by Em Pitts
"Sard off!!" "That's enough!" "Consarn it!" All came at once in my head and made it hard to tell who was speaking. I almost laughed and bit my cheek hard to keep it in.
"Yeah, you're a virgin alright. I don't know how I didn't put it together before. Obsessed with the forbidden." I shook my head. "Poor little Nickolas."
"Are you saying I can't have you?" He smirked.
My skin flushed at the thought of his hands on me in the tub. Yeah, he could have me. But we shouldn't. Because...damn it there are reasons that I can't think of right now.
"I'm surprised you aren't offering the aspirans advice when they ask." The sound of the judge's voice had me stiffening.
I stumbled and kept my gaze forward trying not to trip. Don't notice me. Don't notice me. Please, don't notice me.
"There's no advice to give them." Isaake's voice was carefully neutral. "You know that."
"Hmm. I never did congratulate you on your engagement. That is still your intentions, correct? To marry Tessa Woods?" The judge asked conversationally.
"Careful Isaake." Ollie's voice rang through the connection between us. "He may not know Tess went to us. He may just be checking to see if she called off the engagement. Don't give him anything."
"Do you think I'm stupid?" Isaake scoffed back. Aloud he said, "Yes those are my intentions." Isaake's voice didn't show any emotion. I need to ask him how he was capable of that.
"I understand. She's beautiful, if a bit naïve. She would make a lovely wife." The judge sounded casual in his response.
"I'll show him naïve," I growled through the connection. "I'll naïvely kick his balls back into his body and make him a woman." Raynor coughed at my declaration.
"Yes, she would." Isaake continued the conversation as if we weren't speaking through the connection interrupting him. "But you know that already, which is why you offered your hand originally."
"Indeed. It's actually due to my rejection from her that leads me to tell you with a heavy heart that there have been rumors." The judge dropped his voice and spoke with fake sincerity. "Rumors that Tessa may break the engagement. I'm not sure if it's another man that may have captured her heart, but the abruptness leaves a question as to why. I'm sorry to be the one to tell you, but I wanted to let you know. From one broken-hearted man to another."
"I can break your heart with a dagger slammed through it. Lying snake of a man." I spoke through the connection again needing to get my anger out even if the rest of the world couldn't hear me.
"Careful." Ollie's voice sounded strained and I wasn't sure if he was reminding me or himself.
"I've heard no such rumors." Isaake maintained his calm demeanor. I saw a twitch from his jaw when he clenched his teeth after speaking. He wasn't as unaffected as he seemed.
"Just be careful, my friend. Maybe paying attention to the men she spends her time with will give you an idea. Apologies again for being the one who stepped forward." The judge sounded burdened. He fell behind the men disappearing back to his original position.
"That was unexpected," Raynor spoke aloud.
"I called it. I knew he would start some shit." Nick kept his voice low.
"Why would he try to stir the pot up by insinuating that I'm seeing another man? I thought he was trying to get me to marry him."
"Trying to create jealousy to make Isaake do something crazy?" Ollie suggested. I snorted. Yeah, my fake fiancé is going to be jealous over my interest in another man.
"It's not like I go anywhere except work, the tavern, and with you guys. If I'm not with Isaake the only men I'm with are the three of you." How could he even think anyone would believe that lie? It's not like I'm starting a relationship with the others.
A light bulb went off in my head. The others.
"He's trying to cause tension between the four of you. Make it seem like I'm interested in one of the other three. Break you guys apart and keep you separated with the distraction while he swoops in and gets what he wants."
There was a tense silence where I assumed the guys were thinking over the newest obstacle that the judge was throwing at us. That assumption was proven wrong with Isaake's next question.
"Are you?" He asked hesitantly.
"What?"
"Are you in a relationship with one of them?"
I looked back at him incredulously. I couldn't figure out what he was thinking. He was closed off.
Raynor's knuckles cracked and drew my attention. Are they worried about that? I looked at Nick who was looking worriedly at his brother. The cracking had gotten his attention too.
"Tessa?" Isaake asked me, sounding strained now when I didn't answer right away.
"No. I'm not in a relationship with anyone," I answered truthfully. "And I won't tear any of you apart from that way either." I declared deciding right at that moment that I wouldn't pursue anything with them.
Because the judge was right in taking that angle. If I tried to get in a relationship with one of them, it could tear the others apart. Nick and Ollie have shown interest in me. I don't want them fighting. Their friendship and love as a family were more important than some woman who they just met.
"You don't need to worry about me being with any of you." My voice was firm in my decision even if it hurt to burn the opportunity away. "So, he won't be able to tear you apart from that angle. Now we just need to be on the lookout for what he'll try next."
The men were strangely subdued after that. The rest of the walk was spent fending off the teenagers. I kept facing forward so Isaake couldn't see my face. I couldn't explain the tears that fell or the achy feeling in my chest. It's not like I ever had the men as my own. So why did it feel like I was losing all four of them?
Almost two hours of walking. That was with the longer strides of the men and the huffing and puffing from me. We followed the roads for all except the last mile or so. Now I was standing between two bodies of water and in front of a cave.
The trials were to take place in a cave. The opening looked like I was going to be swallowed as soon as I stepped foot through the darkened doorway. Something told me there was not a magical lamp at the end either.
"Are we going in there?"
"No. We must wait for them to do their blessing thing before setting up camp. No one enters today except for the minister." Raynor answered me, warily eyeing the entrance. I don't think he cared for the cave of doom.
"Why even come here today if nothing is done but worship on the Sabbath?" I asked as I searched the crowd of boys and men.
The aspirantium seemed to be looking reverently at the cave. I saw awe on their faces whereas I'm sure mine reflected fear.
"They think the more prayers that are offered, the more chance of survival." Isaake sounded like he found the idea ridiculous.
"You don't believe that?" I guessed.
"I think people will die tomorrow and continue dying until we leave in a week. Prayers or no prayers." Isaake spoke solemnly as if he regretted what was to come.
How many boys and men would be left standing by the end of the trials? How many would be dug into the ground below us? My men didn't look happy at all to be here involved in the trials, even as just bystanders. Yet all of them had entered the trials themselves. Raynor had let his younger brother enter after him.
"Why did you enter the trials? All of you entered and yet you make it seem like you despise the very idea of it."
I had to know. How could they each take part in something willingly that none of them believed in? Why choose to die for something that you don't believe in? It couldn't have been the power, because none of the men flaunt their power for any selfish reason. They choose not to even show the full extent of what they can do.
"They wouldn't let me enter alone. I couldn't stop them from entering either." Ollie shook his head.
"Dying alone is never fun. If we go together then at least we can talk shit about the afterlife on our way." Raynor joked.
"You could have died without me. It was a risk I wanted no par
t—"
"It's done." Isaake interrupted. "And it was our choice."
"We would choose the same thing over again if given a second chance," Nick added.
Ollie turned away from the cave and faced the others. His face held anger but warred with something else. Gratefulness? Love?
"You get no say," Raynor spoke to Nick. "That was a shit move you pulled, and you knew it." Nick just shrugged his shoulders.
"For those of us who don't know what you're talking about, would you care to explain?" I spoke up sweetly and watched the men jump. They forgot I was here I bet. Raynor pointed to Nick and answered me aloud getting lost in his anger.
"He joined in the lineup for the trials without speaking to me about it."
"I did speak to you; you just wouldn't accept it. I had to take it into my own hands."
"You unnecessarily risked your life," Raynor growled out.
"He's my friend too. You are my brother. I wasn't going to stand by and let all of you die without me. You would have done the same thing."
"It's different."
"Only to you."
"Okay, time out." I interrupted before this became the no, yes game. "You all took the trials together?"
"Yes. They joined when I was forced to. My father was pulling strings and threatening the ones I loved. Even his own daughter. It looks bad if his only son refused to enter." Ollie scoffed. "The moment I staggered out of the cave with four runes burnt into my arm he regretted that decision. If I hadn't passed out right then, he would have been dead. When I woke up, he was gone. Has been ever since."
"I'm so sorry Ollie." I knew my words weren't enough.
A humming noise filled the silence left between us. I turned my attention to the mouth of the cave and saw the minster. He was humming and dripping something along with the opening from wall to wall. Then he spoke some words that I didn't understand. As he went to wipe off his hand, I saw the cut along his palm. He was dripping blood.
"Guys, I have a bad feeling about this." I murmured.
"We all do. It's the death that we know will be coming." Ollie informed me.
"Or it's the motherfucking blood that is being spilled on the ground. Nothing good ever comes from blood in rituals. Isn't that how people do those demon summoning’s you talked about?" I started rambling. How had they not realized the minister was cutting his palm and doing some creepy shit?
"It's part of the cleansing ritual," Isaake spoke distractedly. I glanced over to see his lip between his teeth and his brow furrowed.
"What's the difference between this and the demon thing?" I demanded. "Because blood ritual is blood ritual no matter the pretty words you cover it up with." Isaake looked at me then and he looked troubled. "They do this every year?"
He nodded. Ollie chose to answer me. "He drips the blood of the holy and offers prayers the first day. The gifts are bestowed the following days until the next Sabbath. The last day the area is cleansed again with holy blood and thanks are given before we leave. Every year is the same." Ollie too sounded like he was thinking about what I said.
"What's inside that cave?" My voice trembled through our connection. "A demon?"
"No. I don't think so." Ollie offered. Isaake's look wasn't very reassuring.
This wasn't going to end well. For more reasons than just the dead bodies. If there was a demon being used or some creature being controlled with a blood ritual, then what happens when they get free? Or maybe the demon was the minister all along? I didn't know what was coming, but I feared more than just the judge right now.
"Come on. The others are going to be setting up and taking turns offering prayers." Nick spoke through my mind. "We should get settled in."
"Agreed. We need to get Tessa somewhere I can take off the Illusion." Isaake said.
"I need to break the link as well," Nick admitted. "My head feels like it's splitting in two." The others didn't need any more convincing.
We took off away from the aspirantium to find a spot to bunk down. I was expecting to be sleeping under the stars while we were out here, but I was proved wrong.
Ollie stopped in the middle of a clearing and brought the earth up to create a small dwelling of our own. It looked like a large dirt igloo with holes along the top letting the light in.
I entered in first and Isaake immediately dropped the Illusion before sitting down against a wall. He was sweating along his hairline from the exertion, but otherwise seemed okay.
"Nick." He called out. There was pressure in my head that sharpened before quickly disappearing and I knew Nick was dropping the connection. Nick collapsed beside Isaake looking much worse.
"You okay?" I whispered feeling strange using my voice after the hours without it.
"Just need a nap." He admitted rubbing at his temples.
"Lay down." Raynor's voice rumbled around the cave. "We'll go make our presence known later." He sat beside me in the middle and bumped my shoulder. "Hungry?"
"Yes, starving." I smiled big.
My smile dropped as he pulled out some hardtack from his pack. I wanted to pout as I grabbed the piece of hard biscuit. I suppose I should be grateful it isn’t pemmican. Raynor winced at my disappointment.
"Sorry, it's the best thing that'll keep all week."
"It'll keep all year," Isaake added into the conversation. Already he looked better. Nick didn't. "Because it isn't real food. It's a rock that is barely digestible." I laughed at that accurate description before nibbling on the rock—I mean hardtack.
"Hey, at least I can actually make these," I admitted with pride. Raynor eyed me dubiously. "What? I can!" I huffed out. Made a whole two batches of them with Granny."
"Would that be the batches she threw out?" Nick chimed in with his eyes closed. My mouth dropped.
"She did not!" I exclaimed. Isaake nodded his head with a small smile on his face.
"She did. Threw out a bunch of hardtack and was complaining about it the whole time." He admitted practically laughing.
"Well, fuck." I eyed the hardtack. "I bet my dumplings weren't even good either. She lied to make me feel better because I decided to keep trying. I really need to learn how to give up." I shook my head in disappointment. Cooking is a weakness I suppose.
"Just with cooking," Raynor admitted. "Never cook again." I sneered at him when I found his shoulders bobbing from holding in his laughter. Asshole.
"And singing." Ollie's voice came from the entrance. He was propped against the opening keeping an eye on our surroundings. "She can't sing either."
"It was the alphabet!" I defended. "A song is different."
"Then sing a song." He challenged. Asshole number two. I pursed my lips in anger and kept my mouth shut. Ollie looked back at my silence and smiled brightly. "Thought so." He taunted.
I looked around me for something to throw at him, but the inside was completely bare. I chucked the rest of my hardtack and he barely got his hands up in time to keep it from hitting his head.
"At least I have good aim." I taunted back.
"Admit it. You weren't aiming for his head." Nick spoke from the wall and I saw his eyes open watching with amusement. Asshole number three.
I crossed my arms over my chest not admitting to anything. Whether I was aiming at his head or not is irrelevant at this point. I huffed at the men all waiting for my response.
"You're all assholes. Every last one of you.” I stood up and marched to the back wall of the temporary home while muttering under my breath.
Laying down facing the wall, I chose not to acknowledge the laughing men behind me. A scuffling noise clued me into one of them approaching me. A warm body laid down behind me before a hand rested on my hip.
"You don't need to sing or cook, Tessa," Isaake spoke still sounding like he found the situation hilarious.
"Or aim." Ollie pointed out.
"Babysitting didn't really go that well either if we are keeping a list," Nick called from the wall.
"Ignore them." Isaake's voice gentled as
his grip firmed on my hip. "You just need to be you. Stubborn, strong Tessa. That's more than enough to be good at."
I don't know why but I turned into his arms and tucked my head into his shoulder. I just needed a minute. Just one. He rubbed my back as he held me. The others quieted for some reason. The noise of moving around could be heard but I ignored it. Isaake wasn't going anywhere at the moment and neither was I.
A hand started taking off my boots and I picked up my head to look down my body. Nick smiled at me as he continued getting my boots off. Then he picked up my feet and scooted over to hold them in his lap while he rubbed them for me. I laid my head back into Isaake's shoulder getting completely comfortable.
Heaven, this was heaven.
"Who needs to cook when you are strong enough to threaten to kick my father's balls the first time you met him?" Nick spoke up. I snorted remembering what he was talking about.
"Your father was an ass." My voice was muffled in Isaake's shirt.
"You stood up to Bridget the first time you met her too. Hell, you have to be strong to have earned her respect as you have." Raynor pointed out.
"No, Granny just likes me because I'm marrying Isaake now." I knew that wasn't true though. She hasn't really treated me any differently since the engagement.
"She likes you because your tough and caring like she is." Ollie reprimanded me. "You cared enough about my sister's children to stand up to Jayne. You cared enough about a girl you knew nothing about to demand to see her and know that she was being taken care of." Ollie pointed out.
"And your always there when someone needs you." Raynor joined in. I thought about him asking me to go with him to train at night when he felt bad.
"Determined too." Isaake's voice rumbled through me. "You haven't given up on your sister and you never will. We see how much she means to you. How deeply you care for those you love."
My face heated as I realized they were trying to make me feel better by telling me good things about myself. But they were true though. I did do those things; it just didn't feel like I was doing them because I was a caring person. At the time it just felt right. Is that how they see me? Strong and caring?