by Naomi Jacobs
I read today that when the Japanese break a precious object they don’t throw it away; they put it back together, fill the cracks with gold and see it as more beautiful than it originally was. I get it now. I get what you were trying to tell me when you woke up in my future.
That I am the gold.
Thank you.
Love always,
Adult Naomi x
Oh P.S.! You would be happy to know that they brought Red Dwarf back for another season and every time I watch it I think of you! SMEG!!!!
AUTHOR’S NOTE
Some of the quotes at the beginning of the chapters are taken from conversations I have had over the years with women who have been through unimaginable traumas at some point in their childhood or early womanhood. I have taken strength and inspiration from their stories of sheer survival. These brave and strong women, who in spite of what life has given them, are still breathing, still living, still laughing, still crying and still loving.
They are still here.
Here, living a good future that they know deep down, no matter what, they deserve.
This book is dedicated to all of those women.
In infinite love. Naomi Jacobs x
Contact information, as well as updates on Naomi Jacobs and her next book, can be found on her website:
www.iwokeupinthefuture.com
ACKNOWLEDGEMENTS
A deep and eternal thank you to my agent, Robert Smith. Thank you for giving me that gentle push to honour my truth and write the real story. Because of your belief in me and your unwavering support this has been truly possible. It has changed my life. All for one and one for all.
Thank you also to Gemma, for being the first woman to read and love this book. I will always be eternally grateful to you for going above and beyond the call of duty to help edit my story.
I feel very fortunate to have had the opportunity to work with the wonderful Ingrid Connell at Pan Macmillan. A huge thank you to you for providing me with much needed advice and guidance during the edit of this book. And above all for believing and bringing out the best in me with a kind and understanding editorial wisdom that has made this book my proudest moment.
Thank you also to two very talented editors, Gillian Stern and Laura Carr, as well as all of the sales and marketing team at Pan Macmillan for your tireless work. I am so grateful for all of your input and for making this book the best that it could ever be.
To all of my family and beautiful friends that pushed me, supported me, inspired me and loved me throughout this whole journey. A big, huge thank you especially to: Simone W., Kerry M., Kwasi A., Subira G., Natalie S., Karina N., Ruth W., Rhoda D., Emma M., Charlotte L. J., Laura S., Debi H., Rachel J., Ish J. and Lynette E.
Yvonne, Martin, Kwame and Simone: this happened because of your love and belief in me.
Thank you to all of the women and men in the medical, homeless and psychiatric services in Bury/Manchester. Especially: Rebecca, Helen, Mary, Anita, Penny, Leslie, Tracey, Craig, Debbie R., Dr P. and Dr W. Your support, encouragement and reverence for the power of the mind, and my ability to heal mine, have been one of the many reasons why I have written this book.
We only met the once but I am truly blessed to have met Robyn W., an amazing woman and very talented artist. Thank you for allowing me to write about something so close to your heart and for inspiring me and showing me the beauty in the immersion of loss.
I like to think that fate has played a huge part in this book coming to life and on one unassuming day led me to meet a wonderful woman, who introduced me to a special and talented journalist who saw this story as timeless and encouraged me to share it. Vanessa Kirkpatrick and Sophie Ellis, thank you so much.
Thank you to the Uni-Verse for all of the women I have never met, but whose stories of strength and survival inspired me to write mine and facilitated my own healing: Oprah Winfrey, Maya Angelou, Iyanla Vanzant, Angel Haze, Beyoncé Knowles and Marian Keyes.
I dedicate this book to all of the brave and beautiful women I have known in this life, past and present, who have survived unimaginable traumas and whose stories of strength and tenacity have given me the courage to write this book.
And to my mother, Eve. The First Lady. My biggest fan and the strongest woman I know. I love you with all my heart. This is why the clock stopped.
ENDNOTES
1. Smeghead – complete and total (usually quite ignorant) idiot, who has no clue about anything outside of his/her own head. A popular swear word from the BBC2 TV series Red Dwarf.
2. Garms – many items of clothing (garments).
3. Acieed – a word taken from ‘We Call It Acieed’ by D-Mob (a popular 80s tune).
4. Spar – a really good friend who wouldn’t allow you to commit a fashion faux pas.
5. Stale – really bad (nothing to do with bread).
6. Tough as – as tough as nails, old boots, or any other hard object (another way of saying you wouldn’t mess with someone in a fight because they are really hard!)
7. Wrap up – fall over/fall down (nothing to do with scarves or winter).
8. Safe – absolutely fine.
9. Chip – leave with great speed (nothing to do with potatoes).
10. Slush puppies – feeling all kinds of mushiness for a person.
11. The most props – to give someone the proper respect they deserve.
12. Stush – stuck up/like you smell of roses and nobody else does.
13. Style out – pretend it’s not really happening, when really it is.
14. Kriss – really really (no seriously really) nice.
15. Regs – on a regular basis.
16. Sosh – pronounced So-shhh. The word for social security or welfare as it’s known today.
17. Squerious – meaning square and serious. Someone who fails to think ‘outside the box’, who is out of touch or behind the times, and takes things rather seriously (as if they were quite proud).Used extensively to express shock in the 1992 film Wayne’s World.
18. Ramping/ramp – to act up or start shit, regardless of the consequences.
19. Fod – forehead.
20. Kriss biscuits – really really gorgeous and fabulous and lovely and great and cute and all the brilliant words you can think of wrapped in a chocolate biscuit!
21. Jekyll – two-faced/very deceitful.
22. Foge/old fogey – a kind, elderly person.
23. ‘Lock her off’ – to shut someone out of your life.
24. To ‘offer someone out’ – a Scouse term for challenging someone to a fist fight.
25. Mr Miyagi – the cool Japanese dude who taught the actor Ralph Macchio how to fight in the 1984 film The Karate Kid.
26. Woititz, J. G. (1983) Adult Children of Alcoholics (Hollywood, FL: Health Communications, Inc.).
First published 2015 by Pan Books
This electronic edition published 2015 by Pan Books
an imprint of Pan Macmillan, a division of Macmillan Publishers Limited
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ISBN 978-1-4472-8257-0
Copyright © Naomi Jacobs 2015
Cover Images © Arcangel Images
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