by Alex Grayson
“What in the world are you doing?” My smile drops at her hissed words. “You’re going to wake the neighbors.”
“Nah.” I hiccup. “It’s like seven in the evening. They’re all awake, anyway.”
“Oliver, it’s two-thirty in the morning.”
“Oh.” My eyes ping pong around and my vision becomes dizzy. “Where the hell did the time go?”
“Get in here before someone calls the cops.” She grabs my arm and tugs me inside.
“What? That’s dumb. Why would anyone call the cops?”
“Because you’re drunk and being obnoxiously loud.”
I pout and reach for her, then scowl when she steps away.
“Did you drive here?”
“No. Uber.” I take a step and reach for her again. “Now come ‘ere. I need some lovin’.”
She shakes her head and turns away from me. “What you need is some water and to sleep off all the alcohol you’ve consumed.”
Scowling, I follow her into the kitchen. Finding her at the sink filling a glass of water, I walk up behind her, pin her hips against the counter, and wrap my arms around her waist.
“No water,” I mumble and bury my face in the crook of her neck. She stiffens, and I really don’t like it, but I ignore it and lick her sweet skin. “I need to fuck you. That’ll make it all go away.”
She relaxes fractionally. “Make what go away?”
I run my nose up her neck and nibble her ear. “I don’t want to talk about it.”
Grabbing my wrists, she unlocks my arms enough for her to spin around to face me. She gazes up at me with concerned eyes, and it reminds me of the look my father gave me right before I walked out of his office. I hate that look. Especially on Savannah.
“What happened? You said you were going to see your father this afternoon. Obviously, something happened between you two.”
“I told you I don’t want to talk about it.”
When I try to lean down and steal a kiss, she denies me by pressing her hands against my chest. The move pisses me off.
“What the hell, Savannah?”
“You’re drunk, Oliver, and it’s obvious something happened with your father. You don’t need sex, you need to talk. And if you don’t want to talk, then you need to sleep.”
“Nooo.” I draw out the word. “What I need is for you to get undressed and get with the program. I came here hoping you’d help me blow off some steam. What I’m getting is you nagging at me to talk about my feelings.”
“Is that all you came here for?” She looks hurt. Ordinarily that would bother me, but in the state I’m in, it annoys me. “Sex? Is that all you want from me?”
I push away from her and stagger back a few steps. “Right now. Yes. Are you denying me?”
“Yes.”
“Why?”
Her eyes turn glassy and she hugs her arms around her middle. “Because you’re being an asshole right now, when all I want to do is help you.”
“I already told you how you can help me!” I yell.
She flinches, but a second later, her expression turns hard. “Sex doesn’t fix everything, Oliver. You may want it, but you don’t need it. And I refuse to have it with you while you’re in this state.”
I laugh, the sound strangled, and I flip my arms in the air. I teeter to the side but catch myself on the counter.
“I should have known you’d be like them. My father, who isn’t really my father, treats me lower than shit and has lied to me my whole life. My mother is a whore who leaves her husband and son for her brother-in-law,” I hold up a finger and wiggle it around, “who also happens to be my real father. Why the hell would you be any different? The moment I need you, you’re not there.”
“Oh, Oliver, I’m so sorry.” She shakes her head and gives me a crestfallen look that only amps up my anger. “Is that why your father wanted to talk to you? Is that what this is about? Talk to me.”
“I told you, I don’t want to talk about it.”
“You just found out your dad isn’t really your dad. I can’t imagine what you must be feeling right now.”
“Good. You feel sorry for me. Does that mean you’re going to put out now?” I try to capitalize on the look of pity written all over her face.
The stubborn set of her jaw is my answer.
“Doesn’t matter. You were good while it lasted, but I think I’m done with you. I believe I’ll go find something better.” I rake my eyes up and down her body. “Someone with less… meat on their bones.”
I grin and shoot her a wink. I know I’m being an asshole, and I’ll likely regret my actions tomorrow, but right now, I don’t give two shits if I hurt her feelings. I started drinking tonight to dull the pain in my chest after I left my father’s place. It worked. Until I got here and Savannah’s watchful and worried eyes reminded me of what I lost today. I’m a bastard, literally and figuratively. Lashing out is what I do best. When I hurt, I want the people around me to hurt too.
Savannah’s bottom lip wobbles, and my first reaction is to go to her. But for some reason, I don’t. A tear trickles past her thick lashes, and I swear I feel the heat of it on my own cheek. Angrily, she bats the tear away and straightens her spine.
“So, that’s it? You’re breaking up with me because I won’t give you what you want?”
“Pretty much.”
“Wow.” She’s surprised, hurt even, but her anger far outweighs every other emotion on her face.
“I don’t know why you seem so surprised. You knew I was only in this for one thing.”
Having heard enough, she pulls her phone from the front pocket of her hoodie and swipes across the screen. “I’m calling Zayden to come get you.”
“No need. I’m out of here.”
I turn on my heel and stalk toward the front door. I was drunk when I first got here, but some of my buzz has dissipated. That needs to be rectified.
Being sober means the pain will come back, and I’m fucking done with pain.
26
SAVANNAH
“What the hell is going on?” Rylee stalks through the front door, Zayden fast on her heels.
“Where’s Oliver?” Zayden asks, looking around the room.
“He’s gone,” I say solemnly.
“V, what’s going on? I could barely make out two words that you said over the phone.” Rylee crosses the room, crouching down in front of me where I’m sitting on the couch.
“I don’t really know,” I answer honestly. In truth, I’m so confused right now I’m not sure what to think. I feel like I’ve entered some weird alternate universe. Everything seems slower and harder to process. Almost like it’s a dream.
“Start from the beginning.”
“Oliver showed up here so drunk he could barely stand up straight. He was trying to get me to….” My eyes dart to Zayden before going back to Rylee. “To have sex with him.” I lower my voice. “But I knew something was wrong, and I said no. I was trying to get him to talk to me. You should have seen him.” I shake my head, tears once again springing to the surface.
“Did he say what happened?” Z interjects, stepping up directly behind Rylee.
“Well.” I swallow hard. “He said that his dad isn’t his dad.” I blink up at Zayden.
“Wait. What?”
“He was hard to understand, and he wouldn’t really tell me anything, but he said he found out that his dad isn’t really his dad. His uncle is.”
Zayden steps back like he’s been physically forced backward, concern the most prominent feature on his face. “Where is he now?”
“I don’t know. He was drunk. I told him I was going to call you and he bolted.”
“Fuck.” He runs his hair through his hands. “I have to go find him,” he tells Rylee directly. She nods once and he’s out the front door before I know it.
“V.” Her gentle voice pulls my gaze back to hers.
Without warning, I burst into tears, all the emotion I’ve been holding in for the last few m
inutes boiling over.
Her arms come around me, and even though I know she’s curious about what exactly happened, she doesn’t press for any information. Instead she just holds me.
I don’t know how much time passes. Five minutes. Thirty. All I know is that when I finally pull away and look at Rylee, my eyes ache and there’s this heavy weight sitting directly on my chest.
“Stay here. I’ll be right back.” Rylee stands, disappearing into the kitchen moments later.
I don’t know what happened. I don’t know what I did to deserve for Oliver to treat me the way he did. I know he’s hurting—that much was abundantly clear. But the things he said to me? They were inexcusable. Unforgivable even.
My mind drifts back to the way he looked at me. The way he spoke to me. Like I was some worthless piece of shit that held no value to him or anyone else. And then for him to throw out the comment about my weight. That was low, even for him.
I startle when Rylee drops on the couch next to me, so lost in my thoughts I hadn’t heard her re-enter the room.
“Here.” She hands me a glass of water.
I take it, offering her a small nod of thanks before lifting the glass to my lips and taking a long drink.
“V.” She waits until I lean forward and set the water on the coffee table before continuing. “Tell me what happened.”
“Honestly, I don’t know,” I croak, my voice hoarse. “He showed up here, beating on the door so loudly it’s a wonder no one called to complain. I knew he was drunk as soon as I opened the door, and he almost face planted into the apartment. He treated me… he treated me like I was just some object, something he could take his anger out on. I’ve never had anyone make me feel the way he did. Like I meant nothing. Like I am nothing.”
“Hey.” She reaches over and slides her fingers around mine, giving my hand a squeeze. “You know that’s not true.”
“Well, according to him, that’s exactly how he views me.” I swipe angrily at the tears still falling from my eyes.
“You said he found out Paul isn’t his father… How is that possible?”
“I don’t really know. He wouldn’t talk to me. He was rambling incoherently about his parents. About his mom being a whore. And about how his dad isn’t really his dad. I couldn’t really follow him, but from what I understood, his uncle is his real father.”
“Oh my God.” She holds her hand up to her mouth. “Poor Oliver. I wonder if my mom knows.”
“I can’t imagine Paul would tell Oliver and not clue Evelyn in.”
“Yeah,” she agrees, blowing out a breath. “This is crazy.”
“It is. And I get that he’s probably so confused and hurt right now, but the way he came at me, Ry, the way he spoke to me…”
“He shouldn’t have done that.”
“He ended things.”
“What?” She seems even more surprised by this news.
“He said I was only good for one thing, and since I wasn’t going to give him what he wanted, he was going to go find someone who would.”
“Oh, V. I’m sure he didn’t mean that.”
“You didn’t hear him. You didn’t see him. The way he looked at me. It was like he was a complete stranger, yet the exact person I always thought he was. I think maybe I was just kidding myself. That he was actually this good guy deep down. Turns out I should have listened to my gut.”
“Savannah.”
“I’m serious, Rylee. What kind of man treats someone he cares about the way he treated me? What kind of man purposely tries to hurt people simply because he’s hurting? He pushes away the people who care about him. He makes them pay when something in his life doesn’t go right. Well, I’m done. I refuse to be anyone’s fucking punching bag.” I push to a stand and start to pace the living room. “And you know the most fucked up part? I actually thought I meant something to him.”
“You do mean something to him.” Rylee watches me from the couch.
“You know he called me fat.” I stop mid-stride and turn to face her.
“He what?”
“Oh, yeah. Said he was going to go find someone with a little less meat on her bones.” My voice shakes.
Even though I know my weight is so low it’s bordering unhealthy, I still can’t stop that little voice in my head from reaffirming how right he is.
“Jesus.” She blows out another breath, pushing to her feet. “Listen, I won’t make excuses for him. I’ve been on the other end of Oliver’s wrath, and I know firsthand how vengeful and hurtful he can be. But Savannah, he cares about you. So much. You have to know that.”
“No, what I know is that he’s a self-serving, manipulative asshole that uses people before he discards them the first chance he gets. You think I haven’t been listening when Zayden makes comments about how Oliver was in high school? Or that I missed all the times you’d tell me how he had a different girl in his room every other night, and you couldn’t understand what they saw in him, because he treated them like absolute dirt? This is a pattern, Rylee. This is who he is.”
“You don’t really think that. People change. Oliver has changed.”
“Oliver is still the same vindictive son of a bitch he’s always been. You only think he’s changed because he wants you to think he has. Don’t you see? That’s who he is. He plays nice for Zayden, but do you think he’d keep up that charade if Zayden wasn’t in the picture? Hell no. He’d turn on you so fast your head would spin, and deep down, I think you know I’m right.”
“You’re hurting.”
“Hell yes, I’m hurting! Because I let myself fall in love with a man I knew wasn’t capable of loving me back.”
“You love him?” Her words are a whisper on her lips, and I realize that this is the first time I’ve ever admitted to how I truly feel about Oliver out loud.
“Loved,” I correct.
“You can’t just unlove someone because they hurt you, V. That’s not how love works.”
“I knew he’d hurt me,” I continue on like she didn’t even speak. “I knew it, yet I still let him spin me into his web. How could I have been so stupid?” I toss my hands up in the air.
“We don’t always have control over who we fall for. No matter how crazy it may seem at the time, it’s true what they say. The heart really does want what it wants, and it doesn’t matter what our heads say. All reason and logic go out the window and we follow our hearts blindly, because in truth, I don’t think we really have a choice in the matter. Do you think I wanted to fall for Zayden? Do you think I wanted anything to do with him after how he treated me? I was so sure I knew exactly who he was, but you know what, V? It turned out I didn’t know him at all. I only knew what he wanted me to see. But then things changed, and I started to see the real Zayden, and I gotta tell you, it’s not easy loving a difficult man, but it’s damn worth it.”
“Oliver is not Zayden.”
“You’re right, he’s not. But believe it or not, they aren’t that different, either. Oliver loves you, Savannah. I know he does. Even if he doesn’t realize it yet. I can see it when he looks at you. But that also means you’re going to be the first person he pushes away. Because he’s hurting. And he’s afraid you’re going to hurt him too. And while I won’t defend the way he spoke to you or the things he said, I will say that I would bet my life he didn’t mean a single word of it.”
“You act like you know him so well. Honestly, how well can you really know him?”
“You’re right. Maybe I don’t know him as well as I’d like to think I do. But if Zayden has taught me anything, it’s how to look past the tough exterior Oliver exudes. At the end of the day, he’s just as scared and uncertain as the rest of us. And he’s been going through a lot lately. Things that neither you nor I could even pretend to comprehend. I’m not asking you to excuse his behavior, but I am asking that you not let it lead you to make a rash decision that you’ll regret down the road.”
“What decision? He broke up with me. Pretty sure the decision has a
lready been made.” I hate the ache that swirls in my chest at the thought.
I can’t stomach it. The thought of never feeling Oliver’s lips on mine again. Of never staring up into those incredible eyes of his and losing myself in their depths. Never getting to hear his laugh vibrate against my ear as I lay on his chest. Never seeing his smile as he hovers over me, the weight of him so sweet inside of me.
I try to pull in a breath, but my lungs feel restricted, like something is sitting on my chest making it almost impossible to breathe. Tears once again fill my vision as the reality of it sinks in.
Because right now, the things he said, the way he acted, it’s still not enough to dull the loss of him. The loss that I feel everywhere.
“V.”
“Don’t.” I hold up my hand to stop her. “Don’t you dare say he didn’t mean it. You don’t know that. You have no way of knowing that. Because let me just tell you, he was pretty fucking convincing.”
“He was upset and drunk.”
“Alcohol is a truth serum. Isn’t that what they say? You know what I think? I think he meant every word. I think he was using me, and I think I’ve known it all along. I was a challenge. I was probably the only girl to ever hate him. He had to work for me and that’s what made it so fun. But the chase is over now and suddenly I’ve lost my luster.” My gaze goes to Rylee. “And before you tell me I’m wrong, think about it for a minute. He went from hating my guts to not being able to get enough of me overnight.”
“But didn’t you kind of do the same thing with him?” she asks gingerly.
“That’s different.”
“How is it different?”
“Because he pursued me. It’s not like I woke up one day and was like—huh, I think I’ll start liking Oliver now. No. He pursued me. He wore me down. Not the other way around.”
“So, then what? That’s just it? You’re done.”
“Yes. I’m done. Or well, he’s done. Either way, we’re done. And that’s that.”
“The Savannah I know would never give up that easily on something she wants.”
“Well, maybe I’m not that Savannah anymore.” My chin quivers as I feel another wave of emotion wash through me. “I’m not going to fight for someone who can dismiss me so easily, as if I never mattered.”