyes. “Will you still be teaching school? If you’re running around with Ben Stoll, will they make you stop teaching?”
Katie managed a laugh. “My relationship with Ben has nothing to do with my school teaching. Mabel just doesn’t like it when people might misunderstand a situation. She’s getting married, so she wants everything just right on her wedding day.”
Carolyn looked a little comforted. “Well, I’m glad to hear that. Joel would hate it if you had to quit. He loves you as his teacher.”
“That’s gut.” Katie gave Carolyn another hug. “I have to go now or I’ll be really late for school. I expect Joel is waiting outside with Sparky already. He probably wonders where I’m at.”
“I could be the bridesmaid,” Carolyn offered. “If you can’t, I could do it.”
Katie smiled. “I’m sure Mabel would appreciate the offer, but you’re not old enough at fifteen.”
“That’s right,” Mabel agreed as she stuck her head through the kitchen opening. “Katie has left us all in an awful mess.”
Katie grabbed her coat and headed out the front door before Mabel could fire off another missile. Just as she expected, Joel was waiting for her beside the buggy, and Sparky was already hitched.
“Where have you been?” he asked. “I thought you got lost in the house or something.”
“I did get detained,” Katie said as she climbed into the buggy. “But I’m ready to go now.”
Joel didn’t seem to notice her dark mood, as he climbed up, picked up the reins, and clucked to Sparky. Katie usually let him drive because it made him feel grown up.
As Joel chattered away, Katie mumbled responses at the proper places. Thankfully, he’d been spared the outburst in the house. Hopefully he’d remain ignorant of the problem while it was being worked out. As they approached the schoolhouse, Katie stared at a buggy already parked near the schoolhouse. The horse was tied to the hitching post. It couldn’t be one of the children because there was no one playing on the school grounds. She guessed it could have been one of the older girls riding in alone this morning, but then the horse would have been unhitched by now.
“It’s Enos Kuntz’s buggy,” Joel said and glanced up at Katie as he turned into the lane. “Are you expecting him? Did you do something wrong?”
Katie smiled. “Not that I know of, Joel.” She was worried though. Why was Enos here? There’s no way he could know about her trip to visit Ben yesterday.
“Whoa, Sparky!” Joel called as he brought the buggy to a stop.
Katie hopped out, and Enos’s bearded face appeared in his buggy’s window.
“Gut morning, Enos,” Katie said, trying to sound chirpy. Surely Enos was here with some positive news. Perhaps he wished to compliment her for all her hard work over the past few months. She could sure use a morale boost this morning after that run-in with Mabel.
“Gut morning.”
Enos sounded cheerful enough as he climbed down from his buggy. He stood by as she and Joel unhitched Sparky.
Katie walked up to Enos after Joel led Sparky to a nearby corral. “How are you doing this morning?”
“Oh, gut enough,” Enos replied and tipped his hat. “Is there a place we can speak? Inside, perhaps? Before the schoolchildren arrive?”
“Yah, of course. There’s no one inside yet.” Katie’s heart was pounding now. This wasn’t going to be a friendly visit, she could tell. But what could it be about? She hadn’t done anything—at least that was school related.
Enos followed her inside, pausing in the foyer to leave his hat on a hook. Katie went in and placed her lunch and books on the desk. She headed toward the back and sat down in one of the student chairs. She invited Enos to sit nearby.
The head of the school board took a seat on top of a student’s desk, his long legs hanging over the side. He cleared his throat. “I’ve been wanting for some time to speak with you, Katie, but I’ve been putting it off. There’s the wedding coming up, of course, in which you have a major part, Norman tells me. I didn’t want to disturb things, you know. And I was hoping things would get better as you gain more experience. But I could no longer wait after what I heard yesterday.”
“Oh? And what did you hear?” Katie stared as Enos stroked his beard.
A smile softened his features. “I knew you would take this hard, Katie. So that’s why I hesitated to say anything. But as the head of the school board, it’s my responsibility to bring the concerns of the parents to your attention.”
“What is this about? You’ve heard a complaint? I haven’t noticed any misbehavior in the children. When they do, I try to correct them at once.”
Enos shook his head. “I haven’t heard anything on that matter. But I’ve heard you are apparently bringing in some books from home that you’re reading to the children. Books of a questionable nature. I was told you started such a book last week. Tom Sawyer by Mark
Twain, I believe.”
Katie swallowed. “Yah, that is true. I didn’t think it was wrong. If it is, I will stop reading it at once.” She hadn’t once thought to question the book. She had asked Willis for his opinion on what to read next for the story hour. Willis had pronounced Tom Sawyer a gut book and one the children would like. And they had liked it so far. Enos was nodding his approval at her words, but Katie could tell he wasn’t finished yet.
“That’s all well and gut, Katie. One is always glad to see that a person is quick to repent and see the error of one’s ways. But we expect a high degree of gut judgment from our teachers. You are, after all, with our children every day for most of the week. And it’s hard enough to keep the ways of the world outside without people they respect offering it to them in school.”
“I’m very sorry. I should have asked someone on the school board or the ministry about the book before reading it aloud to the children.”
Enos shrugged. “I suppose these things happen. I’ll be expecting more care from now on, Katie. And there are other things also that concern the parents. Little things, yah.”
“What little things?” Katie asked, truly perplexed.
“Well, some say you seem a little light on discipline.” Enos hesitated and then started again. “And you must know there are concerns that remain about…well, about your past. But I’m sure those concerns amount to nothing. And perhaps with Mahlon Bontrager showing interest in you at the wedding, well, that will surely help your reputation with the community.”
How had she ever imagined this man as her father-in-law? Katie wondered. She’d thought he was a pillar of the community, and yet here he was concerned about rumors and half-truths. And he had yet to find out about her visit to Ben’s house yesterday. What would happen when that was known? She decided she’d better tell him right here and now since he’d brought her past up. But the words stuck in her throat.
“Well, you have a gut day,” Enos said as he stood.
He nodded to the students coming up the steps and was gone. Katie forced a smile as she greeted the students. “Gut morning, children. Isn’t it a lovely day?”
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