“Do I just blurt it out, like in the moment?”
He studied Polly. Guy was a stress-head. “I need more data, dude. What?”
“I’ve never told a chick I loved her before.”
“Hoo.” Reece sat on the bed to lace his shoes. “Never? Not even when you didn’t, to get her in bed?”
Polly’s brows jumped. “You did that?”
Reece laughed. “Nah, man, but I thought you might’ve.”
“I got enough tail without resorting to that. Jesus, that’s scummy. And it’s not helping. I love, Les. I mean, she’s this smart, girly lawyer chick and I’m a brawl fixer—”
“Property developer. You should’ve told her about that.”
“—Builder’s labourer.”
“Building company foreman.”
Polly fiddled with the plug in his ear. “What the heck does she see in me? I keep thinking she’ll drop me for some suit-wearing kingpin. But I love her and I don’t want to be without her.”
Reece bent forward to tie a lace. “Say that?”
“I love you and I don’t want to be without you.” Polly near swallowed his tongue at the utterance. “Fuck.”
“Swap the swear for her name and you’re there.”
“Just like that? You think I should do it just like that? That’s not pretty. Shouldn’t it be memorable? How do I make it epic?”
“Pick your moment.” He tied the other lace.
“Like after she’s come screaming my name. Or is it better before, make it sweeter?”
Reece scrubbed his face and couldn’t stop his laughter. “Why are you so frayed about this?” He stood up, ready to go.
“It’s a big fucking deal for me, Mary Poppins. And I’ve seen what it did to you. I’m nowhere near as smooth as you. As far as I know, I’m Les’ bit of rough trade, some fun on the side before she picks a husband who’s had the same education and speaks the Queen’s fucking English.”
“Husband?”
While he’d been busy trying to lose himself, Polly had gotten deadly serious about Les. And while they’d been talking Les had arrived. She stood behind Polly and shushed him. Reece didn’t know how much she’d heard. It was a warm night, he’d left the front door open, they hadn’t heard her come in.
“I’d marry her tomorrow if she’d have me. But I’m that much,” Polly flicked the bedroom light on and off, “removed from Neanderthal to know I can’t go from, I like hanging with you, wanna hit another game of Bio-shock, let’s screw, do you wanna be on top, to marry me and not expect tears.” He thumped his chest. “Mine I’m talking about.”
“Yes.”
It was a shocked whisper but they both heard Les.
Polly smacked his head into the doorjamb and said rude things about mothers. “How long have you been there?”
Reece needed to get out, but it meant shoving past both of them, and he was arguably as tense as Polly. Best thing he could do was stand still, shut up and think invisible.
“Yes, I want to be on top, but I like it on the bottom too, and from behind and sideways and just about any way you care to give it to me, Pol.”
“Holy fuck, Les.”
“Yes, I want another hit of Bio-shock, but I want to play Halo and Half-Life too. I like hanging with you, and yes, you can be a Neanderthal, but I’d marry you tomorrow if you’d have me.”
“Holy fuck, Les.”
“I heard you the first time.”
Polly turned to Les. His shoulders were high. Reece didn’t need to see his face to know his distress. “I wanted this to be epic.”
“It’s epic, trust me.”
“I wanted to tell you I loved you first. I’ve never told anyone that before.”
“You don’t have to tell me, I know you do. You showed me a hundred different ways.”
Polly reached for Les, his hands to her arms. “I did?” You could add bewildered to distressed.
“I’m the fat girl no guy wanted, I’m the smart girl who intimidates men and you never once made me feel bad, even when I was half crazy waiting for you to. You make me laugh and you make me feel beautiful. I love you, Marcus Pollidore.”
“I have to fuck you now, Les. Get out Reece, don’t want to see your ugly mug, you’re on Charlie’s sofa tonight.”
Reece had to clear his throat. He chucked random stuff in a bag and stepped past Polly, slapping him on the back. Les had tears in her eyes. Shit, he almost did too. He hadn’t figured on this. It’d worn stealth clothing and snuck about the place and he’d been too hooked on his own feelings to see it lurking.
He caught Les’ hand and squeezed it as he went past, she squeezed back. He bent, kissed her cheek and whispered, “Give him hell,” and then nicked into the bathroom for his toothbrush.
When he came out they hadn’t moved, they were eye to eye, staring, as if they were each the other’s Blair Witch Project, sucked in by the horror, the mystery, the fear, and the gut wrenching inability to want anything else.
He told the story, a cleaned up version, at the dinner table and the girls loved it.
“That’s sooo romantic,” said Gin. “Like in a movie.”
Flip ate Etta’s leftover mash potato. “It’s like Cinderella.” She was that much taller every time he saw her, and always hungry.
“Where’s the glass slipper in that story?” said Neev.
“Polly’s not a prince,” said Etta.
“That’s the way it was with your father, girls.”
Everyone looked at Charlie. Flip had her fork in her mouth and her mouth open. Like Reece, she’d never met her father, Bruce. Reece’s memory of Bruce was tangled up in BBQs and building skateboard ramps, Wrestlemania, and keeping the kids quiet when Bruce was sick. In hearing Charlie cry when he was gone. In not being able to get her out of bed and missing school because someone had to take care of the twins.
“I loved him so much but he was away most of the time, driving that damn truck and then he got sick and he died so young. You were just babies, all of you, and I wish you could’ve known him properly.”
Gin was closest to Charlie. She leaned into her and put her head on Mum’s shoulder. “Is that why you’ve never had a boyfriend?”
Charlie nodded. “And I was busy. I had Bruce for six years and it was wonderful, it was better to love him and lose him than not have him at all. I’ve been very greatly loved and I have all of you to show for it, and no one can ever change that.”
“Jesus—” said Etta.
“Etta,” said Charlie, but without rancour.
“—You’re going to make us all cry.”
Dinner broke up. Neev had homework. Etta’s phone rang. Flip went to watch TV. Gin disappeared. Reece cleared the table and Charlie stacked the dishwasher. He found Gin on the back steps watching next door’s cat torture a lizard in the yard.
He sat above her and she leaned back on his shin. He tugged her ponytail. “Did Charlie upset you?”
She shook her head.
“Something upset you.”
The cat picked up the lizard in its mouth and brought it closer to them, dropped it and sat over it. The lizard was foxing, like Gin. “Are you going to tell me or play dead?”
She turned sideways so she could look at him. “You upset me.”
“Me? What did I do?” He laughed, he sounded like Flip, and Gin gave him the evil eye.
“I saw your face, but there’s no point talking to you because you’ll make it a joke.”
Shit. “What did my face do, Gin, baby? I won’t joke, I promise.”
“You’re sad inside out and all the way through, and I can’t stand it.”
Ah. “I’m—” Fuck, what could he say, she’d nailed him with a combination punch. “I’m—”
“You might not josh but you’ll lie.”
He grabbed her and pulled her up onto the step beside him. “I am sad. I miss Audrey and Mia badly, but it’s not the end of the world. You heard Charlie. Audrey loved me and I have that.”
�
�But she’s not dead. I don’t get why she doesn’t love you anymore but you still love her.”
There was a thump from above. Neev stood on the top step. “Love sux. I’m not doing it.”
“What do you mean you’re not doing it?” said Gin. “You’re already doing it. It’s not like you can avoid it.”
“Family and stuff’s okay, I have to love them, but I don’t have to do the lovey-dovey, kissy-kissy crap, it’s naff.”
“Do you think Polly is a dork to love Les?” said Gin.
Neev sat. “Don’t care, not my problem, not doing it.”
Reece could see Gin’s face, she was upset, she wasn’t foxing now. None of them needed any further aggravation. He put his arm around her narrow shoulders. “Okay, Neev.”
Neev prodded him in the back. “Okay what?”
“You don’t have to do it. It’s one of those things you get lucky with, but it’s not a rule like no knees or elbows, no kicking or head butting.”
“No what?”
“Never mind.”
“He’s talking about boxing,” said Gin.
Neev said, “I’m not doing that either.” Smartarse.
“Shut up, Neev. I was talking to Reece about Audrey.”
“Oh, keep your twisted knickers on.”
Down on the path, the lizard twitched and flipped over. The cat was watching them and didn’t see it.
Reece sighed. The lizard could make a run for it; he was trapped. “I don’t know what you want me to say.”
“Why did you have to break up?” said Gin.
“Because.” He sighed again and the cat put its paw on the lizard. Neev wrapped her arms and legs around him from the step above.
“If you say it’s complicated Neev will bite your ear,” said Gin.
Neev tried to get her mouth near his neck. “Which part about me being five times stronger than both of you on a sugar high don’t you get?”
Neev poked him in the eye.
“Jesus.” Both eyes went to water. “All right, all right. Audrey didn’t have a great family life. Her mother is a piece of work and her father didn’t bother to see her when she was sick and hasn’t spoken to her since Mia was born.”
“Wow, way go Audrey’s dad,” said Neev.
“She wanted to have a kid, but hadn’t met anyone she loved. She made a plan to have Mia with donor sperm.”
“Ew,” said Neev.
“Do you want to hear this or not?”
“She’ll be good. Go on,” said Gin.
“She convinced her uni friend Barrett to father Mia.”
“So they had sex?” Gin asked.
“They didn’t. They used a lab, doctors. Artificial insemination.”
“Ew!” said Neev. “What’s this got to do with why you broke up?”
“Everything. Audrey planned her life so she didn’t have to rely on anyone except her close friends like Les and her nanny.”
“You,” said Gin.
“Me.”
“But you fell in love,” she said.
“We did.”
“But it’s not her plan.”
“It’s not.”
“Oh.”
“But you can change her mind about that—make a new plan.”
The lizard made a run for it. The cat pounced, picked the lizard up in its mouth and carried it off into the dark edges of the garden.
“I thought I could, but Audrey found out about how I used to fight, how I hurt people and it frightened her. She remembered I didn’t fit in her plan.”
“A plan is more important than love?” said Neev. All the mucking about had dropped out of her.
“For Audrey it is.”
“For Mum too. She had a plan after Dad died,” said Gin. “I don’t remember him at all, except the house smelled of sick all the time.”
“That’s what I’m going to do, have a plan,” said Neev.
“I’m not. I want to fall in love,” said Gin.
“And get hurt and sad like Reece.”
“I’m not,” he protested, but it sounded weak to him, no way the twins were buying.
“You are. You even smell sad.”
He turned his head to look at Neev and she bit his ear.
He had to rumble her then. He stood, lifted her on his back and she shrieked, but she hung on for fear she’d fall. Gin scrambled out of their way and he took Neev down the steps and threw her onto the old trampoline, all the better that there was water from the sprinklers lying on its surface. Neev bellowed and Gin took off before he could come for her.
As different as they were, of all the family the twins had a head start on working out what love meant because they loved each other fiercely. They fought and bitched and Gin went quiet while Neev played the clown, but they knew each other’s thoughts and they had each other’s backs.
When the house was quiet and they were all in bed, Reece made up the sofa bed in the lounge room. He’d no sooner lay his aching body on it than Flip climbed in with him.
“Can we talk?”
He set his alarm. He had to be on the building site by 6am. “You should be asleep.”
“Not sleepy.”
“What do you want to talk about?” He reached over and turned the floor lamp off. Someone had left the bathroom light on down the hall. When their eyes adjusted they’d have enough light to see each other.
“When should I kiss a boy?”
“Oh.” He laughed, regretted it and tried to choke it back. “Um. Not yet.”
“When?”
“Why are you asking me this, Flipper?”
“You’re a boy.”
“This is true.”
“Der.”
“What does Etta say?”
“That I’ll be called a slut if I do it too soon. What’s the boy word for slut?”
“Ah.” It wasn’t obvious, and Flip shouldn’t have to know here was a difference. “Dog, I guess.”
“That’s not bad. Not as bad as slut.”
“Ah Flipper, can’t you just be ten and not worry about kissing?”
“I’m almost eleven but okay.”
“Okay, good. That was easy.”
“That was an excuse to get you talking. My real question is, are you sad?”
“Did Gin tell you I was?”
“No, your eyes are sad.”
“Ah Flip, it’s okay to be sad sometimes.”
“But I don’t want you to be. It’s about that night we babysat, isn’t it. Audrey got scared.”
He nodded and she’d have felt it, she lay half across him, her head on his shoulder.
“But you saved her from being attacked.”
“I scared her while I did it.”
“That’s not fair. I could talk to her; tell her how you’re not mean and nasty. Like when we went to your interview.”
“It’s a bit more serious than that.” He tangled his hand in her hair, halfway down her back and full of knots she never brushed out.
“Oh. So how can I help?”
Etta was his nemesis, Neev his sparring partner, Gin his conscience, but Flip was the timing device in his heart. “You’re already helping.”
“No I’m not. Don’t rumour me.”
He smiled. “Humour you.”
“Yeah, that’s it.”
“Give me a hug, Flipper, that will make me feel better.”
She wrapped her flyweight arms around him and Reece gave her a happy groan and hugged her heavyweight to make her squirm.
“Pippa, bed.”
He let go at Charlie’s words and Flip sprung away and raced past Mum for her bedroom.
“Are you all right there, Reece? Warm enough?”
She was backlit by the light in the hall. “Yeah, Charlie.”
There was a pause and then she said softly, “What do you remember about Bruce?”
The memory came clear. It was more than Wrestlemania. “He taught me to fight.”
“He did.” Mum’s body sagged. “I’m so glad you
remember that. We knew you’d get big and he knew you’d get picked on for being gentle. He wanted you to be prepared. I thought you only remembered being angry with Bruce because he died. You idolised him at first. You followed him everywhere and he tried hard to teach you how to be a good man. I see him in you every day. The part of you that knows how to make people feel safe, that’s Bruce. If Audrey can’t love you for who you are, you’re better off without her.”
Reece groaned. “Now I remember why I come home, so you can all pick on me.”
“We love you.”
Charlie did that singsong, like Neeva would’ve. That’s where the smartarse in Neev came from. He grinned at the ceiling. “This much love a fella could rust.”
“Goodnight, my baby boy.”
“Gawd. Night, Charlie.”
The light went out, but he had to know. “Mum.” He heard her come back down the hall. “How did you do it?”
“Do what?”
He could never have asked her this is the daylight. “How did you go on without him? They didn’t think he was going to die. I remember everyone thought he’d pull through. You had four kids, one on the way, no job, rent to pay, no other family left to help.”
She sighed. It sounded ancient to him. “I almost didn’t, honey. I’ve never stopped missing him. But I had no option. You do what you have to do. You do it better when it’s for people you love. And don’t forget I had you. I could never have done it without you.”
She came across the room and laid her hand on his chest. “It will pass. You’ll absorb the loss and you’ll move forward. But I’m not going to lie to you and tell you time heals, it just dulls, and I won’t belittle what you had with Audrey. I can see what it’s done to you. I wish you weren’t a giant so I could gather you up again and kiss it better, but I can’t and you’d be embarrassed and I’m so proud of who you grew up to be, baby.”
“Jesus, Mum.”
She took his jaw between her fingers and shook his head. And they both knew it wasn’t for the swearing.
26: Suitable
Dr Barber held Audrey’s file in her hands. “I know why you’re feeling unwell and it’s not an effect of the meningitis, but this might be a shock to you.”
“I’m pregnant.”
“Yes.” Dr Barber sat back in surprise. “Did you guess?”
Audrey didn’t feel shock. She felt resolved. This was how it would be now. Mia was getting a sibling. “I took a test.”
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