Ouch. His tone stings, but I deserve it. Probably much worse for what I’ve put him through.
“Um, uh…” Shit. What do I want? For him to comfort me? Tell me it’ll be ok? Swing by and pick me up for an evening of mindless debauchery? Months ago, I wouldn’t have hesitated to suggest all of the above. But now…now there’s just too much left unsaid. Too many issues left unresolved. And now that my future is murkier than ever, do I even have time to make things right?
“Gabs? Did you need something?”
I take a deep breath and release it, exhaling everything we once were and what we could’ve been. Human Gabs should’ve ended up with Jared. She would’ve been his biggest cheerleader at every soccer match. She would’ve squeezed his muscled arm and hung on to his every word at parties. And when they were ready, she would’ve said yes when he popped the big question after graduation. Jared would’ve been her world, and she would’ve given him every bit of herself, without provocation. Because he was worth it, and she was lucky to have him.
But Human Gabs died just days ago, right there in Garden of the Gods with lightning raining down around her in a fury of nature. The minute I shed my human life, just as a snake sheds its skin, I became wild and free. Reborn. And Jared—with those dazzling green eyes and wholesome boyish charm—just didn’t fit anymore. It wasn’t right of me to even want him to.
I wish I could tell him that; he’d understand more than anyone. He’d tell me I was crazy—that no matter what, I’d always be his Gabs. I’d always be that hazel-eyed, curly-haired girl that couldn’t hide her secret crush on him. That girl that had wanted him to be the moon and stars—before she could ever truly see their immense beauty.
I came back down to earth, his question echoing in my head. Did I need something? Something that—sweet, handsome, mortal Jared—could provide? “No,” I answer, my voice a mere whisper. “I don’t need anything. I just wanted to tell you—”
I hear rustling, followed by three knocks at the door.
Oh no.
No no no no.
“Jared, don’t open it!” I shriek, already rushing to my closet to slip on my tennis shoes. I stuff my feet into them in less than a second and am already searching for my keys.
Shiiiiiit!
I don’t have my car!
I search for Morgan’s, but I can’t find them. Dammit! Dorian must’ve taken her car.
“Jared! Listen to me. Do not answer that door! I’ll be there in a minute!”
“What?” I can hear him padding across the hall, marching right towards Death. He holds his breath for just a pinch of a moment, and I imagine him looking out the peephole. “Chill out, Gabs. It’s just Carey from across the hall. I think she and a couple of her sorority sisters are having a party or something.”
“It’s not her, Jared! Please, listen to me! You can’t trust anybody! No one is safe!”
In the next instant, Alexander appears before my eyes, concern dimpling his forehead. He must’ve heard my alarm. I put my hand over the receiver and pull the phone away from my ear before turning to him, desperate for any help I can get.
“Please, I need your help! I need you to fly or teleport or whatever it is you do. I need you to get to UCCS and rescue my friend. Now!”
Hope drains from Alexander’s face and his shoulders sag before he’s shaking his head. “Gabriella, I wish…I wish I could. But we cannot manifest where we have never been. I have not ever visited that location. I’m sorry.”
I don’t even let myself get pissed. I don’t have time for that. “Fine. Then teach me how.”
He shakes his head. “It cannot be taught. It comes from within.”
This can’t happen. No. I can’t let this happen.
I can’t lose Jared. I can’t feel even an ounce of pain. No more. Please…no more.
I hear Jared’s shout from the phone in my hand, trying to get my attention. “Hello? Gabs? You still there?”
I swallow, my mouth dry and tasting of stale liquor. “Don’t open it, Jared. Please.”
I don’t even know if I’m really saying the words. Maybe I imagined saying them. Maybe it’s lingering regret on my tongue from not making him hear me. Because even as the words resound inside my skull, I hear the click of a lock, the twist of a doorknob. The sharp inhale of breath.
He opens the door.
I DON’T HAVE to look at Alexander to know that his face is contorted in a frozen state of shock and horror. I couldn’t see him through my haze of dread even if I tried. All I can focus on is the sound of Jared’s voice, waiting, listening, for any inflection. Any indication that his next word will be his last.
“Hey, Casey. What’s up?” I can hear the reluctance in his voice. Maybe on some level, he knows that my warning was warranted. Still, he opened the door.
He opened the door.
In the past 48 hours, opening damn doors has knocked me on my ass every-fucking-time.
I opened the door at Dorian’s suite and Alexander, my very undead father, is standing there.
Then I opened it to let room service in, only to find Niko and a poison-laden cart, wheeled by some punk-kid hopped up on Dark magic.
Opened the door to Morgan’s room. Found that she’d nearly killed herself.
And the one time I didn’t open the door at my parent’s house…I wished I did. That knock was meant for me. That dagger to the gut should have been mine.
Donna’s blood is still fresh on my hands. I can still smell her. Can still feel her warmth slipping away as I held her limp body. I still see the look in her eyes as she looked up at me, begging me to help her—to save her. To be the very thing I was set on this earth to be.
Now I’m about to lose another precious part of me. And I’m afraid that after this, I won’t have any more left to lose.
“Please. Please close the door, Jared.” I know he can’t hear me; he’s pulled the phone away from his ear. My voice is so weak, as if my body has given up. Or maybe it’s learned to protect itself from the inevitable. It’s learned, adapted. It knows that any more pain—even just an ounce—would be my undoing. There would be no chance of recovery.
A feminine voice—saccharine sweet and nauseatingly shrill—purrs his name, seduction dripping from every consonant. “Jared. How are you?”
“Fine.” It sounds almost like a question, as if he’s trying to figure out why the hell this chick is at his door at nearly 1:00 am. “Everything ok, Casey?”
Even in suspicion, he’s caring to a fault. The girl laughs like his kindness is a joke. Like it amuses her that he’s so oblivious. I know that sound—it’s the call of a predator. And Jared is the sweetest kind of prey.
“Everything is definitely ok, Jared.” She says his name again, letting it slide over her venomous tongue. It sounds unnatural, too deliberate. “But I was hoping we could talk.”
Talk? Who the fuck talks this late at night? What the hell does she need to say?
“No!” I scream into the receiver. “Close the door, Jared!” I’m completely aware of the jealousy roiling in my chest, but most of it is fear. And rage. Blinding, red-tinged rage.
“Don’t you want to hang up the phone?” she asks, a hint of annoyance in that unnatural screech of a voice. I hear her shuffle forward, and her heart rate spikes with excitement. Back up, bitch, I silently scream.
“Um…just, uh, a sec,” Jared stammers before placing the phone to his ear. “Gabs, can I call you back?”
“No, you can’t,” I’m yelling before he can even complete the question. “Do not hang up. Close the door, Jared. There’s something I need to tell you. Please.”
“Tell me? Can it wait?” The girl co-signs his suggestion, and I swear I feel my pressure rise into the danger zone.
“Tell that bitch to mind her business and shut the door. It can’t wait, Jared. It may be too late. And…and…something happened tonight. I didn’t want to tell you like this, but you have to know…about Donna.”
“Donna?”
; Casey bristles impatiently, insisting Jared give her his undivided attention. She’s not backing down, fully prepared to fight dirty. “Jared, don’t you want to hear what I have to say? Or better yet, what I want to do? Come on, sexy, you know you want to.”
“Don’t listen to her, Jared! Seriously, I need to talk to you!”
Jared sighs uncomfortably, and I imagine him rubbing the back of his neck as nerves creep up his spine. “Ok, Gabs. Just give me a sec.” Even though he covers the mouthpiece with his thumb, I can still hear with crystal clarity. I can even picture the irritated scowl this Casey chick would undoubtedly wear. “Hey, Case, can I stop by later? Like in the morning?”
“No, you can’t. It has to be now,” she sneers, obviously offended that he brushed her off. Casey doesn’t sound like she takes rejection well. Boo hoo, bitch.
“What does?” For God’s sake, Jared! Close the damn door! Stop being so nice!
“What I’ve been dying to do for months.” Her voice drops an octave, and I can hear her moving, stepping over the threshold of the doorframe. Her voice is closer, her breathing ragged with lust. “Kiss me, Jared.”
“What?” He sounds genuinely surprised, as if the request is totally out of left field. As if it’s out of character for Casey to ask such a thing.
“Kiss me.”
“Casey, I think you—”
A loud, screeching clatter impales my eardrum and their voices grow to screams, yet they sound farther away. There’s a struggle, scratching flesh, ripping clothing. Either they’re rolling around in violent passion or Jared’s being attacked. Human Gabs would have been crushed at the first scenario. Immortal, I-Will-Cut-A-Bitch Gabs knows it’s the latter of the two.
“Just one kiss, Jared,” Casey growls, her voice sounding less shrill and more menacing. “Just give me one kiss.”
The fuck? She’s lip-raping him?
“What the hell is wrong with you, Case? When did you get so freakishly strong? Get off me! This isn’t you!”
Freakishly strong.
Uncharacteristic behavior.
Fucking hell.
I never wanted to be wrong more than in this moment. I longed for paranoia. I prayed I was just being irrationally jealous and possessive of a green-eyed boy that could never be mine. It would have been easier to imagine him hooking up with his sorority girl neighbor. Anything would have been better than this.
The tone of Casey’s voice dips lower, and an inhumane sound rumbles her throat, preluding a haunting, ancient voice that long precedes her young years. “You will place your lips upon mine, boy. And you shall taste the sweetest death.”
I’m screaming, begging for Jared to hear me from where ever the phone has been knocked away, so loudly that I almost don’t catch an ear-splitting bang, followed by the sickly sounds of bones crumbling to dust.
Then it’s quiet. So quiet that I only hear the pounding of a racing heart. Only one single, human heart.
Soft footsteps grow nearer before there’s movement at the phone once again. Someone’s picked it up. I hold my breath, praying that it’s him. That the solitary heartbeat belongs to Jared, and that he’s safe and sound once again. My sweet, handsome friend who has always been too damn good for the likes of me.
When I hear the voice on the other end, I swallow the breath I’m holding, feeling like I could never breathe again.
“I’m sorry, little girl.”
There’s a click, and the connection dies, along with my last shred of hope.
I ONCE BELIEVED I was tethered to this earth by gravity. An unseen force so great and powerful that it keeps my feet planted to the ground, no matter how far from reality I may drift. I always come back down. My existence was ruled by science.
Then a beautiful man told me that everything in my world could not be explained with science and logic. That there were phenomena so far beyond my realm of understanding that could only be measured as one thing: magic. And I realized that gravity was as superficial as my human life. It was an idea steeped in reason in a world without reason. So I really hadn't been bound by it at all.
I am held by a much greater force, something so powerful that I can't contain it. I can't control it. I can only live it, and pray that it will show mercy.
I realize that I am tethered by love.
Love for my family, my friends. Love for a man who still battles the urge to kill me. Who takes pleasure in hurting me with every soul-crushing climax.
I’ve become an illogical being, something that can’t be found in textbooks or studied in a laboratory. I am magic. And I am ruled by a love so erratic and unstable that I am forced to relinquish all control to it. It taunts me. It punishes me. It dangles serenity and happiness in front of me only to snatch it away, howling with delight at my agony. Yet, I keep holding onto it, keep entrusting my existence to this monster in hopes that it will deem me fit to capture it forever. Because without it, I have no connection to this life. No bond forged in blood and bone. No reason to breathe, no reason to live.
Love is my weakness. It is my enemy. It is my savior.
Once again, it’s testing me, seeing how far it could push me until I began to break. Jared had always been one of those invisible strings that kept me tied to my human life. I had been forced to cut the ones that bound me to Chris and Donna. Without Jared, how many more strings do I have left? How many more have to be severed before I float away into nothingness? How long can I go on before I want to cut the damn strings myself?
Alexander watches me pace the floor, so still that I forget that he’s there. He doesn’t speak, he doesn’t breathe. He doesn’t even blink. He just watches me, remorse hardening his ethereal features.
I should hate him. I should cast him away to the Dark king as an act of penance. But even as I think it, I know I would never do it. I could never subject myself to that type of evil for a man whose only crime was love. That very same demon had stolen away the people we cared for the most.
“Shouldn’t he be back by now?” I mumble for the twentieth time. I hit redial, only to get the same automated message. We’re sorry. The line you are trying to reach has been disconnected…
I curse and try Dorian’s cell again, and of course, it rolls over to voicemail, informing me that his mailbox is full. “Fuck this. I’m going over there.”
“That is impossible, Gabriella.”
“How is that impossible? I was able to freeze you and Dorian just fine. Maybe I’m a fast learner.”
Alexander shakes his head. “Without proper training, you could be lost. Stuck between dimensions. Only your mind would be the key to finding you, and that could take us centuries.”
I huff out an irritated breath. “Fine. I’ll call a cab. I have to get to Jared, with or without your help.”
Again, he shakes his head, ratcheting up my anger by a few more degrees. “That would not be possible either. You cannot trust anyone. Humans especially.”
“So I’m supposed to hide? To fear the world? Am I not the Dark Light? More powerful than anyone else, even Dorian? Even you?”
His gaze ices over, and I watch him battle the darkness breeching the surface. “Humble yourself, child. From whom much is given, much is required. Don’t let pride cloud your purpose. Just as simply as you received these gifts of the Divine, they can be ripped away.”
I shake my head and look away, fighting frustrated tears. I know he’s right, and I know I’m acting like a spoiled child. But I can’t imagine what could be going on across town. Is Jared…dead? Was Dorian too late? Or could he have had something to do with it?
I’m sorry, little girl.
For what? For not saving him? For having a hand in his death? The thought nauseates me.
“He is an honorable man, Gabriella,” Alexander remarks, reading the turmoil in my glassy eyes. “He would never harm someone you loved, and would protect them as fiercely as he protects you.”
I look up at my father—my last living relative, biologically or not. “Do you truly
believe that?”
“Yes. I trusted him with my life for nearly a century. No matter what animosities may rest between us, I wouldn’t hesitate to do it again. War bonds you in a way that goes far beyond friendships and emotional attachment. It builds brothers out of strangers. Dorian Skotos may have been misguided in pursuing you, but his intentions were good. And if he did not truly care for you, you would not be here now. I have witnessed him demolish greater men with his bare hands without a single inkling of remorse. He’s watched the burning of entire villages without a shred of guilt. But with you…he is different. He feels. He has managed to withhold his emotions for over two hundred years, only to have them purged from his soul by a young, beautiful girl. Imagine how incredibly difficult that must be for him—to not be able to contain his affections for the very creature he was sent to assassinate. I understand that inner battle, more than you could ever know.”
I’m stunned speechless, not only by his words, but the conviction in his voice. I believe him. And even though I may not really know him, I know Dorian. I know the man I met a year ago in that crowded club. And when he pressed his lips to my hand, leaving behind a trail of icy tingles, I felt something stir inside me. He wasn’t awakening the beast. He was recognizing it with his own. Accepting it. Showing me that he could love every complex piece of me—even the parts he didn’t understand.
I don’t believe he ever had planned to kill me. When I met him, I didn’t feel fear. There was no silent alarm blaring in my head whenever he was near. I was exhilarated by his presence. I knew he was dangerous on some level, but that only made me want him more. If I was scared of anything, it was losing him, only to be cast back into my mediocre ruse of a life.
Taking a bit of comfort in my realization, along with Alexander’s vehement description of Dorian, I walk over to the couch and sink into the cushion, releasing a world of confusion and frustration in a heavy sigh. I don’t look back at Alexander, but he knows I’m waiting for him to accept my invitation to join me. When he sits in the adjacent armchair, I look up at him with apology in my gaze. I’ve acted like a brat since he arrived. This man escaped captivity and lived in hiding for twenty-one years, fueled by the hope that we could one day be together. And in the past two days, we’ve hardly had the opportunity to have a decent conversation.
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