by Lucy Coleman
‘You don’t regret honouring Tollie’s wishes about taking over the cottage, do you?’ Fisher asks, walking over to join me.
‘No. It would have begun to fall down around him, and I know he couldn’t face living through the disruption. At least inside The Retreat the noise doesn’t really bother him and he spends a lot of time sitting here gazing out at the view.’
‘But it wasn’t the best way to kick off Gray’s move to Aysbury, was it? Be truthful.’
‘No. I can’t deny that. We had two months of peace and quiet and now we’re four months into this building work and the end still isn’t in sight. Anyway, in a year’s time this aggravation will be forgotten, and we’ll have a truly stunning new home inside, outside and under the ground.’
‘Ha! Ha! Ha! Only you could spin it like that, Immi. Come on, let’s eat. Then I want your advice about my situation because I don’t know what to do for the best.’
We both know this is about his relationship with Val. He’s not good talking about his feelings at the best of times, but what he went through with his ex-wife made him totally clam up. I can see that the fear of being hurt all over again is paralysing him. As for Val, she’s equally guarded about her feelings, so who knows what’s going on inside her head? Or how honest they have been with each other? If all she’s looking for is friendship, I don’t think that will be enough for Fisher and it could break his heart all over again.
The only advice I can give him is to sit Val down and tell her exactly how he feels before he makes his decision. But Fisher isn’t going to find that an easy thing to do when he can’t even admit to himself that’s what’s holding him back.
‘I didn’t realise just how much I needed this yoga class. I was amongst the youngest and there were sixty-year-olds more flexible than me,’ I moan, feeling ashamed of myself. ‘Still, anything that will help tone and firm up my muscles is a bonus as I’m on a mission to look and feel my best.’
I indicate right, waiting to turn off the main road and begin the last leg of the journey down through the country lanes to the marina.
‘Ah, this is in preparation for the big day, then. I’m glad you enjoyed it. I find it relaxing and I regard it as me time. Two-and-a-half hours in total without hearing the word mum, once! I’m just me and it’s bliss. Does that sound selfish?’ Ursula asks and I can feel her eyes on me, watching for my reaction.
‘Not at all. I mean, I don’t have kids, obviously, but sometimes I get sick of hearing my own name. And yet I’m my own worst enemy. I’ve always talked about trying yoga and Gray thought it might help me to unwind. He was right.’
‘Ah, he’s such a sweet guy. He reminds me of Jack Black when he was in that film… The Holiday. The character he played was always humming away to himself or tapping his fingers.’
That makes me smile. ‘I love that film and you are so right. Gray is a cuddly, and cute, Jack Black.’
‘By the way, I’ve been meaning to bring this up. You asked about wedding dresses. Are you having problems finding something?’
‘Apart from leafing through a few magazines, I haven’t even begun looking properly. The thought of trying on dresses gives me an instant headache if I’m being honest.’
Ursula tuts. ‘It’s supposed to be the best part,’ she replies, sounding surprised by my jaded response.
‘Not for me, it isn’t. I grew up living in jeans and sweatshirts. I wear trousers to work. The number of times I slip into a dress on average over a year could be counted on the fingers of one hand. What do I know about dress shopping?’
‘You’ve never been dress shopping? Ever?’ The minute Ursula finishes speaking, even though I’m focused on the road ahead I can feel her tense up. ‘Oh, Immi. I’m so sorry, I wasn’t thinking. So, you only buy online?’
‘Yes. And now I have a maid of honour’s dress to sort out, too.’
‘Do you know what you’re looking for?’
Instinctively, I divert my gaze to look at her for one brief second and she looks back at me, stunned. ‘Oh, Immi. You really are stressed out about this, aren’t you?’
I’m embarrassed when my eyes well up, and I draw in a deep breath to calm myself as I focus on the road ahead. The lanes are narrow but at this time of night it’s quiet and the only obstruction is likely to be a tractor making its way back to Adler’s farm, which we’ve just passed.
‘Sorry. I know it’s ridiculous.’
‘No, it’s not, Immi,’ Ursula says, the empathy in her tone very real. ‘Okay. Let’s start at the beginning. What don’t you want?’
‘Anything that makes me feel like I’m faking it.’ My voice is barely a whisper.
‘Faking what? You’re the bride, it’s your day to shine.’
I let out a huge sigh. ‘And that’s what everyone will be expecting. But that isn’t me. I don’t feel comfortable being the centre of attention in that way.’
Ursula’s sigh is even bigger than mine. ‘Okay. Take a few deep breaths to calm yourself down, Immi, because I don’t want you driving into a ditch. If it doesn’t involve a mountain of tulle, then I’m sure that between us we can design something you’ll feel comfortable wearing. I have a huge file of magazine cuttings and if we can grab a couple of hours to sit down and go through them, I’m sure we’ll come up with your perfect dress.’
‘Really?’
‘Yes. What’s your colour scheme?’
It’s crunch time, but feels like a lifeline, and the sense of relief that washes over me is unbelievable.
‘I’d like my dress to be silver-grey.’
‘Oh, that’s perfect for the Christmas theme. Silver-grey, silver and can I suggest you add a little pop of colour?’
Colour? I cast around desperately, but my mind is a total blank.
‘How about a soft heather?’ she suggests.
‘That’s a colour?’ I ask, way past worrying whether that’s a silly question.
‘It’s a softer shade of purple, erring towards the pink side without being girly. I think it would go nicely with silver-grey fabric and silver decorations, to bring everything alive. And when it comes to flowers, there are some beautiful roses in that shade.’
Roses. It feels like an omen. Grandma Nell loved roses and they’re my first choice, too.
‘You may have just rescued me, Ursula, and you have no idea how grateful I am. I now have the colour theme and Rona and Val are going to be delighted.’
Ursula sits there quietly and I wonder if I’ve said something amiss, because when she begins talking, she sounds tearful.
‘A few years ago, when Olivia had her first operation, she was very poorly indeed and the business wasn’t doing so well. You stepped up for us, Immi. I have never forgotten that. You talked Fisher into letting you cover Martin’s absences at the Lockside Nurseries. We know he let you take your work home and you did that in your own time. That was a kindness that Martin and I had no idea how we could repay. And this is that time.’
I pull over into the next layby because tears are now trickling down my face. As I turn off the engine, I can see that Ursula is crying, too.
‘You were an angel, Immi, at a time when we thought we were going to lose our daughter. You kept our business going. This is the very least I can do, and Martin is going to be over the moon if I can make you the perfect dress to complement his flowers.’
July
10
Facing Facts
‘Oh, Immi, I so wish you were here with me. It’s all so… amazing and unbelievable. Ollie and I are being ferried around in one of the studio’s limousines. Tomorrow is the screening and tonight we have a dinner with one of the studio executives. Seriously, this is way beyond my wildest expectations and some.’
It's Friday and usually I’m counting down the hours until I’m in Gray’s arms again. I’m feeling lost, while Gray sounds like an excited kid who has been let loose in a toy store. He’s been gone three days and aside from some brief text messages back and forth, it’s the first cha
nce we’ve had to talk. Time is going to drag for me over the weekend without his company but I can’t let my sadness spoil his trip because that wouldn’t be fair of me.
‘Just enjoy being pampered, you deserve it, but a limo for two is a bit over-the-top,’ I reply jovially.
‘I know. But it’s how things work in LA. Did the landscapers turn up?’
‘No. Their vehicle broke down, allegedly, but the excuses are beginning to wear thin. There isn’t much Reggie can do about it, but he’s constantly chasing them as he feels bad because it was his recommendation. Anyway,’ drawing a line under the negative, I inject some positivity into my words, ‘I’m going to spend the entire weekend cleaning the cottage. Reggie has two guys working on the final snagging issues in the extension today and if they finish, then I can start the big clean through. By the time you get home we should be able to move back in. We’ll just have to take our shoes off until the outside work has been finished.’
‘You mean properly? Not camping out in two rooms as we were before?’
‘Yep. Time to begin unpacking all those boxes and arrange delivery of the new furniture.’ I hear a loud groan and it sounds as if Gray is stretching. ‘What time is it there?’
‘Just after 6 a.m. and we have a full day ahead of us. Are you all ready for the committee meeting on Monday night?’
‘There are a couple of unknowns, as Tollie is still waiting for information back from the solicitors and the local authority,’ I say with a bit of a sigh. ‘But the pressure is on and at least I know the exact size of the problem we face now. It’s doable, but we’ll need everyone to push really hard. If the meeting goes as I hope, it will be a bit of a rallying call to the troops, and it’s not all bad news by any means.’
‘And here I am swanning around as if I’m a VIP when I’m not. I’d be better off by your side trying to generate some fresh ideas. If I think of anything, I’ll email you. Did you follow up that lead with Harrison, at the Linden Hotel?’
I tut. ‘No, I delegated it, of course. This is the new me. Patrick has it in hand, and I’ve invited him along to the meeting.’
‘Go, Immi! And do you intend to make it to yoga again next week?’
‘Most certainly, and last night I went round to Ursula’s for a coffee and she took about an hour taking measurements for the dress. All I need to do now is arrange for Sarah to pop in to be measured up and then hope neither of us gain any weight between now and the wedding.’
‘I’m glad you mentioned that topic. Mum and Val think the invites should go out sooner, rather than later. They’re back from the printers, so we can sign them when I get back.’
‘Isn’t it a little early?’
‘I said the same thing, but we didn’t send out “save the date” cards and, although everyone knows the date, as it’s so close to Christmas they think it’s necessary. And don’t forget my motley crew are coming from London. Val is going to contact the Linden and see if she can arrange a special rate for a block booking. She said it makes sense for them to travel to and from the wedding in a minibus. That’s why I asked about Harrison, in case you were seeing him.’
‘Oh, great idea, but I can’t really ask Patrick to raise the topic. It’s probably best to leave that to Val. My goodness, our wedding planners have thought of everything, haven’t they?’
The conversation lapses and I know we’re both conscious that we parted having had a disagreement. It doesn’t happen often and neither of us quite knows how to handle it.
‘Are you going to raise the subject, or am I?’ Gray’s voice lacks his usual warmth and I know he’s angry with me.
‘I thought you didn’t want to talk about it,’ I offer gingerly.
‘How can a man I was too young to even remember cause an argument between us, Immi? It makes no sense. I’m sorry I shut you down like that, it was unfair of me. Clearly it does affect you too, whether I like it or not.’
My heart feels so conflicted right now. ‘Only because it’s a loose end, Gray, and not one of your making, I know, but can’t you do it for your mum’s sake? It’s a few papers to sign and then it’s done.’
‘Sounds easy, doesn’t it, when you say it like that? But to even be in the same room as that man is unimaginable to me. If anyone tried to come between you and me, Immi, I’d fight for you until I took my last breath. He just gave up on Mum.’
Rona can speak more freely to me about the past than she can to Gray because it’s the one subject that instantly riles him up every single time. What happened wasn’t quite as simple as Grayson giving up on Rona. After the sudden death of his own father, Grayson’s mother struggled to keep the family business afloat. In the end, going back to the States was inevitable for him, but Rona told me that he also knew his wife and son were better off out of reach of any interference.
‘This is going to sound like emotional blackmail, Gray, but it isn’t, because you know that’s not what I do. But you meeting up with Grayson to sign those forms would make Rona happy, because you are his flesh and blood. Your parents see you inheriting as righting a wrong, the wrong that Grayson’s mother inflicted on you all. Grayson suffered too, you know, because he lost a loving wife and his only child.’
The silence between us is heavy.
‘I understand what you’re saying, Immi, but I can’t give you any guarantees. There’s a lot planned over the next few days and just travelling from one side of LA to the other for a meeting can waste an hour and a half, more if the traffic is really heavy.’
His upbeat mood is now totally deflated and there’s little point in making conversation for the sake of it.
‘I miss you, Gray. Don’t worry if it’s not easy to find time to fit in a call, a text will do, just so I know you’re safe. Virtual hugs from me and have a nice day.’ I turn on my best impression of an American accent, which I hope raises a smile as we disconnect.
Twice now, Rona has asked me to do her a favour and both times it was to do with talking to Gray about his father. She’s a strong lady who did an amazing job of bringing up Gray on her own, and, not only that, doing it on her own terms. She took nothing from Grayson other than the right to remain living in their marital home. She paid half of the mortgage each month until Gray left school. It was on Grayson’s insistence that their arrangement continued and now even that link has been severed. But what Gray can’t accept is that she never stopped loving his father. That’s something he can’t seem to forgive, but for some illogical reason his anger for that is directed at Grayson. Still, I’ve done all I can and it’s up to Gray now.
On Monday evening I arrange to meet Patrick in The Bullrush car park so that we can walk over to the village hall together. I figured he might feel uncomfortable walking into the meeting on his own. Leaving a little early, I saunter along and when I get closer, I’m surprised to see he’s already waiting for me.
‘Good evening, Patrick. I wouldn’t have strolled if I’d known you were already here. It’s such a lovely evening and it’s a shame we couldn’t hold our meeting on the patio behind The Bullrush,’ I remark wistfully, returning his welcoming smile.
‘I’m early. It’s in my nature. I’ve written a brief summary of what was discussed when I met up with Harrison. Would you like me to run through it with you before the meeting, Immi?’ My goodness, Patrick doesn’t hang around when you give him a job. No wonder Martin sings his praises.
‘Why don’t you read it out at the meeting? I know it’s your first time and you won’t know everyone, but they will make you very welcome. There’s so much to do that any extra hands are a godsend,’ I reply, not relishing the thought of having to tell the group that we’re falling behind.
‘It’s not good news, then?’ Patrick asks, his normally serious countenance looking even graver.
‘A lot has been achieved, but the weeks are flying by and we’re too committed now to make any changes.’
‘Well, many hands make light work, as my wife says. Sorry, ex-wife, it’s still a little… u
nreal.’
‘Martin mentioned that you’ll be moving soon. You live in North Charlton at the moment, is that right?’
‘Yes. We’re about to exchange contracts on the house and I’m hoping to agree at least a four-week completion date to give me time to find somewhere temporary to stay. I don’t want to jump into buying again until my life is more settled.’
‘It can’t be easy, Patrick. Aside from Martin, do you have many clients in this area?’
‘Some, but a large part of my business is helping start-up companies at the planning stage, so a lot of my work is online.’
It’s less than a ten-minute walk across the footbridge to the stone-built village hall and while we walk Patrick tells me a little bit about his hobby, which is making model boats.
‘The canal is a real attraction for you, then.’
‘Oh, I love it here. I’d live on a narrowboat if I could, but permanent berths seldom come up.’
‘Abe and Ethel were in the right place, at the right time, so you never know – you could get lucky. Maybe mention it to Fisher, as he has contacts all over and if he hears of anything, I’m sure he’d be delighted to let you know. Right, let’s head inside and get this meeting under way.’
It seems that we’re the last to arrive, even though we’re early. The others are already seated at the extended table in the meeting room. The chatter dies down as we join them, but I notice that one person is missing.
‘No Tollie yet?’ I ask. ‘He rang me earlier to say he’d meet me here and I had the impression he was with Bernie.’ When I look in his direction, Bernie smiles back at me.
‘I saw Tollie earlier on and he didn’t say he was going to be delayed,’ Bernie declares, shrugging his shoulders.
‘Ha!’ Tollie’s voice booms out as he strides forward looking very nimble on his feet tonight. ‘You lot are early, I’m not late.’