What would she say if she knew he couldn’t seem to stay away from her? He didn’t know what she did all the time, but as often as he could, he checked to see if she was all right. Not that he’d tell her that. Instead, he chuckled. “I happened to see you climb over the chains. Last I heard that was discouraged. You do know it’s safer inside the circle of wagons, don’t you?”
Her smile appeared sad. “Yes, I’ve heard that said a few times. I’m sorry. I never thought, but I’ll try to from now on. I don’t want to cause any more grief for my family.”
“I’m glad to hear that.” Jason touched her arm. “Here, let me help you over these chains.”
Katie took his hand, warming his heart. He shouldn’t feel this way. Her beliefs were different from his, or maybe she just hadn’t realized yet what God had to offer. How much He loved her and cared about every part of her life. That He was waiting to heal her broken heart even now.
He released her hand when she seemed steady on her feet. “Are you all right?”
She nodded. “I’ll be fine. I’ll return your handkerchief as soon as I’ve laundered it unless you need it back right away.”
He fell into step with her as they walked back toward her parents’ wagon. “No, that’s fine.”
She stopped in the shadows just before they reached the wagon and turned to look up at him. He let his gaze travel over her face and fought the urge to move closer.
She smiled. “Thank you. You’ve been such a help to my family. Even tonight when I went a little crazy.”
“It’s all right.”
“But I’m sorry because I see the danger now, not just for me, but also to you. I shouldn’t have walked out to the river. I don’t know why I do things like that. Since Karl—I don’t know, I just felt as if I had to see it. Sort of like I was drawn against my will. I’m sorry.”
“It’s not a problem, Katie.” He stepped back. “Give yourself time to heal. Will you be all right now?”
All at once, Jason had to get away. If he didn’t he’d pull Katie into his arms again and then where would he be?
At her nod, he turned and walked away. He needed to be careful or he’d give in to his feelings that were growing stronger with each encounter. Holding her close, comforting her, and feeling the tug of emotions her tears brought didn’t help. Maybe he should keep his distance. No doubt he should, but could he? That was a question he couldn’t answer.
~*~
That night Katie lay beside Susanna and stared into the darkness, the river filling her mind. Steep riverbanks towered above rapidly moving water. The thought of entering that rushing water sapped the strength from her muscles. Tomorrow, there’d be no ferry. Each wagon would be driven into the water to float across the river. The tremble deep inside wouldn’t stop.
Sleep claimed her body, but her mind played out her fears as she fell into the river, caught in a strong whirlpool that pulled her ever downward. She fought against the twisting spiral to no avail. Water, darker than night, closed over her head. She threw her arms up reaching for someone or something solid to hold. To pull her to safety.
“Katie. Katie.” Someone called to her from the shore. “Katie, wake up.”
She opened her eyes to see her mother leaning over her. “Wake up, Katie. You’re having a bad dream.”
A shudder coursed through her. “I was in the river.”
Mama pushed Katie’s hair back from her damp forehead. “No, you’re right here safe. It’s all right.”
A tear ran down Katie’s temple and another followed. “Mama, I’m so scared.” Her voice shook. “I was in the river. Just like Karl. I couldn’t swim. It sucked me under.”
“No, sweetheart. It was just a dream. You are safe.” Tears ran unchecked down Mama’s face as she gathered Katie close.
Katie clung to her mother. “We can’t get across this river. I know we can’t. The bank is so steep. There’s no ferry.”
“I know, sweetheart. I know.” Mama held her and talked softly, gently rocking her. “But we can cross it, and we will be all right. I have peace about this one.”
Mama’s soft voice had a soothing effect on Katie. “There will be many rivers to cross, and they won’t be easy. But we will cross them one by one. God will be with us. I know you don’t understand now, but He was with Karl. Never did God turn His back on Karl.”
Mama sang softly in her sweet, clear voice. “Rock of Ages, cleft for me. Let me hide myself in Thee.”
As her mother sang, Katie’s fears dissolved leaving her sleepy. When the song ended, Katie lay back down. “I’m sorry, Mama. I didn’t mean to wake you. I’ll be fine now. Thank you.”
Mama patted Katie’s shoulder before going back to her own mattress.
~*~
Katie awoke the next morning while it was still dark. The buzz of activity in camp stirred her unrest. Mama’s confidence in their safety soothed her fears, but didn’t remove them. She stood near the edge of the bank and watched their wagon as it slid downward toward the river. What kept it from flipping end over end as it slowly made the descent remained a mystery.
She helped Susanna and Mama slide down the steep bank to the wagon below. When they climbed in, Katie lay down on her mattress and pulled her quilt above her head. The porous cloth couldn’t protect her from the river, but it made her feel better. Being unable to see what was going on helped calmed her fears.
A sudden jerk and splash let her know they were in the water. Her heart raced as she visualized them being swept downstream. She pulled the cover closer and squeezed her eyes closed.
The scraping sound of wood on rocks and a sudden jolt brought her straight up expecting the wagon to roll. She cried out. “Oh!”
“Katie, you can wake up now.” Susanna tapped on her arm. “Mama says we’re here.”
Katie swung toward her baby sister and tossed the quilt aside. Susanna stood beside her with wide blue eyes filled with concern. Katie opened her arms. “I could use a big hug. How about you?”
Susanna grinned and leapt into Katie’s arms. Katie lifted her to the bed. As small arms circled her neck, giddy relief washed over her, and she laughed. How foolish she was. Even Suzy was braver than her. She nuzzled the soft baby hair against her cheek. “I saw a big tree over on this side. How would you like to see if we can find it now?”
Susanna nodded and struggled to free herself. Katie looked over her head at their mother and shared a smile. She gave Suzy one last, quick hug before releasing her, then followed her from the wagon.
The tree was big and old; it had surely seen at least a hundred seasons of new growth such as this one. Katie stood with Susanna under the overspreading branches and lifted her face to look all the way to the top. Something about the tree gave Katie a sense of peace. Surely its old age indicated that life would go on. They’d successfully crossed the river, and Katie felt as if she’d conquered an unseen foe.
~*~
That night after the evening meal Clay crouched beside Katie as she sat on the ground leaning against a wagon wheel. “Will you walk with me? We’ll stay inside the night ring.”
“Yes, if Dad says it’s all right.” She had nothing else to do and being with Clay might ease the heaviness in her heart that never seemed to go completely away.
With her father’s permission, they set out. Their steps slowed, keeping time with the mournful song of the violin coming from one of the campsites. Katie identified with its mood.
Clay took Katie’s hand in his, interlocking their fingers. He moved just outside the light of the campfires. A thrill at his daring raced through her veins.
He gave her a searching look. “How are you feeling now? I mean, I know it was hard on you—losing your brother and all.”
She looked away. He couldn’t know how hard. “It has been hard. Time will ease the hurt. At least that’s what everyone says.”
“Yeah, I guess so.” He cleared his throat. “We’ve got a good start. On the trail, I mean. It’ll still be a long time before
we get there, though.”
“Six months.” Katie spoke into the gathering darkness. “It will take all summer. A lot can happen in that length of time.”
“I suppose.” He stopped so they stayed in the shadows between campfires. “I know one thing I want to happen.”
Katie’s heart raced at his nearness, the way he pulled her closer. In the dark, she barely made out his hesitant smile. “Do you remember what I told you the night of the dance?”
Katie nodded. “I think so.”
“I said I intended to win your heart before we reach Oregon. Katie, I wasn’t joking. Lumber is big in Oregon. I have plans. I want to find some land that has plenty of good trees on it. I want to build a mill and go into business. I enjoy working with wood. My father’s a carpenter. I’ve helped him all my life. I’m young, but that means I have plenty of time to build a good business.”
Katie listened, but where did she fit in? Almost every sentence he uttered began with the word “I” while he said nothing about her part in his life. He knew what he wanted, and he’d probably accomplish what he set out to do. But she didn’t want to risk her heart where there was no heart given in return. He kept her hand clasped in his, but he seemed unaware of her presence.
“Clay.”
He cut off mid-sentence and looked at her.
“I need to get back to camp now.”
“Oh, sure.” He started walking again. “Yep, Oregon is the place to go. If not a mill, I could become a carpenter. They’ll be a lot of building going on there. New towns springing up all over, I’d wager.”
Katie sighed.
~*~
Less than a week later near Little Blue River, Katie sank to the grass beside a sparkling stream in a refreshing green valley. A waterfall cascaded several feet from a ledge of rocks into the water, creating a feeling of peace and rest.
Rachel settled beside her.
“I think I could stay here forever.” Katie spoke in hushed tones in keeping with her feelings.
“I know.” Rachel’s dark brown eyes sparkled as she looked around. “Don’t you wish we could camp like this every night?” She leaned forward to dip her hand in the water, then scooped some up and drank it.
“Is it good?”
“M-m-m. It’s delicious. So cold, like it has ice in it. Get some for yourself. I’m going to fill my bucket.”
Katie drank her fill and leaned back on her hands. “I really do think I could stay here forever. Who needs Oregon?”
Rachel smiled. “It’s beautiful here, but this is wild country. Indians live around here. We need more than beauty in our lives, I guess. Are you ready to go back?”
Katie gave a discontented sigh as she pulled herself away with one last look at the waterfall. Oregon probably wouldn’t be half this pretty. She turned away and walked back to camp with Rachel.
That night violin music sounded, playing a lively song. Soon the strains of a guitar joined and then another. Katie’s toes tapped in time as she washed dishes. She put the last one away and watched as people began moving toward the center of the night ring where someone had built a large fire for light. As couples walked by she watched for Clay. Surely he would come to take her to the dance.
Tommy stepped down from the wagon buttoning a clean shirt. “You still here with that music going on?”
Katie made a face at him. “Someone had to wash dishes.”
“Not me. I’m heading over to see if Amanda wants to do some foot stompin’ with me.”
“Hey, what happened to taking your little sister to the dance?” Katie pouted.
Tommy grinned. “Trust me, sis, it just isn’t the same thing.” He sobered then. “Besides, you might want to take a look at Mama. She’s lying down in the wagon. She said it was just a headache, but. . .”
He looked toward the crowd of people and frowned. “So much for that. Here comes your escort. I’ll get out of your way.”
He turned and quickly stepped over the wagon tongue to the outside of the ring of wagons. When he disappeared behind their wagon, Katie shook her head. What was wrong with Tommy? Did he dislike Clay so much he would go out of the way to avoid him?
She glanced back at Clay. He stopped to talk to a man. She smoothed her apron then touched her tousled hair. She must look a fright.
A quick glance at Susanna sitting on the ground listening to the music assured her she was all right. If she hurried, she’d have time to comb her hair before Clay reached the wagon. She climbed inside and almost stumbled over her mother.
“Mama, what is wrong?” She knelt beside the mattress and touched the back of her hand to her mother’s forehead.
Mama smiled and caught Katie’s hand in hers. “There’s no fever. It’s just a silly, old sick headache. I thought it would go away if I rested a while.”
“Mama, where is Dad?”
Her mother pressed her fingertips against her head. “On guard duty.”
Katie looked out the end of the wagon. Clay would be there any minute. “Tommy just left. Someone needs to stay and help you with Suzy.”
“Katie.” Clay stood outside the end of the wagon.
She stuck her head out. “I’ll be there in a minute, Clay.”
Mama patted Katie’s arm when she turned back around. “Go on, Katie, and visit with your young man. I’ll be fine. Just tell Suzy to come in the wagon so I’ll know where she is.”
Suzy would never be content to sit in a wagon with the excitement of the music and dancing going on outside. Trying to keep her there would only make Mama feel worse. With a leaden heart, Katie climbed from the wagon.
Clay’s dark brown eyes lit up at the sight of her. A smile slowly crossed his handsome face. “I’ll never understand why a pretty gal like you has to spend so much time primping. Now I’ll have to fight off all the other guys.” His voice dropped as he slipped an arm around her waist. “Maybe we’d better get married now so everyone will know who you belong to. Come on, that music won’t last all night.”
Katie’s emotions churned between Clay’s smooth talk and her responsibility toward her mother. She allowed him to pull her several steps away from their camp before reality found place in her mind. Mama needed her. If Clay meant what he said, he’d stay with her.
She stopped walking, jerking Clay to a halt. “I can’t go, Clay. Mama’s sick, and she needs someone to watch Suzy.”
Clay looked back at Susanna sitting on the ground with her rag doll. “She looks fine to me. Why can’t your dad or Tommy watch her?”
“They aren’t here.” She looked at him. “Why don’t you stay with me?”
“You want me to babysit your little sister?” His voice held a note of disbelief. “Come on, Katie. There’s a dance going on. You don’t want to stay here anymore than I do. We work hard and now’s our chance to have fun. There may not be another opportunity like this before we get to Oregon. Now come on. Let’s go.”
Clay grabbed Katie’s arm and pulled her forward.
Katie jerked away. “Don’t pull me, Clay. I said I wasn’t going. If you don’t want to stay with me, go by yourself.”
“Oh, trust me, I won’t be by myself long.” Clay’s jaw clenched.
Katie’s eyes burned, but she refused to give in to either him or the weakness of crying. “Fine, Clay. Go and find someone else to build your lumber empire with. I’ll sit here with Suzy and feel sorry for whoever is stupid enough to listen to you and your flattery.”
Before Clay could respond, Katie swung away, stomped the short distance to Susanna and sat on the ground. She kept her back toward Clay as she fought the burning in her eyes.
When she finally turned to look, he was gone. The next wagon over belonged to the Morgans. Rachel’s mother sat alone in one of three chairs just outside the wagons.
Katie concentrated on her neighbors rather than think about Clay. It must be nice having two wagons. Chairs were a luxury when you could sit on the ground, she supposed, but it would be nice to have more than one chair.
“Hi. May I sit with you?”
Katie nodded. “Sure. Suzy and I are listening to the pretty music.”
“It is pretty, isn’t it?” Rachel sat down and gave a quick laugh. “You will never guess what I just did.”
Katie smiled. “Probably not.”
Rachel looked at Katie and grimaced. “I threw water on your brother.”
“You what?”
“Honest, I did.” Rachel buried her face in her hands. Her cheeks were two spots of red when she looked up. “My father asked me to throw some wash water out so I carried it to the outer side of the wagons and tossed it. I didn’t think about anyone being there.”
Katie laughed. “Tommy went that way to avoid Clay. I wish I could have seen it. I’ll bet he was surprised.” Then she sobered. “I wonder why he didn’t come back and change. He was going to take Amanda to the dance.”
Rachel nodded. “I know. I watched him go get her.”
Katie recognized the longing in Rachel’s voice. So her friend really did have feelings for Tommy. She liked Rachel. It would be fun having her for a sister-in-law. All she needed to do was convince Tommy. She smiled at the thought, knowing her brother would rebel at the first sign of her matching him with anyone, let alone one of her friends.
“So he went to the dance all wet, huh?”
”No.” Rachel shook her head. “Just his boots were wet.”
“Too bad.” Katie laughed again. “I wish you’d drenched him.
Rachel smiled.
“Would it be asking too much if I leave Suzy with you while I run to the wagon to check on my mother?”
“Of course not. What’s wrong?”
“She has a headache. I shouldn’t take long.”
Katie climbed into the wagon and found her mother sleeping, so she didn’t disturb her. She backed out of the wagon and jumped nimbly to the ground. Male laughter came from where she’d left Rachel and Susanna. She swung to look.
Jason Barnett. Her eyes focused on the dark form kneeling in front of Rachel. They seemed deep in conversation and didn’t notice her. She watched the firelight play across Jason’s golden-blond hair. Rachel laughed at something Jason said, and his deeper voice joined her merriment. A sharp twinge shot through Katie’s heart surprising her. Rachel deserved Jason. He seemed to be a very nice man. So nice, in fact, she’d do well to forget Tommy.
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