by Linda Byler
“Do your shoes fit?” Mommy Glick asked as she entered the kitchen. She bent down to take a peek at Emma’s shoes.
“Oh, yes!” Emma said, smiling at Mommy as they shook hands warmly.
“You have a lovely wedding day,” Mommy said, clasping Emma’s hand with both of her own.
Emma wore Mommy’s high-top shoes that laced over her ankles like figure skates. Ministers’ wives wore these shoes to church, and a bride traditionally wore them to be married as a sign of obedience and a humble spirit, virtues that are highly respected among the Amish. Joshua wore new shoes in the same style, which was really very touching, old-fashioned, and serious, Lizzie thought. Lizzie had to admit, she hoped someday she, too, could borrow Mommy Glick’s shoes.
The guests began arriving in earnest. Aunt Vera’s eyes swam with tears as she rushed in, wrapping her arms around Emma. Mam was so glad to see her sisters that she started openly crying, but that was all right because she didn’t see her sisters very often.
Mam had asked a bishop from Ohio to perform the marriage ceremony. She always said it seemed so unfinished the way it was done in Pennsylvania, with the couple seated as soon as they were pronounced man and wife. In Ohio, the bishop asked the congregation to stand while he said a prayer for the couple, which Mam had asked for and Dat agreed to.
The bishop preached an inspiring sermon in his Ohio accent, which was all very interesting. Emma looked so dark-haired, petite, and pretty as she stood soberly beside Joshua, saying her vows in a soft voice. He answered in a deeper masculine voice.
When they stood to pray, Lizzie cried. She had planned to stay dry-eyed and serene. But this was Emma, her own bossy big sister who was taking this very serious step, and everything seemed so holy and good and right that Lizzie cried until she had to get out her handkerchief and silently wipe her nose. When they all sat down again, she was so embarrassed by her tears that she looked at Ben’s shoes for a very long time.
After they sang the last swelling strain of the old wedding hymn, the festivities began. The new husband and wife with their nehva-sitsa went upstairs to change from their traditional, borrowed shoes into new ones they had bought for their wedding day. Emma, Lizzie, and Mary each took off their black church coverings and put on new white ones. Then came the best part of the whole day—sitting down at the corner table in the living room downstairs.
While the couples were changing their clothes, their helpers had set the bridal table with Emma’s fancy tablecloths, her fine white china embellished with tiny garlands of flowers, the pitcher and glasses Joshua had given her, and the pretty silverware she had received from him, as well. Lizzie was even more excited by the food in front of them—bowls of fruit, cut-glass cake stands holding decorated wedding cakes, parfait glasses filled with a creamy gelatin dessert, and all kinds of other classy-looking dishes and food. It was a beautiful table with Joshua on one side and Emma on the other, both happier than Lizzie had ever seen them.
Tables were set up along every available wall, with aunts and uncles hurrying and scurrying, carrying steaming plates of roasht, bowls heaped high with creamy mashed potatoes, cooked celery swimming in a velvety white sauce, pitchers of thick gravy, and dishes of cole slaw. The food was delicious, but Lizzie tried to eat daintily, feeling almost bashful sitting at this lovely table with Ben.
Emma oohed about the cakes, carefully reading the small tags on their tops, which identified the name of each person who had baked a cake for Emma and Joshua.
“Oh, this beautiful white one is from Uncle James and Aunt Becca!” Emma said.
“They’re both pretty, and this one is from your parents, Emma,” Joshua said.
After the wedding dinner, it was time to open gifts. They unwrapped what seemed like hundreds of packages, carefully keeping a record of who had given each gift.
Then it was time to go back to the corner table again for the “afternoon table,” the time of the day when the youth assembled at the tables to sing wedding hymns. Each young man asked a girl to accompany him and sit beside him during the singing. It was a thrilling, very jittery time for any young girl, because you never knew when you would be picked, or if any young man would pick you at all, Lizzie thought. You just had to stand there, trying to look calm and nonchalant, when all that time your face was devoid of color because your heart was beating so fast, it was all you could do not to drop away in a dead faint.
Lizzie had often heard of this practice from other girls, but she had never participated in it before. She could well imagine how absolutely unstrung she would become if Ben wasn’t already her partner, her life so much like the Chutes and Ladders game with its constant ups and downs. With her luck, no one would find her attractive enough to choose her to accompany him.
The girls told Lizzie that the boys didn’t really choose someone because she was pretty, but she never believed that. Of course, they did. All the pretty girls will be picked right off the bat, you watch, she thought. She wondered if Stephen would have chosen her if she hadn’t already had Ben as a partner. She hoped so. She had looked everywhere for him, but she hadn’t seen him yet. But with so many people in the house, she might just have overlooked him.
But she was pleasantly surprised to see when the couples filled in that the prettiest girls didn’t automatically get picked first. Most of the boys chose their friends, and once everyone was seated, they seemed to be having a genuinely good time. In between songs, the youth snacked on the potato chips, candy, and fruit that was passed from table to table.
The relatives, parents, and other wedding guests were assembled in the center of the room in neat rows of folding chairs. The singing swelled to the ceiling, rolling around the room in great waves until Lizzie became quite bored. When would they ever stop? Just when she thought surely no one could think of one more song to pick, someone started another one, louder than the last one.
“Those Glicks can really sing,” Ben said, leaning close to Lizzie so she could hear him.
“I guess so. I hope they soon run out of air. I’m getting tired of sitting here,” Lizzie answered, smiling.
Ben laughed, telling her they’d sing for awhile yet.
Finally it was supper-time. The young people at the afternoon table were free to go. Lizzie was glad to get up and leave, going upstairs with Emma and Mary where they talked with friends and some of the Ohio aunts until it was time to go to Dat’s shop where the youth had already gathered. There Emma and Joshua assigned each young man a supper partner. Some of the men were pleased, and others were impolite enough to refuse. But it was all in good fun and, for the most part, Emma and Joshua did not have a hard time with anyone.
Then for the last time, the wedding party sat at the elegant corner table, watching the couples file into the room as their names were called. Lizzie felt a slight twinge of pain when Amos led Ruthie in and together they found their seats. Amos is just as handsome as ever, she thought wryly. I wonder what Stephen is doing, she thought. But she shook her head and pushed away those thoughts.
Then John Zook led Mandy to the corner table. He was so much taller than Mandy, and she looked as if she had seen a ghost and never got over it. Her face was colorless, her eyes huge and dark with nervousness, but she gave Lizzie a tight little grin as she found her seat beside John.
Supper was delicious, but no one was really hungry. Lizzie pushed the ham and potatoes around on her plate, wishing the wedding would be over now. It was interesting watching John trying not to watch Mandy. Lizzie talked and laughed with him since she saw him almost every weekend, and he was a good friend. Mandy was new to running around, so she was unaccustomed to any of the young men from the youth group, and she sat shy and quiet.
John was quite enamored with Mandy, Lizzie could easily tell. He must have found her pleasant company, too, since by the end of the evening as the singing was winding down, they sat deep in a serious conversation. As far as they were concerned, Lizzie thought, there was no one else at the wedding.
; Lizzie was not happy at first, but she had to admit to herself, although grudgingly, that she hoped Mandy could be blessed with a sure feeling about finding a husband like Emma had been.
After the house was quiet and the last guests had gone home, Lizzie came down the stairs, shedding her white cape and apron as she entered the kitchen. Mam stood washing dishes at the sink.
“Mam, why don’t you just go to bed? We’ll do these dishes in the morning,” Lizzie said.
“Oh, I need to wind down. I’ve been wound up as tightly as an alarm clock for so long that this helps me relax before I go to bed. Wasn’t it a lovely wedding, Lizzie? What would we do at a time like this without relatives? All the managing and the work they did!”
“It was a nice wedding, Mam. It really was. Emma looked so happy, and Joshua is so in love with her.”
“I know. I hope their love can continue to grow and flourish. We never know what lies before us in marriage. We just have to trust that God will provide strength for whatever we have to face together.”
“Did you see Mandy with John Zook?” Lizzie asked.
“Someone said he asked for her. Imagine! I suppose that’ll be another case like Joshua and Emma,” Mam said.
Lizzie bit her lower lip, hard, then turned to Mam.
“Why doesn’t anything work out for me, Mam? Am I just meant to be an old maid who teaches school, or what? I don’t know how to understand God’s voice or have the right feeling like Emma and Mandy do.”
Mam took her hands out of the dishwater, dried them on a tea towel, laughed wryly, and said, “I don’t think there’s a dry dish towel in this entire house.
“No, Lizzie dear, now listen. I’ll tell you a secret. I had lots and lots and lots of dates with boys in Ohio, and not one of them was my ‘meant to be.’ Then I met Dat, and I knew as sure as the sun rises, he was the one. And let me tell you something, Lizzie. I always feel the same about you. I think your ‘meant to be’ is right under your nose. You’re just not seeing him.” She patted Lizzie’s shoulder affectionately. “You will someday. God just isn’t finished with you or him yet.”
“Who do you mean?”
“You know, Lizzie.”
“I don’t.”
Mam looked deeply into Lizzie’s eyes, and they fell before the certainty she saw in Mam’s.
“Lizzie, I think you’re trying to run away from God’s will. We have to be very careful in blindly searching for our own will and not even trying to discern the difference. It’s a very serious thing when God puts a true, undying love in a young man’s heart for us, Lizzie, and we’re too wrapped up in ourselves to see it.”
Lizzie didn’t say anything as Mam began taking off her cape and apron, laying the pins on the countertop.
“You mean Stephen, don’t you?” she whispered.
“Yes, I do.”
“I like him.”
“But you don’t love him.”
“What is love?”
“You’ll know when the time is right. Now go to bed, Lizzie. We’re both tired. It’s been a long day, and you have a whole lifetime to figure it out.”
“Thanks, Mam.”
“For what?”
“For being you.”
Chapter 10
JOSHUA AND EMMA PLANNED their moving day for the third of February. Although Lizzie was a bit worried about life without Emma, she told Mandy it would be a relief to have the upstairs back to normal with all of their wedding gifts finally out of there.
Even Mam had to admit that there was a time for everything. She didn’t like this whole idea of newlyweds living at home with their parents. But it was an old Amish custom for a couple in Lamton County to visit the homes of most of the guests who attended their wedding before they moved into their own home. During each visit, Emma and Joshua received wedding gifts. Soon Emma’s room and part of the second-floor hallway were filled with snow shovels, rakes, hoes, saws, hammers, flashlights, Tupperware, canister sets, brooms, and everything else you need to set up a new household.
Mam snorted and harrumphed quite a bit about these “Lamton rules,” which really, if you thought about it, was no small wonder. She wasn’t raised that way, and when all her brothers and sisters were married, they moved away from home within a few days, skipping, in her words, “all of this constant visiting and goings on.”
That was just how Mam was, and no matter how often Dat sighed and shook his head, she didn’t change. Oh, she visited homes along with Joshua and Emma, doing her level best to conform to Dat’s ways, but she didn’t genuinely endorse the whole traditional practice.
So in some ways, the day Emma moved away was a happy time. The family loaded all of Emma’s and Joshua’s belongings into a large truck early that Saturday morning. When the truck was full, Emma rode with Joshua and the driver in the truck, while the rest of the family followed in a van.
Lizzie hadn’t been to Allen County in several months. She had many good memories of her weekends there, and she still wrote quite regularly to Mary and Barbara. The two girls had been dear friends of Lizzie’s, and even if she didn’t see them much at all, she wanted to stay in contact with them through letters.
On Joshua’s farm were a large, red brick house with a huge bank barn and outbuildings. Joshua’s parents had recently remodeled the kitchen. Emma had brand new kitchen cupboards and shiny new green linoleum on the floor. The living room had beautiful, glossy, hardwood flooring with freshly painted white trim and newly painted walls. The walls were old, uneven plaster, but with the cracks repaired and painted over, it really was a lovely room, especially with the long low windows along two sides.
A big bedroom ran along the back of the house, along with a spare room that could have been made into another bedroom. But Emma and Joshua stored their extra belongings in there instead and also used part of it as a pantry.
The upstairs had four large bedrooms, all empty and so cold you could see your breath in them. Lizzie didn’t know which was worse, living here in Allen County with an old, cold upstairs or milking cows with your husband. The whole marriage deal just gave her the blues as she stood all alone on the second floor.
As the men moved beds and dressers, cedar chests and brand-new chairs up the stairs, they propped the front door wide open. The mild winter air warmed a few of the rooms on the second floor enough that Lizzie and Mandy could unpack Emma’s things.
Emma was radiant and her cheeks flushed as she worked. Lizzie thought she seemed almost happier than she had been on her wedding day. She instructed Lizzie on which new sheet set went on which bed, and which comforter and quilt, showing her the proper way to make up a bed for guests.
Mandy smelled the fresh new quilts from Joshua’s cedar chest. “His mom must be quite proper,” she commented.
“Why?”
“Look at all this stuff!”
Lizzie peered into the opened cedar chest, smiling to see all the neatly folded items stacked carefully inside.
“You should feel this comforter,” Mandy said.
It was the heaviest, warmest comforter Lizzie had ever seen. Emma told them it was stuffed with wool. The flannel cover on the outside was buttoned so she could take it off and wash it when she spring-cleaned the house. Emma was so pleased with everything Joshua’s parents had given them, saying Joshua and she had more than enough to furnish this big upstairs.
“Emma, I can hardly wait to come here and stay for a weekend, sleeping under these wonderful heavy comforters,” Lizzie said, patting a pillow to make it fit nicely under the quilt.
“I hope you come often, Lizzie. I’m going to miss you,” Emma said.
Lizzie looked at her sharply. Emma still looked happy, but there was a bit of apprehension in her voice.
“Aren’t you glad you got married, Emma?” Lizzie asked, her voice rising sharply.
“Ach now, Lizzie, there you go again, jumping to conclusions. It’s no wonder you don’t have a boyfriend. I honestly think you’re afraid of getting married yourself,” Em
ma said, sitting on the side of the bed and patting the area beside her for Lizzie.
Lizzie sat down close to Emma, and an overwhelming feeling of nostalgia gripped her. Time moved on, bringing changes, and it didn’t seem very long ago at all that they were little girls. They had been so close.
“To tell you the truth, Lizzie, being married is all I ever dreamed it would be. And today … moving into our own house, and putting my quilts on my own beds … it’s just, well, it’s just the happiest time of my life. Joshua is so good to me, and I can hardly wait for our life to begin here on the farm. But that new beginning still brings wistful feelings of the past, of you and Mandy and Mam. Especially you. I’m going to miss you. Promise me, Lizzie, that you’ll write me a long, funny letter every week. Promise?”
“Promise,” Lizzie whispered around the lump in her throat.
“Don’t you cry, or I’ll start!” Emma said, her voice shaking.
“I’m not crying,” Lizzie said fiercely. “I’m just going to miss you. I wish I had appreciated you more already. Who is going to sweep the kitchen 10 times a day?”
Emma laughed. “I didn’t sweep 10 times.”
“Almost.”
“I feel almost guilty with all I have, Lizzie, and you … you …” she broke off, looking earnestly into Lizzie’s eyes.
“And I’m a pathetic old maid,” Lizzie finished for her, laughing. “Don’t worry about me, Emma. I know now, since I’m here today, that I’m not ready for this. You want to know something? This upstairs gives me the blues.”
“Why? Whatever for? It’s my very best place. The one I always imagined for my quilts. I love my upstairs,” Emma said.
“Well, good for you, Emma. You know how very different we always were.”
“We sure were and still are, I suppose. But yet, in our own way, we always had a special bond, as long as you weren’t too lazy. Remember all the things you did to slip away from the jobs you had to do?”
“Or how bossy you were! Emma, you were so bossy, that’s probably why I don’t have a boyfriend. I have nightmares of him acting as bossy as you used to be.”