by C. J. Anaya
I had to reach Hatsumi in time.
I was so relieved to see the small flicker of firelight as I made my way around a bend in the path that tears seeped from my tired eyes. I continued running forward and managed to make it into the village before the next wave of pain hit, dropping me to the ground. I let out an awful scream this time, and breathed in the frosty night air as I tried to pull myself to my feet.
“Did you injure yourself?” a soft male voice said from behind me. I felt myself being pulled to my feet and turned awkwardly around.
Eyes the color of frothy blue waves glinted in the firelight, flickering just above us from a hanging luminary on a bamboo street post.
I’d never before seen eyes the color of a frozen winter sky, but had often heard that men and women far to the west were born with such eyes. His face was much lighter than the olive skin of my countrymen, and his hair was the color of the rising sun. I felt myself drawn to him almost immediately and stood momentarily stunned at my own emotional and physical response to this complete and total stranger.
His concerned eyes narrowed as he took me in. “Did you hurt your ankle when you fell?”
His words broke me out of my moment of stupor, and I felt monumentally guilty for losing sight of my purpose even for one second. Not to mention the level of uncertainty I felt at the physical contact. No man was allowed to touch me. Most men wouldn’t have considered touching a strange woman either way, but now he had spoken directly to me, and our social customs dictated that I show respect and answer the man’s question.
I couldn’t waste time with social etiquette at this point. Not when Hatsumi’s life depended solely on the timing of my arrival. I moved to break away from the tight hold he had on my arms and doubled over as another wave of excruciating pain pummeled into my lower back.
“Clearly you’ve been injured far worse than I originally thought. Come, I will take you back to my camp and find someone to assist you.”
“No,” I fairly screamed as I wrenched myself from his grasp, turned on my heels and ran as fast as I could toward the small tavern where Hatsumi and her husband lived.
“Wait.” I heard the young man call out. The loud pounding of his feet indicated he was close behind me. It was strange that he would pursue a woman whom he deemed ill. In my culture, a woman wasn’t important enough to speak to directly, let alone be the focus of a stranger’s concern. I might have wondered at it a bit longer, but more debilitating waves of pain coursed through me, and the exotic-looking young man was momentarily forgotten.
These pains Hatsumi bore did not bode well for her or the baby. Every second I lost would determine whether or not I would be able to save either one of them. I reached the front door of the tavern and wrenched it open, not bothering to knock when another pain ripped into my back, making me feel as if my body were tearing in two. My cries echoed that of Hatsumi’s from the room connected to the back of the tavern.
“You’ve arrived, young healer. I knew you would,” Daiki said, Hatsumi’s husband, just as I was grabbed and lifted into the air by a pair of strong hands. I let out a muffled squeal of surprise as the young man whom I had previously run into held me close to his chest and refused to release me, even after I forcefully pushed against him.
“Musubi, you must let the girl down,” Daiki urged.
My captor didn’t respond nor loosen his hold on me. I looked up at him and noted a small lift to the side of his mouth. His eyes studied me in such a frank manner that my attention was instantly captivated. I couldn’t wrench my glance away from the commanding fire of his gaze, but I should have. I wasn’t allowed to look a man directly in the eye without his express approval, but he had immediate and total control over me and held me as no man had ever been allowed to hold me before.
This foreign contact with a member of the male species, combined with my desperate need to escape his unrelenting perusal of my body, and my complete panic at the thought of losing Hatsumi had an incredibly surprising effect on my behavior. Without considering the consequences of my actions, I rounded my fist, pulled it back as far as it would allow, and threw it at his chin with such force that the contact cracked the top of my knuckle and actually threw his head to the side. I was so shocked by my behavior that I barely registered the pain in my broken fist or the fact that my ki had immediately begun healing it.
He turned his head and glanced at me in surprise, and then threw it backward, letting out the most lighthearted laugh I had ever heard.
“I told you to put her down.” Daiki chuckled.
“I’m so sorry,” I sputtered. “I…please forgive me, it’s just that…ahhhhh.”
I crumpled forward and felt his arms tighten around me protectively.
“You must put me down,” I yelled. I groaned a little at the relentless pain and was pulled closer to his chest. I felt angry all over again by his persistence and my reaction to him. “Please.” I beat against his chest and struggled to escape his hold on me both physically and emotionally. “I must attend to Hatsumi.”
Instead of letting me go, the young man looked up at the innkeeper. “Daiki, do you know this female?”
I was surprised these two knew each other by name and felt close enough to use them.
“You must let her go. Hatsumi will deliver, and this is the midwife.”
I looked at Daiki and nodded my thanks, appreciating his discretion. There were very few people who knew my identity, and Daiki had kept my secret for several years.
“This child is the midwife?” The man let out a disbelieving snort. “She hardly seems capable.”
I considered hitting him again, but my hand hadn’t healed completely. Fortunately, he set me down more gently than I would have expected, and my anger with him dissolved almost instantly. Hatsumi and her baby were all I could and should be focusing on.
I took two steps forward and dropped to the floor as the searing heat in my back hit me again. Both Hatsumi and I let out pain-filled cries.
“You see,” the young man said. “She clearly needs a person of medicine herself.” He moved to pick me up again, but I crawled forward and held my hand up to stop him.
“I feel her pain. It is as simple as that,” I shouted it as loud as I dared.
He ignored me and reached for me again, but Daiki stepped between us and held up his hand. “Musubi, you will have to trust me and let the midwife do her job.”
“She can barely walk, Daiki. What can she possibly do to help?”
“Bring her to my wife, and you will see.” He stepped out of the way and motioned Musubi forward. I gave Daiki a nervous look. I did not want to be held by this distracting individual again, and I didn’t think it wise to perform a healing in front of him either. Daiki had no idea how precarious his wife’s situation had become. I would be doing much more than simply aiding the birth of her baby.
My old friend gave me an encouraging look as Musubi reached for me again and lifted me into his arms. It was strange to feel secure and safe in the arms of someone I barely knew, but I didn’t have time to dwell on it.
Upon entering Hatsumi’s bedroom the strong odor of blood filled my nostrils and Hatsumi’s soft moans and labored breathing pierced my heart. My mind cleared as I scrambled quickly out of Musubi’s arms and sat down on the bed next to the struggling mother.
I couldn’t hold her head between my hands with the young man present, so I grabbed Hatsumi’s hands in my own and looked into her eyes as I willed myself to connect with her ki. It would have been better to hold her head and close my eyes to concentrate, but I couldn’t let this man…this Musubi, know who I was.
It took a few moments, but I finally latched on to her ki with my own and felt pain and nausea hit me with such force I nearly toppled over. Just as I had feared, part of the baby’s small home had ripped away from the lining of the womb. It was significant enough to prevent the baby from receiving as much oxygen as it needed to survive, and the heartbeat was irregular. I could sense the baby’s distr
ess and even its fear, something I had never felt before. Even the unborn child was aware that all was not well. I instructed her ki to reattach the bag of waters to the lining of the womb and to heal the blood vessels that had been broken. I received no response.
I couldn’t understand why her ki was ignoring my instructions. I hadn’t for one single moment felt that Hatsumi or her baby were meant to perish during this delivery. Her ki should have been able to respond and repair the damage. I searched for more answers and found that the bag of waters was beginning to dry out and the baby’s head was already firmly placed in the birth canal. Even if the bag had been repaired and reattached there was simply no way to stop this labor. Not even healing powers could stop nature from taking its course.
We had to get the baby out, but Hatsumi was nowhere near ready to deliver. I couldn’t wait for her body to ready itself fully. This baby had to be delivered now. I did not want to do what I felt was the only recourse we had, but I instructed her ki to prepare her body for delivery, knowing that the pain we would both feel as her body accomplished in only a few seconds what usually took several hours would be the worst kind of pain either one of us had ever felt. There was simply no time to lessen it.
I maintained eye contact with the poor mother and gave her my most confident smile.
“Hatsumi, we will deliver this baby right now. Are you ready?”
She nodded as sweat and tears rolled down the sides of her pale cheeks. I gave her ki the instructions it needed and held fast to her hands as both our bodies were hit with wave after wave of the most debilitating labor pains a woman could ever experience. I did my best to keep my own pain to myself and focused on the baby as it slowly traveled closer to its birth. Its heart rate dropped so low at one point I had to slow down everything and take time to increase the beats of the tiny child’s heart before it died.
Sensing it was time, I let go of her hands and checked the baby’s progress.
“It is time for you to push, Hatsumi.”
She was pushing before I even finished my sentence. The child was small and frail and came rapidly as a result. I wrapped the tiny baby in a cloth and quickly connected to it, making sure the heartbeats were steady and strong and the lungs were taking in the oxygen needed before handing it over to the mother.
“He’s fine, Hatsumi. Your baby boy is just fine.”
She let out a tired laugh as she snuggled closer to her son and then wept softly.
I felt a huge weight lift from my shoulders as I watched her hold her firstborn child, a child that she and Daiki had tried and failed to have for many years now. Finally, the fight was over. A soft tear ran down my face as I took in the beautiful picture before me.
“We have a son, then?”
I turned to see the happy face of Daiki as he rushed to the side of his wife’s bed. I had completely forgotten he was there. I’d even forgotten the young man standing in the corner until his hand came to rest on my shoulder.
The light contact was more than inappropriate, and I tried my best to keep my eyes averted from his handsome face. I thought about shrugging his hand away, but couldn’t find the willpower to do so; not when this connection made me feel as if I had just found my way home. It was a disturbing thought to have, considering who I was and what my future held for me.
“That was quite possibly the worst thing I have ever before seen, and I’ve witnessed countless gory wounds in battle. The way you handled that was…impressive.”
His coloring appeared quite pale but had been slightly light to begin with. I wondered at his background and means of work. He certainly didn’t look like a regular soldier, but his long cloak covered his clothing underneath.
I hesitated, still uncertain as to whether or not he wished for me to speak. I glanced at him below lowered lashes, and found my answer as his gaze locked with mine. “Ah, yes, childbirth. It is not for the faint of heart.” I gave him a small smile and then hurriedly averted my gaze when he returned my smile with one of his own. I felt his hand tighten ever so slightly on my shoulder and then he withdrew.
I couldn’t account for the feeling of loss that descended upon me in that moment, but it was clear that remaining in this man’s presence was simply not good for me. I folded my arms across my chest. It was then that I realized my cloak and arms were covered in blood. There was always blood in childbirth, but I was soaked in it. I raised my arms up and studied the front of my cloak.
Blood everywhere.
“Hatsumi,” I said, glancing at the young woman’s small form. Blood continued to coat the bedding beneath her, dripping to the floor. I could see a glassy look begin to grow in her eyes.
I rushed over to the bed and motioned for Daiki to take the baby. Then I grabbed Hatsumi’s hands in my own.
“No! Hatsumi, you focus on me. You look at me, right now!”
I grabbed her ki with my own and saw that she was hemorrhaging. Her blood would not thicken due to the amount she had lost. I could stop the bleeding, but I wasn’t sure I would be able to repair the blood loss before her organs went into shock and she died. I instructed her ki to repair the damage, and then went to work trying to help her poor, weak body replace the blood she had lost.
I felt Musubi’s presence close to me as I worked, and knew his eyes were studying every move I made, every facet of the situation. I did my best to look like I was examining her so he wouldn’t assume I was simply sitting there watching her bleed to death.
I worked with her body for ten minutes when the first of her organs, her left kidney, began to shut down.
“No!”
“What is happening, child?” Daiki asked.
“She’s lost too much blood, and her body is struggling to hold on.”
There was real fear in Daiki’s eyes. “What can I do?”
“You and this young man need to leave so that I can work.” Daiki was the only man I had ever felt comfortable speaking so frankly with. It probably seemed unusual for Musubi to watch me throw orders at Daiki, and though most men made me nervous, I knew I could count on Daiki to take seriously the danger his wife now faced.
He nodded his understanding, turned swiftly with the baby in hand and directed Musubi out the door. I had to admire him for his absolute faith in me. Most men would have balked at such an order, demanding to stay and oversee the process.
“Daiki, this is madness. Your wife needs a more experienced person of medicine if her bleeding is internal. What can a midwife do?”
“We must go now.” Daiki insisted.
I thought I heard Musubi protesting about leaving Hatsumi’s life in the hands of a child, but I was too focused on keeping her organs functioning to feel offended by the slight.
It was difficult work and a sort of mental juggling act to keep her organs operating and help her body replenish the blood she had lost all at the same time. Her body could only produce the blood at a specific rate without compromising its other functions or damaging her organs, but without the blood there to help the organs function they would begin to fail, and I would have to stop what I was doing to revive them again.
I wasn’t sure how much time had passed as I continued to help Hatsumi fight for her life and her right to raise her first child, but soon there was enough blood in her system that her organs could function without my help. I withdrew my shaking, bloodied hands from her head and looked at her peacefully sleeping face. She felt no pain, and for that I was grateful. If I had had more time to ease the pain first, the whole experience would have been less traumatic for both of us, but when you have a choice between easing pain and saving lives your path as a healer is clear.
I took a moment to collect myself and then began cleaning up the blood on the floor by using my own sodden cloak and other linens in the bedroom. I woke Hatsumi only long enough to help her remove her soiled clothing and bed linens and to clean her up as best I could.
We spoke very little. Hatsumi looked as if she might die right before my eyes, and I had to keep checking he
r ki to reassure myself everything within her body was functioning as it should.
She was like a mother to me; more of a mother than my own ever could be, and I wouldn’t lose her. I laid her back down upon her bed and drew new blankets over her body. She grabbed my hand in her weak ones and squeezed them gently.
“You saved my life and the life of my baby. Thank you so much, dear friend.” I could tell it was a struggle for her to remain awake after everything she had been through.
“Of course, Hatsumi. I would not have let anything happen to you or your precious child. You must sleep now.” After smoothing back her hair, I stood up and tiredly headed for the door.
“My son…can I see him?”
I turned to Hatsumi and nodded. “I will send Daiki in with your son as soon as you have rested for a short time.” I swallowed back a lump in my throat when she gave me a questioning look. “It was very close this time, Hatsumi. Too close. Just rest for a few minutes and then you can hold your son.” She nodded her understanding and closed her eyes. I knew she was sleeping even before I left her room.
The moment I stepped into the serving area of the tavern, Daiki met me with his sweet newborn son cradled in his arms and an anxious look upon his face. He was only ten years my senior, but the hard life of an innkeeper had aged him dramatically. Fine lines covered the corners of his slanted eyes and large mouth, but his positive attitude in the face of insurmountable poverty kept a smile on his round face.
The last two years had been especially difficult for him, though I hadn’t been able to find the source of what troubled him. Every time I asked, he would tell me money was tight and times were hard, but I always suspected there was more to the story, and that perhaps he was protecting me from something.
Though he looked older than his twenty-seven years, he was well-muscled and strong. He would have looked more natural with a sword in his hand than he did serving food or managing his business.