“It’s for the sun goddess’ honor, and she gives us so much in return. Power beyond your imagination, connections in any region, wealth beyond measure. Anything you want, she can give,” her father whispered.
“I want my parents back. My real parents,” Misti shouted. Zora stirred in her arms, but she held her companion animal still, shielding her in her arms.
“We are your real parents, Misti. We’ve always been this way,” her mother replied.
“No.” Misti shook her head.
She couldn’t connect the two sets of memories in her mind. In one, she had loving parents, who took long walks at night and cooked together and laughed together and gave each other trinkets and hugs and kisses. Who read to her when she was a child, and clapped when she rode her first neades, and congratulated her on her crafting skills. Who taught her how to be a good person, how to help others, how to protect people. How to be a good Vagari, even.
In the other set, she had strangers who called themselves her parents, sun goddess worshippers who were covered in death and light and said confusing, infuriating things, who wanted to convert her to their twisted belief system that thought killing companion animals was somehow the way to honor their goddess and gain more power. She couldn’t believe her parents could be both. It wasn’t possible.
“You have to stay with us,” her mother whispered.
“You can’t make me.” As soon as the words left her tongue, Misti wished she could take them back. Though she hated to think of it, there were many things her parents could do to keep her here. To make her stay. Flashes of the dead companion animals flitted through her mind.
“We could.” Her father’s voice deepened. He let her arm go. “But we won’t. You’re our daughter, and we know you’ll find your way back to us eventually.”
“You’ll find your own way to the light,” her mother said, nodding.
“You’re both crazy,” Misti repeated. She turned on her heel and ran.
Misti placed a protective hand on Zora’s back. The wyvern wings at her wrist sparkled against Zora’s fur. “I couldn’t live with my parents after that. Not after knowing they’d hurt Zora. I told Char what had happened, and then I left. Like a sunsick coward, I ran.” Guilt crashed over her, and for the first time in a long time, tears ran down her cheeks because of it. “I didn’t tell the Northtown guard about my parents. I didn’t protect my siblings. I just…ran and never turned back.”
“But you kept in communication with your siblings. Through the letters,” Arias prodded gently.
Misti nodded, but her vision blurred as tears came fast and hot down her cheeks, her breaths coming in painful gasps. She ran her fingers gently over the broken wyvern wings, hoping that connection she always carried would calm her. “I did. So many letters. And I sent them coin. And any trinkets I thought they’d like. And met with them every chance I could, as long as our parents weren’t around. It didn’t make up for anything, but at least it was something. But Char was barely a teenager, and Danill was even younger when I left. It wasn’t like they could really do anything to stop my parents, or even wanted to. Danill loved them, worshipped the ground they walked on. And Char, well, she didn’t like what they were doing, but she didn’t want to know anything about it. I think that’s why their vulnixes live, because our parents knew if they killed Spyre or Turf, Char and Danill would turn against them. And I left. I just left.”
At that, her tears took over, her body convulsing in racking sobs. Arias pulled her in close and rubbed her back until her crying ceased. When Misti finally regained some of herself, hiccupping now, she found she was thankful for their friendship. Thankful that Arias decided to come with them. Misti could tell her…anything, it seemed, and she wouldn’t judge. Wouldn’t accuse. Would simply listen.
Arias gave her a soft smile, one full of compassion. “We all have our ways of dealing with troubling times. It seemed like your sister closed herself off. Your brother…maybe he was too young to understand. And you did the only thing you could think of to protect yourself and your vulnix. Has your sister ever said anything to make you worry about them?”
“No.” Misti lowered her eyes, resting on the wings once more. They glinted in the firelight. “But that also might be because I told her to never bring up our parents to me unless she or Danill were being threatened by them. It’s why I was so shocked that she told me they were sick. It had been at least a season since she last mentioned them.” She grew quiet, remembering. “She even had me meet with my parents once, three seasons after I left, to see if we could reason with our parents and make them turn to the good again.”
“And the meeting didn’t go so well, I take it.”
“No, it didn’t go well. My parents asked why I disgraced them by leaving the way I did, running away and all. Why I wouldn’t take up their mantle as a sun goddess worshipper. Why I wouldn’t kill animals in her glorious name. Why I couldn’t see the light. ‘Just welcome the light,’ they said, ‘welcome it in.’ I left soon after.” Misti could still remember the way they’d screamed those words, the way Char had given her an apologetic smile, the way Danill remained quiet but wide-eyed. She had walked out and vowed never to come back home. If she could even call it that.
“Well…I’m sure if something was terribly wrong, your sister would have asked for your help.”
Misti frowned. “I’d like to hope so. But I haven’t been much of an older sister.”
Arias twined their fingers together once again, pulling Misti’s hand into her lap and drawing her attention. “We could always get more herbs and send them to your parents. That way your sister can stop worrying.”
Shaking her head, Misti sniffed a little. She wiped a trembling hand across her nose. “Would you really do that? If your parents did the things that my parents did, would you want to help them?”
Arias looked into the fire. The flames had died down a little, so she picked up a stick and stoked it. Embers danced in the night sky, little firegnats against the darkness. It seemed like she was lost in her own world for a little while.
“Do you know one of the reasons why I decided to come on this trip?” Arias asked when she had returned from her thoughts, giving Misti a sly smile.
“Why?” Misti asked, her curiosity piqued.
“I wanted to prove something, to my father and to myself.” Arias’ voice lowered like they shared a secret. And maybe, to her, it was. “You see, my family wasn’t happy with my decision to leave our home, even though Orenda would do it a season after I did. They weren’t happy with my decision to leave blacksmithing either, but I do keep it up. Elu are family-centered and while we travel quite often, we always come back home every season. Usually spend a cycle or so there, and it’s seen as a celebration. We call the celebration the Silu’ai, or a welcoming back. A welcoming home.”
Misti titled her head. “Why haven’t you been back?”
“Remember when I asked if you had ever met a nice sun goddess worshipper?”
Misti nodded, and Arias continued, “I have. It’s the reason I left my home, actually. I was in love with her.”
“In love with a sun goddess worshipper?” Misti’s stomach twisted at the thought, and she was ashamed to realize disgust rippled through her, too.
“Ts’ila,” Arias said, a gentle rebuke in the Elu tongue. “They’re people, remember. And the one I met was kind, a gentle soul. Her name was Jaynessa. Jaynessa Val’dari. Her family lived next to mine, and we didn’t know they were worshippers until much later. Jayn was only a goddess worshipper because her family was. She didn’t do anything bad, either, like murder folk.”
Like murder folk. Misti grimaced. “Well that’s…good. Your family wasn’t okay when they found out?”
Arias’ gaze drifted to her bow resting by the packs. “My parents were furious. Disappointed. Sad. My sister was angry with me for falling in love with one of them, and then leaving the family because I wanted to follow her on her next grand adventure. It didn’t work ou
t between Jayn and I, and we drifted apart. But even though Orenda was angry, my sister and I are closer than ever now.”
Misti recalled her second letter from Char, and how excited Arias seemed to be about Misti hearing from her sister. “When I got a letter from Char, you said you hadn’t heard from Orenda in a while, but you didn’t mention your parents.”
Arias dropped her gaze to their linked hands. “I haven’t been back for the welcoming since I left. My father asked in his last message if I would ever come back to see them and seemed quite sad about it. But it’s been three seasons now, and I’m too nervous to go home by myself.”
It clicked in Misti’s mind. “So that’s why you want to hear from Orenda so badly.”
“Yes, I’d like her to come with me. It seems silly when I say it out loud. I know they’d welcome me even though I left in bad terms…my father said as much in his messages. But I’m nervous. I remember them being angry and disappointed and sad when I left so clearly, it’s hard to think they’d be anything else when I return.” Taking a deep breath, she met Misti’s eyes once more. “I don’t think it’s bad to want to help your parents, regardless of what they did. Regardless of who they are or who they worship, they’re your parents. But…I’d also think it would be all right to not help.”
“Not help?” The thought had entered Misti’s mind a few times, but she so deeply wanted to help her siblings in any way she could that completing this request for Char seemed like the only thing to do.
“Yes. You wanted a reality check, correct? Because the things I’m about to say might hurt a bit.” When Misti nodded, Arias gave her a hard look. “Your parents are terrible people. They’ve killed beasts. They’ve killed their companion animals. They’ve injured yours and threatened your siblings’ companions. I understand wanting to help them because they’re your blood, but just because they’re your blood doesn’t mean they deserve your help. And if you did help them, wouldn’t you just be saying it’s okay for them to continue their work, worshipping Ponuriah? Wouldn’t you almost be aiding them? If they get better, they’ll probably kill more beasts, or maybe even kill people in her honor. Maybe this is their punishment, like Aluriah is finally dealing with them.” Arias bit her lip. “So…I’d understand if you want to help them, but quite frankly, I don’t think you should. I think you’d only hurt yourself more by doing so.”
Misti had leaned forward at these words, capturing them in her heart, letting them mold her guilt into something different, something better. She didn’t have to help her parents. Why should I? They weren’t hers to fix. They had made their choice a long time ago and now she was finally beginning to see hers. Maybe she couldn’t send them to their prison cells because of some twisted loyalty she still had for them, but she didn’t have to send them the yellow jaho. She could find another way to be a better sister.
Zora shifted her position on Misti’s lap, giving herself a little shake and chirping, and a memory surfaced in her mind from a crescent ago. She had nearly forgotten it, what with everything else that had been going on, but anger burned in her once again.
Misti frowned. “They hurt Zora recently. Did something to her. When I sent her to them with that letter to Char, she came back hurt.”
Arias’ gentle expression hardened. “Hurt? How?”
“I…I don’t know,” Misti said slowly. “She couldn’t remember things, and she was really confused. And afraid. I’ve never seen her like that after a flight.”
“Is she in good health now?” Arias asked, letting go of their handhold and reaching out to scratch Zora’s tails. It was a mark of their deepening friendship that Zora allowed it. Zora slowly blinked her eyes in reply, nudging Misti’s arm.
Misti petted Zora in long strokes down her back, just how she liked it. “I think she’s okay. She stopped shaking at least, and I promised her that I wouldn’t send her back to my parents. I…I can’t let them hurt Zora again.”
Arias expression softened once more. “Are you sure your parents did that? Erased Zora’s memory? And how would they erase her memory in the first place?”
“Of course I’m sure!” Misti exclaimed, a little too loud. Stealing a glance at Dylori, who slept, she continued in hushed voice, “I don’t know how, but who else would’ve done it? And why? It’s against the law to sabotage a messenger.”
Shifting in her seat, Arias didn’t seem to want to answer the question. When she finally did, she spoke slowly, as if choosing her words carefully. “Well, you do have a unique Blood pendant around your neck, and Zora’s coloring is uniquely recognizable. Perhaps someone else is toying with you.” She took a deep breath and let it out in a whoosh. “Perhaps people who aren’t your parents.”
Who else would want to hurt Zora? And why would they be interested in me? She had honestly never considered that before.
“I don’t know.” Misti paused for a moment, letting her thoughts settle. “I guess I assumed it was them because that’s where I sent her. And because of the history I have with them. I know what they’re capable of. Why would you think it could be anyone else?”
“Because you seem to be the center of unusual happenings. The strange pendant around your neck, the suncreature attacking at night. There is plenty of space between here and Northtown for a stranger to capture Zora,” Arias said gently. “Either way, I wouldn’t send her out anymore.”
Misti looked at her companion. Zora slept peacefully on her lap, curled up tight. A sense of calm and love ebbed into Misti at the sight. “I wasn’t planning on it.”
“Have you told Dylori?” Arias asked.
“No, she doesn’t know any of it,” Misti muttered. “And I don’t think she’ll be as…understanding as you.”
Arias chuckled. “She’s going to be mad, certainly. She’ll feel betrayed that you told me first. But she’ll understand eventually. She’s given up a lot for you.”
Warmth rushed through Misti at those words now that she knew her true feelings for Dylori, how it was more than a simple crush. How could I have such strong feelings for Dylori and be lying to her at the same time? It wasn’t right. It wasn’t how someone should treat a friend, much less a possible lover. She glanced at Dylori’s sleeping form, remembering how she’d kissed Dylori’s cheek. She had done that without permission.
Finally, she whispered, “I know. She’s pretty amazing.”
“You might not know as much as you think you do.” Arias gave her another sly look, poking Misti in the side.
“What?” A laugh escaped her like a yelp. “What do you mean?”
“She broke a promise to the Moon Knights for you,” Arias replied in a more serious tone. “She was supposed to go right back after escorting you to Ingo, regardless of what happened to you there. She told me while you were passed out.”
“What?” Misti said. “But I was ordered to take the orb back to the Moon Knights. I figured Dylori would escort me until we did that.”
“No,” Arias replied, shrugging. “She was supposed to head back the moment you got to Ingo, on some kind of official business. The Moon Knights assumed you could make it back to Amiin on your own, I gather.”
Misti squeezed her eyes shut. The idiot decided to disobey a direct order for me? Twice! Why would she do something so reckless? Recklessness pretty much summed up Dylori’s behavior, but not like this. Never in the face of the Moon Knights. She loved being a warrior. Or…seemed to love being a warrior, anyway. Although Misti couldn’t help remembering her withdrawn behavior after their recent fights.
Picking up her stick once more and stirring the embers, Arias told her, “Now go to sleep. I’ll take first watch and wake you in a bit.”
Sighing, Misti stretched out by the fire’s soft glow. “I’ll tell her in the morning,” she murmured, mostly to herself. The pendant didn’t pulse at all that night, and Misti was glad for it.
***
The next morning dawned bright. Misti watched the first rays spread over the horizon, sparkling off the salttrees and
washing everything in a soft pink glow. Nothing had attacked the night before, which made her anxious. It seemed to have almost helped to kill that unceg suncreature, calmed the pendant for a little while. What if the orb activated right now? Would the power be more intense? She moved away from the others just in case. But the pendant wasn’t the only thing weighing on her mind: telling Dylori the truth also niggled at her. How would I even begin that conversation?
When Dylori rose and stretched, raising her arms high above her head and yawning, Misti felt a familiar kick in her gut. She couldn’t help the joy that spread over her face. It was almost instinctual, the way Misti reacted to her. She watched as Dylori completed her usual routine: buckling on her armor and weaponry, tightening up her boots, and then flopping down next to Dis.
Misti tore her gaze away, walking the perimeter of the camp, keeping an eye out for suncreatures. Her guilt came back to her, wrapping around her like a heavy, hot cloak. She had to tell Dylori about her parents. How she could’ve gone this long without confessing the truth was beyond her, and she cursed her past self’s cowardice. Just like she could be a better sister to her siblings, she could change this relationship for the better, too. She had to.
Walking over to the group, Misti bit her lip and shoved her hands into her pockets. Arias chewed noisily on some bread, but when she noticed the determined look on Misti’s face, she set it aside. Dylori slurped up a dark green freshwater weed and was about to take another when Misti cleared her throat.
“Dylori, I have something to tell you.”
Dylori wiped her mouth with the back of her hand and settled back against Dis. “What’s up?”
“I should’ve told you this a long time ago, actually.” Nerves raced up Misti’s back, straightening her spine. She pulled her sweaty hands out of her pockets and wiped them on her pants. “I haven’t been completely honest about my family.”
Sunkissed Feathers & Severed Ties Page 23