by Loyd, Sandy
Colin smiled back and held her close. “Thank you for that.”
They sat in silence until she asked, “Who were those kids? They seemed too young to be so hardened.”
“They’re orphans, the city’s discards. There are so many lost children, especially after the war. It’s been almost ten years, but still things are tough for some. They are uneducated, untrained, and poor. ’Tis easier for our city’s citizens to accept their thievery rather than try to truly help them because it seems no one gives a damn about their future.” He was quiet for several minutes before asking, “So, they’ve done away with social injustice and poverty in the twenty-first century?”
“Not entirely,” Libby said, shaking her head.
“Are there no lost children in your time?”
His question brought to mind the thought that maybe things really hadn’t changed in over a hundred years. Only the twenty-first century’s problems were different; still dangerous, but different.
“Yes, there are a lot of lost children in my time. I guess no matter how things have changed and advanced, there’s still a bit of familiarity about them.”
“I’d venture to say that the area where these children live is dangerous,” he said, smiling sadly. “Do you go unescorted into areas where such children exist?”
Catching his meaning, Libby sighed. Yes, there were dangerous areas in her city. As much as it galled her, she had to admit the fact. “Point taken.”
His smile turned gentle as he took her face in his hands and kissed her again. When he lifted his head, his intense blue gaze trapped hers. “I’m glad I finally got you to understand. I love you. ’Tis not my desire to hamper your freedom, but remaining safe requires it.”
She nodded and he changed the subject. “Have you eaten?”
Libby shook her head.
“Are you hungry?”
Keeping her eyes on his, Libby nodded.
“Come. Let’s go find Giselle and have lunch. I’m starved.”
He stood and pulled her up with him. Together they walked to Giselle’s door.
“We’re getting a bite to eat,” he said when she opened her door. “Would you care to join us?”
Readily agreeing, Giselle grabbed her bonnet, rushed out into the hallway, and took Colin’s offered elbow. They walked to the hotel dining room much the same as the day before, only this time the mood wasn’t quite as jubilant.
Colin was unusually quiet during lunch. He was pleasant enough, just not as carefree and happy as he’d been earlier. Libby figured he was still upset about the incident. Heavens, she was still upset about it too. Nonetheless, his subdued manner started to alarm her. She’d come to know him pretty well in the past month. He seemed to be withdrawing from her and she sensed his mind was far away, not on lunch or what she and Giselle had been talking about.
“Where are we going tonight,” she asked, trying to draw him out.
He shrugged. “Tonight, Malcolm and Susan have invited us to dinner.” He smiled and added, “Sorry, ladies. No dancing tonight.”
Giselle’s smile was wistful. “I had such a nice time last night. I’m not used to these late evenings. I slept in today, but I’m still tired.”
Libby agreed. “I would prefer a quiet evening.”
“Well, ladies? What should we do this afternoon? I can have George bring the carriage around. We can drive around and view the sights.”
Both Libby and Giselle nodded. For the next few hours, they toured the city by horse-drawn carriage. Every now and then, Colin pointed out a house or home of one of those he knew. Other than that, he didn’t partake of the conversation.
As the afternoon turned into early evening, Libby became more apprehensive. Though polite and as charming as ever, Colin seemed distracted.
“Are you sure you aren’t still mad at me for this morning?” she whispered to him when Giselle stepped out of the carriage ahead of them.
He offered the same sad smile he’d given her too many times that afternoon and patted her hand. “No, my love. I’m no longer angry. I have a lot on my mind, is all.” He leaned in to give her a gentle kiss on the cheek before jumping out of the carriage and helping her out.
Libby blinked back tears of frustration as Giselle drew her aside and asked, “Is everything all right between you and Colin?”
Smiling, Libby nodded. “Of course. I think we’re both tired after last night.” Giselle might remind her of Bev, but Libby thought it best not to mention her troubles despite the need to unburden herself. Another wave of homesickness enveloped her. As Libby allowed Colin to escort her upstairs to their room, she really missed Bev.
Colin remained aloof as he helped her dress for dinner.
During the ride to the Webster home on Third Street, he was more open and talkative, which eased Libby’s mind somewhat. Still, she sensed he was having the same kind of doubts she was having. She didn’t belong here and she missed her own time, but the thought of leaving him behind was unendurable. Not after all that had happened earlier that day. She also worried that she might never go back. That thought tore her in two. Part of her wanted to stay with Colin forever, and the other part wanted nothing better than to go home, where men were normal and life existed on a more enlightened plane.
After a pleasant evening with the Websters, a couple she truly enjoyed, Libby sat next to Colin on the ride back to the hotel and realized he’d lapsed back to his uncommunicative self.
“Will you please tell me what’s wrong?” The need to make things right between them was stronger than ever.
He glanced at her and something flickered in his gaze. Sadness or weariness. Libby wasn’t quite sure, but there was definitely something he wasn’t telling her.
“Why do you assume there’s something wrong,” he asked.
“Because of what happened this morning.”
He smiled. As all his others that day, the smile held no joy, only resignation. “That’s over,” he said, patting her hand. “I’m just weary. I will certainly enjoy falling into bed tonight. It’s been a long day.” He then stretched out his legs and his attention went to the passing scenery.
Libby sighed, not liking this side of him at all. If only he’d tell her what was eating him, then she could fix it. What really scared her was the idea that she couldn’t.
Chapter 19
Their hotel room door closed with a final click and noise from the bustling Galt House lobby died, encasing them in silence. Colin drew Libby closer, wrapping his arms around her. She smiled. He seemed to be himself again. Engulfed in his warmth, she breathed in his scent—one of horses, leather, and sweat. Totally male and totally Colin Thorpe.
Her spine relaxed one vertebra at a time as his strong hands worked out the knotted tension. A nice ending to a day that had begun so horribly, she thought dreamily, shoving any remaining images of her attack to the far reaches of her mind, along with all of the doubts that had hounded her during dinner.
His lips caressed her face, a gentle and soothing balm for her hurts. Eventually, his mouth found hers. The kiss went on and on. Libby could stay in this suspended state of pleasure for a lifetime. Only she didn’t have a lifetime, she remembered. But she wouldn’t dwell on that either.
He lifted his head and turned her. Playing the lady’s maid, he undid each button, taking his time, adding feather-light caresses along her bare arms or fingering the lace before dipping beneath with a soft touch where the mound of her breast met material. His warm, moist mouth slowly followed. Her head fell back, giving him more access. Exquisite ripples of heat rushed to her core, extending outward, sending warmth from head to toe.
Her dress dropped to the floor.
With hands on her shoulders, he gently repositioned her to face him. Then he worked on untying the nineteenth-century corset that worked with vice-like effectiveness on her midsection. Inhaling deeply, once freed of the hated garment, she focused on what his hands were now doing, languishing in more sensations.
As many times
as they’d made love, Colin’s actions felt different tonight. He still kissed and touched, but the quality in his hands seemed altered. There was a reverence in his touch, a hesitance in the slow and tentative contact. She fought to discern this new mood. It seemed as if he were trying to mark her with his hands while also trying to remember her with those same hands. But as soon as the thoughts were out, they dissipated. She couldn’t concentrate when he used his skillful mouth and fingers so well, kissing and caressing. As her last item of clothing floated to the floor, Colin picked her up, carried her to the four poster bed, and gently laid her down.
He quickly divested himself of clothing before joining her. Still, Colin seemed in no hurry, keeping his pace slow and deliberate. Kissing…caressing…touching…stroking…making love with painstaking precision. Libby moved in response to his touch, offered herself up to his glorious lips. His skillful hands. By the time he stretched out, leaning over her, she was desperate to have him inside her. Once there, she craved to find the release she knew was forthcoming. Still, Colin kept his strokes unhurried, as if savoring every lengthy, extended, exquisitely slow thrust, tormenting her further. Libby fought to take the lead and increase the rhythm. But Colin would not yield control, continuing his deliberate in and out.
She moaned. The sensation of pleasure built, went on forever with each thorough stroke of her insides. When the wave came and absolute ecstasy engulfed her, she and Colin launched into simultaneous orgasms that didn’t subside for long moments. Libby felt drained. She’d given him her body and soul, just as he had.
Fully sated and unable to move in the afterglow of their lovemaking, Libby’s thoughts drifted to her earlier emotional meltdown that Colin witnessed after saving her from being brutally attacked. Or worse. Neither mentioned their fight or what preceded it. Remembering his preoccupation during the day and at dinner, everything now converged, permeating her brain in tormenting images. How could she have disregarded his warnings? She shouldn’t have gone out alone and she shouldn’t have been so upset over his autocratic attitude. His anger and concerns had been totally justified, given the era. In hindsight, she understood that now. But everything had hit at once and she’d reacted without thinking.
In a flash of insight, it dawned on Libby what he’d been doing—saying good-bye with his body. The thought rent a searing stab to her heart.
Tears streamed down her face. Never had she felt such pain.
~
Colin felt her sobs and a sorrow of his own swept through him. Dying inside because he had no answers, he lifted up on his forearms and lowered his head to kiss her wet eyes. His mouth followed the trail of tears.
In a sob-wracked voice Libby said, “You’re saying good-bye. Aren’t you?”
He could only nod as he rolled over, not breaking contact with the woman he would love for all eternity. He held her within his strong grip, feeling helpless. Her out-of-control weeping pierced him to the core. His tormented whisper filled the air. “Yes, Libby.” He stroked her soft arms in an effort to ease her pain, struggling to ignore his own. “I have to let you go.”
“But what if I can’t go back?”
“Have you really been trying,” he asked solemnly. “Or simply been delaying the inevitable?”
Her tear-soaked eyes sought his, their grief overwhelming, even as they conveyed that she understood his meaning. After that first night, when he’d confronted her, she hadn’t seemed in any big hurry to wish herself back. What’s more, he hadn’t wanted her to.
“Why?” she whispered seconds later. “Why not take all the time we’ve got?”
Anguish slipped out of his gaze, poured out in his voice. “Don’t you see? I’ve been so selfish. You don’t belong here. The longer you stay, the harder it will be for me to let you go.” He broke off to swallow a lump in the back of his throat. “I was merely fooling myself. Pretending you would come to love my time and all I have to offer, that somehow you would be happy here. After the incident today, I realized I was living a delusion. When we were arguing, I saw such unhappiness.” He sighed and wiped his face. In an effort to help her understand further, he said, “I saw the truth. This situation is too similar, too reminiscent of the experience with my first wife. I’d rather you go back to your own time than witness your becoming a bitter and unhappy woman.”
“But, Colin, I’m not like Abigail.”
“I know you could never be like Abigail. Still, you don’t belong here. You belong in a different era and I won’t risk having your unhappiness on my conscience. I no longer fear losing you. I’m now more afraid of changing you. I love you too much to allow that to happen.” He pulled an unruly curl from her damp face and gentled his voice. “I want to remember you the way you are tonight.”
He caught her gaze again, showing his resolve. “My mind is made up. When we get back to the farm, I want you to try harder to go home.” At the shake of her head, Colin placed his hands on each side of her face, halting her and forcing her to see how much it meant to him. “Please, Libby. Abide by my wishes. Don’t make this any more difficult. With every breath I take, I want you to stay. At the same time, I know that’s not possible, and I accept it. You already possess all I have to give. You have my heart. You have my name, and anything I own, I’d yield to you. But it’s not enough to keep you here.” He held her stare. “You know I speak the truth.”
Eventually she nodded her agreement as fresh tears tracked down her face.
He snuffed out the gas light and hugged her to him. Her gut-wrenching sobs filled the dark room. While Libby cried, all Colin could do was stroke her back in an attempt to comfort her with his touch.
“I’ve always known when the time came to return to my own century, leaving you would be heartbreaking. Reality is so much tougher than I imagined,” she whispered, once she stopped crying. “I feel as if my heart is ripping in two.”
With her tears spent, she finally drifted to sleep, lulled by his words of endearment and soothing touch. Lying awake, Colin held Libby close, as if doing so would keep her with him.
Though he wished with every fiber of his being for a different ending, he’d never regret loving her. She was his life, and insisting she return to her home took an enormous amount of willpower. She wasn’t like Abby, but Libby would never be totally content in his world either, so he had little choice in setting his beautiful butterfly free. He wouldn’t be the one to steal the dust off her wings, keeping her from flying again—eventually killing her.
~
The morning dawned all too soon for Libby.
Silence reigned as she allowed Colin to help her into the carriage before he hefted himself up to sink into the seat beside her. Even Giselle was quiet, having picked up on their somber mood.
George quickly stowed their luggage, then climbed onto the driver’s box and flicked the reins to get the horses moving.
As the carriage turned onto what was Highway 60 in her time, Libby stared out the window, focusing on all she’d be losing. She didn’t want to think, didn’t want to feel anymore. Doing both hurt too much. If only she had something to deaden the pain, she thought, praying for numbness to set in. Keeping her gaze on the scenery around her, she tried to memorize everything she saw. Her thoughts shifted to Gus’s warning.
She smiled wanly. Gus wasn’t wrong about the pain. But he’d been wrong about regretting her actions. How could she ever regret loving Colin or making love with him? Time spent in his arms was worth every bit of the pain she now endured. Nothing could change the fact that she loved him with all her heart, and she felt his love in return. She would remember him and the feeling for the rest of her life.
They had created memories that would remain etched in her mind’s eye forever. Seems Colin’s insistence of making some had been right on. Her smile widened. Then she chuckled. Why deny the truth? Colin Thorpe had been a hard man to ignore, which had been part of her problem from the moment she’d stepped into 1874.
Her small laugh caught Colin’s attention.
He looked up and his features broke into a wobbly grin. “It’s good to see you smile again,” he said. He glanced at Giselle, whose attention was focused on a book she was reading and whispered, “For a while there, I was afraid I’d taken the light of your smile from you.”
“It’s not your fault we fell in love,” she whispered back.
“No, I don’t think either of us could help falling in love.” Colin cleared his throat, leaned in so that only Libby could hear. “But I regret pushing you to consummate our love. I should have taken Gus’s words to heart. I’m sorry I hurt you, Libby. That was never my intent.”
“You haven’t hurt me,” Libby murmured. “You know as well as I that we’d have ended up the same way eventually, no matter what we did to prevent it.” Given the level of attraction between them, she was more surprised with how long they waited, despite the conservative nineteenth-century setting. “I’m only glad we didn’t waste more precious time,” she said a little louder. “While I wish the circumstances could be different, I could never be unhappy over loving you.” She reached for his hand, brought it up to her lips, and kissed it. “Thank you for giving me the world in such a short time.”
Giselle, obviously catching the last of the conversation and clearly not understanding what had happened, eyed them curiously. Finally she asked, “You talk as though you are leaving. I thought you couldn’t go back yet?”
Libby’s voice was as wistful as her smile when she added, “It seems I need to try harder.” She’d confided in Giselle the day before after her companion questioned something Colin had said. Considering the era, Giselle had taken the news well, despite Libby’s opinion that she really hadn’t believed it. She would definitely believe it once Libby was gone.
“Wait.” Giselle put up a hand. “I thought you were staying as long as you could. Why have you changed your mind?”
When Libby explained about her attack, Giselle’s eyes grew the size of quarters. “Where was I? Why were you out alone?”