Love! It was a precious thing. It was worth facing danger for the sake of love; and she had discovered this about herself: She would never again be one to deny love.
Love filled her life, filled the cell at the convent, touching austerity with a roseate light.
Sorrow passed, she found, for news came that even the Pope had come out of retirement, that he was no longer heard weeping and calling for Giovanni.
On the day when Pedro brought the news that the Pope had taken a mistress, they were all very lighthearted in Lucrezia’s room. Only Pantisilea was a little regretful, wishing she had been the one chosen to comfort the Pope. But her place was with Lucrezia whom she hoped never to leave. Nor should she; Lucrezia had promised her that.
“You shall always be with me, dear Pantisilea,” Lucrezia told her. “When I leave this place you shall come with me. No matter where I go I shall take you with me.”
Pantisilea could be happy, for when they left this place she would still live close to His Holiness, and there was always hope that he might notice her again.
Weeks passed. The Pope seemed to have forgotten his grief completely. Cesare was on his way home from Naples, and Alexander was preparing a welcome for him.
Giovanni, the beloved son, was dead, but that was in the past, and the Borgias did not grieve forever.
Cesare stood before his father, and now the Pope looked full into his son’s eyes.
“My son,” he said brokenly.
Cesare kissed his father’s hands; then turned his appealing eyes upon him.
Alexander had been too long alone, and having lost one son he did not intend to lose another.
Already, because he was Alexander, to him Giovanni had become a shadowy figure, and Cesare was here beside him, young, ambitious, strong.
He is the stronger of the two, mused Alexander. He will do great deeds before he dies. With him at its head, the house of Borgia will prosper.
“Welcome home, my son. Welcome home, Cesare,” said the Pope.
And Cesare exulted, for all that he had done, he now knew, had not been in vain.
Lucrezia and Pantisilea were working on a piece of embroidery when Lucrezia dropped the work and let her hands lie idly in her lap.
“Does aught ail you, Madonna?” asked Pantisilea.
“What should you think?” asked Lucrezia sharply.
“I thought you seemed … over-pensive, Madonna. I have noticed it of late.”
Lucrezia was silent. Pantisilea was looking at her in some alarm.
“You have guessed,” said Lucrezia.
“It cannot be, Madonna. It must not be.”
“It is so. I am to have a child.”
“Madonna!”
“Why do you look so shocked? You know that it can easily happen when one has a lover.”
“But you and Pedro! What will your father say? What will your brother do?”
“I dare not think, Pantisilea.”
“How long?”
“It is three months.”
“Three months, Madonna! So it happened in the beginning.”
“It would seem so.”
“June, July, August,” counted Pantisilea. “And it is now the beginning of September. Madonna, what shall we do?”
“I do not know, Pantisilea. I think mayhap I shall go away somewhere in secret. These things have happened before. Perhaps Pedro will come with me.” Lucrezia flung herself into the arms of Pantisilea. “Lucky one!” she cried. “If you loved you might marry; you might live with your husband and children, happy for the rest of your life. But for one such as I am there is nothing but the marriage which will bring advantage to my family. They betrothed me twice and then they married me to Giovanni Sforza.” Now that she loved Pedro she shuddered at the memory of Giovanni Sforza.
“They will soon divorce you from him,” soothed Pantisilea. “Mayhap then you will marry Pedro.”
“Would they allow it?” asked Lucrezia, and all the melancholy had left her face.
“Who knows … if there is a child? Children make so much difference.”
“Oh Pantisilea, how you comfort me! Then I shall marry Pedro and we shall go away from Rome; we shall have a house like my mother’s and I shall have my credenza in which I shall store my silver goblets, my majolica. Pantisilea, how happy we shall be!”
“You will take me with you, Madonna?”
“How could I manage without you? You shall be there, and mayhap I’ll find a husband for you. No, I shall not find you one. You shall find your own and you must love him as I love Pedro. That is the only way to marry, Pantisilea, if you would live happily.”
Pantisilea nodded, but she was apprehensive.
Lucrezia had yet to be divorced, and she was to be divorced because she was virgo intacta on account of her husband’s being unable to consummate the marriage. Pantisilea believed that Lucrezia would have to appear before the Cardinals, perhaps submit to an examination. “Holy Mother of God,” thought Pantisilea, “protect us.”
But she loved Lucrezia—how she loved her! No one had ever been so kind to her before. She would lie for Lucrezia; she would do anything to make her happy. To be with Lucrezia was to share her philosophy of life, to believe that everything must come right and that there was really nothing about which to worry oneself. It was a delightful philosophy. Pantisilea planned to live with it for the rest of her life.
“Pantisilea, should I go to my father, should I tell him that I am to have Pedro’s child? Shall I tell him that Pedro is my husband in all but name and that he must let us marry?”
When Lucrezia talked thus, Pantisilea felt herself jerked roughly into reality.
“His Holiness has had a shock, Madonna. The death of your brother is but three months away. Let him recover from one shock before he is presented with another.”
“This should mean happiness for him. He loves children and he longs for us to have them.”
“Not the children of chamberlains, Madonna. I beg of you, take the advice of Pantisilea. Wait awhile. Choose the right moment to tell His Holiness. There is time yet.”
“But, people will notice.”
“The sisters? They are not very observant. I will make you a dress with voluminous petticoats. In such a dress your child could be about to be born and none know it.”
“It is strange, Pantisilea, but I am so happy.”
“Dearest Madonna, you were meant to have children.”
“I think that is so. When I think of holding this child in my arms, of showing him to Pedro, I am so happy, Pantisilea, that I forget all my troubles. I forget Giovanni. I forget my father’s grief, and I forget Cesare and … But no matter. It is wrong of me to feel so happy.”
“Nay, it is always right to be happy. Happiness is the true meaning of life.”
“But my brother so recently murdered, my father bowed down with grief, and myself a wife already to another man!”
“The time passes and the grief of His Holiness with it. And Giovanni Sforza is no husband to you and never was … so the Pope would have it.”
Pantisilea did not press that subject. She knew that Lucrezia would have to appear before the gathering of Cardinals and declare herself a virgin. The petticoats would have to be very wide.
The Pope and his elder son were often together now. It was said in the Vatican: “His Holiness has already forgotten his vow to end nepotism; he has forgotten his son Giovanni, and all the affection he had for him is now given to Cesare.”
There was a new relationship between Alexander and Cesare; the shock of Giovanni’s death had shaken Alexander; Cesare was exultant because he believed that his father would never be the same again, that their positions had shifted, very slightly it was true; but there was an indication of what they would one day be to each other.
Alexander had lost a little of his authority; Cesare had gained that little. At the time of his great grief Alexander had seemed like an old man; he had recovered, but he had never regained that air of a man in his
prime.
Cesare had learned something of great importance: I may do what I will and it makes no difference. There is nothing I cannot do, and he will help me to achieve my ambitions.
Now the Pope said to him: “My son, this divorce of your sister is long delayed. I think we should arrange for her to appear before the assembly.”
“Yes, Father. She cannot be too quickly freed from the man.”
“You were not idle while you were in Naples, Cesare? You sounded the King on the question of a possible husband for your sister?”
“I did, Holiness. Alfonso, the Duke of Bisceglie was suggested.”
The Pope murmured: “Illegitimate.”
Cesare shrugged his shoulders.
“And,” went on Alexander, “Sanchia’s brother.”
“He is like his sister in appearance only,” Cesare said.
The Pope nodded. He could forgive Cesare for bringing about the death of Giovanni, because he was a Borgia and his son; but he found it harder to forgive Sanchia for being one of the causes of jealousy between Cesare and Giovanni.
He considered the marriage. Alliance with Naples would be good at this juncture; and if the marriage became irksome there were always ways of ending it.
“I have been approached by the Prince of Salerno on account of his son Sanseverino.”
“I doubt not that the King of Naples had heard of it, and that is why he was so anxious for you to consider Alfonso of Bisceglie. He would not wish to see such a firm ally of the French joined with us by such a marriage.”
“Francesco Orsini is another; and there is the Lord of Piombino and Ottaviano Riario.”
“Dear Lucrezia—although she is not yet rid of one husband, she has many waiting for her. Fortunate Lucrezia!”
“You are thinking that you are denied marriage, my son.”
Cesare’s eyes were now alight with eagerness. “Oh my father,” he said, “Carlotta of Aragon, the King’s legitimate daughter who is being educated at the Court of France, is marriageable. It was hinted that were I free she might be my wife.”
There was a brief silence. This seemed to Cesare one of the most important moments of his life, for it was as though the Pope were struggling to regain his old supremacy.
Then, after what seemed a long time to Cesare, Alexander spoke. He said slowly: “Such a marriage would be advantageous, my son.”
Cesare knelt in sudden emotion. He took his father’s hand and kissed it passionately.
In this son, thought Alexander, I shall forget all my grief. He shall achieve such greatness that in time I shall cease to regret the loss of his brother.
Life for Lucrezia in the Convent of San Sisto had been an alternation of joy and terror.
She and Pedro indulged in feverish pleasure which was the more intense because they both knew that it could not last. They were two people who must snatch at every moment of happiness, savoring it, cherishing it because they could not know when it would be their last together.
Pantisilea watched them, sharing vicariously their joys and sorrow; her pillows were often wet at night when she lay awake trying to look into the future.
There came that day when Pedro brought an inevitable message from the Pope. Lucrezia was to prepare herself to appear before an assembly of Envoys and Cardinals at the Vatican. There she should be declared virgo intacta.
Lucrezia was terrified.
“But what can I do?” she demanded of Pantisilea.
The little maid tried to comfort her. She should try on the dress Pantisilea had made for her. It was winter-time and she would be expected to wear many petticoats, as it was cold in the convent. She would hold her head high and impress them all with her innocent appearance. She must.
“How can I do it, Pantisilea?” she cried. “How can I stand before those holy men and act this lie?”
“You must do it, Madonna dearest. The Holy Father commands it, and it is necessary that you should be freed from Giovanni Sforza. On what other grounds could you be divorced?”
Lucrezia began to laugh hysterically.
“Pantisilea, why do you look so solemn? Do you not see what a joke this is? I am six months pregnant, and I am to go before the assembly and swear that I am virgo intacta. It is like a tale told by Giovanni Boccaccio. It is a joke … or it would be if it were not so serious … if it might not end tragically.”
“Dear Madonna, we will not let it end tragically. You will do what your father asks of you, and when you are free you will marry Pedro and go away to some place where all will be peace and happiness for you.”
“If only that could be so!”
“Remember it when you stand before those men, and that will give you courage. If you act this lie convincingly you will gain your freedom; and it is, after all, not the child of Giovanni Sforza that you carry. Your happiness—and that of Pedro—depend on how you act before the assembly. Remember that, Madonna.”
“I will remember it,” said Lucrezia firmly.
Pantisilea dressed her with care. Cunningly she arranged the velvet flounces, and when she had finished she was pleased with her work.
“None will guess … I swear it. But, Madonna, how pale you are!”
“I feel the child moving within me as though to reproach me for denying it.”
“Nay you are not denying it. You are making a happy life for it. Do not think of the past, Madonna. Look to the future. Look to happiness with Pedro, and all that will come out of this day.”
“Pantisilea, my dear little maid, what should I have done without you?”
“Oh Madonna, none ever had a sweeter mistress. If I could not serve you, life would be dull for me. Anything I have done for you has been repaid a thousandfold.”
They clung together, two frightened girls.
And so she came to the Vatican, and there in the presence of her father and the members of the assembly she listened to the reading by one of the Cardinals of the document which declared that her marriage to Giovanni Sforza had not been consummated and that as a result Lucrezia was virgo intacta. This being no true marriage they were gathered together to pronounce its annulment.
She stood before them and never had her innocent looks served her so well.
The Cardinals and Envoys were impressed by her beauty and her youthful appearance; they needed no other proof of her virginity.
She was told that she was no longer married to Giovanni Sforza, and she answered with a speech of thanks which was so disarming that all present were charmed with her.
There was a moment when, feeling the child move within her, she felt dizzy and swayed slightly.
“Poor child!” murmured one of the Cardinals. “What an ordeal for one so young and innocent to endure!”
The Pope was waiting for her in his private apartments; Cesare was with him.
“My dearest,” said the Pope, embracing her warmly, “at last I hold you in my arms again. This has been a trying time for us all.”
“Yes, Father.”
Cesare added: “And to have you shut away from us … that has been the most trying of all.”
“I needed the refuge,” she answered, not daring to meet their eyes.
“I trust,” said the Pope, “that you found little Pantisilea a good servant?”
Lucrezia replied passionately: “I love the girl. I do not know what I should have done without her. Thank you a thousand times, Father, for sending her to me.”
“I knew she would serve you well,” answered Alexander.
“The time has come for you to begin a new life, dear sister,” Cesare murmured. “Now that you are rid of Sforza you will find life sweet again.”
She did not answer. Desperately she was seeking for courage to tell them of her condition, to explain why they must put aside all thought of a grand marriage for her, how she loved Pedro and that he was the father of the child she carried.
She had imagined herself telling them, again and again as she lay in her converted cell and, although it had seemed a
great ordeal which lay before her, it had not seemed impossible. Facing them, she found that she had underestimated the fear and awe in which she held them, the power which they held over her.
Alexander’s smile was almost roguish. “There are many clamoring for your hand, daughter.”
“Father … I do not wish to think of them.”
Cesare had moved swiftly toward her and put an arm about her. “What ails you, Lucrezia? You look ill. I fear you have suffered privation in your convent.”
“No … no. I have been comforted there.”
“It is no place for such as you are.”
“But you are pale and you look exhausted,” said the Pope.
“Let me sit down a moment,” Lucrezia begged.
Both men watched her intently. Only Alexander realized how frightened she was, and he motioned her to a stool.
Cesare told her of the men who were eager to marry her. “Francesco Orsini … Ottaviano Riario … and there is Sanchia’s brother, the little Duke of Bisceglie.”
Alexander said suddenly: “This has been an ordeal for the child. She needs rest now. Your apartments have been prepared for you, my dear. You shall go to them at once.”
Cesare was about to protest, but the Pope was his old firm self. He was clapping his hands and slaves were appearing.
“Madonna Lucrezia’s women should conduct her to her apartments,” he said.
When he was alone, Alexander stood before the shrine in his apartments. He was not praying; he was staring at it, and there were furrows in his brow and the rich purple blood stained his face, while in his temples a pulse throbbed visibly.
It was impossible. But it was not impossible at all. What had been happening in the convent all these months? He had heard stories of what could and did happen in convents. But not that of San Sisto.
He had not dared voice his supicions before Cesare. Oh yes, he was afraid of his son. If Cesare had guessed what was in his mind he might have done anything, however reckless. Cesare must not know yet … if it were true. But this monstrous thing which he suspected must not be true.
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