The Rocker Who Cherishes Me

by Terri Anne Browning

  Even when we had been in a relationship the year before, he’d never been one for public displays of affection, not even ones that were that small. Wroth was too private, too reserved for that kind of thing. So what was different now? What had changed with him?

  Could all his rigidness have been because of his time in the marines? Had it closed him off that much?

  I didn’t know, but I had to admit that I liked this new side of Wroth. He was more approachable. The only real problem I had with it was that it was so easy to fall deeper for the man. I didn’t want to love him more than I already did. It was so consuming as it was, any more and I knew I wouldn’t walk away from him breaking my heart with my sanity intact a second time.

  Today was an off day. There would be no traveling until the next morning, no concerts—no craziness. All the parents were taking their kids out to explore the local sights and I got a day of relaxing. There was only one thing I wanted to do, so I popped a bag of popcorn and fixed myself a big glass of iced tea before sitting down to watch my favorite movie of all time.

  The tornado was just picking up Dorothy’s house when I heard him moving around in the back of the bus. Most of everyone else had already left to do their own thing for the day, but Wroth had still been asleep. I’d debated whether or not to stick around in case he got up before anyone else came back, but had vetoed that idea almost as soon as it had entered my mind. I didn’t want to avoid him. I wanted more time with him to soak up this new, softer side of him. As for the bet, I would play that by ear. It wasn’t like I would be losing anything if I didn’t win the bet with Natalie. Working her job for a week while she went on vacation wasn’t going to be so bad. If I didn’t win.

  Wroth was still blinking sleep out of his eyes when he entered the living room. When he saw me sitting on the couch, his eyes brightened and he was smiling when he sat down beside me, scooping up a giant handful of my popcorn. “Morning, sweetheart.”

  “Morning,” I murmured, cuddling against him just a little.

  Espresso eyes went to the flat screen and he shook his head when he instantly realized what I was watching. “Really? Didn’t we just watch this last night?”

  “We didn’t. But I watched it with Mia and the twins.” I took a sip of my tea, remembering how much the three kids had enjoyed watching The Wizard of Oz with me. “Luca likes the Tin Man, but especially likes the flying monkeys. Lyric was more into the Lion. And Mia wants her parents to buy her a dog that is just like Toto.”

  He chuckled. “Sounds like that little dude. I don’t know how Jesse and Layla keep up with him and his brother.”

  I didn’t either. I’d barely been able to keep up with them the night before and I’d had Kenzie’s help. Felicity had taken Neveah, Cannon, and Jagger to a different bus since they had been ready for bed. By the time Jesse and Layla had shown up to take their twins, I’d been ready for my own bed and had fallen asleep almost instantly.

  “When this goes off let’s watch The Great and Powerful Oz,” Wroth suggested, digging his hand into my bowl of popcorn again.

  My eyes widened in surprise. “Really?” I knew my voice broadcasted my skepticism but I couldn’t help it. Wroth hated James Franco movies. That he not only wanted to watch one, but had gone so far as to actually suggest it surprised me.

  “Really. Franco isn’t as hard to stomach in that movie as he is in his others. And I like watching Mila Kunis turn into the ugly green witch.” Another handful of popcorn was crammed into his mouth stopping any further conversation for the moment and I shrugged.

  For the next four hours we watched both movies and I was content for what felt like the first time in a lifetime. Wroth sat beside me the entire time, alternating between watching the movies and watching me. One strong arm wrapped around my shoulders as I hid my face and cried—like I always did—as Dorothy said goodbye to the Scarecrow.

  It felt like old times, and for a little while I could pretend that nothing had changed between us.

  When The Great and Powerful Oz went off, Wroth stood and pulled me to my feet. “Let’s go out.” He didn’t give me time to protest before he was linking our fingers together and leading me off the bus.

  It was a nice day out, not terribly hot and the sun was shining down on us. We walked through the parking lot where all seven of the buses were parked in and hailed a cab not far from the gates. For over an hour we just rode around, talking and laughing in a way we’d never done before. The driver kept shooting us glances in his rearview mirror, smiling from time to time, but never interrupting us. Eventually Wroth had the driver drop us off at a small little Italian restaurant. I hadn’t had more than the two bowls of popcorn that we had shared during our movies so I was starving by the time we were seated.

  “This is nice,” Wroth said, taking a sip of the red wine he had ordered to go with our pasta. Espresso eyes darkened to nearly onyx, his face twisting in pain. “I’ve missed you, Mari. Nothing feels right when you aren’t around. The farm doesn’t even feel like home anymore.”

  My teeth sank into my bottom lip, his words washing over me like a trembling caress. “I’ve missed you, too,” I confessed in a voice that was practically a whisper.

  “If I explained about that chick, if I told you that what you had seen wasn’t as bad as you think, would you listen, sweetheart?” His eyes were almost pleading as he watched me closely.

  “Maybe. I don’t know. But not now. I…” I blew out a long, tear-filled breath and shook my head. “I can’t yet, Wroth.”

  His strong jaw clenched. “Okay, but one day soon we need to talk about it. I want us to start over, to put the past behind us and build a future together.” He reached across the table and grasped both my hands, linking our fingers together as he leaned forward. His naturally rough voice was full of husky gravel when he spoke again. “You are the most important person in my life, Marissa. No one else, nothing else matters to me but you. I want you to be happy, but I greedily want you to be happy with me.”

  Tears burned my eyes and I blinked rapidly to keep them at bay, but one wayward drop landed on my cheek. If he had said those words to me a year ago I would have fallen into his arms and given him everything. The only thing holding me back right at that moment was one small memory. A memory that had haunted me every night since it had happened…

  --

  I wasn’t sure why, but I thought Wroth might have been avoiding me. He’d been more busy than usual the last few days and it felt like we barely had any time to ourselves. It wasn’t anything unusual for him though. When he was stressed he always pulled away from people, avoiding them until he could get his emotions in check better. Over the last two months we had gotten incredibly close, more so than we had ever been. I knew that his feelings for me were growing stronger and that that was why he was pulling away right now.

  That didn’t mean it didn’t hurt, but I had waited this long for him to confess he loved me. I could wait a little longer and even give him the space he obviously needed.

  Tonight’s concert was over and the guys were all seated at their own tables backstage, doing one of their rare meet and greets. The majority of the band hated these things, feeling more like a piece of meat for the fans to gnaw on rather than someone they respected. Zander and Devlin were probably the exception to the rule though. They both enjoyed meeting all the fans, proof of which was in Devlin’s eyes as he talked animatedly with some guy. Even Zander seemed happy chatting with the husband and wife duo that were standing in front of his table laughing together while Zander signed the wife’s back so that she could have it inked in later that night.

  Liam looked bored, however, as he signed a poster and a T-shirt for the very busty chick in front of him. It was more than obvious to me that my brother was missing Gabriella, but I couldn’t for the life of me figure out why he wouldn’t just call her and make up with her. She’d been by his side throughout his time in a coma, only leaving when he woke up and screamed at her to get out. I didn’t have anything a
gainst Gabriella, she had always been kind to me after all. I even understood why she had ended things with Liam last October. He had needed to get his act together, an act that had put her nephew in danger without her even knowing it.

  Axton, who had been looking like he was going to fall asleep any minute suddenly looked more alert as he chatted with a smaller girl standing in front of him. After a few minutes he glanced over at where I was sitting with Dallas. Dallas raised a brow at her boyfriend, a silent communication passing between them before she stood and walked over to them. I didn’t watch to see what happened at Axton’s table next because my gaze was suddenly drawn to Wroth’s table right beside of Axton’s.

  I’d seen the girl with the very impressive chest when she had first stopped at Axton’s table. She was dressed much like the other women that I’d seen pass from table to table for the last few hours. Tight jeans, barely there shirt without a bra—not that she needed one. Her boobs had been bought and paid for and from the size and perfect shape of them, they had cost a pretty penny. At the moment those big beauties were bouncing inches from Wroth’s face.

  Jealousy suddenly made my stomach churn and my heart hurt. When Wroth’s eyes darkened with what looked like interest, I turned away, unable to watch as he signed her breasts.

  After that I avoided looking at Wroth’s table. When Dallas came back to sit with me, she had the younger girl that Axton had introduced her to. I focused all my attention on Kenzie, liking the girl instantly. She was sweet, intelligent, and very excited to have gotten to meet all the members of OtherWorld.

  It wasn’t long afterwards that the meet and greet was over, and I quickly made my excuses to go back to the hotel. I didn’t want to have to deal with anything else tonight and planned on going straight to bed once I got back.

  “You wanna come with us?” Axton offered. “Wroth said he had to make sure his Fenders were stored safely. Knowing him and his love for his guitars, he might be a little while.”

  I forced a laugh and shook my head. “No thanks. I’m going to head back to the hotel and order some room service. I have a craving for pancakes and sausage.” It was a lie of course, because after seeing Wroth and Miss Bouncy Boobs, I’d been fighting nausea ever since. I said my goodbyes and headed out to hail a cab.

  It was only as the driver was stopping in front of me that I realized that Wroth had our suite key since he’d picked up both when we left for the venue that evening. It was late and I didn’t want to have to deal with the moody receptionist that had been on duty when we left by asking for a new key. With a muttered curse, I waved the driver on and went in search of Wroth.

  Axton said Wroth wanted to check on his Fenders so I knew exactly where to find him. The roadies always knew to take extra care of Wroth’s guitars and always kept them locked up on their bus. By now most of the roadies were out grabbing something to eat or at some club downtown, but I knew where their bus was.

  As I neared it, I heard a curse, realizing it was Wroth just as I walked around the side of the bus. At first I thought maybe he had cursed because something had happened to one of his precious Fenders; he loved those things more than anything in the world. But when I saw what was really going on, I froze. Pain poured over me like a bucket of ice as I took in Miss Bouncy Boobs from earlier. She was on her knees in front of Wroth who was leaning against the side of the bus, his jeans unbuttoned, and I knew—I fucking knew!—what was going on.

  Bile rose in my throat and I turned away quickly before either could notice me. Tears burned my eyes as I ran across the parking lot and hailed another cab. Somehow I got out the name of the hotel we were staying in through the raking sobs shaking my body. The driver kept asking if I was okay, but I couldn’t answer him. I wasn’t.

  I was definitely not okay and probably never would be again.

  When the cab pulled up in front of the hotel, I tossed him all the cash I had in my pocket, not caring that the ride had cost less than twenty bucks, and I’d tossed him several hundred dollars. I stumbled out of the back and into the hotel where I was thankfully greeted by a different receptionist and was just barely able to get out what room I was in. “I lost my key,” I told her in a trembling voice.

  I didn’t see the kindness in her eyes, didn’t see the few guests as they passed, giving me questioning and sympathetic glances. It took less than a minute to get the new key and I found my way up to the eighteenth floor through tear-filled eyes and locked myself in the unused bedroom in the suite I’d been sharing with Wroth. There was no way I could lie on the same bed where he had kissed me so tenderly, touched me and brought me untold pleasure just hours ago.

  For weeks now we’d been sleeping in the same bed, touching intimately, kissing passionately—but never actually making love. I’d been on cloud nine, not even really questioning why Wroth wouldn’t let me touch him as he so often touched me. But now I did and I couldn’t stop thinking about it. Just hours ago I’d begged him to let me taste him as he had been tasting me with his tongue. Instead of letting me, he had distracted me all over again as he had latched onto my sex with his talented mouth and brought me to yet another screaming release.

  Shame washed over me, adding to my already breaking heart. He wouldn’t let me touch him, but he would let a stranger, some silicone Barbie doll wannabe suck his dick…? The tears poured faster, my sobs so hard they made my body feel as if it were being torn apart from the inside out.

  Why didn’t he want me?

  Wasn’t I good enough?

  Wasn’t I beautiful enough?

  For hours those thoughts filtered through my brain until I felt as if my head was going to explode. Wroth didn’t come back to our suite, not that I had expected him to. He was probably balls deep in Miss Bouncy Boobs. When the sun started shining through my window, I was still crying.

  The phone beside my bed began ringing but I ignored it. If anyone needed me they would have called my cellphone. Sighing, I reached out, searching the bed beside me for it to check and see what time it was. When I couldn’t feel it, I checked my pockets and groaned when I realized I must have dropped it when I’d run away from the sight of Wroth and…

  I rarely cursed but an entire rainbow of bad words left my mouth as I climbed out of bed. Figures I would lose my phone on top of everything else shitty that had happened the night before. Clenching my jaw, I decided I didn’t care that my phone was gone, or that the new case that was on it had been one that Wroth had given me. The one with the pair of glittery ruby slippers on it. It had been a small surprise just weeks ago because he knew that I loved all things Wizard of Oz.

  No, I was glad it was gone, I decided as I climbed into the shower to wash away all outward traces of my brokenness.

  I wasn’t ready to face anyone so I dressed and left the room. I walked the streets of Baltimore until I figured it was time to go over to the venue. Of course I’d heard that the streets of Baltimore were dangerous, but in that moment I didn’t care if something happened to me. If it did, it still wouldn’t hurt me as bad as what Wroth had done to me the night before.

  I needed to help Harris with his homework and I was sure that Liam was going to be worried about me, so I finally hailed a cab. When I got there, no one even noticed that I’d been gone. They were all in a tizzy over the fight that Devlin and Zander had gotten into the night before.

  For a moment I was able to push my own pain to the back of my mind and went in search of Natalie.

  The deadness in her eyes was the only outward sign that Natalie wasn’t her normal self. She walked with her head held high, her shoulders straight, and her jaw clenched. Her face was pale, making those blue-gray eyes stand out even more in her beautiful face. As soon as I saw her, I wrapped my arms around her. “Are you okay?”

  Natalie hugged me back, her arms tight around me for a moment before stepping back and giving me a grim smile. “I’ll get over it, but life goes on. He’s not the only man in the universe.”

  “What happened?” I asked, having on
ly heard that Zander had admitted to having a bet going on between Devlin and himself about who could have sex with Natalie first. Apparently a fight had broken out not long after and Natalie had been forced to call Emmie.

  “They destroyed the club last night. I had to pay for ten grand in damages, not counting the booze they destroyed. So I had no choice but to call in the big guns since there were people who recognized Devlin and Zander and were recording the whole thing on their phones. Emmie will be here tonight, to clean up my mess.” Natalie’s chin started trembling but then she gritted her teeth together and shook her head. “Look, Rissa. I don’t want the reason for Dev and Z’s fight to get back to my brothers. I might hate the very sight of those two jackasses right now, but I don’t want them dead. Promise me you won’t say anything to anyone.”

  If I had been Natalie, I would have called my brothers first and then helped pick out Devlin and Zander’s caskets. That she was protecting them showed how much stronger a person she was than me. Giving a nod, I promised her I wouldn’t say anything.

  For the rest of the day I stayed in the dressing room with Harris, getting him caught up on school work so much that he finished a full week’s work in one afternoon. He didn’t seem to mind though, asking for another assignment each time we finished one. He was pissed off at his father for what he’d done to Natalie and needed the distraction of school just as much as I needed one.

  Emmie arrived not long before OtherWorld was supposed to take the stage and I was glad for the added distraction of four-year-old Mia. I kept her entertained until it was time for bed and then tucked her in. After that I was left with nothing to do, since no one was awake to distract me and my pain came flooding back like a dam had been broken.