by H P Tune
Mia glanced across to the passenger seat and saw the despondent expression on Juliet’s face.
“His career was everything, so much more than family.”
“Seems like family comes second a lot of the time in this world.” Mia had also once thought that family was always the number-one priority, the one thing that came first, no matter what.
The conversation quietened down after that, and they drove most of the way with only the occasional observation or random thought and a brief comfort stop. Juliet slept some of the way, obviously spent from days of heightened stress. Mia was almost grateful for the silence and content to be with her own reflections for the drive. With soft music playing on the car stereo and just the expanse of highway in front of her, Mia could lose herself in her deliberations.
They were almost back to the military-issued house when Mia broke the silence. “You feel like talking?”
Juliet drew her lower lip into her mouth and pulled her knees up close to her chest. “Not really.”
“You sure?”
Juliet drew in a rushed breath of air through her nose. “I don’t want to talk,” she whispered as tears welled and pooled under her lower eyelids. Mia made a split-second decision: she would push just a little.
“We don’t have to,” Mia said, placing her hand on the edge of Juliet’s car seat. Juliet didn’t move, but watched her closely, her eyes suddenly fixated. “You don’t have to talk, and you don’t have to be okay.”
Nodding, Juliet allowed a tear to slowly slip down her cheek. Mia glanced frequently from the road to Juliet, watching the teardrop tumble from her cheekbone. She gave Juliet a few long seconds, then moved her hand to rest on Juliet’s knee. “I know you’re not okay.”
Squeezing her eyes shut, Juliet’s face contorted and her shoulders shook. She took Mia’s hand, held it between both of her own, and placed her forehead against her own knees. A slow, drawn-out sob emanated throughout the car.
She cried for a long time with sporadic hiccups and soft whimpers. As soon as they arrived home, Mia pulled into the driveway and held Juliet as best she could across the console.
Mia cried then too, just a few tears that toppled from her eyes as Juliet’s feelings of loss morphed with her own.
When Juliet finally lifted her blotchy, stained face, Mia gripped her tightly, bowing her forehead to Juliet’s. They both sniffled and released a final spent cry. Then Juliet licked her lips, murmuring in a hoarse, broken voice, “There’s no one left. I’m alone.”
Mia curled her fingers, and they scraped lightly against Juliet’s skin. “Me too.”
CHAPTER 14
The next morning, Juliet ushered Mia into the car and to a nearby row featuring small shops and cafes and a few restaurants nearby that were closed until lunch. They settled into two comfy leather lounges opposite each other in a small cafe, a table in between, and sipped coffee from large mugs. Reaching across the table, Juliet wiggled her fingers until Mia grasped her hand.
“What?” Mia finally asked. “Have I got chocolate on my nose?”
Juliet shook her head. She made a deliberately serious face. “Nope, and I would tell you if you had anything on your nose, just so you know.”
“Well, you’re staring at me.”
“Mmm, ’cause you’re pretty amazing.” Mia clearly needed to hear this more, Juliet had decided.
“Oh I totally am. I know that.” But she was blushing.
“So I’ve been going over this speech in my head for the last half an hour, and it’s crap and completely tangential and lacking in any kind of eloquence that you might expect from someone who supposedly writes for a living.” She stopped and drew in a breath. “You wanna hear it?”
“Ah,” Mia said with a nervous smile, “should I be worried?”
“Oh no, sorry. Not at all, I don’t think. Unless you’re freaked out by me or something. But no, I don’t think so. I’m not about to tell you I’m crazier than my mom or anything.”
“Maybe you should go with direct rather than this lead-in. I’m completely confused…”
“Okay, I can do that. I ramble a lot when I’m nervous, more than usual anyway.”
“Rambling is good. It’s quiet that freaks me out.”
“Oh yeah, which is kind of part of the speech. I know I’ve been out of it, almost since we met, and I’m not like that. That’s not me, really. But I’ve started at the end…this wasn’t what I practised in my head. Right.” Juliet took a long gulp of coffee and smiled. “You are amazing. Let’s go back there. I was on track there. I’ve been trying to figure out a way to thank you for what you’ve done, to say how incredible and supportive you’ve been, but saying ‘thanks’ doesn’t go anywhere near what I…well, feel.”
“Juliet, it’s nothing…it’s…”
“No, it’s not nothing. Please don’t downplay it, because it’s so much more than nothing. I don’t do this, Mia. I don’t meet someone and then cling to them and fall apart. I don’t ever.” Juliet paused and sighed. “It’s always been the criticism. I keep everything locked up—my greatest flaw or whatever. I put on this act of being all calm and in control, even with people who don’t deserve it, with whom I shouldn’t.” She swallowed, and Mia squeezed her hand. Juliet smiled. “But I don’t with you. I don’t feel like I have to.”
“And no way. You don’t have to. But isn’t that good?”
“Yeah, I mean yeah, absolutely. And a bit scary…”
“I get that,” Mia said. “And I can say that you should trust me, but I realise it’s not that simple. It takes time.”
Juliet sipped at her coffee, taking a quick look around the room to give herself a moment. “I don’t want to stay here. I’m ready to leave this town for a while. But I want to stay with you, Mia. I want to go where you want to go. There are no ties for me anywhere, and I hope that, well, I hope that you want me to tag along.”
Mia grinned, and Juliet could almost see relief wash over her as she exhaled. But still, Juliet hesitated. Was she putting pressure on Mia?
“I don’t want you to tag along, Juliet.” Mia planted her palms down on the table and fixed a gaze on her. “But I do want us to go together.”
“You do?”
“Ah-huh. But where? I mean, do you want to head back to Scotland, just settle for a while? Or are you keen on somewhere new? A fresh start?”
Juliet shrugged. “It’s up to you. I think it’s time that you get to do what you want to do. I’m flexible. There’s nothing holding me back, no reasons.”
“That’s clearly too much power,” Mia joked.
It was Juliet’s turn to roll her eyes. “You have had a really, really crappy time in life because of people making decisions for you, so I’m putting you in the driver’s seat. Anyway, I have a feeling that whatever makes you feel good will make me feel good too.”
“I don’t suppose you meant that to have a double meaning.”
A slow grin spread across Juliet’s face. She shrugged. “Well, that too.”
“I guess I want to go back to Scotland…but does that suit you? It’s my place these days, so it’s kind of home.”
Juliet nodded, though she could see Mia’s forehead creasing suddenly. “I’m good with that. You look worried though.”
“No, sorry. That’s just my mind running a million miles ahead. I just went straight to visas and shit, ’cause I’ve got permanent residency from all of our business stuff, but what are you travelling on—a tourist visa?”
“Yeah, they allow six months, I think, so I’m all good.”
“But is that what you want to do? Are you sure?”
“Mia.” Juliet’s voice took a stern tone. “Yes, I’m sure, completely sure. But, there is something else that we need to talk about, and that would be the whole flight thing.”
“Hmmm? Flight thing? I don’t get it.”
“I have money, as in, I have money to live on and travel with, at least until my book is published and that starts coming in. But, I�
��m not, I guess…I don’t have the money to fly business class, and that’s totally okay that you do that. But if we’re going back to Scotland, I can’t have you keep sorting the flights and…”
Mia halted Juliet with a gentle hand on hers. “It’s not important, Juliet, it’s just…money.”
Scoffing, Juliet sighed. “The only people who ever say that are people with shitloads of it.”
Mia gave what appeared to be a brief guilty glance and then a nod to concede Juliet’s point.
“And that’s not a criticism, really it isn’t. I’ve always paid my way. I’m crazy independent, and it makes me, well, uncomfortable, I suppose.”
“But it doesn’t bother me.” Mia’s voice turned soft. “I wouldn’t ever expect anything in return. You know that, right? God, really, I don’t expect anything at all.”
“I know, but what if one day you do? What if I really, really piss you off and you want to make me as miserable as humanly possible? I’ve seen worse.”
“I won’t.”
Juliet squeezed Mia’s hand and gave her a sad smile. “The truth is, it’s more my issue than anything to do with you. I can’t accept that kind of gift from you, it’s too generous. And I’m not paying you back or giving you anything in return. It’s not fair.”
“Not giving me anything in return? Are you kidding me? Juliet, my entire family just slammed a door in my face, literally. They closed a door right in front of me. But I’m okay, and that is because of you, and only because of you. Can’t you let me thank you too?”
Juliet slowly shook her head. “Not like that. It’s too much. You don’t need to thank me, and definitely not with cash. I feel like I’m taking advantage of you.”
Smiling, Mia said, “Is it just me, or are we debating the same concept? I don’t want to insult you, but this is something that I can do for us. And honestly, I’m not just talking shit. I have got so many perks and points and contacts that flights are like you going to the supermarket and buying a Diet Coke. It’s nothing. So the way I see it, there’s a few choices: One, we both fly economy, in those ridiculously small seats, no leg room and cabins filled with smelly men. Or, two, you let me take care of the flights and in return, on this trip, you tolerate a bit of a detour.”
Juliet cocked her head. “Detour?” She leaned back with her fingertips just meeting Mia’s across the table and they hooked together by the first knuckle.
“Yeah,” Mia said, exhaling. She looked away and back again, licking her lips. The expression on her face was unreadable, and Juliet wasn’t sure whether she should patiently wait or press for more.
“Well, sure,” Juliet murmured softly.
“Yeah?”
They were interrupted by their breakfast—two large plates spread with toasted Turkish bread, eggs, mushrooms, bacon, and tomatoes. “Thank you,” Juliet said, sliding the coffee mugs to the side to make room. “Looks great.”
“Yeah, thanks,” Mia said, smiling at the waitress.
“So, do you want to tell me about our ‘detour’ before I start arguing the fare?” Juliet said.
Mia took a mouthful of scrambled eggs and tapped her lips with a napkin. “Mmm-hmm,” she murmured, swallowing. “You know how I mentioned that Christmas was an anniversary for me?”
“Yep, just a bit over a year ago now, right?”
“Yeah, right. Well, Dubai is where she was…is…was cremated—whatever the right phrasing is. And I haven’t been back. I’ve wanted to but haven’t. And I know that it might be too much after everything you just went through with your dad, but you wouldn’t have to come with me to the umm, memorial place thing.” Mia stopped and sighed. “Now who’s rambling?”
Juliet kept her breathing light. When she spoke, she made her voice almost lyrical, what she hoped was completely non-threatening and soothing. “That’s why you were going through Dubai from LA.”
“Yeah, but then the thought of it made me a little crazy. I lost it and changed my flight. And I still might panic…”
“Okay,” Juliet whispered. “Consider it done.”
“I think it’s something I need to do, should do.”
“Yeah, makes sense. And of course I’ll be there, right beside you.”
“I wouldn’t normally have made the trip now, and it doesn’t have to happen now. Not really. We could go back home, back to Scotland, and then do a separate trip later, if you don’t feel okay with it. I don’t want to upset you or make things harder for you.”
Juliet dragged her eyes away from Mia to cut a piece of toast. She added a small piece of bacon and dipped it in the bright yolk of a poached egg. Chewing, she looked back up and knew that Mia would see the tears filling her eyes. She swallowed heavily, sliding the food down her slightly aching throat. “My dad died,” she said simply, “and my brother. And I got to be there, to say goodbye to both of them, in my own way. It’s not easy, and it doesn’t always make sense, especially now. But you lost someone too, and I know you’ll tell me about it when you’re able to, and that’s okay. But Mia, I can see it written all over your face, this is something you need to do, and I’d like to be there for you in whatever way you need. And I certainly know, and I’m sure you do too, life is too short to put off the important things.”
Dropping her knife to the plate, Mia reached an open palm across toward Juliet, pressing her hand lightly to Juliet’s cheek. Juliet closed her eyes on contact, absorbing the gentle stroke of her thumb. “And that’s why you’re a writer,” Mia said, “I could so be crying right now.”
“Ha, fortunately, I’m a little more concise when writing.” Mia’s hand went back to her cutlery. Juliet continued, “I know this is a bit of a change in subject, but what do you think of staying in the city in a hotel rather than staying another couple of nights at…the house?”
Looking up, Mia paused. “You mean the single bed isn’t really working for you?”
“No, it’s not. Amongst other things, anyway. I think my mental health might be greatly improved by a bit of space, a change in scenery.”
Mia smiled and nodded. “Sure. We can just go back and grab our things. Once we check in to a hotel, we can sort flights and stuff. I mean, I’ll sort flights, because that’s what we decided, right?” She thrust out her chin.
Laughing, Juliet held her hands up in the air. “It’s one argument I’m never going to win, am I? Should I just concede that now?”
“Yeah, definitely, you might as well.” She leaned back, wrapping one arm in a casual way around the back of her chair as she gazed at Juliet. “I do get where you’re coming from, you know. And I can totally promise that this is the one thing that I’ll be all obsessive over. Can I have that?”
“Fine,” Juliet declared with sarcasm, hopefully too overdone to be interpreted as real. “Okay, so we have a plan: book into a hotel, sort flights to Scotland via Dubai, and that’s it, I think. Anything else?”
“Nope, not from me. I’m dragging you around the world, so I think that’ll do.” Mia grinned. “Is there anything you need to do while you’re here?”
Juliet shook her head. “Nah, just a few calls to that army rep, and that’s it. You probably think I should see Mom again before I leave, hey?”
“No, no, not at all.” Mia’s tone sounded vehement. “To be honest with you, I can’t imagine how hard that must be. Seeing her, but not really seeing her; and it’s not like it’s just new. This has been a couple of years.”
“Yeah, it’s shitty, actually. If I thought being with her made a difference, or it did actually make a difference, then I would do it. But it doesn’t. It really doesn’t. I’ve tried everything I can. Mental illness is just…well, crap.”
“Mmmm, it’s weird. In my circles, everyone is on antidepressants. It’s like they’re taking breath mints. But being there and seeing your mom... Wow, it blew my mind, actually. It’s full on.”
“Everyone takes antidepressants?” Juliet’s pitch rose.
“Maybe not everyone. That’s probably an exagger
ation. But yeah, heaps of people. I was once. On them, I mean. Not now, though. Definitely not now.”
“You’ve really been through some crappy times, haven’t you?”
They both paused, gazes locked on each other. “Yeah,” Mia whispered before her mouth slowly widened into a grin. “But things don’t seem so bad right now.”
“Good.” Plate half finished, Juliet pulled out her phone and scrolled through her contact list. “I tend to stay at the same place when I’m in town. Are you happy to just go with that?”
“Absolutely. Whatever suits.”
“An old friend is the manager, a family friend, kind of. He was buddies with Ben. They were inseparable for a long time.” Juliet pressed the phone to her ear, pulling up her shoulder and holding it in place as she finished her cooling coffee.
“Hey,” she said into the phone, her voice deliberately quiet so as not to disturb the patrons around them. “It’s just me. How are you?” She lapsed into silence for a few seconds. “A couple of nights, maybe, I’m not sure. You guys aren’t booked out, are you?” She laughed, playing with her fork as she looked off into the distance across the cafe. “Nah, not twin bed, queen.” She looked up at Mia as he excitedly pumped her for more information, and she thought she could just make out a blush on Mia’s cheeks.
“Shut up,” Juliet said. “We’ll be there in a couple of hours, probably, and yes, I will introduce Mia to you.”
Finishing up with a few pleasantries, Juliet hung up the phone, shaking her head. “He seems to think that since he’s declared himself my pseudo big brother, the fact that I mentioned you a couple of days ago means he has full access.”
“I’m happy to be interrogated.”
Juliet could only interpret her reply as confirmation that the single-room booking was a good thing.
* * *
Mia didn’t mind that the motel was simple; it was more than adequate, given their reason for being in town. Mia noticed a restaurant on the ground floor as they ascended in one of the two elevators; there were six levels of rooms. Juliet’s childhood friend Harry was in a meeting when they arrived, but he had arranged a spacious room on the top level, complete with a bottle of champagne and a cheese platter on a coffee table by the window. There was a queen-sized bed along one wall and just two wooden chairs against the window with the coffee table between them. The wood was scratched and chipped, but the cushions were clean and bright.