by Claire Kent
Liz was dressed up and looked both cheerful and provocative. On seeing Erin, however, she frowned, “I thought you were going to wear a skirt.”
“If you had the day I’ve had, you wouldn’t be wearing a skirt either. This was the best I could do.”
“Well, you look pretty good anyway. I can’t wait for you to meet Danny.”
When they stepped into the living room, Seth was still standing in the middle of the floor, holding Mackenzie and frowning slightly.
At Liz’s words, however, he arched an eyebrow at Erin. “Danny,” he said glibly under his breath. “Sounds promising.”
Erin scowled at him agreeably and moved closer to give Mackenzie a kiss.
“Be good for your daddy, pumpkin,” she whispered. Then she glanced up to Seth. “I’ll have my phone on, so just call me if you need to.”
“We’ll be fine,” Seth said with exaggerated patience.
Erin was standing very close to him, and—when she leaned over to kiss Mackenzie goodbye—Erin unconsciously slid her hand up to Seth’s shoulder for support. “Bye, sweetie,” she said softly, pressing a kiss onto the top of Mackenzie’s head. “I won’t be gone long.”
“Are we done with the farewells yet?” Liz complained from behind her. “At this rate, the restaurant will be closed before we get there. Dinner, and our gentlemen, awaits.”
Erin felt strange having a gentleman waiting for her. Especially when another gentleman was holding her daughter and gazing at her silently, deeply, intently. But she managed to start toward the door after kissing her daughter only one more time.
“Thanks again, Seth. I won’t be late,” Erin called over her shoulder, as she was leaving.
“Yes, she will,” Liz corrected.
Erin sighed as they closed the front door and walked toward the elevator. She hoped Seth was going to be okay with Mackenzie.
“Seriously,” she said as they got into the elevator. “I’m happy to go out with you all, but I want to get back at a decent time.”
“We’ll play it by ear. I think it might be good for you to get out for a while. Maybe you’ll have such a good time that you’ll want to stay out late.”
Already exhausted, Erin leaned her head back against the wall and closed her eyes. Tried to remember what it had been like when going out like this had been second nature.
It wasn’t even seven o’clock, but it already felt like a late night.
***
The double date should have gone well.
It would have gone well, and Erin would have enjoyed it, had she been able to concentrate for any length of time.
But, by the time they got to the restaurant, she was in an exhausted, blurry haze, and by the time the food arrived, she had trouble thinking about anything except what was happening in her apartment with Mackenzie and Seth.
Danny was very cute in a boyish way, and he seemed to be sweet, relatively intelligent, and funny. He also loved kids and spent a lot of time asking Erin about Mackenzie. There was nothing about him that really annoyed Erin, and he was the kind of guy she had always liked. As far as blind dates went, Danny was top of the line.
It was a very good date, by anyone’s standards.
But Erin could barely keep from yawning.
She was just so tired and distracted, and it felt like she was going through the motions half asleep. Plus, she kept worrying incessantly—about whether Mackenzie was still squalling, about whether she would cry herself sick, about whether she was missing her mommy, about whether Seth was getting tired of putting up with her, about whether he’d ever want to spend time with her again.
So, even though it was only nine o’clock when they finished dinner, Erin decided she’d had enough.
They were getting up to leave—discussing the possibility of doing something else afterwards—when Erin pulled Liz aside, insisting that she come to the restroom with her.
Once they were there, Erin decided she actually needed to use the bathroom, so, as she went into the stall, she explained that she’d had a good time but was now ready to go home.
“But it’s still early. Don’t you like Danny?” Liz asked. From the location of her feet, Erin assumed her sister was checking out her appearance in the mirror.
“I do. He seems great and is very cute. I just can’t focus on things. I’m so tired, and it’s been such a long day. I just...I don’t know.”
Liz waited until Erin had flushed the toilet before she responded. “All right. I guess I understand. I’d hoped we would make it to at least ten o’clock though.”
Erin let out a resigned exhale as she left the stall and went to wash her hands. “I know.” She stared at her slightly wan face in the mirror. She definitely wasn’t looking her best this evening. “I’m pathetic. But I really want to go home.”
“Should we give Danny any encouragement?” Liz asked, slanting a sideways look at her.
Erin made a face as she rinsed the soap off her hands. “I don't know. Let me think about it. He really does seem like a great guy, but I don’t know if...”
“I get it. No spark.” Then her expression changed slightly, and she studied the reflection of Erin’s face intently. “Should we keep looking for someone for you, or have you decided you’re happy with what you have?”
Stiffening, Erin was immediately defensive. “What I have? You mean a good life, a daughter, and my independence?”
“Well, that, of course. And...”
“And what?” Erin yanked paper towels out of the dispenser with more force than was entirely necessary.
“I was just wondering if you’d finally decided that there was more there than you originally thought.”
Erin felt like squirming, for some reason. She’d never felt this uncomfortable when Liz had questioned her about Seth in the past. She didn’t like the feeling. At all.
“I’m not in love with him, if that’s what you’re asking,” she said coolly, narrowing her eyes and trying not to look self-conscious. She was speaking the truth—was still convinced she wasn’t in love with Seth.
But the topic didn’t feel quite as cut-and-dry as it used to.
***
Erin felt a strange sort of relief wash over her as she finally walked in quietly through the front door of her apartment, closing the door behind her.
It felt like she’d been gone for ages, although she’d really been gone less than three hours.
When she took a few steps in, she discovered that the living room was empty, although the television was on and set to a cable news channel. The sound was muted because the people talking on the news program were doing so silently.
The room was messier than it had been when Erin had left, with toys scattered around, a half-empty bottle on the coffee table next to a burp cloth and pacifier, and Seth’s shoes and socks left on the floor next to the couch.
Standing in the middle of the floor and listening, Erin recognized the sound of Mackenzie’s fussing from another room. The baby wasn’t screaming at the top of her lungs, but she sounded like she was in the later stages of a temper-fit, when she’d grown too tired to sustain the loud decibels, even though she was still just as unhappy.
Shaking her head resignedly, Erin walked to the hall, hoping that Seth and Mackenzie hadn’t had a miserable time of it.
The sounds were coming from the nursery, so Erin headed in that direction. Before she even made it to the doorway, however, she heard Seth’s cultured, familiar voice.
“I can’t do it if you keep wiggling around,” he said, his tone cool and calm, although Erin recognized an edge of frustration beneath the surface. “I realize it’s a very undignified activity, but we’d accomplish it better if you could manage to stop crying for a few minutes.”
Intrigued and strangely touched by overhearing this incongruous, one-sided conversation, Erin slowed down and kept quiet, peeking in through the doorway of the nursery to see what was going on.
Seth’s back was to her, and he stood in front of the cha
nging table, removing what appeared to be a very dirty diaper.
Mackenzie gurgled and fussed, flailing her arms and legs, and arching up her back in enthusiastic protest of this indignity.
Seth held the dirty diaper fastidiously, folding it over and then disposing of it. “I certainly don’t blame you for objecting to suffering through that,” Seth continued conversationally to his wriggling daughter. “I wouldn’t have imagined such a pretty little girl could produce something quite so—”
One of Mackenzie’s arms hit Seth hard on the forearm, and she must have found new energy, since she broke into a loud howl.
Seth had pulled a baby wipe out of the container and was attempting to clean off Mackenzie’s bottom, but he was having some trouble coordinating the action because of the infant’s flailing.
“I see,” Seth continued, his voice growing slightly breathless. Erin thought she noticed a sheen of perspiration on the side of his face. “Very rude of me to speak about you that way. You’re absolutely right to be offended. But I do need to clean you up.” He tried to use the baby wipe again, but this time she kicked out at him angrily.
Seth rubbed his forehead with his sleeve, while holding onto the baby with his other hand. “I can’t put on the clean diaper unless you hold still for a moment. I’m sure there’s some sort of trick to this that I’m missing.”
Erin realized she was smiling fondly as she watched. Was actually holding her breath, wondering what he would do or say next.
Then she realized that she should really take pity on him and help him out. She was just about to announce her presence when Seth managed to coordinate his grip on Mackenzie enough to use the wipe.
With a groan of relief, Seth disposed of the wipe. “There. I really don’t think it was all that appalling. Now, am I allowed to put on a new diaper?”
Mackenzie had stopped wailing, and her protest had reduced to grumpy whimpers again. She was kicking less enthusiastically though, so Seth managed to put on the new diaper without too much trouble.
“Now then,” Seth said in satisfaction, holding the infant upright, as if admiring his handiwork. The diaper looked snug and neat, and Mackenzie’s chubby body was pink from her bad-tempered exertions. “That’s much better. Now maybe you’ll be happy.”
Mackenzie stared up at Seth with wide, round eyes, as if she could actually understand what he was saying. Then she started jerking her tiny body again, and her face crumpled into new sobs.
Releasing a textured sigh—of frustration, Erin was sure—Seth laid the infant back down on the changing table and started to put her sleeper back on.
“Mackenzie,” Seth said, his voice thicker than usual. “I’m very sorry that you’re so miserable, but I don’t know what else to do. If you don’t stop crying soon, you’ll be sick when your mommy gets home. And then she’ll think I can’t take good care of you and might not let me stay with you again.”
When he’d finished putting the sleeper on her, Seth picked up Mackenzie and held her against his chest. Jostled her gently. “Don’t you think you might stop crying now?”
Erin had been bombarded with a succession of feelings as she watched this inexplicable scene: amusement, pity, understanding, affection, and something else that felt warm and familiar. But, at the sound of Mackenzie’s renewed cries, Erin felt the irresistible impulse to comfort her daughter. No matter how intrigued she was about Seth’s interaction with the baby, there was only so much of Mackenzie’s crying that Erin could take before she did something about it.
She’d been just about to step into the nursery. But, when she realized that Seth was turning around, Erin almost jumped, feeling horribly guilty about spying on him.
It was too late, though. He’d turned toward the door before she’d been able to announce her presence.
Seth jerked slightly, obviously taken aback at seeing her there. “You’re home,” he muttered, as if he weren’t quite sure it was true.
“Yeah,” Erin said breathlessly, her cheeks flushing in a way that really annoyed her. There was nothing to be embarrassed about, so why should she feel self-conscious? To spare Seth’s pride, she added, “I just got here. Has she been fussy?”
“No, she’s been—” Seth had started to answer her question automatically, with what would obviously be a lie, but then he gave a huff of dry amusement. “To tell you the truth, she hasn’t seemed to have a very good time.”
Erin smiled sympathetically and stepped over to take Mackenzie from him.
Experienced a ridiculous feeling of security and tenderness as she pulled her daughter close—as if she’d been gone for weeks instead of a few hours.
“Why haven’t you been good for your daddy? He might not want to stay with you again.”
Now that Erin could see his face, she saw that he looked tired and drained and frustrated, despite his calm façade, but all he did was remark, “You’re back early.”
“Yeah,” Erin said, not up to going into the specifics of her date. “Is she hungry, do you think?”
Seth shrugged helplessly. “I don’t know. I gave her a bottle an hour ago, but she didn’t seem to want very much of it.”
Sighing, Erin adjusted Mackenzie and glanced at the clock. “Do you mind if I try to feed her real quick?”
“Sure. I’ll go sit down and try to recover.”
Chuckling—more in sympathy than amusement—Erin grabbed a burp cloth and sat down to feed Mackenzie.
As she’d expected, Mackenzie latched on immediately and started to suck frantically. When she’d eaten enough, Erin held her upright to burp her. Got spit up on, of course, all over her good sweater instead of the burp cloth.
Mackenzie had finally quieted down and grown content, and now her head was lolling drowsily. Erin, for whom the day had seemed endless, was intensely relieved to see that her daughter was finally about to go to sleep.
After readjusting her clothes, Erin stood up and carried Mackenzie into the living room. Where she found Seth slouching on the sofa, his legs stretched in front of him and his eyes closed, looking completely wiped out.
He must have heard her come in, though, because he immediately opened his eyes. “I can’t remember ever being this tired. How do you manage it for more than a few hours at a time?”
“She’s not always so challenging. Sometimes, she’s really sweet and quiet. For instance, now she’s about to fall asleep.”
Seth stared at the infant glumly. “How perfectly ironic.”
“If you have enough energy, would you mind staying for a few minutes so I can change clothes and wash up? I’d like to hear how things went tonight.”
“Sure,” he agreed, reaching out for Mackenzie. He looked a little tense when he settled her into his arms, as if he were afraid she’d start bawling again.
She didn’t, though. She was nearly asleep, and she merely wriggled a few times, then rested her head on Seth’s shoulder as her eyes closed tightly again.
“I’ll be right back,” Erin said softly, hurrying away since she was starting to feel far too sappy.
She went into her bedroom and took off her clothes, pulling on a pair of pajama pants, a tank top, and a hoodie sweatshirt. She didn’t even feel uncomfortable being dressed that way in front of Seth. She wanted to talk to him for a few minutes before he left, but she wanted to be comfortable even more.
She went to wash her face, feeling like she needed to wash away all traces of her date.
It hadn’t been bad. It just hadn’t felt right.
When she returned to the living room, she stopped short when she looked toward the couch.
Seth was still sprawled out, his expensive clothes wrinkled and eyelids heavy as he stared down at Mackenzie. Who was sound asleep on his chest.
Erin felt almost shy as she walked over to settle beside him on the couch, drawing up her knees.
Seth glanced over. “It’s seems impossible that this is the same little girl who was screaming with such outrage earlier this evening.”
&nbs
p; Erin smiled and scooted a little closer to reach over to rub Mackenzie’s back. “It’s amazing how many personalities she has.”
She suddenly wondered if she wanted to be this close to Seth.
Then, before she knew what was happening, he’d lifted his arm and draped it around her, pulling her body snugly against his side.
She panicked momentarily, at the weight of his arm on her shoulders and the heat that radiated off him. Without thinking, she jerked away.
Regretted it immediately.
Seth didn’t react dramatically. Just arched an eyebrow at her. “Do you really think I’d make a move on you with my daughter asleep on my chest?”
“Of course not. Sorry. I just...sorry.”
Seth gave her a half-smile. “You’re safe from my advances, at least for the moment. You just look like you’ve had a very long day.”
She had, and he was offering comfort she needed. So she let him pull her body against his again, and she felt secure and very warm as she leaned against him, so close now she could see Mackenzie’s tiny eyelashes.
“If your day was anything like the few hours I just spent,” Seth continued, “then I’m surprised you’re still on your feet.”
Erin snuggled against him, trying to remember the last time she’d enjoyed this sort of physical closeness with anyone except her daughter. Glancing up at his face, she saw that he was gazing down at her—caught a glimpse of something in his eyes that momentarily terrified her, that seemed to shake the foundations of her strongholds.
But she pushed past the uncertainty and focused on what was normal, what was safe. “Was she really bad this evening?”
“We did pretty well for the first hour or so. She wasn’t laughing or anything, but she seemed relatively content. But then it just went downhill. I tried to feed her, give her the pacifier, walk her up and down the hall, use her toys, talk to her, play her the CD you said she likes...” His voice trailed off, sounding almost defeated.
“Sometimes, she just has to cry,” Erin murmured, breathing in the scent of Seth and of Mackenzie at the same time. It was a bizarre sort of experience and very unsettling.