by Anne Weale
The caress was infinitely tender. It made her remember what she had seen before but been too distracted to think about: the look in his eyes when she’d told him that Dan was safe. Not just a look of relief, but something more. Now, thinking about it, she was almost prepared to swear that what had been there was the very same expression she remembered seeing in her father’s eyes when she was a little girl and he was looking at her mother.
Alex, do you love me? The question hovered at the tip of her tongue. Afraid to say it aloud, in case she had made a mistake, she asked, ‘What happens next? Are we going to fetch him?’
‘His father will bring him to us. But not till this evening. He wants Dan to spend the day there. I think that’s a good idea. It will give you a breathing space to recover from the bad time you’ve been through. It will give them a chance to talk. They need to talk, Nicole. Pete is a rat to have walked out as he did. But it doesn’t alter the fact that he’s the boy’s father.’
‘Only his biological father. That’s not much of a link with nothing to back it up. I don’t want Dan to be dazzled by the pop star image. He’s not old enough to discriminate between the image and the reality. If Pete hadn’t been a star, would he have gone in search of him?’
‘My guess is that he would. Why do people spend time and money tracing their forebears? Why do thirdgeneration Americans want to visit the places where their grandparents were born? Why are adopted children curious about their natural parents? It’s all part of the search for identity.’ He rose from the sofa. ‘What you need is a cup of tea.’
‘And to wash my face?’ said Nicole. ‘Is it all right to use the bathroom we had when we stayed here?’
‘Of course.’
When she returned, looking less of a wreck, the tea tray was already on the low table.
‘I’ve telephoned the school and told them that all is well,’ said Alex, as she crossed the room.
‘Oh, my goodness, I’d forgotten about the school. Who did you speak to?’
‘The head’s secretary. I didn’t go into details, just said Dan was safe and well and we’d bring him back in a few days’ time.’
‘Thank you, Alex. Thank you for everything. You’ve been a rock through all this. If you hadn’t been with me last night, I’d have fallen apart.’
He began to pour out the tea. ‘You’re not the falling apart type. You held up very well. I can guess how frantic you must have been feeling inside.’
‘Not nearly as frantic as if I’d been on my own.’
She saw his face harden with anger. ‘Mothers are notoriously soft touches. You will probably go easy on him. But I shall have something more forceful to say to him. He put you through hell and he needs to be made to realise that.’
‘I’m sure he does realise already. He was crying when you took the phone from me. Don’t be too hard on him, Alex. You said yourself that wanting to find Pete was natural.’
‘Yes, but frightening his mother was an asinine thing to do. He should have been open about it...though look who’s talking,’ he added.
Puzzled by his tone, she asked, ‘What do you mean?’
Alex drained his cup and put it back on the table. Leaning forward, his wrists on his knees, he interlaced his long fingers and looked at them, not at her.
‘I haven’t been straight with you, Nicole. I’ve been concealing something. Perhaps this isn’t the moment to get it off my chest, but every day I find it harder to live with.’
She felt ice forming round her heart. Was he going to tell her their marriage had been a mistake? Surely not now...not on top of another bad shock?
‘What is it? Tell me.’ She clenched her right hand and wrapped her other hand round it, bracing herself not to show pain.
Alex straightened and turned to face her. ‘The first time we sat in this room I fell in love with you...but I didn’t recognise the feeling for what it was. Also, because of what happened to Nuala, my first wife, I didn’t want to expose myself in that way. I resisted it as long as possible. Now I can’t keep it in any longer. I have to tell you how I feel.’
In a different way, it was as much of a shock as the confession she had been praying not to hear.
‘But you said...I thought...’ She floundered.
‘I said a lot of stupid things that seemed sensible at the time. I thought if I told you the truth it might put you off. Love, when it isn’t mutual, can be a burden. Nobody likes being under an obligation, especially when what is required of them isn’t possible.’
‘But it is...oh, Alex, it is!’ she exclaimed. ‘I fell in love with you too. I could hardly bear bottling it up...never being able to say the words in my heart.’
She reached out her hands and he took them in his strong clasp. In his eyes was the same expression she had glimpsed before, but this time quite unmistakable.
‘I did sometimes think you might be beginning to feel more warmly towards me.’
‘Not warmly...that sounds far too tepid. I wanted your love so much I felt like a human volcano in constant danger of erupting.’
‘That’s rather the way I felt. I could only express my feelings by making love to you. But that’s only part of love. There is so much more to it and all the rest seemed off limits.’ He paused, looking into her eyes. ‘But nothing is off limits now...my dearest darling.’
He said the last words with a relish she understood, having so often longed to use endearments to him.
Then he drew her closer and framed her face with his hands. ‘Let’s go to bed. I’ll tell Jal we had a bad night and need to catch up on our sleep. He probably won’t believe me, but it will give him a reason not to disturb us if anyone calls.’
When Nicole woke, she could hear taps running in the adjoining bathroom. She was lazily stretching her arms and legs, filled with a deep sense of well-being, when Alex appeared, a towel wrapped round his lean hips.
‘I’ve run you a bath. They’re due to arrive around six. Jones can park his car in the basement. Not all the residents have cars so there’s always room for visitors to park.’
As he spoke he drew back the duvet and, scooping her up in his arms, carried her to the bathroom where he set her down in front of the long mirror. Standing behind her, he ran his hands possessively down her sides. They smiled at each other’s reflection. It had always been good but this afternoon had been better because they were no longer hiding things from each other.
‘I’ll leave you to have a relaxing soak.’ He gave her a pat on the behind and went back to the bedroom.
Nicole stepped into the water and sank down into its scented warmth. But it wasn’t possible to relax completely until the meeting with Pete was over. She wondered how much he had changed. She had always avoided looking at shop displays that might include the sleeves of his records and CDs, and quickly turned the pages of papers and magazines dealing with pop musicians.
She wondered if he would want to see his son again and couldn’t help hoping he wouldn’t. She didn’t want Dan getting involved with the meretricious world of showbiz. But had she the right to intervene if they both wanted to see more of each other?
Later, when she asked Alex what he thought, he said, ‘Don’t cross your bridges before you come to them, angel. Would a drink help to steady the nerves?’
‘Yes, please. I do feel rather jittery. How did you guess?’
‘It would be strange if you weren’t.’ He dropped ice into two tall glasses, poured generous measures of gin topped up with tonic and added thin slices of lemon. He carried the drinks to where she was standing. ‘Here’s to us and the future.’
She echoed the toast and drank, feeling the kick of the spirit, hoping it would take the edge off her apprehension.
Moments later they heard the bell ring, starting a flutter of butterflies in her stomach. As she turned to face the door, Alex moved closer, stationing himself at her side.
It wasn’t Jal who opened the door. It was Dan. He hovered on the threshold. ‘Are you still angry, Mum?�
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Nicole had already put down her drink. Now, smiling, she shook her head and opened her arms to him. He came charging across the room. If she hadn’t been braced for the impact, he could have knocked her over. She was still being bear-hugged when Jal appeared. ‘Your visitors, madam.’ He ushered them in.
If Nicole had passed him in the street, she might not have recognised Pete. Maturity and success had changed the youth who had been her lover into a different person from the one she remembered. With him was a head-turning redhead in black leather trousers and an expensive fake fur jacket thrown open to show a bosom-hugging black turtle-necked body.
It was Alex who reacted first. Stepping forward, he offered his hand to the redhead. ‘Good evening. I’m Alex Strathallen...Nicole’s husband.’
‘Hi, Alex. Pleased to meet you. I’m Suzi...Pete’s girlfriend.’
Alex did not offer his hand to Pete, Nicole noticed. He confined himself to saying good evening and asking them if they would like a drink.
‘Nice place you’ve got here,’ Pete said to Nicole, looking round the elegant room.
‘It isn’t ours. One of Alex’s friends allows us to use it.’
‘Dad’s got a fab house, Mum. It’s got a big indoor pool as well as one in the garden.’
‘How did you find out where he lived?’ she asked her son.
‘I went to the public library. They helped me to look up the name and address of his agent. I went to the agent’s office and asked them to ask Dad if I could come and see him.’
Pete said, ‘I thought he might show up one day so I left instructions that if ever a kid called Daniel asked for me, they were to let me know straight away. It was clever of him to get to them.’
‘It wasn’t clever to give his mother a sleepless night,’ Alex intervened coldly. After handing them their drinks, he said, ‘I want a word with you, Dan.’ He beckoned the boy to follow him out of the room.
After the door closed behind them, there was an awkward silence until Pete said, ‘You haven’t been married long, then?’
‘Not very long, no. I’ve been concentrating on my career...and on bringing up Dan.’ In case that sounded resentful, which wasn’t the impression she wanted to give, she went on, ‘Has he told you about his visit to India?’
‘He never stopped talking about it,’ Suzi said, with a laugh. The palace...the desert...Prince Whatshisname. The kid’s crazy about it. I don’t think I’d want to go there. I don’t like places with snakes.’ She gave a dramatic shudder.
‘We didn’t see any snakes,’ said Nicole. She turned to Peter. ‘I’m sorry if Dan turning up unexpectedly was inconvenient for you. Alex feels that it’s natural for him to be curious, especially when he learned you were a pop star. I hadn’t mentioned that to him. Someone else told him. I don’t know who it was. Did he tell you?’
‘Some kid he met somewhere while you were staying with your dad,’ Pete told her, with a shrug.
‘It’s a wonder he didn’t find out sooner...seeing his dad’s a celeb,’ said Suzi. ‘He’s a sweet little fella, Nicky. Lovely manners compared with some I could mention. My sister’s a single mother, but she’s divorced. My nephews have really run wild since their old man walked out. You’ve done a great job on Danny.’
Thank you,’ Nicole said politely, inwardly seething at Suzi’s familiarity and the hint of patronage underlying her chummy manner.
She was also concerned about what might be happening elsewhere in the apartment. She felt it would have been better for Alex to have postponed reading the riot act until tomorrow. She hoped he wouldn’t be too hard on Dan and damage the good relationship they had had until now.
‘So are you going back to India?’ Pete asked.
‘For the foreseeable future. As Dan may have told you, Alex is an anthropologist.’ Seeing that Suzi was looking puzzled, she explained what he did.
‘Dan doesn’t seem all that keen on this boarding-school you’re sending him to,’ said Pete. ‘He could come to us for the half-term holiday and the exits. We could give him a better time than he’d have with your dad and his wife. She sounds a proper old dragon.’
Nicole wasn’t sure how to deal with this suggestion. Playing for time, she said, ‘The school’s short holidays are called exeats. It’s Latin. It means “he may go out”. I think Dad would be upset if Dan didn’t spend time with them, especially as he won’t be seeing him in the long holidays. Dad’s health isn’t good. He’s aged a lot since you knew him.’
‘Gorblimey! An invalid grandad and a fussy stepgranny... that’s no fun at all for the poor kid,’ said Suzi, putting her oar in. ‘We could give him a really good time.’
Longing for Alex to come back, Nicole decided to be blunt. ‘Why would you want to be lumbered with someone else’s child?’ she asked her.
Momentarily flummoxed, Suzi made a quick recovery. ‘He wouldn’t be no trouble. I don’t have a lot else to do. All the cleaning and cooking is done by Maria and Diego and we have a driver and a gardener. I only have to keep Peter happy...and I do, don’t I, gorgeous?’ She nudged his arm with her elbow and gave a sexy giggle, making him grin and slip an arm round her shoulders.
By now Nicole was determined that Dan should not be exposed to the influence of a bird-brain like Suzi who would probably lavish him with presents and undo years of sensible training. She was about to say that she wouldn’t dream of letting her son stay with strangers, which was what these two were, when Alex rejoined them.
‘Dan has asked me to say goodnight and to thank you for having him,’ he said to the other two. ‘He didn’t get much sleep last night so he’s pretty worn out.’ He turned to Nicole. ‘He didn’t fancy dosing down in a doorway in London. He broke his journey in the country, found a field and slept in a sleeping bag. Luckily it was a dry night. Then he caught a bus to Victoria coach station.’
‘He didn’t tell us that,’ said Suzi. ‘We had no idea he’d been out all night. He’s got more guts than I have. I’d be scared to death, all on my own in a field in the dead of night.’
‘I don’t think Dan enjoyed it,’ Alex said dryly.
‘I was just saying to Nicky that it would be nice, while you’re off in India, for him to spend time with us. Being parked with old people isn’t much fun for a teenager, is it?’
Alex looked thoughtfully at her. ‘I always had a wonderful time with my grandmother. Even in her eighties she was tremendously good company.’ He turned to Nicole. ‘It’s up to you where Dan spends his exeats, but I think he should spend some time with your father and the rest in Scotland, getting to know my nephews and nieces.’ He turned to the others. ‘Nicole would probably be reluctant to say this, but the fact is that we don’t know you or how you live. You and your friends may be the salt of the earth. But the pop music world isn’t noted for its sobriety and morality. Dan is a little too young to cope with influences that might conflict with the way he’s been raised by his mother.’
‘What bloody cheek!’ exclaimed Suzi. ‘Are you suggesting that Pete and me are—?’
‘Calm down. Suze,’ Pete began.
Alex silenced them both by saying quietly, ‘If. when he’s older, Dan wants a closer relationship with his natural father, that’s up to him. But by virtue of marrying Nicole, I’m his adoptive father and it’s my intention to play a more active role in the rest of his childhood than you have so far.’ He was looking at Pete as he spoke and it was clear to Nicole that he wasn’t impressed by him.
Suzi would have flared up again, but Pete restrained her with a hand on her arm, and a brusque, ‘Shut it, will you? This is none of your business.’
Although she didn’t like the other woman, Nicole couldn’t help being shocked by the uncouth way he told her to be quiet. He had always been a rough diamond by her father’s standards. Clearly he still was.
‘Is that how you feel?’ he asked Nicole.
‘Yes, I’m afraid it is. If you had any real fatherly feelings you would have shown them before now. I think D
an’s a novelty to you, but your interest will soon wear off. He’s already had to come to terms with your absence from his life. If you were to make a fuss of him and then get bored and drop him, it could be very damaging.’
For a moment or two he was silent, staring at her with a brooding expression. Then he sprang to his feet. ‘Right then, if that’s your attitude, there’s no more to be said. Come on, Suze. Let’s not pollute the air these two high-minded people have to breathe any longer.’
He marched out of the room, leaving her to follow. Near the door, she looked back, her expression aggressive. ‘I could tell you were a stuck-up bitch the minute I saw you.’
Nicole surprised herself. ‘And I thought you looked a gold-digging tart,’ she retorted.
Suzi opened her mouth, but before she could utter whatever screech of abuse she had in mind, Pete reappeared, grabbed her and hauled her out of sight.
Raising his eyebrows at Nicole, Alex crossed the room, either to close the door or perhaps, with Jal not attending to Peter and Suzi’s departure, to see them off the premises.
But it seemed that the manservant’s sharp ears had caught the sound of Suzi’s unladylike language as Peter hustled her away. There was no slamming of the outer door as Nicole had expected. Jal must have materialised in time to prevent it. She heard Alex say, Thank you, Jal,’ before he came back into the drawing room and she could let out her breath in a long gasp of relief.
‘I shouldn’t have answered her back,’ she said apologetically, knowing that his mother would never have allowed herself to be goaded into an exchange of insults.
To her surprise, he laughed. ‘I was tempted to say “Hear, hear”. Would you like another drink?’
‘Yes, please. That was quite an ordeal. What very bad taste in men I had at the age of eighteen.’
‘What much better taste in women Dan’s father had then than now,’ Alex responded.
‘What did you say to Dan after you took him away?’
‘Most of it was a repeat of the dressing-down my father gave me after I frightened my mother by damn nearly breaking my neck.’