I caught myself tearing up and smiling as wide as the happy couple, completely lost in their love. So beautiful.
Anastasia linked her arm with mine. I turned to her smiling face and made eye contact with Vasili. He looked away and blushed.
Why would he blush?
I smiled at Anastasia and looked back to the happy couple as they exchanged their vows. At the end, they both grabbed a board and skated down the ramp and out of the park, hand-in-hand.
Fatigue crept up on me, but their reception was only a small gathering under the pavilion next to the skate park. Probably no more than twenty attendees. I wanted to struggle through the next hour or two for Anastasia.
Ella pat my knee. “I saw you.”
“What?”
“You were happy. Really happy.”
I shrugged her off.
She leaned over me. “Who is this young lady?”
“I’m Anastasia.” She extended her hand. So cute and mature. “And this is my uncle.” She pointed beside her without looking. “Vasili. And Natalie, my soon-to-be aunt.”
“Nice meeting you all.” She stood. “Would you like to sit at our table?”
Anastasia nodded. We waited for everyone to pile out so we could follow. I wondered why Anastasia wanted me to be with her. She seemed fine. Completely content with her scars. Me, on the other hand?
I wanted to go back to the car. I kept telling myself people weren’t thinking about me as much as I was. In the past, when I saw someone with scars I noticed them, but didn’t really linger on the thought.
Ella squeezed my hand, then let go when we reached Gavin by the picnic tables. She pulled his tie and kissed his cheek. He kissed her forehead and scooped Adelaide out of her arms. I still couldn’t believe I missed my best friend’s wedding. She wanted to get married at the chapel in the hospital, but there’s no way I’d let her do that. They had a simple wedding in Gavin’s grandfathers yard, which soon became their own yard.
I missed so much while I was confined to the hospital bed. It’s amazing how life speeds on by with or without you. We’re all just small parts in a big story. Life goes on. I analyzed the life around me as we all sat down. Heidi and Patrick stood together with their daughter, Riley, greeting everyone one table at a time. Vasili and Natalie sat so close to each other that I couldn’t tell where his arm ended and hers began. Anastasia was already digging her fork into a plate of food. Ella and Gavin refused to stop touching each other. Classic newlywed syndrome. Derek and Miranda laughed hysterically a few tables down. He stopped to move a strand of hair from her face. Other couples I didn’t know talked and laughed. Smiles all over the place. Including me. I couldn’t believe it. Ella was right. I discovered a morsel of happiness.
I caught Vasili looking at me again. He looked away when I saw him. Did my hair move? Were my scars even stranger in the sunlight?
I suppressed the thoughts and smiled at Anastasia. When I was her age Ella and I dressed up like brides and imagined Prince William whisking us away to England. I dreamed of one day being someone’s bride.
But Anastasia took in the wedding around her with ease. She was dying. Never to walk down the aisle to a boy. Never to have a first kiss or learn to drive a car. No career or fostered talents.
I smiled at her when she looked up. She smiled back. Somehow that little girl knew more about true life than I did.
“What did you laugh at?” Natalie said.
“Me?” I said. “I laughed out loud?”
Vasili nodded.
“Nothing really. Just happy.”
And, for the first time in a long while, content.
Eight
Anastasia and I both got tired pretty fast, so Vasili and Natalie offered to drive me home before taking their niece home. I agreed. Didn’t want to inconvenience Ella and Gavin.
“My birthday is next Saturday,” Anastasia said. “Can you come to the party?”
I wanted to, but....
“It may be my last party ever.” She laughed and pouted.
“Anastasia!” Natalie twisted her body in the passengers seat to glare at the girl. “Why on earth would you say something so morbid?”
Anastasia slunk into her seat.
I opened the car door and swung my feet out. “Actually, I find her acceptance of death refreshing. She’s helped me to accept my life.” I stood outside of the car and mouthed, “Thank you,” to Anastasia. She smiled and straightened her shoulders as I backed away.
Natalie popped out of the car and stood in front of me with her cell phone. “Let me get your number. Sarah Jordan, right?”
“717-555-1224.”
“Okay. Now don’t you want mine?”
“I, uh....”
“Oh, it’s okay. I can just text you my number and name.” She pointed to the compression garments around my left hand. “Does that hurt?”
I shook my head. “I’m fine. Thanks for asking. I better get g—“
“Yes. I’ll talk to you later.”
She sat in the car and Vasili waved as he backed away. I walked to the house feeling alive again. The wraparound porch invited me to stay a while, but I noticed James’ truck parked around the side. I couldn’t wait to see him. All the love from the day seeped into my heart and melted away the last of the cold. Well, maybe not the last. Still a lot of healing ahead of me. But I felt good. Ready to let James back into my life.
I opened the door as slow as possible, hoping to surprise him. No sign of life in the living room, so I crept up the stairs and down the hall. I stopped a few steps from my door when I heard Cheyenne’s voice.
“Please,” she said. “It’s not like you’re together anyway.”
“She never said that,” James said.
“Well it doesn’t take a rocket scientist.” She laughed. “Come on. Do I have to take off my clothes and beg you to do the same? It shouldn’t be this hard.”
He laughed too. “I’ve never been begged before.”
“First time for everything.” Her shirt landed by the open door, then her bra. “It’s not like I have much competition with my cousin. I guess you could always marry her and use me for good sex.”
I picked up her shirt and stood in the doorway. Too angry to cry.
“Oh my gosh.” Cheyenne covered her chest with her arms. “Sarah, what are you doing back so early?”
James didn’t turn around. He sat on Cheyenne’s bed with his back to me.
Cheyenne tripped on her words.
“Stop.” I tossed her shirt at them. “Get out, Cheyenne.” She stared at me, blinking. “Get all of your stuff and get out of my life. Now.” She blinked. “I said now!”
Scrambling, she stuffed all of her things in a few suitcases, then shot me an evil look. “It’s not like you appreciated him anyway.”
“You have no idea.” My hands were shaking and hot.
“Actions speak louder than words.”
“Not when you intentionally hide your love for someone to give them a better life.” My body shook with anger and pain. “Turn around James.”
He stood, but refused to look at me. Cheyenne stood beside me with her things.
“Thank you,” I said. “For showing me what ugly really means.”
She huffed and stormed out of the house. James dropped his hands to his sides. “Sarah, I’m sorry. I wasn’t going to do anything.”
“You certainly weren’t stopping anything.” I smiled. “But you know what? I can’t blame you. I’ve been pushing you away for months, hoping you’d fall in love and let me go. I’m surprised you held on this long.”
“So you’re not mad?”
“I’m mad at Cheyenne, not you.” I sat on my bed. “I’ve been wanting you the entire time, James. I love you. So much that I was willing to s
acrifice my desires to make sure you lived a happy life. A life with a woman who didn’t carry these horrible memories, causing you to say good morning to guilt every day.” I sucked in air and held my breath, then exhaled loudly. “Today I really smiled again. I felt alive. I was just coming up to surprise you by putting my ring back on an—“
“Sarah, I s—“
“No. Let me finish. I heard your conversation. Silly me, I came back from this wedding inspired to give you a chance. To give us a chance. To maybe even plan my own wedding. I know most people think I’m hideous. I get that. But today I realized something. My life is too precious for this ridiculously immature stuff. I may be inspired right now, but I’m not inspired to let you back into my heart. I don’t need you around to live a full and happy life. I don’t need marriage. But if I ever get married it will be to a man who can look at me and truly see someone beautiful. That man is not you. I’ve said all I need to say. If you love me at all ... just go.”
He hesitated, glanced at the engagement ring on the nightstand, and walked away.
He walked away.
Just like that.
The next morning I woke to Ella setting a dozen yellow roses on my dresser. I took off my burn mask and rubbed my eyes to be sure.
“Took all I had to bring these up here. I almost threw them in the trash when the delivery guy handed them to me.”
“What time is it?”
“Almost eleven. I mean, does he seriously think you’ll take him back after that?”
I willed myself to sit up, but it didn’t work.
“You’re not taking him back, right?”
I shook my head. “Ella, calm down.”
“I’m just saying.”
“I won’t do anything stupid.”
“And don’t get me started on your cousin.” She sat on the edge of my bed. “Are you sure you’re okay?”
“I know I’m notorious for saying I’m okay when I’m not, but I actually am okay. Anastasia inspired me yesterday. Plus the wedding. Everything I experienced yesterday, including Cheyenne and James, has inspired me. I’m thankful. I really am.”
“What did it inspire you to do?”
“Live.”
Nine
I knocked on the door to Vasili’s mother’s house, trying my absolute hardest to remain calm. A short, older woman opened the door with an apron on and a spatula in one hand. “Ah, ti kenis? Nai?”
“Oh, um, I’m sorry. I don’t speak Greek.” I held up the gift. “I’m here for Anastasia’s party.”
“Nai, nai. I understand, honey.” She tilted her head back. “Yanni, there’s a pretty girl at my door for Anastasia. No Greek.” She waved the spatula between us and smiled. “Sorry, honey. Little English for me. No greek for you.”
A tall man who resembled Vasili stepped to the door. “Please come in.”
I entered as the woman shuffled back into the kitchen.
“I’m Ioannis, but my family and friends call me Yanni. You are?”
“Sarah. I’m a client of Vasili’s.”
“A client?” He laughed. “You’re a friend if you’re here.”
He ushered me into the living room and a woman stood up. “Oh, hello. I’m Sophia. Anastasia’s mom. Yanni is her dad. She has told us so much about you. She’s napping until everyone arrives.”
“Am I early?” I said, looking at the clock.
Yanni laughed. “Most of our family is Greek. As cliche as it is ... we are fashionably late.”
“And by fashionably,” Sophia added, “we mean at least forty five minutes.”
“Are you Greek as well?” I said to Sophia.
“Hard to tell with my red hair, I know. My dad is Greek, but my mother is Ukrainian. I’m an interesting blend.”
“Wow. It must be nice to know your heritage like that. Who knows what I am. A little bit of everything.”
They laughed. I loved this family already. No one acknowledged my scars and it made me forget about them too. I felt normal again.
“Vasili, ella!” His mother yelled from the kitchen. We all jumped. Or maybe only I did.
“Did she just call Ella?” I said.
“No, no.” Yanni laughed. “Ella is ‘come’ in Greek.”
“Oh.” I smiled. “Seems as though I have quite a bit of learning to do.”
Vasili appeared in the living room as we all sat on the couches.
“Hey,” he said. “So glad you made it. Anastasia is going to be so surprised. I see you met Yanni and Sophia.” He looked around. “Where’s Kyriakos and Eleni?”
“Not here yet,” Sophia said.
I folded my hands on my lap and looked around. Vasili sat beside me and my heart thumped in my ears. I am not like Cheyenne. I would never display interest in a taken man, but every time he touched me or sat near me I felt like a fifth grader hoping her crush would sit closer so their arms would touch. I ignored the fluttery sensations.
“So,” I said. “How many siblings are there in your family?”
Yanni cleared his throat. “There’s me, Sophia, Vasili, Natalie, Kyriakos, and Eleni.”
“That’s nice how you consider Natalie part of the family even before the wedding.”
Everyone looked down. Awkward moment. What did I say?
“Is she coming?” I tried to scatter the strange vibes.
Vasili shook his head. “She had to work.”
“What does she do?”
“She’s a cosmetologist.”
“Oh, I should’ve known.”
“Why do you say that?”
“She’s just really pretty, that’s all.” I repositioned myself on the couch. A little closer to the arm of the chair and a little further from the man beside me.
“Looks aren’t everything,” Yanni interrupted. “That girl co—“
“Yanni,” Vasili said. “Don’t.”
“My brother here sees gems in baby poop.” Yanni laughed.
“That’s what the elder says to do,” Vasili said. “Our thoughts determine our lives, remember?”
The front door opened. A dark-haired couple walked in. Looked like movie stars. Everyone stood to hug them, so I followed and waited to be introduced. After a round of hugs and pats on the back, Sophia stood between me and the overly handsome man. “Sarah, this is the youngest brother of the family.”
He took off his sunglasses and clipped them on his slightly unbuttoned shirt. “I’m Kyriakos.” He shook my hand. “This is Eleni.”
“Nice to meet you.” She also shook my hand, but pulled away quick, then perched her sunglasses on top of her head.
“Oh, here she is now.” Sophia bent down and hugged her daughter as though she hadn’t seen her in years.
Anastasia came to me next. A huge grin donned her sweet face. I could no longer see the scars. My mind replaced them with young, unharmed skin. Perhaps that’s how my friends saw me. If only I could look past my own flaws too.
After I hugged Anastasia she thanked me for coming and Vasili picked her up and put her on his shoulders. “Soon you’re going to be too big for this.”
“Probably not.” She smiled.
“Ella, ella,” their mother yelled from the kitchen.
“Time to eat,” Kyriakos said.
We sat down at a large dining room table. Yanni stood and said a prayer while the rest of the family prayed in unison and made crosses over their chests. I felt uncomfortable, but everyone welcomed me with such warmth that I almost felt like part of their family. And I liked it. I enjoyed them.
During dinner I caught Vasili staring at me several times. Mainly when I laughed and smiled, which I did a lot. Kyriakos and Yanni bantered like five year olds and their mother, who they told me to call Mama, occasionally whacked them both with a
dish towel. I’d end up laughing so hard I’d cry and every time I looked up Vasili looked away. I didn’t understand. He stared at me the way a man stares at a woman he finds alluring. But he was engaged. And I was everything but alluring.
After dinner we sang Happy Birthday in English and something in Greek, then we settled on the couch and I checked my phone. Five missed calls and one text. James.
Please call me Sarah. I love you and I’m falling apart. Please.
“Everything okay?” Kyriakos sat beside me. “You look tired. If you need a ride ho—“
“I’m fine. Relationship problems.”
Vasili glanced my way, but said nothing.
“Spill it,” Eleni said as she scooted close to Kyriakos. “What’s going on?”
“Eleni is getting her bachelors in psychology,” Sophia said.
“It’s a long story,” I said.
Anastasia leaned into the arm of the couch next to me. “You are way too pretty to have relationship problems.”
“Thank you, sweetie, but that’s the last trait I’d use to describe myself at this point.”
“Then maybe you should let us describe you,” Vasili said.
I think I blushed so severely my cheeks nearly felt bruised. Everyone looked at Vasili, then me, then Vasili.
“Okay,” Kyriakos jumped up and rubbed his palms together. “Anastasia insisted we play pin the tail on the donkey, but that’s far too boring.” He unfolded a large poster. “So I thought we could all play pin the tail on Vasili.”
He taped the poster to the from door and we all laughed at the image of a donkey with Vasili’s head morphed into its face.
“Very funny,” Vasili said, snatching the blindfold from his brother.
I laughed so hard my stomach hurt. I’d pay for it later tonight and probably the next three days, but every second of pain would be worth the way I felt right now.
Mmm, I breathed in. Welcoming life back into my heart. “Life,” I whispered to myself. “I love you.”
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