by Savage, Kat
“Lucas?” I whisper.
“Yes?” he answers.
“Can we pretend for just one night we are more than what we are?”
“What do you mean?” he asks.
“Make love to me,” I say.
Without a word, he wraps his arms around me and kisses me deeply again, moving his hands into my hair. His lips kiss my jawline, my neck, my collarbone. His hands run down my back and he steadies himself over me. He pulls his face back from my neck and looks down at me.
“I’ve been making love to you for a while now,” he whispers, and then I feel him pushing his way inside me.
I moan and wrap my arms around his ribs. I dig my fingers into his back. I kiss his chest. His movements are slow, deliberate, intense. I can feel everything. It comes over me in waves and I can’t control my breathing or tongue anymore. I hold onto him tighter as I get closer and he can feel it so he slows down. He doesn’t want me to go yet. He rocks back and forth with me. He kisses me and tucks my hair back as he cradles me. Then he starts again, faster and deeper and I’m climbing again. I feel his mouth on my neck and his breath in my hair. We’re going together now and I feel him release as I do. He slows until he stops. He kisses my forehead and eyelids. He collapses into me and hugs me.
This might be my second favorite part of sex. The after. The cuddling. When your tired bodies are still tangled into each other and both of you are out of breath and everything is warm and slow and glowing. My chest is rising and falling rapidly and his arm is wrapped around my ribs just below my breasts and I know if we stay this way too long we will fall asleep just like this, sideways on the bed without a blanket or pillows.
“We have to move while we still have the willpower,” I say.
“Who says I still have that?” he asks.
I laugh. “Okay, we have to move while one of us has enough to remind the other.”
“Fine, but I want the record to show that I protested.”
“And so it shall,” I say.
We scoot ourselves up onto our pillows and wiggle beneath the blankets but keep the same positioning. We wrap ourselves back up into each other the same way and relax again.
“Dani?”
Lucas saying my name does something to me. It sounds right from his mouth.
“Yes?” I answer.
“I hope I’ve made you happy,” he says.
His words are enough to make me cry but I keep it together. “You do make me happy, Lucas.”
He doesn’t say anything else. He kisses me gently and nuzzles his face into my neck. I feel him starting to drift off but his words have me wide awake. This is not what I had gone looking for. But it is what I found. And soon, it would be gone.
I stare up through the blackness at the crack in my ceiling and wonder what his ceiling looks like. His breathing had slowed and the rhythm against my own chest is so soothing.
There isn’t much I can do now. Things will play out as they were always going to. I simply have to do my best to enjoy the rest of the ride. Nothing is forever, especially when you invest a great deal of time making sure your life is full of exactly that—always moments, never forever.
27
Lucas
The last few days went by in a mostly routine fashion. Dani’s been keeping herself busy with work knowing I needed time for planning, so we haven’t seen each other since that last night. The night she asked me to make love to her.
I have a few things to do today before I go to pick her up for the party and I’m actually nervous. Despite how comfortable I am with her, seeing her later actually makes me feel panicky.
I spent the morning confirming details with many of the guests. When to arrive, what to bring, what not to bring, if it was okay to bring a date, and so on. The questions felt endless.
I stop by the venue to finalize decorations. While normally most adult parties wouldn’t have balloons and streamers, this one was special, so they wanted me to stop by and approve everything. The place looks exactly like I wanted it to. The back room has enough space for everyone to relax and dance. I even hope to steal a few away from Dani during the evening.
Now all that’s left to do is walk two doors down and check on the cake. I stop briefly outside to check my phone.
Dani: I have no idea what to wear!
Me: It’s your party, wear whatever you want!
Dani: I don’t want to wear anything I have…
Me: So go get you something new, babe.
Dani: I don’t know, should I?
Me: I want you to do whatever is going to make you feel your best tonight.
Dani: Okay, you’re right. I’m going to go.
Me: Okay. Will you still be good for me to pick you up at seven?
Dani: Yeah, totally.
Me: Okay, see you then.
I tuck my phone back into my pocket and walk into the bakery where I’m greeted by a teenager at the register.
“Hi, I’m here to pick up an order for Kane,” I say.
“Sure, just a second,” she says, disappearing into the back. She emerges just a few moments later, accompanied by an older woman carrying a box.
“Mr. Kane? I have your order right here, I just need you to look it over and approve it,” the older woman says. She opens the box and spins it open to face me.
I had opted for a three-layer vanilla cake with vanilla frosting and chocolate music notes and chocolate shavings decorated all over it. It’s perfect. “Yes, this is great,” I say.
The lady spins the box back around and closes it up.
I pay the remaining portion of the bill and take the cake out the front door and back over to the venue. Luckily, they had agreed to store it in their kitchen until the event so I didn’t have to worry about transporting it further. This whole orchestrating a birthday thing really was quite tedious. I drop the cake off and repeat the motion of stopping outside to check my phone.
Elliott: Party still on?
Me: Yep, you still good to come?
Elliott: Yeah. The old lady can’t make it but I’ll be there.
Me: Cool.
Well, I can’t say I’m not surprised. I expected him to flake by this point but maybe the fact that he was checking in meant he was actually going to show up. I check my watch. I have plenty of time to get home and get ready myself. I get into my car and plug my phone in so I can listen to Dani’s playlists on the ride. The first song in the shuffle is “Hostage” by Billie Eillish and her sultry soulful voice seduces me much like Dani’s mouth. Dani’s lips could be very distracting in almost any situation.
I round the corner to my house and of course just as I’m settling into one mood, I’m hit with “Sabotage” by The Beastie Boys to completely throw me. Dani is good at that too. She keeps me on my toes if nothing else.
I park my car and make my way to my apartment, checking my mail on the way up. Jesus. Have I neglected it for a week or something? I stuff the stack under my arm and open my door. My apartment looks even more neglected than normal. Dishes are stacked in the sink and across the counter. Half empty glasses are on the table. Clothes are in piles on the floor in the hallway and my bedroom. I swear if I did have a wife, she’d divorce me for this shit. I check my watch again and think about cleaning up but decide against it. That just isn’t my priority today; Dani is.
I meander through the piles to my closet to see if I even have anything clean to wear. Luckily most of my dressier clothes are still clean. I choose black pants, a white button-up shirt, and a black vest. I go over to my dresser and open my tie drawer. I pull out a few options before throwing all of them back in and opt to go a little more relaxed with no tie. I lay everything out on my bed and make my way to the shower. Showering, I found, was more a chore now when it wasn’t with Dani. Because of that, I make them quick. In, wash, and out. No lingering whatsoever. No reason to. No wet naked lady to keep my attention.
I make quick work of the whole ordeal and dry off the same way. I wrap the towel around my wai
st and examine my face in the mirror. I would have liked a fresh haircut before today but I would have to manage without one. I run my hand up through my hair and that’s when I see it. That’s when it hits me like an anvil. I am wearing the wedding band.
I hadn’t given it much thought until this moment. Dani is used to seeing it on me but everyone else? I don’t want her to have to explain anything to her friends. And what about Elliott? I certainly don’t need that kind of conversation after eight or more years. I stare down at my left hand intently. How would Dani feel? Is asking her wrong? Would she feel weird if I ask her opinion? I wish I knew the answer. We could pretend for one more day to be more than what we are.
I finish drying off, get dressed, fix my hair, and even have time to trim up my beard before it’s time to think about leaving. I step in front of the full-length mirror in the corner of my bedroom and I’m pretty happy with the way I look.
Now is the moment of truth. I walk back out into the living room and grab my keys, wallet, and phone. I walk over to the dining room table and grab the enveloped with Dani’s name written across the front of it.
All right, Lucas. Let’s go get the birthday girl.
28
Dani
I look myself up and down in the mirror for what must be the seventy-eighth time and clench my fists on either side of me again. I tilt my head left to right and question whether a dress was the way to go. It is a special occasion, I suppose. I smooth my hands over the front of the short, black dress yet again. It falls a few inches above my knee. I adjust my boobs and the thin straps just to make sure everything will stay in place for the night. That’s the thing about having boobs. They have a mind of their own and they tend to wander. Sometimes you have to rein them in a bit.
I check my makeup and reapply my lipstick and eyeliner. Lucas will be here any minute and for the first time since seeing him, I want to look as fresh as possible. My high heels will probably throw him off guard considering they are certainly not the usual boots or occasional Vans I adorn. For once in my adulthood, I could probably even pass for an almost-proper lady. I hear a knock at the door and immediately begin to shake. I don’t know why seeing Lucas suddenly makes me so nervous, but I take my time walking to the door just to calm myself. Not to mention, I’m out of practice in heels.
I open the door slowly to be surprised myself. Lucas has dressed out for the occasion too. His tight black pants certainly make the impression. All I think about doing is ripping the buttons from his white shirt and wearing it the next morning myself. And I must say, he looks stunning in a vest option. There isn’t the typical Lucas smile across his face, however. Shock is a more appropriate word for what I see. His eyes search over what feels like every inch of me, starting low and working his way up.
“Oh, Miss Monroe. You’ll have everyone eating their hearts out tonight, I can assure you,” he says.
“You think so?” I ask, feeling my fists clench again.
“Oh, I know so. Stunning. You’re absolutely stunning.”
“Thank you. I should say though, the feeling is mutual,” I say, looking him up and down to emphasize my point.
“Well, I can’t accompany the birthday girl dressed like a slob, can I?”
“I suppose you’re right, though I’m certain you would wear a potato sack and still be hot,” I say, smiling and reaching for his face. I lean in and kiss his lips, lingering for a few moments, listening to his breathing get heavy against my mouth.
“I know we’re supposed to be leaving now, but do you think we have time for just like a little something?” he asks, giving me the cheesy eyebrow lift.
“You mean a quickie?” I ask.
“Well, if you’re going to be so crude, yes. A birthday quickie!” he says. His eyes glisten with that exaggerated birthday magic.
“Just because you stick the word ‘birthday’ in front of it doesn’t make it better,” I say. His entire demeanor is adorable.
His face grows sad, defeated even, in that fake exaggerated way again. “All right then,” he says, hanging his head.
“I didn’t say we weren’t going to,” I say, walking over to the kitchen counter, the surface nearest to us. I turn and lift myself up, sitting on the edge. I open my knees much wider than a lady would in a dress and call him over to me.
His expression changes in an instant. He goes from playful to hungry in the time it takes him to get to me. He kisses my mouth and neck while I unbuckle his pants and take him out. He reaches up my dress and runs his fingers over the front of my panties. I let out moans against the side of his face and feel him pull my panties to the side.
The next thing I know, he’s already inside me, cradling my body against his, using only the smallest amount of counter for support. He kisses the tops of my breasts, up my neck, my lips.
“Happy birthday, baby,” he whispers in my ear between the moans I release.
And it’s shaping up to be that indeed. As soon as I finish, so does he and it’s over as quickly as it started.
“We’re pretty good at quickies,” I say.
“Yeah, let’s not make it a habit,” he says.
“How come?” I ask.
“I prefer more time inside you,” he says, biting his lip at me.
I can’t disagree with him. But we do have somewhere to be. He buttons himself back up while I straighten out my dress and hair again. I check my makeup in the mirror and touch up my lips again.
“Ready to go?” I ask, grabbing my purse and sliding my phone into it.
“I sure am,” he says, opening the front door for me.
We head down the stairs and out the front to his car. He opens the passenger car door for me too. Such a gentleman, even after a quickie. He walks around to his side of the car and we’re off.
The place isn’t too far away so we enjoy a silent ride holding hands until we arrive. I wait for him to come around and let me out. I step out onto the sidewalk and take a deep breath. Suddenly the idea of walking into a room full of people that are all there to pay attention to me doesn’t sit well with me. Attention from one person at a time is enough to make me want to crawl beneath a cover. How will I avoid a whole room? I shake the thought from my mind. It’s okay. They came for me.
Lucas seems to read my thoughts because he chooses to squeeze my hand and give me a little nudge. “Come on,” he says. “Relax. What could go wrong?”
We walk in through the front door, his hand still in mine, and we make our way to the back room. Almost everyone who was on my list I gave him is already there. Quinn is chatting up who I can only assume is her new boyfriend from Tinder. My boss even managed to make it and has his arm around a woman. I will definitely have to find out who that is later. Robert is sitting alone the way I assumed he would. Some of my other co-workers and a few friends I’d made since being here had shown up too. I didn’t recognize a few faces, so I think they might be Lucas’ friends. I’m sure I’ll meet them later.
I look around at the balloons and streamers and even though it’s the part I thought I would hate the most, they actually look really amazing. I know they’re what my mother had in mind for sure. Music plays over the room and I can’t help but notice they are songs I would have picked. Lucas had really put so much thought into everything.
“Well?” he says, looking down at me.
“It’s perfect,” I say, smiling up at him. I wave over to Quinn who is waving frantically to me.
“Go join your friend. I’ll get us something to drink and be right there,” Lucas says, letting go of my hand for the first time since we left the car. He leans over and kisses my cheek before disappearing behind me toward the bar.
I make my way through a few people to Quinn.
“Dani!” she yells. She wraps her arms around me tightly and wiggles me back and forth.
“Hi!” I yelp back, trying my best to keep my balance.
“Happy birthday!” she exclaims.
“Thank you,” I say, laughing, as she finall
y lets go of me.
She steps back and immediately runs her hands over her hair the way she normally does any time things get a little too exciting for a moment.
“Dani, this is my boyfriend, Jake. Jake, this is Dani, the birthday girl!” she says.
Jake is a tall and strapping man, though I expected no less.
He sticks his hand out toward me. “Nice to meet you, Dani. Quinn has told me so much about you,” he says.
“I hope not too much,” I say. I take his hand in mine and he starts laughing.
“I only mentioned the good stuff. All your secrets are safe with me,” Quinn says.
“What juicy secrets are we divulging?” Lucas asks.
He had snuck up behind me and handed me a Rum and diet so skillfully, the conversation hardly skipped a beat.
“Just the birthday girl’s secrets, of course. Don’t want to steal the spotlight,” Quinn says.
“Oh, then I’ll be sure to pay special attention,” Lucas says.
All four of us laugh and I feign annoyance, rolling my eyes. “Laugh it up, guys. I’ll stab you all with a broken pencil.”
Lucas slips his arm around me and kisses my temple. I grin despite my attempt to be ruthless.
“I have to say, Lucas, I’ve never seen her happier,” Quinn says.
Lucas looks down at me. I shake my head at him.
“Is that so?” he asks.
“Don’t listen to her, she’s delusional,” I say.
“Oh come on,” she says. “You can’t hide that glow.”
She’s probably right but denial is all I have.