She always knows how to make me laugh, even when I want to cry. “Lord, where do I even start. I found him at King of Hearts, Noah King and Marco Heart. I’m not freaking happy because two seconds after I found him I also came face to face with his girlfriend.” I collapse onto the couch and cover my face with a pillow. “I totally freaked out, Bex. I stammered and basically ran out of there. Marco had to drive me home because I was catatonic. It was so humiliating.”
“He has a girlfriend?” I nod in response, the pillow movement her only clue at my reply. “Lexi, do you for two seconds think that that man doesn’t love you? That he isn’t about to dump this girl so fast her head’s going to spin? He’s probably doing it right now.” She takes the pillow off my face. “Alexa Raine... You have nothing to worry about, he will come running back to you a single pringle, ready to mingle.”
“But that poor girl...”
“Fuck that girl.” When I try to interrupt her, she pushes on. “This is your happily ever after, not hers. Trust me, she knows this. It sucks for her, no doubt about it but I won’t let you miss out on this because you’re worried about hurting her feelings.”
“You’re right, as usual.” I take a deep breath. “She’s alive, Bex.”
“Who’s alive?”
“Elise and Marco’s baby. She survived the shooting. You’ve got to meet her, she’s a miracle that girl. So sweet and bossy, like her mom.” I start tearing up again. “She’s so beautiful.”
Bex pulls me into a hug. “I’m so happy for you, Lex. This is a miracle, you can’t throw that away.”
“That’s what Marco said.”
She smirks. “Damn, he’s so freaking sexy my panties dissolved when our eyes locked. Dissolved. And when he spoke... oh lord. I seriously had to hold myself back, I wanted to lick all his tattoos.”
Bursting out laughing, I smack at her. “Oh my god, you’re such a pervert. I was in there having a moment and you were out here trying not to lick my friend.” She just shrugs and starts making tea.
“When will you see Noah again?”
“I don’t know. Soon, I hope.”
***
I meet up with Marco and Jess a couple days later at their place for brunch. Jess and I had such a strange first meeting I wanted to spend more time with her and get a chance to get to know her, without Noah as a distraction.
“Princess Lexi!” I turn to see sweet Jess running to me excitedly. Well, so much for breaking the ice slowly. I kneel and catch her as she barrels into me.
“Hello there, sweetheart. It’s so good to see you again. You look super cute today.” She’s wearing the smallest Joan Jett T-shirt I’ve ever seen, paired with a pink tutu, and green shoes with butterflies on her feet.
“Thank you, I picked it out special for you. See, butterflies!” She points at her boots.
“Those are so pretty! I wish I had boots like those.” I place her back on the ground and turn to her father, giving him a quick hug. “You look good, Marco. What’s with all the fuzz?” I say, pointing to his beard. “You’re like a lumberjack.”
“You like? It’s a chick magnet.”
“Ew. TMI, Marco.” I don’t doubt it, he’s a handsome man and clearly a great father.
“Seriously, women take one peek at my tattoos and my manly beard and they flock to me,” he laughs.
“Sexy, tattooed, lumberjack, single dad. Yup, that’s like crack to women.”
“Wanna touch it?” he says, scratching his beard.
I laugh, shaking my head. “No, who knows where that thing has been. Look at you, though, you’re such a great daddy.” We sit there on his deck, watching Jess make and chase bubbles all over the back yard. “I thought she had died with Elise. I can’t believe she made it. She’s such a miracle, Marco,” I say before we continue flipping through pictures. Marco brings out Jess’s baby pictures and we are both getting overemotional over beautiful memories.
“I know, she had a rough start to life. First fighting to survive while her mom died, then fighting to stay with me. It was a battle getting her away from her grandmother. I wasn’t sure any judge would give me custody, with the way I look. It was like Elise was with me that day in court.” I pull out the book of pictures I’ve kept all these years. “I brought you something, I wasn’t sure if I should, but I figured you and Jess might like it.” I pass the photo album to him. “These pictures kept me going when I felt like I was falling apart.
He gasps when he opens the book. He stops when he gets to one of Elise. It’s my favorite picture of her; we’re at the beach, the sun making her golden hair glow like a halo. She was so beautiful. “She was always an angel; her heart was open, and she loved so fully. She really was perfect, wasn’t she? Some days I think it was all in my head, that she seemed so perfect because she was taken from me too soon. But she was. I didn’t deserve her; this whole world didn’t deserve her light.” Tears flow from his eyes as he stares at his lost love.
“She’s saved me quite a few times since she died, just the memory of her friendship and love saved me,” I say, touching the butterfly tattoo. “I’m so sorry, Marco. I should never have gone back to the apartment that day, I should have listened. I’m sorry.”
He pulls me into a hug. “It’s wasn’t your fault, Lexi. Life isn’t fair. That is one of the hardest lessons I’ve had to learn. When she died, I was in a bad place. I wanted to curl up beside her and die. But she wouldn’t have it, she left me this miracle, this piece of her. I couldn’t wallow in my grief too long, I needed to be the father I promised Elise I’d be.”
Jess runs up to us holding her shoe. “Daddy, can you untie this big old knot, it’s too tricky for me.”
“Of course, sweetheart,” he says, pulling her into his lap and showing her how to untie it for next time.
“Elise would be so proud of you,” I say, and he looks up from her and smiles.
“I don’t know about that, I give in to her more than I should. Hasn’t been easy. I had to fight Elise’s mom for custody. Which got messy real fast. If it weren’t for Noah, I don’t know what I would have done.”
“I think you’re doing an amazing job, I’m so proud of you. I know it sounds silly but it’s the truth. You were so young and completely on your own.”
“I had Noah.” My smile drops at the mention of his name. “Lexi, it’s not serious, what he has with her. He loves you, always has, always will.”
“She sure seemed to act like it was serious when she came face to face with me. Look, I figured he would have moved on by now. I just didn’t expect to see it up close. I thought I was ready to see that, I don’t think I’ll ever be ready to see him with someone else.”
“Have you moved on?” Unable to voice an answer, I just shake my head and keep my eyes on Jess’s first birthday pictures. He covers my hand with his, giving it a gentle squeeze. “You both need time to process. Neither of you ever thought you’d see each other again. The truth is, he met a girl, she pursued him, he caved. She helped him forget his pain for a little while. I can tell you right now he doesn’t love her.”
“I thought he hated me, all these years I’ve been pining for him, I thought he hated me.”
He shrugs. “What can I say, my mother-in-law is a nasty cow who thrives on killing people’s spirit. Why do you think Elise and Noah ran away from her?”
“It never occurred to me that she was lying. I believed her. So many years wasted thinking he hated me, blamed me.”
“It’s always easier to believe the bad things over the good. You blamed yourself for Elise’s death, so when she validated that, you took it for scripture.”
“Damn, Marco. When did you get so smart?”
“I have my moments. Jess has been hounding me to take her to the park, want to walk with us?”
“No, you guys go enjoy your Sunday, I’ve got a shoot in a couple hours I need to get ready for.”
“Big shot photographer, just like you always dreamed. I’m proud of you, Lex. Elise and I decided b
efore she died that you and Noah would be the godparents to our child. You don’t have to answer now, but think about it. It would mean a lot to me if you’d accept.”
I pull him into a hug, fighting another round of tears from surfacing. “Thank you, yes, of course I will! Nothing would make me happier. I love you guys. See you next week.” I kiss sweet Jess on the head and say goodbye. I can't believe I’m going to be this sweet girl’s godmother! I’m buzzing with excited energy as I head back to the studio to finish up some work before the dreaded shoot with Mrs. Neilson and Sarah.
The next day, I’m in my gallery, setting up for a client, when I hear the bell on the front door ring. I watch as Anabelle, Noah’s girlfriend, peruses the photographs hanging on the walls. What am I supposed to say to this poor girl? I swallow my pride and walk out onto the gallery floor.
Without looking at me, she talks to the photograph, “I’ve been haunted by the memory of you for a long time.” “I’m sorry,” I offer.
She shrugs in response. “I always knew if you ever showed up he would leave me in a heartbeat. I hoped that day would never come but at least it happened before we got married and had children.”
I cringe at the thought of breaking up a happy home. “Anabelle, I never meant for any of this to happen. I’m not interested in taking something that doesn’t belong to me. He loves you.”
“No, he doesn’t. But that was nice of you to say. This would be easier if you were a bitch.”
“I’ll stay away from him. I’ll...”
Tears glisten in her eyes when she finally looks at me. “I left him. I just wanted you to know that. It’s funny, I’ve hated you for so long, you’ve always been in the background of our relationship, keeping him from loving me, but seeing you face to face, seeing the way he looked at you. As much as it hurts, I don’t blame you. You guys were given a shit hand. I won’t be the one to stand in your way now that you’ve found each other.”
“It sounds so stupid but thank you. I’m sorry for hurting you, Anabelle.” I start crying.
“I’m a tough girl, it’ll take more than this to break me,” she says with a sad smile, wiping away the one tear that escapes. She walks out of my gallery, giving me Noah. She’s kind of awesome, and it had to be difficult to let go of the man she loves, for me. How could he just let her walk away? Did she mean nothing to him? How long after we were separated did he start dating? How many women has he been with? These are the questions keeping me awake at night and keep me from reaching out to him.
Two days.
It took Noah all of two days after Anabelle left him before the first text came.
Noah: Good morning, beautiful.
Nothing more. Good morning. I stare at the text for a good five minutes, typing and retyping the perfect response.
Good Morning, beautiful. What the hell am I supposed to say to that? Thank you? He’s so casual, like I talk to him every day. Good morning my ass. I stew over his text all freaking day.
When Bex walks in the door after her shift at the shelter, she glances at my scowling face, with my phone clenched in my hand and rolls her eyes. “Have you responded yet?”
“And say what?” I screech, in a panicked, high-pitched tone.
“Jesus, Lexi. Stop freaking out. Just say hi, I love you, let’s get married and make babies. I’ll do it, give it to me.” She tries to snatch it out of my hands, but I laugh and swat her away. “Woman up, he’s in your life, single, and he’s trying to connect with you. It’s your dream come true. Now stop screwing it up with your weirdness and text him back.”
“Okay... jeez, so bossy.” I turn my phone on and stare at those three words. I want to tell him I love him, that I want to see him, but anything I think of to say sounds stupid in my head. I put my phone face-down. “I can’t deal with this right now, I need to finish going over Sarah’s pictures and call a bunch of possible clients for my next project. There are a couple of great possibilities. I need to focus on work right now.”
“Whatever you say, boss.” Bex leaves me be, knowing there is no rushing me on this.
I work late into the night, and once I stretch and finally check the time, it’s past midnight. I yawn and shuffle my way through the house, making sure everything is locked up. After washing my face and brushing my teeth, I snuggle in to bed, phone in hand. I lie in the dark, thinking about Noah, wanting to hear his voice, touch his skin. Finally, I text him the only thing I can think of.
Me: I can’t believe you texted good morning. What an ass thing to text after all these years. I’ve been trying to figure out what an appropriate response to that is.
His reply comes almost immediately. He’s awake right now, thinking about me. That thought sends my heart racing.
Noah: And you settled on blind rage? I woke up missing you, so I texted good morning. Last week I couldn’t do that.
My heart sinks, he’s right. Feeling brave I start typing again.
Me: Sometimes, I miss you so much I can’t breathe. The phone starts ringing with a video chat. I squeal, throwing it on the bed. I accept but have the camera facing up. Why?
Because I’ve clearly gone insane.
“Lexi, you there?”
“Why did you video chat me?” I ask incredulously.
His chuckle fills my bedroom and I watch his face on the screen. Damn, he’s so sexy. “Babe, pick up the phone. I’ve missed seeing your beautiful face.”
I smile and pick up my phone. His face lights up and we just sit there in silence just staring at each other smiling.
“Did you have a good day?” I ask, unsure of what to do with myself on camera.
“Yeah, it was pretty slammed most of the day and I was on Jess duty tonight.”
“I love her, she is such a great kid. What did you guys do?”
We chat for a while about our days and before I know it, it’s two in the morning.
“I need to get some sleep. Can I see you... sometime?”
“Yeah, I’ve got to take Jess to pre-school tomorrow morning. I’ll stop by after, that work for you?”
“Perfect. I’ll be in the gallery all day. Good night, Noah.”
“Good night, Lexi love.”
I fall asleep with the biggest smile on my face. Life is good, and I really feel like things are finally coming together. Finding the three of them is a miracle.
I’m on the phone with a potential client when he walks in. He flashes me that breathtaking smile and gives a quick wave when I point to the phone and hold up one finger signaling I need a minute.
While attempting to focus on the client’s ideas and questions, I can’t help but watch him. His brown hair is cropped short. He’s wearing a black T-shirt that clings to every curve and contour of his body. I get lost watching his movements and apparently forget about my client. “Oh, sorry, ma’am, yes I’m still here.”
Hearing this, Noah looks my way, smiling, knowing I was ogling him, hard. I smile back, shaking my head. “I’m booked into next month, how’s the twenty-third work for you? Excellent, I’ll hold the date, just let me know if anything changes. Thank you,” I say, hanging up the phone. “This is incredible, Lexi, or should I call you Alexa?”
“I thought Alexa sounded more professional,” I say, approaching him like a moth to a flame. My heartbeat racing with each step closer. “My aunt Lana bought this place for Bex and I after graduation. So we would always have a place to call home.”
“Aunt?”
“Erica’s sister.” To this his eyes widen. “I know, I thought the social worker had lost her mind. You should have seen her house, it was like a new age shop puked all over it. I was horrified but she became the rock I needed in my life. She helped me to finally stop blaming myself, and hurting myself.”
His eyes flash to my arm. He lifts my hand and runs his fingers over the sleeve that now decorates my skin. Surrounding his butterflies. “She sounds like a trip.”
“She taught me what a family should be. She saved me when all I wanted to do was
end it all.” His gasp is audible, and instantly I feel bad for saying these things when he’s the one who lost his sister. “I’m sorry I went back there that night, Noah. I’ve relived that night over and over, wishing I had made different choices, wishing I could change the outcome. To save her.”
He pulls me into his arms and I’m home. I cling to his shirt, never wanting to let go. “We all are haunted by that day, there is no changing the past. We need to focus on building a future together. We found each other, against all odds. I don’t plan on letting go, what about you? It’s been five years; do you... do you have a man?”
I shake my head. “No.”
“Thank fuck for that,” is all he adds before devouring me. Every nerve ending in my body is humming with happiness. The kiss goes on for a blissful eternity, and when we pull apart, we’re out of breath, smiling from ear to ear.
“Maybe you should give me a tour before we get carried away. Don’t get me wrong, I’m looking forward to it, but we have a lifetime to catch up and I want you to show me around your studio. I’ll try to keep my hands to myself.”
“What fun is that?” I say, taking his hand and leading him through to the back, pointing at the studio. “That’s where I take pictures, that’s my dark room.” I keep leading him into the house, closing the door behind us. I start unbuttoning my shirt, smiling up at him, then nod in the direction of the kitchen. “That’s the kitchen.” I slip my shirt off, letting it fall to the floor. “That’s my office. Are we done with the tour yet, or should I continue? Because all I’ve been thinking about since you walked in was tasting your skin.”
He sweeps me up in his arms. “Fuck, I love you.”
Chapter Fifteen
I’ve planned a dinner tonight for Noah, Marco, and Jess to meet Bex, John, and Lana. Lana and John are fresh off their Mediterranean cruise, and neither could believe I found Noah and Marco. My family will be together at last, minus Matty of course. I’ve searched online for him but either he changed his name or doesn’t want to be found. I’ve come to realize that Matthew Young is a common name. I’ve limited myself to Google searches, I couldn’t aff ord that private investigator anymore; I’d paid him enough money already and he didn’t fi nd anything. For all I know he was cashing my checks and not even looking. Finding Noah has given me hope that somehow, someway, Matty will fi nd me. I won’t give up.
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