by Jane Blythe
“I just need some time alone right now,” she told him. “Thanks for getting CSU wrapped up and out of here today so I can come back here.”
“Of course. You’ll call if you need anything.” It was a statement, not a question, so Florence nodded, knowing she would never call her partner, but she didn't want to be rude because Jake was going out of his way to look out for her.
“Thanks, Jake, for everything.” She offered him a small smile as she reached for the door handle.
“Anytime. I'm here for you, breaking up sucks, no matter how long you’ve been together.”
“Yeah, it does,” she agreed. “See you next week.” Her boss had ordered her to take the remainder of the week off, and she had no idea what she was going to do with herself.
“Try to get some rest, things will look better in the morning,” Jake told her as she climbed out of the car.
Somehow Florence doubted that.
In the morning she still wouldn’t be with Eli, and that was what was making her feel like someone had taken her heart and shredded it into a million pieces.
Knowing that Jake would sit and watch until she was inside her building, she hurried in out of the freezing wind. Not in the mood to wait for the lift, Florence trudged up the stairs to her floor and then found herself hesitating at her door.
This was ridiculous.
No one was going to be waiting inside for her.
Although part of her hoped that Eli had realized he’d made a mistake and had stopped by here to hash things out and make up.
With a deep sigh, she opened her door and stepped inside pausing to scan the room, searching for any signs of a person hiding in the shadows. There was none of course, and it annoyed her that she even had to think about it. She didn't like that her home had been breached like that. Toby hadn't just held a gun on her, he’d taken her safe place and made it feel no longer safe.
Maybe she should have stayed with Jake tonight.
No.
The way to face problems was head-on.
That was the way she had approached every other problem in her life.
Her phone dinged, and hope pinged through her as she fished it out of her purse.
Her hope was dashed when she saw the text was from her brother and not Eli.
When was this hoping that she was going to see him and hear from him going to pass?
She’d never been in love before, she’d been too afraid that she would end up in the very position she found herself in right now.
Since she’d hardly responded to him after meeting Eli and she felt bad about it, she locked the door behind her, then sank down into her favorite armchair and read his text.
Fletcher
Hey, little sis, I'm worried about you
you're not yourself lately what’s up?
Florence
Sorry, it’s been a crazy couple of weeks
Fletcher
I already heard from Jake so
consider that before you think
about lying to me
Florence couldn’t help but smile at that. That was one of the things she loved most about her brother, he was a straight shooter, he never beat around the bush, and he expected the same from her.
Florence
How much did he tell you?
Fletcher
Everything
You need me to come up there and beat
this Eli guy up for you?
Florence
While I appreciate the offer I'm okay
Fletcher
You want me to come up and hang out with you?
Florence
That’s sweet, Fletch, but I'm exhausted
I'm just going to crash and I'm sure
things will look better in the morning
Fletcher
I'm worried about you
Florence
You don’t have to
Fletcher
Can't help it, little sister
Jake said you're off work till next week
I can't come tomorrow but the next day
I'm driving up to see you
We’ll hang out, do anything you want
You can talk if you want to but you don’t have to
She could say no, insist that she was fine on her own, but in reality she wasn't.
She did need someone right now, it felt like life had tossed her into the middle of the ocean without a life vest.
She needed a life vest.
Spending a little time with her brother would help.
Florence
Okay, that sounds nice
Fletcher
Love you, Florence, and call if you need anything
Florence
Love you too
And I will
As she put her phone down, she couldn’t help but smile. Most of her life she’d felt all alone in the world, but she wasn't completely alone. She had her brother who had been by her side through so much. They’d raided dumpsters together in search of food scraps, and snuggled together to stave off hypothermia when they’d had to sleep outside in the forest because their mother had kicked them out so they didn't interrupt her night with her current lover. And now she had Jake, he’d offered to open up his home to her, and cared enough to reach out to her brother to update him on everything that had happened.
Her life wasn't all bad.
She’d get over Eli, her heart would mend, and she’d come out of it stronger than she’d been before.
But right now she needed a good cry.
Needed to expel all those emotions swirling around inside her, threatening to well up and choke her.
Pushing herself out of the chair, she went through to her bedroom and stretched up onto her tiptoes to find the teddy bear the cops had given her when she was eight. Taking it with her to the bed, she curled up under the covers, and clutching the bear in her arms, she stopped holding back the tears.
They flowed down her cheeks, puddling on her pillow, it had been so long since she’d last cried, not since she was sixteen and been violated by her mother’s boyfriend, and half a lifetime of bundled up pain came flooding out.
FEBRUARY 20TH
7:05 A.M.
Gray.
Gray buildings, gray roads, gray sky, it seemed the whole world was gray this morning.
Eli thought that was perfect.
He felt gray inside, so it was fitting that the world around him represent how he felt.
Florence.
Everywhere he looked he saw her, it didn't seem possible that she had only been in his life for eleven days.
Eleven days, but it felt like a lifetime.
In such a short amount of time, she’d become everything to him. He’d been planning his life with her, he’d been picturing their wedding day and how stunning she’d look in her wedding gown, he’d thought about where he’d take her for their honeymoon. He’d dreamed about touching her stomach as their baby moved inside of her, and holding her hand while she was in labor. He’d actually looked forward to busy years where they balanced work, kids’ schedules, and time together.
Everything had been perfect.
Until it hadn't.
Now he’d lost her, and it felt like he was dead inside.
How had she made such a significant impact on him in such a short amount of time?
Had he really been in love with her or had he been caught up in the romance of it all? He’d saved her life, maybe that had impacted how he’d seen her, romanticized the whole thing.
He’d wanted so badly to find someone to share his life with, and Florence had been the only woman he could see himself marrying, but did that mean he was in love with her?
Something bounced off his head, and he swung his chair around from facing the window to find Graham standing behind him.
“What are you doing?” he asked irritably, picking up a scrunched up piece of paper that was on his lap, he wasn't in the mood for people today.
Well, any person except Floren
ce.
“Trying to get your attention,” Graham replied, dropping into the chair on the other side of the desk. “What’s with you?”
“What do you mean?”
“You’re in an awful mood, I can only assume this has something to do with the mysterious Florence—who you’re yet to introduce us to by the way.”
“That’s not going to happen,” he muttered, turning his attention to the stack of papers on his desk that needed his attention. He wasn't in the mood to work, but it was the only way he could keep his mind off Florence.
“What happened?”
“Nothing.”
“Then what has you in this mood?”
With a sigh, Eli shoved away from the desk and raked his hands through his hair. “We broke up.”
“You broke up?”
“Yeah.”
“You going to elaborate?”
May as well. Wasn't like he could make things worse by talking about it, who knows, maybe Graham would say something that could help him get over Florence.
“Florence’s childhood was rough, her dad wasn't in the picture, and her mother drank and slept around a lot. One of the mom’s boyfriends was a serial killer, you’ve probably heard of him, he sedated and buried alive little girls. Florence was one of them. Only she didn't get the full dose of drugs and was able to get away. The killer was obsessed with her and has been stalking her all these years. Yesterday morning he made his move. Florence and I had spent the night together, but she went back to her apartment to change and he was waiting for her. I walked in, and he had a gun on her. He was ranting and raving, and she put herself between me and the killer. He shot at us, and she shot him, tackled him, and cuffed him.”
“That’s quite a story.” Graham’s eyes were wide, but then his brow crinkled in confusion. “But I don’t get why you broke up.”
“Because she could have died.”
“Okay,” Graham said slowly.
“She’s a cop, she has some sort of death wish, and I've already lost enough people that I love. I'm not going to be with her and stand on the sidelines waiting for her to get herself killed.”
“I'm not following you.”
“She nearly died as a child, I guess it messed her up.” Maybe it had been unwise of him to get involved with someone who had been through so many traumatic experiences. What did he know about helping someone cope with trauma? His family had been as close to perfect as a family could be, he’d never had to worry about paying his bills or not being able to get anything he wanted, Florence had been correct when she’d said they had nothing in common.
“I don’t get that impression.”
“What do you mean?”
“It doesn’t sound like she has a death wish at all. In fact the opposite. She had a rough start in life, could have turned to alcohol like her mother, or drugs. She could have turned to prostitution to pay her bills. Instead, she overcame her upbringing, went to college, and got a job where she saves lives. Despite having every reason not to trust men—not to trust anyone—she was willing to give you a chance. I'm guessing that was hard for her given everything that you’ve already said about her. She was nearly killed, yet she got on a plane with you—a virtual stranger—and went to another country, which must have been a huge leap of faith.”
He hadn't thought about it like that, but Graham was probably right, she had every reason not to trust him and yet despite her fears, she’d given him a shot.
He’d promised her that she could trust him, that he wasn't going anywhere, that he would fight for her and for them, and yet he’d walked away.
Just like everyone else in her life.
Just like she had been afraid he would.
While Eli hated that he had broken his promise, he hadn't seen any way around it.
And still didn't.
“So that’s it? It’s just over between you two?”
“Yes. What else can I do? I asked her to quit her job, I make more than enough to support her and buy her anything she wants.”
“You asked her to quit her job?” Graham exclaimed.
“I’ve lost everyone in my family, I can't lose anyone else.”
“You can't ask her to quit her job.”
“Why not?”
“Because it’s ridiculously unreasonable. What’s she supposed to do with her time? Wasn't she already concerned about you two coming from two different worlds? Asking her to sit around and be your trophy wife doesn’t sound like the smartest thing you’ve ever said.”
“I don’t expect her to be my trophy wife.” He pouted.
“Then what do you expect? Does she love her job?”
“Yes.”
“Does it help her deal with what happened to her by saving others?”
“Yes.”
“Then if you love her, how can you ask her to give that up?”
“Did you miss the part where a serial killer was stalking her and held her hostage at gunpoint? Her job is dangerous, I can't be with someone whose job is all about putting themselves in danger.”
“But the serial killer was from her past. Nothing to do with her job. That could have happened no matter who she was or what she did,” Graham reasoned.
Okay, so he didn't have a good argument to that. “I knew that she was in danger, Graham, and I let her go back there alone. I practically threw her into that situation.”
“So, this is about you and your guilt.”
“No. Yes. Maybe. I don’t know.”
“You want to know what I think?”
“Do I?”
Graham chuckled. “I think that you’re being stupid. You’re throwing away the best thing that ever happened to you because you're being stubborn and unreasonable. I know that our experiences shape us. Soraya almost walked away from what we had because of hers, she let it cloud her thinking, get in between us, she thought she was doing the right thing in that moment, but when she really looked at it, she realized that nothing was worth ruining what we had. You're going to regret this. I understand you're afraid of losing another person you love, that must be terrifying, but cutting things off with Florence before you can fall any further in love and possibly lose her is going to be your biggest regret.”
Eli didn't even have to wonder if that was true.
It had been less than twenty-four hours since they broke up, and he already regretted it.
The problem was whether loving her and watching her die was worth the risk.
“I can't imagine my life without Soraya, Chloe, and Lorenzo in it. The thought of losing any of them makes me sick, but when it boils down to it, I'd rather love them and lose them than never have loved them at all.”
“That’s deep,” he said with a half-smile. He wasn't used to seeing the man who had been his playmate as a child, and had a reputation as being hard and rude be so sensitive and introspective.
“Being in love does that to you. No one can make this decision for you, Eli, but as a man who saw the whole world differently once I met Soraya, let me just tell you that it’s worth it. Whatever you have to do, do it. Whatever you have to deal with, deal with it. Whatever you have to come to terms with, come to terms with it. Don’t let the best thing that is ever going to happen to you slip away. Don’t be Florence’s savior, her hero, and then be the man who destroyed her.”
Graham stood and left his office, leaving Eli staring after him.
It wasn't him who had the power to destroy her it was Florence who held the power to destroy him.
Could he risk it?
Could he really ever think it was better to love her and lose her than not love her at all?
* * * * *
10:57 A.M.
She was sick of moping.
All Florence had done since she got home yesterday was mope.
She’d slept a little, but her dreams kept being punctuated with images of Eli. His charming smile, his cocky attitude, his lips which possessed the ability to make her body and her mind turn to jell-o.
> She missed him.
Missed him with every ounce of her being.
It felt like she was missing half of her soul. She felt empty, walking around as only half a person was awful. She couldn’t think, couldn’t settle to anything, she wasn't hungry even though she hadn't eaten since the ice cream date in Eli’s penthouse.
This was ridiculous.
She was sitting around like some middle school girl who had broken up with her boyfriend, but she wasn't twelve years old. She was a mature woman in her mid-twenties, she was a logical, sensible person, she didn't run and hide from things, she found a way to overcome them.
That was what she had to do.
This problem with Eli had to have a solution.
It had to.
Every problem had an answer.
As far as she could see there were two answers to her current issue. Number one, she could accept that Eli would only continue to date her if she agreed to quit her job, in which case she couldn’t be with him. If that was the answer, then she had to find a way to move on, the best way to do that was to meet someone else. If nothing else, she would have at least learned from this brief relationship with Eli that she was ready to have a serious relationship.
That was something.
That was turning a negative into a positive.
Or answer number two was that she track Eli down and give him a piece of her mind and see if there was a compromise they could come to that allayed both their fears and allowed both of them to be happy.
What was she going to choose?
That wasn't even an option.
She wasn't a coward, and she didn't give up. She wasn't just going to sit here and mourn him, she was going to fight for what made her happy, and Eli made her happy.
Happiness hadn't been a huge part of her life. As a child, there had been nothing in her life to bring her any joy, but as an adult she’d started seeking out those moments. Eli had shown her what true happiness was like and there was no way she was walking away from that without a fight.