He nodded. He knew the time was nearing when he’d leave. He’d been anticipating it for the past month, but now that it was close to coming, he didn’t experience the relief he expected. Which was ridiculous, of course. He had no reason to stay. He certainly had no business staying, not with a woman as good as Penelope.
She grabbed a pot from the shelf and set it on the cookstove. “I thought I’d make stew. We still have rabbit meat to eat.”
“That sounds good. I’ll take care of the horses.” It was the least he could do, especially for everything she’d done for him. “I’ll be back.”
She smiled as he left.
He pushed aside the twinge of guilt. He didn’t deserve one of her smiles. Penelope was much too trusting of strangers. A woman who could bear the harsh winters of this land should have been more careful when selecting a man to heal, feed and clothe. Someone like Blake would have been a better choice.
He made it to the well and released the rope, watching as the bucket descended into the dark hole. Where was Blake anyway? His eyes swept his surroundings and not a single person could be seen for miles in any direction. For the moment, he was safe. But he had to get to Fargo. There was no doubt about it. The sooner he left this homestead, the better both he and Penelope would be.
As long as Blake didn’t find him before he found the chip, everything could be set back in order. He could dig for gold out in California in 1848 and strike it rich. He’d never have to worry about money ever again. He could even come to this time and give Penelope money to make sure she’d never have to work hard another day in her life. There were many things money could buy, many things it could provide, and he’d make sure to return her kindness when he could.
He retrieved the bucket full of cool water and carried it to the barn where the horses waited in the stalls he reinforced. He poured the water into the trough where the horses quickly approached. He turned to the straw that he’d brought up from the cellar and put it in another trough for them to eat.
Penelope could use another barn. As it was, the weather had beaten the roof down, and if he hadn’t repaired it, it would’ve fallen within the year. There was no doubt about it. The woman needed money to build things that would last. Her husband might have been a good man, but he didn’t know much about building or maintaining his things.
Yes, Cole would get that gold and come back to give her some of it. But he wouldn’t tell her it was from him. She seemed to think he was a good man, the kind she could take home to meet her mother, and as foolish as it was, he liked her version of him. The last thing he wanted to do was destroy it. That was when he made his decision. He would place the gold near the well. If he buried it but let a piece of it stick out of the ground where she usually stood, then she’d find it and dig it up. She’d assumed she discovered it and all would be well. Yes, that’s what he’d do.
When he returned to the house, she was stirring the pot. He took a moment to study her. She had her back turned to him. The blue dress she wore had faded flowers on it and was frayed at the edges. He sighed. Not only did she need a better house and barn, the poor woman needed clothes that could sustain the elements of life out here, in the middle of nowhere. Her mattress was thin, and despite the discomfort, she didn’t voice a single complaint. He actually preferred his blanket on the floor. She needed a good quality bed. It didn’t have to be fancy. Then his eyes took in the single pot. What woman wouldn’t want more cooking supplies? He examined the whole cabin and shook his head. There seemed to be no end to the things she needed. But with enough gold, her problems would be solved.
She peered over her shoulder and frowned. “Are you feeling ill?”
“No. I feel fine.” But, in a way, that was a lie. He did get sick to his stomach when he thought of how she’d been living over the past year. He lumbered to the chair at the table and sat down. “Penelope, can I ask you something?”
“Yes.”
“When your husband died, didn’t any men come by to see you?” It seemed to him that as soon as the bachelors discovered her availability, they would have been beating down the door to marry her.
She shrugged and kept her eyes on the stew. “Men wish to have children to carry on their name. I had an accident when I was a girl. I can’t have children.”
He noted the sadness in her voice and the slumping of her shoulders. “Even so, I’m sure you had some who were interested,” he softly said.
She shook her head.
“Then why did your husband marry you?”
She didn’t respond. Instead, she continued to stir the pot.
“Penelope?”
Sighing, she touched her cheeks with her free hand, and he wondered if she was crying. She took a deep breath. “I didn’t tell him.” She spoke so low that he could barely hear her.
“But you told the other men?”
“I hated myself for lying. I couldn’t do it again.”
“And when none of them came to see you, did you wish you hadn’t told the truth?”
She softly laughed. “No. I felt better having been honest. It was hard keeping it from Randy.”
So that was her husband’s name. Not that he cared. He rather preferred to think of Randy as the unnamed man who’d long since been removed from her life. He chastised himself for such thinking. Shifting in his chair, he cleared his throat. “You never know. One of the men might come to see you someday. Not all men value a woman based on whether or not she can give him children.”
She looked at him, and he quickly lowered his eyes. A moment of tense silence passed before she spoke. “I can’t open the jar. Will you do it?” She motioned to the sealed jar of pickles on the table in front of him.
More than happy to do anything for her, he nodded and did as she asked.
***
Ted finally decided that Megan was nuttier than a fruit cake. Two weeks had passed and she refused to leave the house. She wouldn’t even venture into town to shop or go to church. It was insane. She even spent entire days in her bed, just laying still and staring at the ceiling.
He came home from work one evening and found her laying in bed, huddled under a blanket--despite the oppressive heat!--and asked her what she was doing.
“I’m doing my best to avoid changing the future,” she answered, as if it was obvious.
“So you’re going to stop living?” he asked.
“No. I’m just keeping to myself.”
“Well, when you decide to enjoy life again, Miriam would like to see you. Apparently, you won’t even see your friends.”
“I can’t afford to see them.”
He rolled his eyes and left. What was the point? The woman was nutty. Nuttier than a fruitcake!
And what was even worse was that he actually believed that once she gave up on the notion of returning to the future, she’d be willing to make their marriage real. He never once suspected that she’d retreat like a turtle hiding in its shell.
He bounded down the steps and entered the parlor. He shrugged when Miriam looked up at him. “I’m sorry. She refuses to go anywhere or see anyone.”
Miriam frowned. “Did I say something to upset her?”
He sighed and ran his hand through his damp hair. “No. It’s just the way Meg is. She’s come to terms with the fact that she’s going to stay here, married to me, and she doesn’t like it.” There. As hard as it was to admit, at least he finally said it.
He plopped in a chair, wishing the Megan who had that fire in her would return. He missed her passion, her enthusiasm, her spunk. Now all she wanted to do was wait to die. What was the sense in that?
And that’s when he made a decision. “We need to force her out of her funk.”
Miriam frowned. “Funk?”
“Bad mood.”
“Oh.” She nodded but still looked uncertain.
He stood back up. “Go up there and talk to her.”
She pressed her hand over her heart. “But it’s not my place to go into your bedroom.”
Right. Everyone assumed he and Megan shared a bed. That was a nice little fantasy he wouldn’t mind making real, but that seemed as likely to happen as him finding out how they ended up in the past to begin with.
“I’ll get her and bring her down,” he offered.
He strode out of the room and up the steps. Megan still laid on her bed, wrapped up in a blanket. Her eyes widened when he entered the room. He went straight to her and picked her up.
“What are you doing?” she gasped, struggling to get out of his arms.
“Giving you your life back,” he said.
Her efforts to gain her freedom resulted in her getting tangled up in the blanket.
“You’ll thank me for this someday.”
That said, he spun on his heel and carried her to the parlor where an astonished Miriam watched as he sat in the chair and settled Megan on his lap. He knew if he let her go, she’d bolt for the steps. This way, she had to stay with them. She struggled against him for a good minute before she grunted and rested against him. He could barely see her eyes since her blanket was wrapped around her head.
“Megan, did I upset you?” Miriam asked as she straightened in her chair. Her shoes tapped the floor, revealing her nervousness.
Megan’s body relaxed. “No. I…I don’t feel well.”
“Ted told me you’ve been in a bad mood.”
Megan glared at him. “What?”
“Isn’t it the truth?” He took a closer look at her. Was she sweating? “Isn’t it hot in there?”
“What do you care?” she snapped.
“Believe it or not, I do care. A lot.”
She huffed and turned her attention to Miriam. “I have to stay to myself, Miriam. It’s not safe for me to be around you or anyone. No one’s done anything to upset me. This is something I have to sort through on my own.”
“Surely, we can help,” Miriam suggested.
“You’re right,” he told Miriam. “We can help, and we will.” He looked at Megan who scowled at him. “You’ve kept to yourself long enough. That’s it. On Sunday, we’re going to church. Together.”
Miriam clapped in excitement. “Then we can go to my house and have lunch. It’ll be good, Megan. I’ll even make those mashed potatoes and gravy you like.”
Ted grinned and hugged his wife. “There you go, honey. There’s no harm in eating, is there? I can’t wait.”
Miriam stood up, looking relieved. “Everything will be fine, Megan. I promise.”
From inside her cocoon, Megan softly groaned.
Miriam left and Ted released his hold on Megan who scrambled off of his lap and ran up the stairs and slammed her bedroom door shut. Ted sighed, wondering what in the world it was going to take to bring her out of her self-imposed prison.
***
Megan sat in the corner of the parlor, trying to disappear into her chair as best as she could while Miriam, Esther and their mother discussed ideas on making a quilt for Ray’s wife who was due to give birth next month. Megan sat and nodded, agreeing to whatever they wanted to do with the blanket. Though what colors and designs to put on the quilt weren’t life altering decisions, she still didn’t want to interfere.
A boom of laughter from outside directed her attention to the open window. She leaned forward and shook her head at the sight of Ted talking to Richie about almost being run over by one of Ray’s bulls. Why didn’t Ted understand the severity of the situation? He seemed to think that he could do whatever he wanted to in this time without messing up the future. She closed her eyes and asked God to forgive him for his folly.
“Megan? Megan?” Esther snapped her fingers in front of her face.
Startled, Megan jerked back. She didn’t realize that Esther had walked over to her.
Esther sighed. “Will you tell us what’s caused you to ignore us? If we’ve done something to upset you, the least you can do is tell us what it is.”
“I don’t belong here,” Megan said, not willing to tell them why but willing to tell them this much. “I need to keep to myself.”
Esther’s expression softened. She pulled up another chair and took her hands in hers. “Do you think that we cast judgment upon you because of what you did before you married Ted?”
Megan blinked. The woman’s gentleness and concern warmed her heart. Who knew Esther had a soft side to her? “No. Well, maybe a little.”
“I’m sorry. But I know now that I misunderstood the situation. Have I continued to make you feel like you were a whore?”
“No, you haven’t.”
“Then what’s troubling you?”
Megan glanced at Miriam and their mother who quietly watched the exchange, both of them probably wondering the same thing. She sighed. “I just don’t belong here.”
“You mean, here in this house?”
“No. I mean, here in Fargo. Here with Ted.”
Understanding lit up Esther’s eyes. “Oh. You’re having marital problems.”
“Surely, we can resolve that,” Miriam said, getting up from her chair and kneeling by Megan’s chair. “Our mother and Esther are married. Maybe they can offer some insight that will help you.”
“I don’t know,” Megan replied, wary. “I think I should end the marriage.”
Esther’s face grew white and she placed her hand over her heart. “What? Why?”
“Because we shouldn’t be married. It’s dangerous.”
“Marriage is an honorable institution. There’s nothing dangerous about it.”
Megan inwardly groaned. How could the women understand? She couldn’t tell them that she came to the past with him, nor could she explain how dangerous it was for her and Ted to be in the same house together. She longed to join him in bed but didn’t dare. She feared it was only a matter of time before she broke down and did it…unless she managed to find a way out of this sticky predicament.
Miriam placed her hand on Megan’s arm. “I may not understand men, but I believe Ted is fond of you.”
“That’s an understatement,” Esther added. “He’s like a little puppy around you.” Then she grinned. “It’s endearing.”
“But it’s not meant to be,” Megan insisted, feeling suffocated by the women who closed in around her. “I’m going to petition for an annulment.”
Esther frowned. “A what?”
“An annulment.”
“But you can’t do that.”
“I can if we haven’t been…together.” There was no way Megan would say the word ‘sex’ in front of Esther. The woman blushed even from the mention of kissing.
Though Esther’s touch remained gentle, her tone grew firm. “You mean to tell me that you’ve been shirking your wifely duties?”
“Why? Is it terrible?” Miriam gasped.
Esther scoffed. “There’s nothing terrible about it. Well, there is the first time but after that, there’s no pain.”
Miriam’s eyes grew wide. “Pain?”
“More like a sting. Hardly worth noting.”
Their mother bolted out of her chair and slammed the window shut, making them jump. “I will not have this kind of talk going on where people can listen. You’re ladies and you need to keep such discussions private. Come and get me when you’re done.” She hastened out of the room.
Megan watched the woman as she shut the parlor door. She didn’t think anyone was more scared about the subject of sex than Esther, but apparently, she was wrong, and the fact that Esther remained seated shocked her. Miriam had always been more open to such discussions, but Esther had been tight-lipped the entire time Megan had known her. At least, she had been up until now.
Miriam turned to Esther. “I had no idea you enjoyed it.”
Esther waved her hand. “It’s not something a woman mentions. It’s like anything else you do. It’s just a part of life.”
“A very interesting part,” Miriam commented.
“And what are you doing being so interested in it?”
She shrugged. “I don’t know. I suppose
it’s just that I have these…physical desires-”
“I’m sorry I asked,” Esther interrupted, cutting her off. She looked at Megan, her expression solemn. “The point is that you are married. God expects you to go to bed with your husband. This is about doing what’s right. Listen, if you’re afraid of it, there’s no need to be. Sure, I was scared of it my first time, but Aaron was gentle with me and I got through it. It wasn’t as bad as I feared. Sometimes, I wonder how I managed without it. So you can’t let the unknown keep you from doing the right thing.”
Megan groaned and stood up. “That’s just it. I am doing the right thing.”
“I don’t understand.”
“No, you don’t. And I can’t tell you. This is why I can’t be coming over and visiting.” She paced back and forth in front of them. “I’m not supposed to be here, and I’m not supposed to be married to Ted. It’s all wrong, and I don’t know how to make it right.”
“But why?” Miriam asked, standing up and staring at her.
“I can’t tell you. As it is, I said too much.” She wrung her hands. Oh, she was making things worse by talking to them! She needed to shut up before it was too late. “I need to go.”
Despite their protests, she ran out of the room and out of the house. She found Ted and Richie who were checking the horseshoe on Richie’s steed. She poked Ted in the back. Ted immediately jerked up and Richie looked in her direction.
“I need to go home,” she told Ted. “Now.”
Before either man could speak, she hurried to the wagon she and Ted shared and jumped into it. Esther and Miriam came running out of the house just as Ted reached the wagon. Megan crossed her arms. How was she supposed to keep to herself when no one left her alone? This whole thing was impossible!
“Ted, don’t you dare take her home!” Esther ordered.
“I want to leave,” Megan demanded, willing him to obey her.
But something in Esther’s tone convinced Ted to back away because he didn’t get into the wagon.
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