by Jane Corrie
`Beth, don't you dare fall asleep ! ' Janice's voice broke through her consciousness and made her start guiltily and blink her eyes in an effort to dispel the urge to close them again. `Mabel's surpassed herself —come on, I'm starving! I usually eat as soon as I get home,' Janice said gaily, as she pulled Beth out of her chair and towards the door, and through the hall again to a room at the end of the passage.
As Beth sat at a table that would have comfortably seated four, she saw that there was no cramping here either, and no lack of essentials. The room was small, yet ample for its purpose, and somehow elegant. Her glance roamed over an old, beautifully carved sideboard, that held an array of silverware, as highly polished as the sideboard it was displayed on, and it suddenly dawned on her that while Janice might own some of the furniture, she definitely did not own that sideboard, let alone the silver it displayed. Quite apart from the fact that Janice's taste was more on the modern side, the cost alone would have been way above her resources. Nicholas would have been able to name the exact cost had such a piece come on the market, for he was an avid collector of antiques, and having the money to indulge in his hobby, possessed an impressive collection.
At this point they were joined by a plump, homely-looking West Indian woman, with twinkling black eyes and an orange overall, one corner of which she had used as an oven glove to enable her to hold the huge steaming silver dish she placed on a mat in the middle of the table, and from which emanated a mouthwatering smell not unlike an English stew. Her wide grin and slightly lisped, 'Howdy ! ' at Beth, owing to a missing front tooth, made her grin infectious, and Beth grinned back as she returned her greeting.
Within a short space of time the table was loaded with beautifully decorated dishes, and Beth wondered how she was going to do full justice to Mabel's obvious slavery on her behalf, particularly as she hadn't
had all that much notice of an extra place at dinner —although one would never have known it from the way she had served the food, and her apparent willingness to please. On this alone Beth was determined to do her best in helping to demolish the feast prepared for them, although to be honest, she had little appetite.
Many of the dishes were new to Beth, and Janice gave her a little of each as samplers for a start, explaining that many of the dishes were made up of various kinds of fish, but although Beth made a valiant effort, she was beaten long before the sweet arrived, and had to be coaxed into trying a sample of what looked like a huge cream cake, but was in fact layers of ice cream interspersed with a kind of sponge cake.
When the meal was over, Janice suggested they take their coffee in the lounge, and when Mabel brought the tray in to them a short time later, Beth took the opportunity to thank her for the meal, which was received by a delighted grin from Mabel. 'I see my sister has been very well looked after,' she commented smilingly, and this produced an even wider grin from Mabel and a lisped, 'Thank you, missy,' before she bustled back to the kitchen with an air of having accomplished a great feat, and highly satisfied with the result.
While Janice poured the coffee, Beth leaned back in the deep armchair, wishing fervently that she could close her eyes and relax completely, but she knew if she did she would fall asleep, and knowing that Janice was longing to know the whys and wherefores, she
hadn't the heart to ask her to wait until she had had a good night's sleep.
`How did Nicholas take it?' asked Janice, as she handed Beth her coffee, making no secret of the fact she was still having some difficulty in believing Beth's statement that it was all over.
Beth took a sip of her coffee before replying sardonically, 'He didn't.'
Janice nodded thoughtfully. 'Refused to believe you?' she asked with a twinkle in her eyes.
Beth's eyebrows raised. 'You learnt quite a lot about him during that visit, didn't you?' she said quietly.
`Enough,' replied Janice. 'I told you he scared me half to death. I'm proud of you for standing up to him at last. I presume you're back to normal,' she added dryly. 'I only wish I'd been there,' she tacked on wistfully.
Beth shook her head slowly, 'I'm afraid it wasn't quite as you imagine, dear. I don't rate a medal for bravery. You see, I didn't exactly stand up to him—it's so difficult to explain ...' She ran a hand distractedly through her hair. 'It was as if everything blew up in my face.' She broke off hesitantly, and stared down into her cup as if marshalling her thoughts, then began again, this time more slowly, almost as if trying to explain her actions to herself as well as to Janice. 'We'd been down to Kent for the weekend, and Nicholas and his mother had been discussing the wedding ' She broke off suddenly and gave Janice an apologetic look. 'It was fixed for May, you know. I would have written and told you, of
course,' she added quickly, then gave a sigh, and continued with her narration. 'It was as if I wasn't there; I can't explain it. It was when Mrs Harbin started to talk about the trousseau, and how she intended to accompany me when I bought it, making sure, as it were, that I didn't let the side down and buy something quite out of keeping with their station in life ... and ... and the way Nicholas just stood by listening, and nodding his approval of her decision—because that's what it was—not a suggestion, a decision. I ... I just couldn't go through with it. I felt as if I was being slowly suffocated ...' She broke off and hastily swallowed the remains of her coffee, in an action that said more than words, needing some sort of action to erase the memory of her feelings at that time.
Janice held her breath. She longed to rush over to her and comfort her, but felt it wasn't the right time, for the Beth she knew hated any outward show of affection, so she held herself in check and gave her time to compose herself, noticing with a stab of sorrow the dark smudges under her eyes that gave them a translucent look. She's too pale, she thought, even for England in winter, and felt a rush of rage against the man who had brought her once lively sister to this level—as for the mother ! Just let them try and get her back, that's all ! She told herself grimly.
`I told him last night ' continued Beth in a
slow halting voice, then broke off and stared at her sister in a half-surprised way. 'Was it only last night?' she murmured in wonderment, then gave a tiny shake of her head. 'What I mean is, I tried to tell him. He
kept saying I was tired, and that I'd be all right in the morning. That it was talking about the wedding that had given me stage fright,' she swallowed. 'He said I was not to worry, and that it was natural for me to feel like that.' She stared at Janice. 'He just wouldn't listen; I knew it was hopeless, and that I'd have to do something to make him understand that I wasn't going to marry him—I didn't know what. I remember going back into the hostel, and there was your letter in the rack—I knew then what I had to do.'
Janice's eyes grew wide as she pictured the scene that must have taken place at the airport. She just couldn't see Nicholas waving Beth goodbye, and said as much, adding, 'He must have tried to stop you.'
Beth gave a wry smile at this; all too well could she imagine the scene Janice had in mind. 'I have to disappoint you again, dear. There were no dramatics; I simply took advantage of a business trip Nicholas was paying to Scotland. It really couldn't have happened at a better time. I was in such a state that it was ages after I'd made up my mind to come to you that I realised I had a clear run.' She sighed softly. 'I suppose it was cowardly of me, but I had no choice; I left him a letter—one he couldn't possibly misconstrue,' she darted a mischievous glance at Janice that echoed her innermost feelings. 'So I'm free, my love, although it's going to take me some time to really believe it!'
Catching a glimpse of the old Beth, Janice felt a surge of relief. It wouldn't take too long for her to
readjust back to the happy carefree girl she had once been, but to be honest, she still had doubts of Nicholas's reaction to the letter Beth had left. No matter how she tried, she just couldn't see him accepting it. He wasn't that kind of man. She cast a quick look back at Beth, now replacing her coffee cup back on the small side table. She looked so fra
gile, Janice could well see why Nicholas had been drawn to her—he was a collector of objects of art, and her unique pocket-Venus style beauty would have magnetised him from the start. In a way, she thought, he did love her, but there was a difference in loving someone and completely annihilating them—which, in Janice's opinion, Nicholas had set out to do. To make her his conception of perfect beauty, in other words, a robot, and this was the state she had found her in on her visit home, and one that had constantly haunted her ever since. But that was all over now, she thought happily.
`Well, he can't make you marry him, love. And if he dares to follow you here, my John will stand up to him,' she announced proudly.
Beth gave a low chuckle. 'Poor Nicholas ! He really did impress you, didn't he? I'm beginning to feel a tiny bit sorry for him.'
`Sorry for him ! ' squeaked Janice in indignation. `Sorry for that pompous, overstuffed apology for a tailor's dummy ! Why, he's ...' she searched for the right definition to convey her contempt of the man who had very nearly succeeded in breaking Beth's spirit.
Beth grinned at her sister's vehemence, and added
fuel to fire by observing provocatively, 'Most girls thought him handsome. He's considered quite a catch!' and had to duck hastily to miss the cushion hurled at her by an irate Janice.
Later that night, in the cosy guest room Janice had had prepared for her, Beth lay longing for sleep. That, considering how tired she had been earlier in the evening, was a little unusual, for she had been certain she would fall asleep the minute her head touched the pillow, but here she was, tossing and turning, and going over the events of the past twenty-four hours. It was going over everything with Janice that had brought the memories she had wanted to forget, back into sharp focus.
You could run so far, she thought sadly, but no further. She had no regrets where Nicholas was concerned, and even in her half-awakened state she was able to see how completely he had overshadowed her, moulding her into perfection for the role she was to play as his wife. She shuddered at what might have been had not Janice and John suddenly appeared on the scene. Their kind of love was the true conception of what love should be. Of giving and taking, of understanding one another's faults and accepting each other for what they were—not what they wanted to make them into.
She turned restlessly. Even Nicholas's kisses weren't given, not in the sense they ought to have been given; they were imposed as a seal of ownership on her. Inexperienced as she was, at first they had thrilled her, pushing all her doubts aside as they tried to rise to the surface. And later still they had been used as
a weapon to stem any argument or protest she might have voiced about the way her life had been taken over. Beth wondered whether he had sensed she was coming out of the cocoon of bewilderment she had existed in for so long, and was almost sure he had. He was extremely astute; but even knowing this, it wouldn't have stopped him. He knew what he wanted, and would have swept her into marriage without considering her feelings in the matter.
When Beth had told Janice that she hadn't been responsible for her actions and her subsequent engagement to a man like Nicholas Harbin, she had been telling the truth, for Nicholas had 'found' her working temporarily in an antique dealer's shop, one that he frequently visited in his quest for collector's items. She had taken the job on shortly after Janice had left the country, for she had soon found that she wasn't quite as tough as she had thought she was, and came to dread the weekends, and the painful memories solitude brought in its wake. There was no home now for her to go to, and the few friends she did have in the hostel always took off at the weekends, as she herself used to do before fate had struck its terrible blow. In sheer desperation, she had found herself work that wouldn't interfere with her studies, for she was determined to join Janice at the earliest given opportunity. It was not the need for money that drove her on, but the necessity to keep the past at bay until she was better able to cope with it. In this she had been fortunate, for one of the students recommended her to an uncle of hers who kept an antique shop situated reasonably near the hostel, and Beth
was subsequently employed for Saturdays.
A very quiet and much subdued Beth, still partially under shock from the sudden loss of her family, found herself receiving the attention of Nicholas, who, after his first visit to the shop after her arrival, became a very determined suitor, and was waiting for her to finish work that same day, and carried her off for a meal. Not only was Beth's loneliness over, but her freedom as well. Without knowing quite how it had happened, she would find her weekends being spent at Nicholas's home in Kent, and being fussed over by not only Nicholas, but his mother as well. Mrs Harbin simply adored her son, and if Beth was what Nicholas wanted, then Beth he must have. The quiet, unassuming girl would be no problem to lick into shape as the wife of her distinguished son, and between them, the mother and son set about remoulding Beth's life.
The wealth of the Harbins came from a chain of fashionable gift shops that ran the length of the country, and Nicholas presided over the board of directors, so it was not surprising that Beth found herself working at head office, under Nicholas's direction, when she had qualified, and was given no chance of choosing her own employment.
None of this meant anything at the time to Beth; she had stopped thinking for herself by then, so complete had been the takeover by Nicholas. It was as if she had been lost, found, and re-pigeonholed.
All these thoughts went through her tired brain, and she gave a drowsy thank-you to the powers that be that she had had the strength and the opportunity
to free herself. It would be a very long time indeed before she allowed herself to get involved again. Once bitten, twice shy, she muttered just before she fell asleep.
CHAPTER TWO
BETH awoke to a brilliant sunny morning. At first she was bewildered, wondering what she was doing in this strange room, then her drowsy glance rested on the pale blue carpet that covered the floor, and drifted on to take in the white matching furniture, the pale blue walls, a shade deeper than the carpet, and rested finally on the frothy white organza curtains that fluttered gently as the breeze caught them. The room was entirely feminine, and Beth decided she liked it; it wasn't unlike Janice's room in their old home. Janice ! Beth sat up with a jerk—she was with Janice !
A wonderful feeling came over her as her eyes gazed once more over the room, this time wide awake. It wasn't a dream. She had broken free of Nicholas at last. Now she could go anywhere—do anything—without his continual presence. She jumped out of bed and ran to the window. Still with that sense of wonderment she stared out at the scene before her. Why, it was like being in a great park—there were trees, some with blossom on, and others with great spreading leaves of a satiny olive colour; flowers too, that seen at a distance looked like a huge patchwork quilt sown on a green background.
At this point Beth wasn't too sure that she wasn't dreaming, but was afraid to pinch herself in case she
was. She breathed a sigh of utter contentment. She could even paint if she wanted to—there was no Nicholas to discourage her; he had not encouraged her to do anything that did not warrant his personal supervision, and as Beth had, not the strength of will to oppose him, she had weakly accepted it. That had been another thing that had horrified Janice on that visit of hers, to find that Beth had stopped painting, for she had been a very promising student, and although she might not have produced a masterpiece her work was good enough to have earned her a modest living, apart from the-pleasure it had given her.
With her eyes still on the landscape in front of her, Beth sadly conceded the fact that Nicholas had done his best to stamp out all artistic inclination on that front. Her timid request to join a local art club in order to later exhibit some of her work was met with bland incredulity. Nicholas did not approve of art students, and Beth was very quickly made aware of this fact. Because painting meant so much to her, it was the one and only time she had stood up to Nicholas, and actually gone ahead and joined the group, but Nichol
as was not so easily beaten. He would escort her to the weekly evening sessions with the air of a martyr—not only that, but actually stay during each session keeping a caustic eye on any student, particularly male, who had the effrontery to take an interest in Beth's work; and that went for the teacher too ! It soon became obvious that this state of affairs could not go on. As Nicholas had had the foresight to pay a subscription fee, he had every right
to attend the classes, but his presence, and none too flattering remarks on some of the work produced, soon brought about the desired reaction on Beth's part, and for the good of the group, not to mention peace, she gave up the course.
There was a tap on the door, and Janice appeared carrying a tray. 'Oh, you're awake, dear. No need to ask if you slept well—this is the third time I've come up ! '
`Is it late?' asked Beth guiltily, knowing Janice had to be at work later, and approvingly stared at her crisp blue and white dress, that looked efficient yet very feminine. 'I'm afraid I didn't wind my watch—I was dead beat,' she confessed.
`Why should you?' grinned Janice. 'You're taking things easy now. No, darling,' she went on, in answer to Beth's earlier question, 'it's not late. About ten to nine, and I've a few minutes to spare. As yet I haven't been able to arrange any time off—not knowing you were coming, that is!—and I must go in today. Gavin's giving a garden party tomorrow, and I have to attend to last-minute chores, but I'll be back for lunch around oneish.'
She poured Beth's tea out for her, and waited while she sipped it, watching her with an indulgent expression. 'There's something I want to show you before I go,' she said, with a hint of mystery in her voice, and as soon as Beth had finished her tea, Janice caught her hand and led her from the bedroom to a small box room at the end of the passage.