She doubted she could accomplish that on her own and prayed for Ishtar’s guidance and aid.
When she patted the bed a second time, he bound up onto it and nuzzled his cub for some minutes. After Kuwari had fallen asleep, Ditanu rose to all fours. He came straight for her, not halting until he was standing over her, his massive bulk dwarfing her and making her feel tiny and vulnerable.
Ditanu’s large front paw batted at her and she was suddenly on her back, pinned down by his paw as he pressed his face into her stomach. First, his smooth hard, beak and then the soft feathers of his cheeks rubbed over her belly. Iltani made herself go limp, giving Ditanu no reason to strike out at her, although in her heart, she refused to believe that he could or would hurt her.
He purred and then began scent marking her. The soft rasp of his feathers against her skin tickled and she fought the urge to laugh. After long moments of scent marking her, he finally stopped and allowed her to sit up. While she was gaining her composure, Ditanu had picked Kuwari up by the scruff of his neck and was carrying him back over to Iltani. After a moment, he gently lowered the cub into Iltani’s lap.
Kuwari wiggled and circled, making a nest out of the tattered fabric of her skirt. It was blood-stained and sand coated, but the cub didn’t seem to care. She petted Kuwari for long moments until the exhausted cub fell asleep again.
Turning her attention to Ditanu, she raised her right hand and carefully caressed his face and neck, her touch light and rhythmic. “That’s it. Relax. Stop fighting and rest for a while.”
“He must not fall asleep while still in gryphon form, not weakened as he is.” Priestess Kammani pulled aside one of the hanging drapes to peer in at Iltani, Kuwari and Ditanu. “The greatest danger now is that his human side will slip away, leaving behind only predatory instincts to rule him.”
Frowning with renewed worry, Iltani’s gaze darted between her king and the high priestess. Then Kammani held out a bowl filled with some kind of liquid.
“Get him to drink this. It’s an herbal stimulant. After he drinks it, you need to convince him to shift back into human form.”
“How am I supposed to do that? He’s exhausted. Even if the stimulant works enough to bring him around again, I don’t think he’s rational enough to understand we want him to shift back to human form.”
Kammani didn’t look up from her satchel as she sorted through the contents. After she had dumped another dusting of ground herbs into the ‘drink’, she looked up at last. “He doesn’t have to be particularly rational—we just need him human. Once he’s human you can work on healing him, both mind, body and spirit.”
She held the drink out to Iltani.
“Fine. Rational, not required.” Iltani came to her knees and laid Kuwari on the pillows beside her. A large paw swiped out and knocked Iltani flat. Again.
Body tense, she waited for the sharp claws to tear flesh, shredding her fragile skin. The wide paw flexed gently. Lethal claws dimpled the skin of her lower back but they did not draw blood. A moment later a wing mantled over her prone body while a paw dragged her back to his side.
Now that Iltani was back where he wanted her apparently, he drifted off to sleep within moments.
“Hmmm,” the priestess’s voice rose to be heard over Ditanu’s purring. “Getting that great lazy lion to shift back may require some rethinking on our part.”
The crackle of paper wrapped herbs and Ditanu’s purring were the only sounds that reached her under the shelter of his wing. While being pinned belly down on Ditanu’s bed might have, upon rare occasions, snuck into a few of her dreams, this was not how she imagined it.
Fool of a woman, she scolded herself, get your mind on more important things.
“Kammani, what if I summon my magic? Use that to see if he’ll rouse?”
“No, we can’t risk it. Your body and the unborn cubs need to adjust. To use any great working of magic—not just battle magic—in the coming days might cause your body to abort them.”
Cold dread lanced through her middle.
No, she would not lose Ditanu’s cubs. They were hers now, hers to protect. She’d failed the other two. She wouldn’t fail these little ones.
“Get him up. I don’t care what you have to do.” Kammani pushed the drink closer to Iltani. “He needs to drink this. Now.”
Pushing up onto her elbows, she shoved his wing back and rolled to her feet. She walked toward the dish of herb-laced water and picked it up. Ditanu rumbled in warning and came to his feet, too.
Well good, that was easier than she thought.
Iltani navigated the bed, keeping her feet under her even when Ditanu pounced across the distance to block her escape.
“I’m not trying to escape.” She ran her fingers through his mane. “I only wanted this.” She held out the drink for him to sniff.
“Once he drinks that,” Kammani’s voice intruded again. “I have something you should drink, too. It will give you much needed energy.”
Iltani glanced over her shoulder, her eyes narrowing. There was something in the priestess’s tone. “You make it sound like the battle has yet to begin.”
“Hmmm,” Kammani huffed humorlessly, “I don’t doubt for a moment we have many more battles before we put an end to our enemies, but that is not what I was referring to.”
Tapping a finger against her thigh, Iltani watched and waited for the rest, but the priestess didn’t elaborate. Well, fine. Jerking her attention back to Ditanu, she held out the bowl of water toward him again. To her complete surprise, he dipped his beak down and drank it dry.
Well, that was easy.
“Good,” Kammani commented.
More Shadows arrived. Uselli eased into the bedchamber, while others waited in the outer rooms and the hallway beyond. Still, she could sense them all. It didn’t matter how far away they were. They were linked to the king, and her blood link to Ditanu allowed her to sense all his Shadows.
Ditanu rose from where he was resting on the bed and glared at Uselli. His tail flicked with agitation, but he didn’t attack. That had to be a sign of improvement. He was far more wakeful than earlier, his eyes clear and focused as he watched everything going on in his domain. Still, for all there was the look of returning vigor, there was no sign of Ditanu the king. Presently, the watchful male on the bed was all gryphon parent.
Kammani had stopped what she was doing when Uselli arrived and they talked in soft voices. Ditanu growled softly, clearly not liking a male in his territory. Iltani sidestepped, blocking Ditanu’s line of sight of Uselli.
Ditanu’s pinned ears relaxed, and his growls switched to purrs.
“Yes, that’s it. Focus on your unborn cubs and me. Ignore poor Uselli.” Iltani allowed her hands to rest lightly upon his head, giving his ears another soft scratch.
The big gryphon continued his purring, but he now ran his beak along his bare belly and pressed her ear against her skin. His eyes drifted closed and she felt the tension leak out of him.
Priestess Kammani and Uselli communicated in hushed voices, unaware they’d been moments away from being attacked. Iltani’s heart was slowing back to its normal rhythm and she started to pay attention to their whispered conversation. The words ‘Sacred Marriage’ sent her heart back to pounding. Her stomach turned leaden as a cold sweat broke out on her skin.
“Sacred Marriage? You can’t possibly expect us to….there’s no way. He barely made it this far before he collapsed.”
“The herbs will give him stamina.” Kammani half turned and raised one elegant eyebrow at Iltani. “This is Ishtar’s wish. How she plans to heal our gryphon king.”
“He has a mate.”
Kammani gave her an amused look. “Yes. He does.”
“It’s not possible, not physically. He’s still in gryphon form.”
“Yes, yes he is,” Kammani said and rolled her eyes. “But Ditanu will shift to human form if you give him a compelling reason. Ishtar already gave her blessing, earlier. We all witnessed it. I am certain if you bot
h please the goddess, she will grant Ditanu a long life.”
Iltani would do anything to see Ditanu restored, but this? This wasn’t anything like what her heart craved. She’d always wanted Ditanu to choose her, not be forced into it by Ishtar.
When Iltani didn’t answer, Kammani sighed. “Well you know Ishtar is the goddess of fertility, love and war. Today you’ve seen her aspect as a war goddess,” Kammani paused and pointed to where Iltani had set down her crystalline sword and then next pointed at Iltani’s slightly rounded belly, “and you’ve seen her as a granter of life. Soon you will see her as a goddess of love.”
“I understand.” Oh, dear goddess. Those two words made it sound so easy.
“Good,” Kammani said with a gentle smile. “You’ll need to convince him to return to human form. I don’t think you’ll find that too difficult.”
“Of course.” Iltani felt a flush creep up her face.
“Now, see if you can get Ditanu to part with Kuwari for a while. I’ll see to his care for tonight. You’ll have enough on your hands. I’ll stay in Ditanu’s study with Kuwari. That is about as far away as Ditanu will allow, and even then, you’ll have some trouble convincing him I imagine. “When you’re ready, bring the cub to me.”
Iltani glanced at the drowsing Ditanu where he’d laid back down, curled around his cub.
Yes. Iltani would have a lot on her hands tonight. Come the morning, would she even be able to look herself in a mirror after she’d stripped all Ditanu’s choices away in the night?
To save her king, she would have to betray her king.
Chapter Nineteen
Her emotions and self-doubt shoved aside until tomorrow, Iltani approached Ditanu. Seeing her, he sat up and greeted her with a purr. She didn’t even know if he still had the resources needed to shift forms.
“I know you’re tired, but I need you to shift into a man very soon.” She scratched around his ears. The big gryphon stretched and purred, pressing into her touch, but still he didn’t communicate verbally.
“I’m going to give Kuwari into Kammani’s keeping for a little while—he needs undisturbed sleep and milk to recover fully.” Something the cub wasn’t likely to get here if Ishtar had her way. This was the dicey part. Iltani slowly scooped the sleeping cub up into her arms. “Kammani has some milk for him. He won’t be far, just over here in the other room.”
Iltani eased off the bed. Ditanu didn’t attack, but he jumped down and followed her as if in a trance. When Iltani crossed the threshold, she quickly spotted where Kammani had settled among the pile of pillows by the fire. A bowl of milk and a rag sat next to her.
Ditanu oversaw the cub changing hands, only watching silently as Kammani settled down among the pillows and took the sleeping cub.
“I think it’s best if Kuwari remains asleep until later,” Kammani was saying as she held out the milk dampened rag for Ditanu’s inspection. “If I thought Ditanu would let him out of these suites, I’d take Kuwari to the nursery to give you a touch more privacy.”
There would still be an audience of Shadows.
There were always Shadows.
Besides, it wasn’t like they hadn’t heard or glimpsed their king and his consort together before.
At least this Sacred Marriage would only be witnessed by a few Shadows unlike the highly ritualized ones of the past where ruler and blade performed high up in the open air temple with all the citizens of the ten city-states looking on from below.
The knowledge that it could be so much worse helped ground her enough, her pounding heart and the nervous flutter in her stomach calmed.
While she’d been woolgathering, Ditanu had begun pacing back and forth between his bed chamber and his study, clearly wanting Iltani and the cub in the same room, and confused by the separation and becoming unhappy about it. He turned to start back to his cub for the fourth time when Iltani called him. He paused at the threshold, looking over his shoulder.
Not seeing a better time, Iltani shrugged off the cloak that Kammani had given her and then untied the scarf covering her breasts. After a small fight with the ornate belt, she got it loose and the remnants of her tattered skirt fell to the floor. She glanced down at her scarred, blood smeared, and bruised body.
Iltani only hoped Ishtar was with her and that Ditanu would find her somewhat appealing.
A soft, heated magic swirled through her blood, expanding out with each beat of her heart. Ah, Ishtar hadn’t abandoned her to deal with this alone.
Naked, she dropped to her knees and moved closer, hoping to appear as non-threatening as possible because Ditanu was getting more worked up about his aunt having his cub.
Iltani’s throat tightened with fear and nerves. It took two tries before she managed to spit out the words that wanted to stay trapped in her throat. “I know I am no substitute for your mate, but I’m still here and won’t leave you ever again.”
Crawling the last of the distance, she wrapped her arms around his neck in a fierce embrace. He didn’t strike out. Encouraged, she ran her fingers through his thick lion’s rough—the mix of fur and downy feathers incredibly soft against her skin.
Ishtar’s blessing came in a wave of mellow power flooding outward from a knot under her heart and racing down her arms and fingers, and on into Ditanu. The big gryphon purred and rubbed his face against her torso, nearly knocking Iltani over backwards.
After slowly rising to her feet, she stepped backward, heading for the bed directly behind her. Ditanu followed though the occasional glance behind told her he still hadn’t forgotten his cub. Iltani yelped in surprised when her legs came in contact with the bed, and she sat down heavily. Ditanu barely gave her time to recover her balance before he jumped up beside her.
He examined her, his sharp gaze roving over her from the top of her head to the tips of her toes and then back again. There was something else in his look now, a new heat that hadn’t been there before.
Interest. Male interest.
That was good, that was what she’d hoped for. Still, it made her feel deeply uncomfortable.
Iltani crawled backward, shuffling toward the head of the bed.
“Ditanu, I need you to shapeshift into a man so we may better honor the Queen of the Night.”
If her words penetrated far enough into his mind to touch his human side, nothing in his expression showed it.
Iltani very much wanted his human side, not his gryphon nature, to be in command for the next few hours.
Come on, shapeshift. How much more obvious can I be? Shift, damn it.
Iltani ran into one of the pillows that marked the head of the bed. Wanting something else to keep her fingers busy for a few heartbeats more, she reached out to the sash holding the drape aside. With a couple tugs, the ties came undone and the gauzy drapes felt into place. At least, it gave some semblance of privacy. She couldn’t reach the opposite one without crawling across the entire width of the bed, so she left it, allowing her eyes to track back to Ditanu.
Gasping in surprise, her hand twisted in the bedding as she took in the form of a very human and very naked Ditanu crouched at the end of the bed, poised less than two body lengths distant.
She wanted to feel relief that he was human and no longer gryphon, and she did. However, she’d have felt much more relieved if the old human Ditanu was present, but it was the intense gryphon soul that looked out of Ditanu’s eyes, not the gentle king she’d grown up with.
Perhaps it was better this way.
It would feel less like she was betraying the man she loved.
Yes, she told herself, this was just about serving Ishtar.
Ditanu crawled across the bed toward her. It was more stalk than crawl she admitted, and damned sensual, too. Only he could make scrambling across a bed in slow motion look anything but awkward. Iltani issued a startled sound when Ditanu reached out and wrapped strong fingers around her ankle and pulled her down the bed toward him.
It wasn’t painful or violent, but the show of strength s
till convinced that small pit of fear in her stomach to double in size. He lowered himself onto his elbows so he could plant a kiss on the bottom of her foot. The new position hid some of his nudity from her, but she’d still seen that he’d become aroused. His body had filled out over the last four years. Even as an adolescent he’d been breathtaking to behold. Now he was easily the most beautifully masculine thing she’d ever laid eyes upon.
She licked her lips nervously. The banked desire which had been simmering it her blood, uncoiled, making her ache deep inside. Self-consciousness had her pressing her thighs together.
Ditanu drew in a deep breath, his nostrils flaring to catch her scent, and then he studied her long moments, his expression unfathomable.
“Yes, I’m nervous,” she said, still unable to read anything in his expression of the Ditanu she knew. “You would be too if our positions were reversed.”
“There is no need,” Ditanu said. “Ishtar and I have been lovers for an eternity. We will take care of you and your king.”
“Who?” Even as Iltani asked, Ishtar’s presence grew within her mind.
Tammuz, god of the harvest. My beloved husband. He will heal your gryphon king and make him whole again for you.
“All we ask is that you allow us to enjoy your bodies this night,” Tammuz continued, “and in exchange, all our power is yours to call upon in times of need. Come morning, your beloved Ditanu will be healed.” He crawled farther up her body to caress her cheek. “We will not force you, but I have missed my beloved Ishtar and hope you agree. I dwell in the underworld, Ishtar in the mortal. This is the only way her sister, Ereshkigal, will allow me to leave her underworld.” Tammuz laughed. “I promise, Ishtar and I will leave you and your king with very good memories.”
His tone, so similar to Ditanu’s, made her body flush and ache, her breasts suddenly overly sensitive and heavy. One powerful hand stroked up her side, his thumb caressing the underside of her left breast, and her mind ceased all function.
Tammuz leaned down and pressed Ditanu’s mouth against her navel. Iltani nearly jumped out of her skin.
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