by Claire Kent
Until, finally, Seth gave her that adorable half-smile. “I guess we’re at an impasse then. Unless we can start to trust each other a little.”
Erin frowned deeply, for some reason feeling slightly less panicked. He wasn’t acting like a man who was trying to manipulate and control her—at least not in this. "I was starting to trust you, but then I found out about all of this. Seriously, I can understand that you’d want to be careful and look into my background—to begin with. But what the hell are you still expecting to find?”
“I don’t know. That’s why I still feel compelled to look. But, as I said, I’m beginning to conclude that you are what you seem to be and that this situation simply happened.”
“It did. How many times do I have to say so? I’m not interested in marrying you, and I don’t want your damned money.”
Seth almost smiled. “Good to know.”
She was feeling a little better, but she still had a knot of anxiety in her gut. She tried to decide whether his explanation was an appropriate one, or if she still had legitimate grounds for holding onto her indignation.
Before she could decide, he continued, “What did you think I was trying to do?”
“I told you.”
“But what purpose could I have had? Besides merely seeking out information.”
Erin was annoyed by his composed coherence, even in the midst of a confrontation. She wished she could be so cool about everything. Especially this. Because now she had to try to articulate certain anxieties she’d never fully acknowledged to another person.
Clearing her throat, she began, “You could be trying to...to take control of things.”
“You’ve already told me that wasn’t going to happen.”
Erin gaped at him, forgetting her hesitation in the absurdity of his response. "Are you kidding me? I’m one person, and you’re you. How much power do you think I’d realistically have if you decided you wanted to...”
Her voice trailed off, realizing she’d said more than she should have, but at this point she didn’t even care. She put a hand on her belly. For the first time, she felt a stab of maternal, protective instinct. She met his eyes, defying anyone—even Seth Thomas—to try to snatch this away from her.
Seth stared at her with his mouth opened slightly. “You actually think I might try to take your baby away from you? And what? Try to raise it myself?”
All of her rising momentum dropped all at once. “Well,” she muttered, “it sounds dumb when you say it like that, but how am I supposed to know what you might do?”
“You know me well enough. You think I’d do something like that?”
Erin felt an uncomfortable tightness in her heart but spoke the truth without wavering. “I knew you years ago, and you didn’t show yourself to be a very good guy. Am I supposed to just naively believe that you’re perfectly safe and trustworthy now? At the risk of myself and...and my child? I’ve dealt with controlling men before. I told you about my ex. It wasn’t just something he did in bed.”
“Yeah. But I’m not him. I’m involved in this to the extent that I want to be involved. That’s the truth. I’m not going to take the baby away from you in any way.” He paused, and his eyes were infinitely speaking. “You have my word, however much it means to you.”
She believed him.
“Okay,” she said, wishing she’d figured this out before she’d made the big scene. “I don’t like your snooping, but I guess I can understand why you were suspicious. Neither one of us is well equipped for this. All I’m doing is trying to have this baby in the simplest, securest way possible. I don’t want anything from you that you don’t want to give. You have my word.”
She didn’t know if he believed her, the way she’d believed him, but he nodded just as she had.
They stared at each other for a minute, still standing in the entryway of his apartment.
Feeling uncomfortable, she did what she always did, blurted out something random to break the tension. “This apartment is something else.”
It was. There were only two apartments on this floor, so his place must be three times bigger than hers was. All she could see, however, was an airy, spacious great room, and she was quite sure Seth had used an interior designer, since she couldn’t imagine him picking out the high-end art or Asian rugs.
“Thanks,” he said. “I think.”
“No, it really is impressive.”
“My grandfather told me once that, to prove I’d really made it, I should hire the most expensive decorator I could afford to do my house, and that I should instruct them to make it as impressive as possible.” He gave her his wry half-smile. “That’s the kind of paternal advice he would give me.”
“How old you were you when he told you that?” she breathed, astonished at the cold superficiality of it.
“Thirteen.” Seth must have seen something in her expression because he added, “He wasn’t a bad guy. He was always perfectly nice to me.”
Even that told her something. A boy who’d been genuinely loved would never say he’d been treated “perfectly nice” by his family.
She felt a wave of sympathy, which made her very uncomfortable. “So are we okay? About everything?”
“We are on my end.”
“Me too. But don’t go spying on me anymore. If you want to know something, then come out and ask me. I don’t react well to people working behind my back—any more than you do.”
“Understood.”
They were silent for another minute. Then Erin noticed Seth’s eyes falling lower than her face. Confused, she looked at him closely, following the line of his gaze to her belly. “What?” she demanded. “I’m not that big yet.”
"Of course not. But I haven’t seen you since the meeting with the lawyers, so I thought I’d evaluate the progress.”
Self-consciously, Erin put a hand on her slightly protruding belly to hide the strip of bare skin between her shirt and pants. “Well, there’s not much to see yet.”
Seth, however, had found something else to see. His eyes had now lifted to the level of her chest.
He visibly repressed a smile. “Speaking of impressive...”
She peered down at her own breasts. Saw the full curves and tight nipples clearly through the stretched fabric of her T-shirt. "I forgot to put my bra back on,” she sighed as she realized she’d been too distracted as she’d left her apartment.
“I see that,” Seth murmured, an edge to his voice now. He seemed to be coiled a little tighter than he’d been a few minutes before. “But don’t do so on my account.”
She sneered, but without much heat. “Hopefully they won’t get any bigger.” She liked her breasts quite well at the moment, but if they grew anymore she would have to change her mind.
Seth chuckled. “Don’t hope that on my account.”
Despite herself, Erin felt an answering amusement bubbling inside her. Then it spilled out into soft, appreciative laughter. They shared an amused, ironic smile.
“All right,” she concluded, wishing she weren’t still quite so restless. Her body was starting to get ideas, prompted by the underlying spark in Seth’s gaze. “I feel better about everything.”
She pulled her t-shirt down a little farther, hoping it would meet the top of her pants. “I have the doctor’s exam on Friday,” she reminded him.
“I know. It’s on my schedule.”
“Okay.” Erin was edgy and fidgety, and it felt like her breasts were tingling a little too much. She felt very conscious of her body, mostly because she was pretty sure that Seth was conscious of it too. “I’ll see you there then.”
She turned toward the door, wishing he didn’t look quite so disheveled and adorable without his sleek business suit on.
“Have a good evening,” he murmured as she started leaving.
“You too.”
She shut the door behind her. Shook herself off a little.
Hormones, she decided. They did crazy things to your emotions.
And they gave you cra
zy impulses that shouldn’t be indulged.
***
Erin shifted uncomfortably on the examination bed, feeling vulnerable, exposed, and annoyed.
And really needing to pee.
“We can wait a couple of minutes if you think he’ll be here soon,” the doctor offered, looking at Erin’s flushed, irritated face sympathetically.
“No. The appointment was for forty-five minutes ago. If he was coming, he’d be here by now.”
She hadn’t really been eager to have Seth present at her private exams but, even so, she was kind of disappointed that he’d stood her up so obviously, after making such a point of being invited.
Had the doctor been on time, the appointment might have already been over. Predictably, the doctor had been running twenty-five minutes late. But now they’d covered the first part of the routine exam and were preparing for the in-office ultrasound scan.
But still no Seth.
Erin had spoken to him on the phone just last night, and she’d reminded him of the appointment yet again, but apparently it had slipped his mind. Or else something more important had come up.
Men usually didn’t get into this sort of thing as much as women did—at least, that was what Erin had been told. But, still, as the doctor started making necessary adjustments to the machine, Erin admitted to herself that she was disappointed.
She’d been starting to accept the fact that he would be a real presence.
And he wasn’t even present here today.
Irony, her old friend, was never far away.
It was to be expected, just the way the world worked. Why would she and her baby be a priority to Seth Thomas?
“Ready?” the doctor asked, turning to face her with a smile.
Erin looked at the closed door. “Yep,” she said, forcing a cheerfulness she didn’t feel.
Before the doctor could start rubbing the gel on her belly, there was a discreet tap on the door. At the doctor’s response, one of the receptionists stuck her head in. “I’m so sorry, Dr. Warren, but there’s a very agitated gentleman up front who insists that he’s expected.”
Erin let her breath out in such a rush that she actually giggled a little. With her consent, the doctor told the receptionist to show him in.
A minute later, Seth burst into the room. He was flushed slightly, breathing quickly, and there was a sheen of perspiration on his skin. “Sorry,” he told Erin in a rough murmur, “I was...detained and could only now get here. Am I too late?”
Erin found herself smiling stupidly, rather than being annoyed by his tardiness. “No. We’re just beginning now. We got a late start too.”
He came over to stand beside her, and she saw his gaze immediately fall to the gentle swell of her bare belly.
“I thought you’d forgotten or something,” she added.
He shifted his eyes back up to her face, narrowing as he gave her a cool glare—making it clear what he’d thought of her assumption.
“I’m glad you could make it,” she added. “Even forty-five minutes late.”
Seth nodded and they both looked at the doctor—who seemed to be hiding a smile, for some reason.
“Shall we begin?”
They both listened politely as the doctor explained the process, and they both watched as she brought the transducer against Erin’s belly.
The doctor pressed down slightly and slowly moved the transducer, and Erin winced as the pressure affected her already full bladder.
But she kept staring at the ambiguous images on the monitor, feeling her heart speed up as she waited to see a glimpse of her baby. Soon she was almost holding her breath, couldn’t look away. The doctor was still talking, but Erin couldn't focus on the words.
She could feel Seth standing beside her, and she could sense that he was tense as well. Which kind of surprised her. She wondered what he was thinking. What he was feeling. Why he even wanted to be a part of this.
“And there we have it.” The doctor gestured toward the monitor, indicating the little form that was barely recognizable. “There's the head, and the little body. Do you see?”
Erin just stared. Forgot about the doctor. Forgot about Seth. Forgot how much she needed to pee. Forgot about everything except that little image on the screen.
That tiny form—which she was starting to recognize now—was actually existing inside of her.
Overwhelmed all of a sudden, Erin fell into a blank daze. Just stared. Tried to come to terms with it. Didn’t move and didn’t speak at all.
After several minutes, the doctor had finished up what she’d needed to do and told them everything was looking normal and healthy.
Vaguely, Erin heard Seth ask, “I’ve read that the gender can often be determined even as early as this.”
The doctor smiled as she answered. “It’s true that the sex can sometimes be determined this early, but the accuracy isn’t high at this point, so we won’t provide that information until the next scan at around twenty weeks.”
Erin had never really thought about her baby as a boy or a girl. Hadn’t really thought of it as distinct in any way. She’d only really thought of it in theory.
She was staring so hard and so intently that it took her a minute to realize people were talking to her.
“Are you okay? Erin?” It was Seth, and he was for some reason right in her face.
“Yeah.” She sounded strange. Winded.
He narrowed his eyes like he didn’t believe her, but he didn’t pursue the conversation until they were on their way out of the doctor’s office.
He stopped her on the sidewalk outside. “Erin?” he prompted, taking her by the shoulders and peering down at her face.
“What?”
“Do you want to burst into tears or something?”
For some reason, his slightly suspicious tone struck her as funny. She started to laugh, and then she couldn’t stop.
After a minute, she was clinging to Seth’s jacket lapels and wheezing hysterically.
And really wishing she’d gone to the bathroom in the doctor’s office.
Seth looked half-amused and half-wary when she got herself under control. “I’m okay,” she told him. “Just the hormones, I’m sure.”
“They make a very convenient excuse for all kinds of strange behavior.”
She chuckled and patted him on the chest. “I’m glad you were able to make it.”
“Me too.”
She was almost positive he meant it.
It wasn’t until she was home that she remembered how she’d felt, looking at the image in the exam room.
She had a printout of one of the ultrasound images to take with her, but she didn’t need to pull it out to remember what she’d seen.
“Sorry,” she said at last, alone in her apartment—out loud and a little self-consciously. “You’ll have to get used to how clueless I can be, but I guess I never understood you were real before.”
She looked down toward her belly. "Yeah. Sometimes I'm a little slow."
* * *
The following evening, Erin went out on a date.
He lived a few floors down in her building, and he’d always been friendly. Erin thought he was cute enough, so she’d been extra nice to him one evening earlier that week as they were in the elevator, and he’d ended up asking her out for Saturday night.
She’d said yes. She wasn’t sure how much potential they had for a serious relationship, but she’d been surprised before. She liked him a lot, he was fun, and he was clearly interested in her.
No reason not to go out with him. Especially since, in a few months, she’d probably not have very many opportunities to go out with anyone.
On Saturday, she felt strangely giddy all day. Not from anticipation of her date that evening, but from the new connection she’d made with her child the day before. Every time she thought about the little picture or glanced down at her stomach, she had to fight the urge to smile mushily or babble in giddy recognition.
For a no-nons
ense, cynical woman, the impulse was almost embarrassing.
But she didn’t try to stifle it, but rather decided to enjoy it for however long it lasted.
So she actually didn't think much about her date, until she started to get ready for it. They went to dinner, a movie, and then coffee afterwards—Erin got decaf—and she had a pretty decent time. She was in a good mood anyway, and her date was friendly and reasonably intelligent.
Erin was quite sure there wasn’t a future with him, but it had been a date worth having. She laughed a lot that evening, and she was still laughing when he walked her back up to her apartment.
She could see in his eyes where he was hoping this would go, but she didn’t think it was going to happen.
She wasn’t opposed to sex on a first date. She’d certainly done so before, but things felt a little different now, and it seemed kind of weird—not rationally, but intuitively—to sleep with this guy while she was pregnant with her child.
Not that she would think it was wrong. Just that something inside her seemed to resist it.
Erin supposed she should listen to her instinct in this matter. So, as the elevator rose to her floor, she sighed in resignation.
As much as her body wanted to have sex tonight, the rest of her obviously didn’t want it.
Which was a bit of a disappointment.
The elevator doors slid open on her floor, and they both stepped into the hallway. Erin laughed at another joke the guy made, not because it was really funny but because she still felt like laughing. She took his arm companionably and tried to figure out how best to tell him to go home.
As soon as Erin turned and took a step, she saw that someone was down the hall, knocking steadily on her apartment door.
Seth was knocking on her door.
Which was the strangest thing.
He must have heard them get off the elevator, because he stopped knocking and turned toward them. Stood perfectly still—tall, authoritative, and compelling in a dark gray suit—and watched as they approached.
Erin stopped laughing and sucked in her breath. For no reason she could understand, her heart started beating more quickly.
Nothing was really wrong here. At worst, it was simply awkward. But her stomach began to jump as she got closer to Seth.