“I think I know how to protect my own family, Pa.”
Jake looked up at his tall, strong son, who could use his guns as well as he could. He finally grinned a little. “Lloyd, when Stephen is a man, you’ll find that you still see him as a ten-year-old boy.” He rubbed at his eyes. “I’m sorry. Of course you know what to do. Go on home. We’ll talk later. Brian needs to look at this damn leg, and I want him to see about your mother.”
Lloyd looked at Randy. “What is going on?”
“I’m sure I’m fine, Lloyd. If something is wrong, I will certainly tell you. Go home to Katie. She’s probably worried after learning about that telegram.”
Lloyd looked her over. “You take care of yourself. I might be a grown man, but I like knowing both my parents are still around.”
Randy smiled as she watched him leave. She walked over and locked the front door while Jake removed his denim pants. He rolled up the right leg of his knee-length long johns so Brian could look at the still-healing wound there.
“I still say you used more stitches than necessary just to be mean,” he told Brian.
Brian felt around the wound to make sure there was no swelling underneath. “Of course I did. Doctors have a special talent for torture. Don’t you know that?”
“I know it now,” Jake joked with him.
“Well, this all looks pretty good, but if you don’t listen to me, Jake, you’ll mess up my beautiful work and be right back down in bed.” He faced Jake. “If you want to get out of here and go look for Marty Bryant, you give that wound a few more days to heal up good and tight and give yourself at least another week to build up your blood or you won’t last long on the trail.” He looked at Randy. “Now, what’s this about you having pains?”
Randy reddened a little. “I’m sure it’s nothing. I’ve just had occasional deep pain really low.” She pressed her hands at her groin area. “Almost like a woman feels when…when it’s her time…only I haven’t had that problem since Evie was born, because they had to remove my…you know. It embarrasses me to talk about it.”
“Randy, this is me, and I love you like a mom. They removed your uterus, but I’m guessing not your ovaries.”
She nodded.
Brian frowned. “Go lie down on the bed.” He glanced at Jake with a look of alarm. “Get dressed,” he told Jake. He walked into the bedroom to find Randy sitting on the bed. “Why didn’t you mention this to me sooner?” Brian scolded.
“I thought…it might just go away and not come back.”
“Well, no more secrets, all right? You’re too important to all of us. And take off all your slips. I can’t feel anything through all that crinoline. You can leave your dress on. I know this is hard for you. Just lie down on the bed.”
Jake came inside the room. “Go hold her hand,” Brian told him. “This might hurt.”
Jake moved around to the other side of the bed and carefully sat down on it, taking Randy’s hand. Brian knelt close and began pressing on Randy’s abdomen, asking if it hurt. It didn’t until he hit one particular spot. She cried out and gripped Jake’s hand.
Jake watched the expression on Brian’s face when he pressed the other side and got the same reaction. He didn’t like what he saw in Brian’s eyes. “What is it?” he demanded.
Brian straightened. “Jake, I can’t touch her once and know exactly what’s wrong.” He leaned closer to Randy. “How long has this been going on?”
She curled up. “I’m not sure. Maybe six months.”
Jake felt a black dread. “Why in hell didn’t you tell me?”
“Jake, don’t get upset. I just wasn’t sure if it was anything important, and I don’t like worrying you when you have to be out there, watching your back all the time. You have enough on your mind.”
“Worry me? For God’s sake, Randy, I’ve been giving you things to worry about for twenty-six years, and you don’t want to give me something to worry about?”
“Jake, why don’t you go into the kitchen and see if there is any leftover coffee you can heat up,” Brian suggested. “I wouldn’t mind more of that pie we had earlier today, if there is any left. I’ll give Randy something she can take for pain when it’s bad.” He turned to Randy. “Mom, I’m not the doctor for this. I think Edward Rogers is the best to examine you more thoroughly. He specializes in these things.” He glanced at Jake and spoke with a hint of sarcasm. “I just burn out and sew up knife and bullet wounds.”
“You do more than that, Brian,” Jake shot back. “You’ve done lots of surgeries.”
“Not on someone as close to me as Randy. If it was Evie we were talking about, I’d send her to Rogers too. This truly isn’t my usual doctoring.”
“Are you saying I need surgery?” Randy asked.
Brian closed his doctor’s bag. “I don’t know that at all. I’m just saying someone who knows what they’re talking about should examine you, that’s all. It might be nothing. Either way, I can tell you’re very tired. You’ve had a long day of cooking and running after grandkids and walking down to Peter’s office, and now this news about Marty Bryant.” He put some kind of powder into a glass and poured water into it from a pitcher beside the bed. “Drink this. I want you to get some sleep.”
“But I have things to do.”
“Drink it! For crying out loud, you’re as bad as Jake when it comes to listening to a doctor’s orders.”
She sighed and sat up, drinking down the mixture and then making a face. “Tastes awful.”
Brian gestured to some peppermint candy lying on the bedside table. “Eat a piece of that candy. That should help. And for heaven’s sake, lie down and go to sleep.” He glanced at Jake. “You shouldn’t leave candy lying around. Little Jake already eats too many sweets.”
Jake glanced at Randy and they smiled at each other. “Well, I happen to like peppermint,” he told his son-in-law. “Sometimes you need something to freshen your breath real quick.”
“Jake!” Randy put her hands over her face.
Jake walked over and pulled the covers over her. He leaned down and kissed her lightly. “Get some sleep. Big day tomorrow.” He put a hand to the side of her face. “You’ll be all right.”
She grasped his wrist. “Stay calm, Jake. Don’t leave yet.”
“I won’t. You’ll have me around at least another week, I suppose.”
She closed her eyes and Jake watched her a moment. What would I do without you? How would I breathe?
Scowling, he got up off the bed and walked out, going to the kitchen, afraid to look at Brian. He took the metal box that held his ammunition from the top of the icebox while Brian poured some coffee.
“You want some coffee?” Brian asked him.
“No.” Jake opened the box of ammo and took out two slugs. He picked up the shotgun Lloyd had left on the kitchen table and shoved two slugs into it.
“No buckshot?” Brian asked.
“Slugs do a hell of a lot more damage if there is any distance involved,” Jake answered, “and since I never miss, I don’t need buckshot.”
Brian rubbed the back of his neck. “I’m sure you don’t.”
Jake slammed the shotgun closed. “What’s the verdict?”
“Set that shotgun down and look at me, Jake.”
Jake hesitated, then laid the gun on the table, meeting Brian’s eyes.
“I love her like my own mother, Jake. You know that.”
“Talk to me like a doctor right now, Brian, not a son-in-law.”
Brian turned away. “Shit.”
Jake felt as though he might pass out. “Just say it, Brian.”
Brian didn’t answer right away.
“Jesus,” Jake whispered. He got up and took a cigarette from where he kept some in a cupboard. He lit it and walked out the back door.
Brian followed him out to the back steps. He wai
ted a moment, giving Jake time to calm down.
“Brian,” Jake finally spoke up, standing with his back to his son-in-law. “Before I met Randy, I lived for a while with a prostitute who was…good to me. One day she came down with pains like what Randy is feeling. It ended up being…” He ran a hand through his hair. “Jesus,” he muttered.
“Jake, are you saying it was cancer?”
“Yes!” Jake barked, turning to face him. “And it was the most goddamned awful death I ever watched! She was a good woman, and she didn’t deserve to die that way! There is no way in hell I could stand back and watch my Randy die that way! I’d rather shoot her first, and then myself!” He turned away again.
“Jake, you keep in mind that it could very well not be cancer. You are absolutely jumping to conclusions. She could have something on her ovaries, but that doesn’t mean it’s the worst.”
Jake smoked quietly. “Being…intimate…would that hurt her?”
Brian sat down beside him on the steps. “No, it wouldn’t make any difference. And if you’re looking for some way to blame this on yourself, which you have a bad habit of doing—you had nothing to do with this one, Jake. It is what it is. Though like I said, she needs to be examined by someone who knows more about such things. I understand why you’re concerned, but you have to be positive about this.”
Jake walked a few feet away again. “What the hell do I do now? I have to go out there and look for Marty Bryant and serve death certificates on Jessie Buckley. I have orders. I’ll have to follow those orders or risk going back to prison. Lloyd could do all that for me, but with Marty on the loose, I’m not going to let him go out there alone. How in hell do I leave my wife at a time like this?”
“Jake, what you do is the main reason your wife put off telling you about the pain. She hates for you to be distracted. So you have to think positive now. You can’t consider ignoring your job, because the last thing she needs is for that judge to change his mind and put you back in prison. We won’t get answers overnight anyway. I assure you that nothing dire is going to happen in the next week or two.”
Jake smoked quietly, staring into the darkness.
“Jake, are you listening to me?”
“You’re just telling me what you think I want to hear.”
“I’m telling you straight. You’re one man I wouldn’t lie to, Jake. I love that woman too, and I’m going to think positive about this.”
Jake stepped out the cigarette and came back to sit down on the steps. He said nothing for several quiet minutes. Brian could tell he was struggling not to break down.
He finally spoke up. “I can’t live without that woman, Brian, and I can’t see her in pain.”
Brian sighed, wanting to weep. “Jake, if worse comes to worst, I can give Randy medicine for the pain—something to help her go peacefully. But if anything happens to both of you, it will kill Evie. My wife would never be the same, and I don’t intend to lose her that way. She’s a beautiful soul and she worships the ground you walk on, so don’t talk about not being able to go on without Randy. Don’t you dare do that to Evie. Randy wouldn’t want that either. And as able and adept as Lloyd is now, he still needs you too. Little Jake is crazy about you, and Stephen thinks you’re a hero. You have no right leaving the beautiful family that you have, so you get those thoughts out of your head. We’re all here for you and for Randy. I’m a doctor. I will not let her die a horrible death. Trust me on that.”
Jake cleared his throat, then swallowed. Brian ached for the man’s sorrow.
“Which means you do think she could be dying,” Jake said brokenly.
“I’m not going to believe it’s cancer unless some other doctor tells me it is. I just think, based on her symptoms, we should hope for the best but…prepare for the worst. And I think that for her sake, you should think only the best when you’re out there on the trail, Jake, because the last thing she needs is for you to get yourself hurt or killed because you didn’t have your mind on what you’re doing. You remember that no matter what this is, she’ll never get better or have the incentive to get better if something happens to you. She’s always been the strong one. Now you have to be strong—for her. You need to go back in there and let her wake up with you by her side. She needs you just as much as you need her. I’ve seen how she is when you’re away, scared to death you won’t come back.”
Jake put his head in his hands. “What should I tell her?”
“Just what I said—that I want her to see Dr. Rogers and that she might have cysts on her ovaries that will need to be removed, but that’s nothing terribly serious. Don’t mention cancer.”
“She’s not stupid, Brian. And nobody knows me better than Randy. She’ll see right through me.”
“Then you’re going to have to do your best to encourage her to think positively and be supportive. That’s all you can do.”
The faint sound of piano music coming from a saloon floated over the otherwise quiet night air.
“Do you hear that music, Brian?”
“I hear it.”
“Music like that—saloons, drinking, painted women, gunplay, fistfights—all those things once represented who I was…until a slip of a woman named Miranda Hayes barged into my life. That’s all it took to make me want to change it all. I never knew what love meant till I met her.”
“And you should be glad you had twenty-six years of that love.” Brian sighed, getting up from the steps. “I’d better get back to Evie. She’s probably really worried. Promise me you’ll go back inside. Just hold her the rest of the night, Jake. That’s what she needs right now.”
Jake grasped a railing and stood up. “Are you going to tell Evie?”
“I’m just going to tell her I want Randy to see another doctor before we jump to any conclusions. Randy will likely wake up in the morning feeling fine because of the medicine I gave her. Take this a day at a time and be grateful for the good days.”
Jake turned away. “Yeah. Sure.”
“Jake. I’ll give you something to help you think more positive.”
Jake turned. “What’s that?”
“Evie is expecting again. We’re going to have another baby, which means another grandchild for you and Randy. Try taking that as a good sign that things will be all right. And tell Randy. That will really brighten her day.”
Jake managed a smile. “That’s damn good news. You tell Evie I just hope this one doesn’t run her ragged the way Little Jake does.”
“Well, we’re both hoping for that.”
Jake put out his hand. “If it had been up to me, I couldn’t have picked a better husband for my daughter.”
Brian grasped his hand. “I suppose I could have picked a saner family to marry into, but being married to Evie makes it all worth it. She’s one thing you did completely right, Jake. And she still needs her father. Do you understand what I’m telling you?”
Jake squeezed his hand. “I understand.”
Brian let go of his hand. “Go on back inside and hold your wife.” He gave Jake a shove. “And once she’s awake, do whatever else you want to do with her. You won’t hurt her.”
Jake smiled sadly and watched Brian walk off. He went back inside and locked the back door, forcing himself to shake off the darkness that enveloped him. His hands moved into fists. Don’t you let her die, he prayed angrily.
He walked into the bedroom and watched her for a moment, thinking how beautiful she looked with her honey-blond hair spread out on the pillow. He removed his shirt and pants and wiped the bottoms of his feet on a braided rug before easing into bed beside her. He moved an arm around her, and in her sleepy state, she curled against him. He quietly wept.
Seventeen
Randy stirred, feeling a bit groggy. It took her a moment to realize someone had undressed her and she wore only her flannel gown. Jake’s arms were around her, and she lay with her bac
k against him. From the slant of the light coming in from the window, she realized it was morning. “Jake?”
He pulled her closer. “I was beginning to wonder if you’d ever wake up.” He kissed her behind the ear.
“My gosh. Did you undress me?”
“Who the hell else would have?”
She put a hand to her face. “What on earth did Brian give me?”
“I don’t know, but whatever it was, you’ve been out like you went on a drinking binge. You even talked to me, but like a drunk woman. You don’t remember?”
“No! I don’t remember a thing!” She turned onto her back. “What did you do to me after you undressed me?”
He grinned, kissing her neck. “Unspeakable things. Horrible…shameful…unspeakable things. You don’t even want to know. You’d never talk to me again. I’d be out in somebody’s doghouse if I told you.”
She pushed at him. “You did not.”
“Oh, I figured I’d take advantage of the situation, and I did all the things you’ve always been too embarrassed to let me do. Only the worst prostitute in the worst brothel in Oklahoma would let me do such things.”
Randy couldn’t help a smile. “And how would you know that?”
“I’ve seen it all and done it all.” He met her mouth in a deep kiss. “It was great.”
“You’d better be lying,” she told him when he moved his kisses back to her throat.
“I never lie to you. You have been properly ravished, mi querida. We had nothing but disrespectful sex last night.”
“Is there such a thing?”
“You bet. I got to know things about you I never realized in twenty-six years of sleeping with you.”
She laughed softly. “You’re being mean.”
“Mean is what I’m known for.”
Randy studied his eyes and saw the hint of fear behind all the joking. “What did Brian tell you?”
His smile faded a little. “He told me it’s okay to have sex with you.”
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