‘Ah!’ he said, ‘I see.’
I felt really stupid. I could feel the heat rising up my neck to my face, thank goodness it was so gloomy.
‘Bit of an education eh?’ He grabbed my arm and led me through to what could only be called an apology for a kitchen. ‘Can you wait here while I get the others? We should leave now. Don’t move. I won’t be long.’
And off he went again.
The room was horrid. The sink was all cracked with brown stains and the green larder door was hanging off. A few tins of baked beans and soup was all that I could see on the shelves. A dirty milk bottle was on the draining board with about a dozen tea cups and spoons, all in need of a good wash. Dirty dishes were piled next to them, some with food still on them. I screwed my face up in disgust. How could anyone live like this?
An old gingham curtain hung in tatters at the filthy window which had a crazy paving of cracks across the top. A pedal bin stood in the corner overflowing with baked bean tins and Woodbine packets. The room stank of mould and rotting food.
I waited and tried not to think of what was surrounding me. Even my boots were sticking to the linoleum. What the hell was keeping Scot? ‘Whatcha.’
I looked round to see ‘The Bitch’ as I’ll always think of her, standing in the doorway. She must’ve followed me in.
‘Looking for Scott.’
‘Well, as you can see he isn’t here,’ I said frostily.
She laughed and leaned against the door jamb. Looking me up and down, she rummaged in her pink PVC bag and took a thin black cigarette out.
‘Light?’ she asked as she placed it between her full, pale lips.
‘Don’t smoke,’ I said, and then kicked myself. I shouldn’t have let her know I wasn’t that cool; too late.
She laughed, ‘What, too good to do the dreaded weed, eh?’ and she rummaged a bit more and came up with a box of Swan Vestas. ‘You must do something, coz Scott wouldn’t waste his time otherwise.’
She smirked and winked knowingly at me. I glared back.
She had long dark hair, cut like Cher’s, and her eyes were deep blue, peering out from her panda black eye make-up. She had a spot of acne on her chin, and that made me feel great.
The room filled with a pungent odour as she lit up and exhaled, blowing the smoke upwards. She folded her arms and continued to appraise me with an amused look on her face. The Hollies’ ‘Jennifer Eccles’ drifted into the room and she tapped her foot to the beat.
‘You’re the kid from where they live now,’ she stated flatly. ‘Not what I expected.’
I couldn’t think what to say. She made me feel like a stupid school kid and all my newly assumed sophistication was fast evaporating under her scrutiny. I shifted from one foot to another and flicked my hair forward so that she couldn’t see my face. I watched her from under my fringe. She had a smile on her face as she smoked and watched me back.
Scott appeared in the doorway. He winked at The Bitch. She smirked.
‘Come on, Renza, we’re off,’ and he held his hand out.
‘See you soon,’ he said, and blew her a kiss. She pouted her full lips and blew one back with a loud smacking noise, raised her eyebrows as I passed, and whispered, ‘I can have him anytime I want.’
I said nothing, but my heart was in my boots and I wanted to cry. I was in way out of my depth: the sneering girl, obviously enjoying my discomfort, whose relationship with Scott was too free and easy for my liking, Scott going away for weeks without even mentioning it, and this awful, gruesome house party… I just wanted to go home. Yet Mo said Scott loved me – I tried to hold the thought – but he’d never actually told me, not properly. Perhaps he’s changed his mind now he’s been out with me a few times, especially now he’s seen this girl again. I wish I had the nerve to ask him. But Rich said she’d be history after tonight, so perhaps I’m just being silly.
And I’d forgotten how far out in the sticks we’d gone to party with the band. Sitting in Bessie Bedford we were encased in total darkness, with no street lamps or nearby houses to comfort me. The wind was howling across Salisbury Plain and there was more than a spot of rain in it.
Rich tried three times before the engine decided to kick into life.
Bessie back-fired several times before we set off down the overgrown lane to the road. Although it was summer, there was a chill in the air and Scott put his parka round my shoulders when I shivered.
‘Won’t take long, should be a clear run back,’ he said as I strained to see my watch in the gloom. I snuggled into his shoulder and he squeezed me tight.
‘I can’t be later than one,’ I said. ‘Mum will kill me.’
‘Stop yapping,’ murmured Zak from behind the back seat where he was settled in amongst the gear. ‘Some of us need a kip.’
‘You shut up,’ came the reply from the other side of the gear where Joss was propped against the wheel arch.
The seat behind Scott and me was occupied by two girls I had never seen before. They were already in the van when we got in and apart from a muttered hello, hadn’t said a word to anyone, though I think I heard them whispering to each other now and again.
Mo sat in the front with a girl on his lap and she looked fast asleep. I had never set eyes on her before either. Only Rich hadn’t pulled. He drove in silence, chewing gum and smoking now and again. Thankfully he wound the window down when he did. My head throbbed. Everyone was tired. I had so many things to think about, to worry about, to talk to Scott about – but I couldn’t do any of them right now. Not in front of everyone, and I was so, so tired.
I sleepily wondered what it would be like to be married to Scott – not that that was ever going to happen – and closed my eyes and drifted off to sleep.
Renza’s Diary
June 30th 1968 – early hours of the morning
I must have dropped off for ages because all of a sudden I wasn’t saying, ‘I do’ to Scott, he was telling me to wake up. I shook my head and tried to open my eyes fully, but they just wanted to close and take me back to my wedding.
‘Renza, wake up, please, wake up.’ Scott’s voice penetrated eventually and I made myself come round.
‘What?’ I said dreamily, and then I had a horrible thought, had I been snoring? God, I’d just die if I’d done that in front of him. He would never go out with me again. I checked my chin to see if I had been drooling but everything seemed OK.
‘Van’s broken down,’ Scott said and it took a while for his words to register.
Of course, once they did, I panicked, sitting upright and looking round frantically. ‘Broken down? How? I mean when? I mean ….Oh God, she’ll kill me and I won’t be able to go out with you again. Well, if you ask me that is…’
‘Shut up!’ Zak groaned sleepily from the darkness.
‘Rich, where’s Rich?’ I asked when I saw he wasn’t in the driving seat.
‘Gone with Mo to see if they can find a phone box or a garage for a breakdown lorry,’ Scott said, checking his watch – he had one of those that glowed in the dark.
Not members of the AA then.
‘When? How long ago? I mean, have they just gone or what?’ I just stopped myself grabbing Scott’s arm and shaking it, I was in such a state.
‘Chill, will yer?’ Zak snapped from behind us, and he threw an apple core at us.
‘Shove it.’ Scott threw it back.
‘All of yer, shut the hell up!’ Joss yelled. ‘Nothin’ we can do about it, so chill, chill.’
‘Oh God! what happened? Why can’t anything be done about it? About what?’ I was in deep trouble if the van didn’t move soon. My life would be over, well, it wouldn’t be worth living anyway. Dad would be told and go mental. Mum would kill me.
The girls in the back slept on oblivious to the drama. I wondered if they would be in deep shit if they didn’t get home soon. The one who had been asleep on Mo’s lap was sprawled across both front seats, slobbering every now and again, but dead to the world. Would her parents be doing
their pieces if she was late?
‘Think the fan-belt has gone or the gasket or something. I dunno.’ Scott scratched his head frowning. ‘Rich said he couldn’t see in the dark.’
‘Use my stockings,’ I said helpfully. ‘My Dad says that if the fan-belt goes you can use stockings to sort it out.’
They all laughed. ‘Really, it’s true,’ I said earnestly. I wore them under my hipsters.
‘Don’t let us stop you, babe, get them off then,’ said Zak, suddenly wide awake.
Joss laughed and Scott grinned, ‘Come on boys, give it up. Much as I’d love her to take them off, I’d rather she did it just for me, eh Renza?’
‘No, no, I didn’t mean… I mean – I meant, well I didn’t mean...’ I was mortified. What on earth was I thinking?
‘Well if yer Dad says you should take ‘em off to fix the van, better do it.’
Zak laughed his head off and I felt the dreaded blush rush up my neck and face.
‘Much as I’d enjoy it, babe, forget it.’ Scott’s dark hair brushed my cheek. ‘Let’s wait and see what Rich and Mo come up with,’ and he hugged me tightly.
I was in a state of complete panic. He just didn’t get it. Mum would go nuts if I didn’t get home soon, she’d never let me out ever again. I wished we had a phone like some of my other friends, then we could ring and explain.
Oh God! Explain. She wasn’t going to believe we broke down. She just wouldn’t. I was in for the Third Degree, the lamp in the face, the bloody Gestapo interrogation. Oh God!
‘Don’t worry, Renza, I’ll talk to your mum.’ Scott stroked my hair and kissed me on the nose.
I tried to smile at him but my face felt like stone. I nodded. I didn’t want to seem too scared of my Mum. After all, I was a cool chick and wasn’t fazed by such things. He didn’t want a little kid worried sick about being late. He wanted a woman who stood up for herself and could handle anything. Well, anything except Hitler at home.
Well, he would soon find out. He would never see me again after she had finished with him.
The Bitch… now, she was the type of girl he wanted, all sexy voice and sophisticated. Not me, oh not me! not me! not me!
The radio was going all fuzzy and Scott leaned over the front seat and fiddled with the dial, but couldn’t seem to get the station back. Instead he found a woman singing that bloody advert I can’t stand which was always on Luxembourg on Fridays.
‘Friday night is Marmi night,’ or some such rubbish. She drove me nuts.
I leaned against Scott and shut my eyes and went through the scene waiting for me at home. I kept them shut to keep the fear from showing in them. Despite being scared stiff, I was still very tired.
I must have dropped off again, the next thing I was aware of was voices. Men’s voices.
Struggling awake I wondered where I was for a few seconds. Then it hit me with that awful dread that comes over you sometimes when something terrible has happened, when you first wake, it doesn’t register at first, and then suddenly it dawns on you and you remember, something unpleasant.
I remembered something unpleasant. Mum!
I looked around but couldn’t see anyone. The van was empty. The girls had gone and so had Scott. I couldn’t see out the windscreen, it seemed to be covered in something. I tried to see out of my window but it was steamed up. I clambered over the seat to the sliding door and tugged it open.
God, it was freezing and almost dawn by the looks of it. I could hear the birds.
We’d been here all night. Oh God! Oh God! Oh my God!!
Mum would go mental if I came home after the milk man. ‘What would Mrs Digby have to say about it?’ she’d yell. ‘How am I going to hold my head up in this village with you behaving like a trollop?’ I could just hear her. ‘I’ll never be able to step out that gate again!’
Only this time I will have given her good cause.
‘You OK, babe?’ Scott came towards me as I clambered down from Bessie, shivering in the dawn chill despite having his parka.
‘What’s happening?’ I cried, ‘why are we still here?’ I looked around and saw two men in overalls with their heads under the bonnet, which I realised was blocking the view from the windscreen.
‘Rich and Mo managed to get them to come out from a local garage,’ Scott said rubbing his hands together.
‘What’s wrong with it?’ I stamped my feet and pulled Scott’s parka round me.
‘No idea, haven’t said yet.’ He glanced over at the two men, frowning.
‘Do you think they’ll take long?’ I watched them work. ‘How long have they been here?’
‘About an hour.’ Scott grimaced at the look of horror on my face.
‘An hour!’ I nearly fainted, the blood rushed so fast into my head, my face felt on fire. I grabbed Scott’s arm before I fell over. ‘I am dead!’
‘No you’re not, I’ll explain, don’t worry. Chill.’ Scott put his arm round me and pulled me close, kissing the top of my head.
Chill! I was on fire: my heart was thumping through my chest, my ears ringing. I really mustn’t pass out, I mustn’t!
‘Cor, it’s cold,’ a voice from behind me made me jump and I looked round to see one of the girls from the back seat standing with Joss’s jacket round her shoulders, which couldn’t have really helped much considering she only had a black micro-mini on and a bare goose-bumped midriff, with a thin black skimpy top covering her huge bust. ‘I’m freezing.’
She was quite petite, with a Mary Quant sort of face, and big brown eyes which seemed to take up most of it. She chewed gum noisily, her mouth open, which sort of ruined her otherwise cute look.
‘Me too.’ Her mate walked up and stood next to her puffing hard on a roll-up, screwing her face up in an attempt to avoid the smoke going in her eyes. She had a Twiggy haircut, which suited her elfin face. Her blonde hair framing huge blue eyes peeping out from black eye make-up. Like me, she had gone for the Dusty look around her eyes and a pale foundation which made her lips look white. The pan stick had been applied expertly but she had forgotten to do her neck and even in the half light of dawn, I could see the tide mark where her make-up ended and her true skin colour showed.
This girl had a crochet mini-dress, in mauve, with a little white top covering her shoulders, long white boots which came over her knees and a huge ‘Help!’ ring on her middle finger of her right hand. She was really hip…well if you ignored the tidemark that is.
‘What’s your name then?’ asked the would-be Mary Quant, her teeth chattering.
‘It’s…’ but before I could say another word Bessie gave a huge splutter and belched smoke, shaking violently as Rich tried the ignition. Then she died again.
‘Bloody bitch!’ shouted Rich, climbing down from Bessie and slamming the door.
The two men in overalls put their heads under the bonnet again and did whatever they do under there, as we all stood around, shivering and waiting. Hopefully.
Mo came over with his arm around the girl who’d been on his lap, she was tall and skinny with brown hair which hung a long way down her back. She wore a red PVC mini skirt with a belt of metal hoops and a cream skinny rib polo neck – just like the one I had seen in Jackie, last month. I often bought teen magazines on the quiet and hid them under the loose floorboard in my bedroom, so Mum wouldn’t find them. The girl was very pretty in a Julie Christie sort of way. Mo kept kissing her and stroking her hair as she giggled like a loon.
‘How’s it going then?’ he asked Scott, nodding at Bessie.
‘Not sure, mate.’ Scott looked fed-up and sounded it. ‘Rich says they know what they’re doing.’ His warm breath floated towards me on the cold air.
‘Hey Renza, you’re gonna be for it.’ Mo winked at me and laughed.
Scott hugged me close. ‘Cut it out Mo, she’s having a nervous breakdown without you adding to it.’
Bessie spluttered again as Rich turned her over. More smoke belched out the back and she shook and spluttered, but then she star
ted to sound a lot smoother and the smoke stopped and she settled down. The two men went over to the window and spoke with Rich for a few moments and then called Scott over.
‘You got the band cheque book, mate?’ Rich asked, waving the invoice the men had given him.
‘In the glove compartment, passenger side Rich,’ Scott said and ushered us all back in the van.
Rich wrote the cheque and the two men waved goodbye and got back into their recovery lorry and drove off. I waited for Zak and Joss to get settled in the back with the gear and for the girls to climb into the back seat. They giggled and fidgeted and eventually sat down together. Mo and his girlfriend stood snogging in my way so I waited patiently for them to get in the front seat, so I could slide the middle door open and get out of the cold.
Meanwhile the sun began to rise high over the trees and the bird song got louder. Mist started to rise, hovering about three feet off the ground, which was eerie and made me think of ghouls and ghosts and Mum!
As I waited for Mo to finish his meal – because he certainly was making one of kissing his new girl – I noticed that messages had been written on Bessie’s paintwork in lipsticks of many colours. I hadn’t seen them before so I guessed they’d been done at the gig in Merryhill.
Big love hearts with arrows passing through them: ‘I love you Mo’ and ‘I dig you Joss’ or telephone numbers with, ‘ Call me Scott, I’m yours’ and ‘Zak I want you in the sack’.
But all I could think about was Mum going ballistic and giving me serious grief over this. ‘Your father will go mad if he hears about this,’ and ‘What will Mrs Digby next door think when she hears you’ve been out all night with several men, in a van covered in obscene messages?’
As if I was responsible. Oh God, I could just hear her.
Mo and his girlfriend eventually got into the van. She climbed on his lap, then they were at it again, oblivious of everyone else. I felt like offering him a knife and fork, he was making such a feast of her.
Scott got in after me and leaned across the front seat where Mo was in danger of forgetting he was in company, and put the radio on. He swished through several station settings and stopped on a fuzzy station with foreign people chattering fiercely.
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