“When we started on this journey, I was angry at my father for making us come. I turned my anger toward God when my little brother died in the first river we crossed. I became bitter, and I hurt so bad inside. Then Tommy started whistling and singing hymns and reading the Bible. He changed so much I knew something real had happened to him. I saw the difference, and I watched him. He had truly changed. Before long, his life convinced me that I wanted whatever he had.”
She glanced at Tommy, and he gave her an encouraging nod. “Then my dad was killed. I couldn’t tell him I was sorry for blaming him for all that was wrong in my life and for being angry at him. That’s when I realized my rebellion was not his fault. The anger at him and at God was my problem, not his. But I couldn’t tell him then because he was gone, and that hurt so bad. I became so miserable I went to my mother. She was waiting for me with this Bible.”
Katie lifted the Bible from Tommy’s hands. She felt a stirring of love and concern for others as she glanced around the circle of friends and fellow travelers.
“That night Mama talked and prayed with me. I told God how sorry I was for all my resentment and anger. I accepted Jesus Christ as my savior, and I’m so glad I did. This terribly hard trail we’re traveling didn’t get any easier. As a matter of fact, it got a lot harder when Mama died. But now I have a source of strength and help I never had before. God’s Spirit goes with me, guiding me and comforting me. I’m still growing and learning, but my life has been changed, and if yours hasn’t been, it can be tonight.”
Katie handed the Bible back to Tommy and returned to Jason’s side. She reached for Davy, but he shook his head. “No, he’s fine.”
“Jason, give my baby back to me.” She whispered.
He just grinned and pulled Davy further away, then inclined his head toward Tommy who was talking again. Katie glared at him before turning her attention to her brother. He’d get tired of holding Davy soon enough. No need to make a scene.
Tommy’s exhortation of the fourth chapter of Saint John didn’t last long, but surely the Word had not fallen on deaf ears. When he asked if any would like to accept Jesus as their Savior, a young couple stepped forward.
Katie forgot her tiff with Jason, as she thrilled that Tommy’s efforts were bearing fruit. She watched when Tommy called Rachel to his side to help pray with the woman. Rachel hesitated just a moment before slipping out from under Susanna who had fallen asleep on her lap. She joined Tommy and together they prayed with the young couple. Katie brushed moisture from her eyes. They made a wonderful team working together for the Lord. Why couldn’t her brother see it?
Then, Katie’s breath caught in her throat when she noticed the Parkers standing in front of Tommy. They knelt together as Mr. Bartlett and Mr. Taylor both joined them.
Lord, be with them. Tears filled Katie’s eyes. God surely answered prayers. She laid her hand on her baby’s blanket, so thankful to have him. Jason looked up and raised his eyebrows. Davy slept and needed to be in his crib. Katie leaned closer to whisper. “Let me take him and put him to bed.” She reached for him and this time Jason didn’t object.
As she walked toward the wagon, Jason joined the others who were still praying. Katie settled Davy in his crib and then unable to stay away from the activity outside, climbed down from the wagon. Clay stepped out of the shadows, and she jumped. “Oh, I didn’t know anyone was here.”
“I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to scare you.” He stood with his hands in his pockets. A frown creased his forehead.
Katie smiled. “It’s all right. I’m glad you’ve been coming to our Bible studies.”
“I’ve enjoyed them—more than I thought I would—and I’ve learned a lot. Your talk was real nice.” Clay seemed nervous and kept looking toward those praying.
“Thank you.”
Clay turned back. “Uh, Katie.” He hesitated and then rushed on. “I owe you an apology. I made a mess of things. I know you’ve changed. Well, I have, too. When Mary Beth got burned so bad, it did something to me. She’ll get ok, I guess, but she’ll always be scarred. I’ve been fighting a battle since the night it happened when I thought she might die. That’s why I’m here now. I’ve got to talk to Tommy. I know what you all have is real. It’s what I need.”
Katie’s heart leapt for joy. She started to say how glad she was, but he turned away.
He took a step toward Tommy then turned back. “Maybe after I talk to him, we can have us a talk. Do you think so?”
She nodded and watched him walk away. Her excitement of the evening faded. Clay had not rejected her. He’d been burdened in his soul and could think of nothing else. Was this God’s leading? She’d been praying for God’s direction in her life. The burden of caring for Susanna and Davy was not a light one. Someday she expected to marry, and she wanted God’s choice in her husband. Maybe Clay was the right one. Her mind whirled with the possibilities. She needed to be alone to think and pray.
She climbed back into the wagon and lay on her mattress while she compared the two men, Clay and Jason. She liked Clay. Actually, she liked him very much. She had enjoyed the few times he’d kissed her. Jason had never done more than hold her hand. Did she love Clay? She searched her heart and came away empty. Did she love Jason? There was no need to search her heart for that answer. Yes, she loved Jason.
The problem was not in her, but in the two men. Clay had declared his love for her and told her he planned to make her his wife. Yet the man she loved had done little more than befriend her. Just as she told Rachel, he treated her as Tommy’s little sister. Even tonight, he had sat beside her so he could hold Davy. Always with him it was the children. Why not her?
“Lord, please direct my paths. If Clay is the one You have chosen, I ask for love to fill my heart for him. If You see Your way clear to choose Jason for my husband, please place a love for me within his heart. Amen.”
Katie went to sleep thinking of Jason, remembering each time she’d spent with him, trying to find some proof he loved her. When she woke early the next morning Jason came first to her mind. Come what may, she would confront him before they reached Oregon. If Jason could not declare his love for her, she would marry Clay. Surely, it was better to marry a man who loved her than to marry a man she loved, but who could not return that love.
Chapter 17
Katie climbed out of the wagon after putting Susanna and Davy down for the night. Tommy’s and Jason’s muffled voices had kept her on edge for the last few minutes. She stepped around to the side where they were kneeling beside the back wheel. “What are you doing?”
“Checking the axles.” Tommy answered without looking up.
Katie’s eyes connected with Jason’s.
He grinned. “The grease packed in the axle keeps the wheel turning smoothly. We’re getting into the Blue Mountains now, and the climb is hard on the wagons.”
“Ah, the breakdowns I’ve been hearing about the last couple of days.” She took a step back.
He nodded. “Right. Tommy wants to be sure your wagon’s going to make it.”
“I see.” Katie turned away and almost ran into someone. “Oh, excuse me.”
“You’re fine, Katie.” Clay caught her elbow then pulled his hand away. “Hello, Tommy. Jason.”
“Evening, Clay.” Tommy glanced up. “Got your wagon in good shape for the climb?”
“Sure do.” Clay nodded. “My dad and I just finished doing the same thing you’re doing. Thought I’d stop by and see Katie for a minute.”
Tommy made an unintelligible grunt, and Jason seemed especially interested in the wheel Tommy was working on.
Katie walked away from them, and Clay followed. She’d rather keep things quiet around the wagon where the kids were sleeping. Not that she expected Susanna to wake easily, but Davy might. Several feet from the wagon she stopped.
Jason appeared to be watching. He turned away. Maybe he hadn’t been. She felt like stomping her foot. Why couldn’t he show some signs of jealousy? She looked at Clay. “I�
��d offer you a chair, but we only have one rocker.”
He shrugged. “I don’t mind. Did Tommy tell you what happened to me last night?”
Katie nodded. “Yes, and I’m so glad you have become a Christian, Clay. I couldn’t be happier for you. I know what a difference it makes.”
“Yes, I’m beginning to find out.” He glanced at the other men. “Could we go for a walk like we used to?”
Katie laughed. “I didn’t have a baby back then, Clay.”
“A baby?” Clay’s eyes grew wide before a frown settled on his handsome face.
“Yes, a baby. Remember my little brother?”
“Oh.” He glanced around. “Can’t Tommy watch him?”
Katie shook her head. “Tommy is busy. Rachel is gone with her mother for the moment, and Davy is sleeping in the wagon so I can’t take him with me.”
“What about your little sister?”
“Suzy is five years old, Clay. She isn’t old enough to take care of a baby, even a sleeping baby.”
“In that case, I guess we’ll have to stay here and talk.”
Katie nodded. “Yes, I guess so.”
Clay didn’t stay long, and Katie was glad. When she wouldn’t go walking with him, he didn’t say anything of importance. Would he have if they’d been out of Tommy’s and Jason’s hearing range? She watched him walk into the darkness and wondered. If he should propose again, would she be making a mistake by accepting? She’d forgotten how tiring he could become after a few minutes of useless talking. Thank you, Lord, that he didn’t propose.
Maybe she’d be better off remaining single. How could she raise two children without a husband’s help? Tommy would do what he could. Then, he’d marry Rachel and where would she be? She couldn’t live with them, and she couldn’t bear the thought of turning Davy over to anyone else, not even Rachel.
She sighed and turned to her mother’s rocking chair. From the looks of things, she didn’t have a choice. Surely, there were a lot worse things than marriage to Clay. She could do it. She was no longer the selfish, young girl she had been five months ago. After suffering through thirst and hunger, worn and soiled clothing, and no way to clean either it or herself, she’d learned to accept the bad along with the good. She had the Lord to lean on. If Clay was God’s plan for her and the children, she would gladly marry him.
Yet a thorn pricked at her soul. That thorn was her love for Jason. She bowed her head. Lord God, if it be your will, please removed my love for Jason so I may learn to love Clay. Not my will, but Thine be done.
~*~
“Oh, Katie, look ahead.” Rachel pointed toward what appeared to be an oasis in the midst of the rugged mountains they had been in for days.
“Is it possible to see a mirage in the mountains?” Katie’s eyes feasted on the beautiful green valley before them.
Rachel laughed. “No, I think that’s just in the desert. This must be for real. Don’t you think it’s time we had a place to rest our spirits? God is so good to provide rest just when we feel we can’t take another step.”
“Yes, and I’m ready for it.” Katie’s pace picked up, and Davy swung back and forth in the special sling hanging from her shoulders. She had fashioned it for him from the material of one of their mother’s dresses when he became too heavy to carry comfortably.
The motion of the sling excited Davy into flinging his arms and kicking his legs. Rachel laughed at his antics. “You’d better slow down, or he’s going to kick his way out of there.”
Katie laughed as she slowed. She took Davy from the sling and nuzzled his soft baby neck. His mouth spread into a big grin, and he chortled his baby delight. “You precious little doll. You and Suzy are the two bright spots in this whole terrible experience.”
At the sound of her name, Susanna looked up at her sister. “I’m a bright spot of what?”
Katie laughed with Rachel before answering. “You are a bright spot of sunshine, little sister. That means I love you very much.”
Susanna grinned. “I love you, too, Katie. And I love Rachel. And Tommy. And Jason. And I love Rachel’s Ma and Pa Morgan, too.”
“Well, you’re just full of love today, aren’t you?” Katie slipped Davy back into the sling after one more kiss.
Rachel looked from Davy to Katie. “What are you going to teach him to call you?”
Katie looked up startled. “I—I don’t know. Katie, I guess.” She stammered. “I don’t actually feel like his sister, but I’m really not his mother, either. Maybe I should just let him decide on his own. I hadn’t thought.”
“What about Jason?”
Rachel’s voice was so soft Katie thought she’d misunderstood until she looked into her friend’s eyes and saw the concern. Still, she pretended she didn’t understand.
“I suppose he’ll call him Jason. Or Mr. Barnett.”
“That isn’t what I meant.” A smile curved Rachel’s mouth. “What would happen if you got Jason away from everyone where he’d have to listen to you and where you could force the issue of your love?”
Katie gasped. “Rachel, what are you talking about? I can’t force any issue with Jason or any man. If he loved me, he’d let me know.”
Rachel sighed. “I suppose, but I wonder if he knows how you feel. Maybe he’s afraid of you. Men have insecurities the same as we do. I’m sure of it. Unless they’re so full of themselves they can’t imagine a woman turning them down. Jason isn’t like that.”
“So you think I should talk to him?” How many times had she thought the same thing? Was this the answer to her prayers? Oh, she hoped so. Katie’s heart pounded.
Rachel nodded. “Yes, I think you should try to talk to him if you can. Pray about it and see if the opportunity presents itself. Maybe it will while we’re camped here in the valley.”
“If Mr. Colton calls a rest.” The air continued to grow colder as each week passed. They couldn’t afford to take too many stops before they reached Oregon City. Now, so near the end of their journey, everyone sensed the need to hurry. Katie met Rachel’s searching eyes with a smile. “All right. I’ll continue to pray about this and see what happens.”
“I want to know what he says.” Rachel laughed. “I’m excited for you.”
~*~
As Katie had hoped, Mr. Colton called a halt for the night in the middle of the valley where the animals would have plenty of grass. Katie’s heart thumped out her insecurities and fear as the thought of confronting Jason nagged at her.
She hurried through supper, keeping constant watch for Jason to stroll into their camp. Tommy left for a while, and she was alone with the children. Susanna seemed to be dawdling more than usual.
“Hurry and eat, Suzy. I want to get the dishes washed and put away.” She gathered hers and Tommy’s and set them to the side.
“I am hurrying, Katie.” Susanna flashed an annoyed look toward her then licked her empty spoon.
Katie sighed. “Maybe if you put something on your spoon, you could eat faster.”
Susanna stuck her face up toward Katie and made exaggerated chewing motions. “I have to chew. Mama said so.”
At the mention of Mama, Katie’s heart constricted. If only Mama were here now. And Dad. She’d still be a carefree young girl planning for her next dance. But was that what she wanted to do with her life? Act like a spoiled child who gave little thought for anyone except herself? She hadn’t asked for the responsibility of raising two small children, but she didn’t resent them either. She sighed and turned away to wash the dishes. Let Suzy chew all she wanted. Her plate could be washed later.
“Katie, I hope I’m not intruding.”
Katie swung toward the woman’s voice and found Rachel’s mother standing a few feet away. “No, of course not. How are you tonight?”
“Oh, I’m fine.” Mrs. Morgan smiled. “I have a favor to ask. I wondered if you’d let Suzy come over to our camp for a little bit. We found a turtle and thought she might like to see it. I could bring it over here, but we’d love
to enjoy her company if you don’t mind.”
Katie turned toward Suzy who still sat playing with her food. “I don’t mind at all if you’re sure you want her. I’d like for her to finish eating first though. So far she’s been more interested in playing.”
Mrs. Morgan laughed. “From what I’ve seen, that’s normal behavior at her age. Do you mind if I speak to her? Maybe the promise of a turtle will help her eat faster.”
“Anything you can do would be wonderful.” Katie watched Mrs. Morgan lean close to Susanna and speak to her. She couldn’t hear every word, but Susanna brightened at the word turtle and stuffed a spoonful of beans into her mouth. Katie laughed. Maybe she should catch a turtle and keep it as a pet. No, the new would soon wear off, and her sister would go back to her old ways.
Susanna ran over with her plate and silverware as Katie finished everything else. “Here, Katie. I’m all done. Can I go with Rachel’s Ma to visit?”
“Yes, you may. Thank you for eating.” Katie slipped the plate in the water. “Thank you, Mrs. Morgan. Tommy or I one will be here when she wears out her welcome.”
With a laugh, Mrs. Morgan waved Katie’s words aside. “I doubt that could happen. Suzy’s such a sweet, little girl. I’ll bring her back before bedtime, though.”
Katie checked on Davy in his makeshift cradle. He was playing contentedly with his hands. She watched his tiny brow furrow as he concentrated on the wiggling fingers before his eyes. He was so adorable. Would he eventually develop that streak of rebellion she already recognized in Susanna? The same desire to rebel she had before she gave it all up to the Lord. She hoped not.
“He’s all right, isn’t he?”
Katie swung around, her hand over her heart. “Tommy Donovan, don’t sneak up on me like that.”
He laughed. “Sorry, I figured you heard me.”
“Well, I didn’t.” She glanced past him and saw no one.
“Jason isn’t coming over tonight. He’s helping Mr. Taylor with some repairs on their wagon.”
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