For the Love of Logan

by Chase Connor

  Alex smiled.

  “Sorry.” He tried to remove the smile from his face.

  “What’s so fucking funny?” I grumbled.

  “He does like being my boyfriend, doesn’t he?” Alex looked down with a huge grin.

  I snorted. “God knows why. You’re a dick.”

  “Yeah.” Alex relented. “I can be a dick.”

  “That’s closer to a genuine apology.”

  “Cooper didn’t tell me I had to apologize. Well, he didn’t make it an ‘or else’ demand or anything.” Alex sighed and looked me in the eyes. “He doesn’t even know I’m here. And no—things haven’t been blissful with the two of us for the last month.”

  I just waited.

  “But…he’s miserable.” Alex deflated and sank into the closest chair to himself. “You’re a real dick for letting him be this miserable. You know he fucking loves you, right?”

  “It’s not like that, I told you that—”

  “I meant as a friend, Logan.” Alex sighed, rubbing his hands on the knees of his jeans. “I mean, I may be his boyfriend and he loves me—God knows why—but you’re his best friend. Not texting you or talking to you on the phone or hanging out with you is killing him. I think losing you as his study partner is the thing that has bothered him the most.”

  We both chuckled at Cooper’s nerdiness.

  “Well, you’re a dick for letting him be this miserable, too.” I countered, but there was no anger behind it, just fact. “I apologized to you already. But you’ve let your ego and insecurities keep you from accepting that it was all just a misunderstanding. Cooper loves you and—even if I had really been in love with him—he loves you. You’re an idiot if you don’t believe that.”

  “I know.” Alex sighed. “I mean, he’d have to love me a lot to allow me to run off his best friend, right?”

  “Shit yeah he would.”

  “I’m sorry, Logan.” Alex looked up at me. “I just…why would he choose me over you? Ya’ know.”

  Alex waved a hand vaguely at me.

  “I am so tired of everyone and their fucking insecurities about their own looks.” I groaned. “I struggle in school but you don’t hear me bitching and moaning that people don’t love me because I’m not as smart as so-and-so.”

  Alex gave an understanding nod of his head.

  “It’s just…I mean, I know I’m good looking.” Alex looked up with an evil grin. “But you’re…you. And you’re also kind and understanding and secure. Everyone likes you. It can be a little much.”

  “You have no idea how insecure I can be.”

  “No, I guess I don’t. No one knows what other people have going on inside.” Alex shrugged. “But, you make it easier for people to be insecure.”

  “Do you want me to apologize for that, too?” I snorted. “I’m sorry, Alex. I’m so very sorry.”

  I was teasing more than being sarcastic.

  Alex laughed.

  He got it.

  “You and A.J., huh?” He asked.

  “Yeah.”

  “He’s an okay guy.” Alex said. “Actually, he’s a pretty good guy. He was my first friend at Dextrus. A lot of people don’t know this—but he’s actually pretty deep. I wouldn’t have made it the first year on the team if it hadn’t been for him. Ya’ know, being gay and all…well, he didn’t know that—”

  “Yeah he did.” I said.

  Alex looked up at me.

  “He’s known for a while that you and Cooper were destined to be the pair of assholes in love that you are.” I laughed.

  “What?”

  “He’s kept it to himself.” I shrugged.

  Alex smiled and shook his head.

  “He never came out to you guys about being bisexual because he didn’t want to, I don’t know, interfere with what you guys were too stupid to see for a long time.”

  “I feel so bad for what I said to him.” Alex put his face in his hands. “He’s such a fucking good friend. A jackass—but he’s one of the best guys I know.”

  “That’s his car over there, numbnuts.” I pointed at the driveway.

  Alex looked up, spotted A.J.’s car, then turned his head to me.

  “He’s here?”

  “He is my boyfriend.” I shrugged.

  “How’s that working out for you guys?” Alex laughed.

  “I—I kind of love him.” I said. “No. I really love him.”

  Alex nodded.

  “You being good to him?” He asked sternly.

  I gave him a look that told him how crazy it was to ask.

  “Obviously.” Alex nodded. “Can I ask you something?”

  “I guess…”

  “Will you forgive me if I apologize?” He asked lowly, shyly. “And let us all be friends again? And not tell Cooper that I came here like a little bitch begging your forgiveness?”

  “Will there be tears and pleading involved?”

  Alex frowned at me.

  “Fine.” I sighed. “Do it your way.”

  “I’m sorry, Logan.” Alex said. “From the bottom of my heart, I’m really sorry. I wish I hadn’t reacted the way that I did. You’re a good guy and I’m really sorry that I caused problems with your friendship with Cooper. And, obviously you were just having a lot of trouble at the time. You needed someone to be understanding and caring and I acted like a dick. Please forgive me.”

  “You’re forgiven.” I shrugged.

  “God, I hate you.” Alex laughed.

  “What?!?” I laughed.

  “Cooper always says what a good guy you are.” Alex snorted. “And, like always, he’s right. You just forgave me when I don’t really deserve it.”

  “Debatable.” I teased. “But I’ll agree so that you can have your way.”

  “Screw you.” Alex laughed.

  “Nope.” I grinned. “My boyfriend keeps me happy.”

  Alex laughed louder.

  “So, why don’t you come in and tell your other friend that you’re sorry?” I held a hand out.

  Alex took my hand and let me hoist him out of the chair.

  “He’s not going to punch me again, is he?” Alex snorted. “I don’t need another black eye.”

  “Well, don’t talk shit about me then.” I bumped shoulders with him as we walked into the house. “He doesn’t like that.”

  Together, we walked through the living room, my mom catching my eye and winking as we headed towards the stairs. Alex and I climbed the stairs and went down the hall to my room. And for the first time in, well, forever, I didn’t even think about the fact that a friend was about to meet Katie for the first time. Not until we got into my room and there she was. And, even then, I just didn’t care anymore. People would accept Katie or they wouldn’t. Not my problem.

  “Someone’s here to see you, A.J.” I shoved Alex playfully into the room.

  He just laughed at me as he stumbled into my room. A.J. sat up quickly in the bed and glared at Alex.

  “What’s your name?!” Katie asked loudly.

  Then Alex’s eyes finally landed on Katie. He had that moment that most people do the first time they meet someone with Downs, he had to pause, collect himself, and then proceed.

  “I’m Alex.” He replied. “I’m Logan’s friend.”

  “He’s friends with Cooper, too, Katie.” I went ahead and told her the answer to what would surely be her follow up question.

  “Where’s Cooper?!?” She tried to look past us.

  “He’s not here, Katie bug.” I said.

  “Oh.” She shrugged and sat back, no longer interested.

  “Cooper comes and reads to you sometimes, doesn’t he?” I asked her. “He brings you books.”

  “He brought me Gerald the Giraffe last time!”

  “Giraffes Can’t Dance.” I explained to Alex. “It’s about Gerald the giraffe wanting to dance and not being good at it. What does the cricket tell Gerald when he is about to give up on dancing, Katie bug?”

  “Sometimes when you’re diff
erent, you just need a different song!” Katie announced, her eyes not leaving the laptop screen.

  Alex inhaled.

  “My boyfriend is pretty amazing, isn’t he?” Alex mumbled to me.

  “You’re fucking lucky, you piece of shit.” I snorted.

  He laughed. A.J. was watching us.

  “Katie bug, come on.” I held my hands out. “Let’s get you into bed so Alex can talk to A.J.”

  “Okay.” Katie rolled her eyes and shimmied off of the bed.

  “It was nice to meet you, Katie.” Alex said as I pulled Katie up into my arms.

  “Nice to meet you, too.” Katie said before burying her face in my neck.

  I turned to leave, but added over my shoulder:

  “Don’t destroy my room.” I warned Alex and A.J.

  As Katie and I left, on the way to get her into bed, Alex was sitting down on the edge of the bed, looking nervous. But, if I knew my boyfriend, by the time I got Katie into bed and returned, they’d be best friends again. Especially if Alex gave him a heartfelt apology like he had given me.

  Chapter 12

  Cooper was sitting at one of the picnic tables when I walked into the courtyard of Dextrus Monday morning. I had gotten to school early because I knew that Cooper would be there early—just like always. He’d be doing some last-minute homework or reading something one of the teachers had given him or reading a book—or any number of things. He was always working to stay one step ahead of everyone else. Well, maybe that wasn’t accurate. He didn’t care where everyone else was. He was just concerned with where he was going. He was only in a competition with himself.

  Today he looked sad.

  I had never really seen my best friend look sad.

  At least not like this.

  He was writing in his notebook and scanning the pages of some book, a frown on his face, looking as though he was struggling to concentrate. Usually, when he was lost in a book and some form of academic pursuit, he looked peaceful. I knew it wasn’t what he was doing that was causing him trouble. It was life. And I hated that what had happened between Alex and me had caused that trouble. I took a deep breath and walked over to the table and slid into the bench across from him.

  He looked up with a frown, realized who was across from him, then started chewing at his lip nervously.

  “Happy Monday, friend-o.” I grinned.

  It took him a second, but a tentative smile finally formed on his face.

  “You talking to me now?”

  “Only if you’ll accept my sincerest apologies.”

  “You don’t have anything to apologize for, Logan.” He said. “Alex owes you an apology. I owe you an apology.”

  “No, you don’t.” I replied sternly. “And Alex already apologized.”

  He just stared at me.

  “He came over Friday night and apologized to me and A.J.” I explained. “I wasn’t supposed to tell you, so just keep that under your toupee.”

  “Was it a good apology? Sincere?”

  “He groveled.” I nodded. “There were tears. He kissed my feet even. Pledged his fealty—all that.”

  Cooper laughed.

  “Somehow I doubt that.”

  “Well, that’s how I saw it.” I shrugged. “Views may differ. But, yeah. He gave us a sincere apology.”

  Cooper nodded.

  “He met Katie.” I added gently. “He was very nice to her.”

  He was grinning now.

  “A.J. and I had sex.” I said. “Well, what’s the multiple of sex?”

  “Sexes.” Cooper grinned widely. “But it doesn’t mean the same thing if you apply it to your situation. In your situation, sex can be singular or plural. But, just say you’ve done it multiple times.”

  “Yeah. That. We did that.”

  “So, you’re admitting that I was right about who the mystery guy was?” Cooper leaned in, grinning evilly. “Because that is better than any apology.”

  I shrugged.

  “A.J.’s not a bad guy.” Cooper said. “You know, he’s actually pretty smart for someone who does some jackass things. He aced my dad’s class.”

  “I know.” I laughed.

  Cooper looked around, then leaned in further.

  “Are the sexes good?”

  I chuckled evilly.

  “The best.”

  “Yesssssss.” Cooper hissed and held out his fist for me to bump.

  “It’s really really good.” I couldn’t help but grin.

  “Who knew the little fella had it in him?” Cooper cackled.

  “Oh, he does.” I snickered.

  “I’ve seen you guys at the track.” Cooper folded his arms on top of his notebook. “Trying to build up your stamina?”

  “You’re a disgusting human being.”

  “Well, yeah.” Cooper shrugged. “It’s funny how that happens to a guy when he’s getting laid on the regular. Well, semi-regular.”

  “Were you holding out on Alex?” I acted shocked.

  He rolled his eyes. “Well, something had to get through to him, right?”

  “But why punish yourself??” I teased.

  Cooper chewed at his lip. “I wanted my friend back more than I wanted to get laid.”

  I couldn’t help it. I laughed. Then Cooper laughed with me.

  “So…are you going to be my chem study partner again?” Cooper asked. “I really miss having you as my study buddy.”

  “Of course.” I nodded.

  “A.J. can come, too.” Cooper suggested. “He’s not in chem, but he can do his homework with us.”

  “Nah.” I shook my head. “Chem study time is our time, friend-o.”

  He smiled widely at me.

  “Whatcha got there?” I jabbed a finger at the notebook under his arms.

  Cooper blushed.

  “What?”

  “I was just filling out paperwork for UCLA.” He shrugged. “I have to fill out a bunch of this stuff for my scholarships and whatnot.”

  “How good are the scholarships?”

  “Full ride.” Cooper grimaced, hating to say anything that could be taken as a compliment of himself.

  “That’s fucking amazing!” I bounced in my seat.

  He shrugged.

  “I guess,” He chewed at his lip, “if I’m going to be a teacher, I don’t want to graduate college with a quarter million dollars of debt, huh?”

  “What?!” I smiled so wide it hurt.

  “Dad acts like he’s not happy.” Cooper smiled. “But he’s thrilled.”

  “You’re going to be the best teacher ever, man!” I leaned across the table and pulled him into a hug.

  Cooper was shocked, but finally returned the hug. I didn’t care who saw two guys hugging in the courtyard. Cooper was going to be a teacher. If that wasn’t worth giving someone a hug, I didn’t know what was.

  “I swear to God, man,” I pulled back, my hands still on his shoulders, “if you change your mind again, I’m beating your ass.”

  Cooper laughed loudly.

  “I won’t.” He shook his head. “I’m going to be a teacher.”

  “You’re going to suuuuuuuck.” A.J. popped up out of nowhere and was climbing into the bench beside me. “You always suck, Weissman.”

  Cooper and I rolled our eyes and pulled away from each other, our butts resting in our own seats again.

  “Everything about you is awful.” A.J. added, then smiled at Cooper. “But, maybe if you work hard, you’ll suck a little less.”

  “Thanks, dickhead.” Cooper rolled his eyes, but the smile didn’t leave his face. “I’m sure your future career as a carny will be awesome.”

  “I do like guessing people’s weight.” A.J. shrugged. “What are you? About a buck-twenty?”

  “Don’t insult my boyfriend.” Alex was climbing into the bench beside Cooper. “He’s one-thirty.”

  “You’re all assholes.” Cooper closed the book and spiral he was working out of and shoved them into his backpack with a laugh. “I’m
not that scrawny. I weigh one-forty.”

  He set his backpack on the ground as we all laughed, then he glared at me.

  “Hey,” I held my hands up defensively, “I didn’t say a word.”

  “Because it’s not fair for the best-looking guy at the table to talk shit about everyone else.” A.J. leaned in to whisper.

  “Debatable.” Cooper made eyes at Alex.

  I just blushed as A.J. leaned against me.

  “Everyone here is ugly.” Alex said. “Except Cooper.”

  And, just like that, things were…normal? As normal as three gay guys—and one bisexual guy—sitting at the table in a courtyard at an all-boys school can be. Even when Caden and Martin slid into the table with us and started telling Cooper and Alex—in low voices—how they had seen us kissing on the track, things were normal. When Alex and Cooper informed them that if they hung around long enough they’d see them kissing, too, Martin and Caden about lost their minds.

  “Is it contagious?” Martin had joked. “Jesus, everyone’s gay now.”

  “I’m not drinking the water around here.” Caden quipped as we all got up and headed towards our first classes of the day.

  Spring Break

  I was sitting on my board, my feet dangling on either side in the water. My new wetsuit kept most of me warm, but the water was cold and my feet were freezing. And I was happy. I was the happiest I’d been in a very long time. Up on the beach, four adults lounged in beach chairs, dressed in long pants, sweaters, and jackets, sipping wine and chatting away merrily. A young girl was doing her best to build a sand castle. The sky over Kennebunk, Maine was overcast and dreary and a light misty rain had fallen off and on all day. The small waves were at times choppy and rough, the water never completely calm and placid. But I didn’t care. These weren’t the surfing conditions I was used to, but being back on a board in nearly a year made my chest swell with happiness. I could wait for the waves if they wanted to be sporadic.

  Cooper and Alex were sitting on rented boards several yards away, adorned in their own wetsuits. They looked happy, but I could see them shivering, even at such a relatively far distance. They both looked like drowned rats, which, of course, made me laugh. I had told them that they didn’t have to go surfing with me again—they had gone with me the first two times—but they had insisted. Honestly, I think they were more put out with the process of putting on wetsuits than they were with anything else.