Lisa shrugged. Riley guessed there was another reason, something that Lisa wasn’t admitting.
“Is your roommate not comfortable with you having women over?”
“That’s one way to put it.” Lisa eyed Riley. After a long pause, she continued, “She’s the one who convinced me to leave Colorado.”
Riley felt all of the pieces of the puzzle click into place. “So, she doesn’t like you to have anyone else over because she’s still jealous of you being with others?”
“The whole thing is complicated.” Lisa’s gaze was fixed on the distant tree line where they’d spent the past three days.
“Are you guys really finished?” Riley felt sick to her stomach. How could she have let herself get this close to moving in with Lisa and not see that she was still involved with someone else? Lisa didn’t answer, so Riley continued, “‘Complicated’ as in maybe we are still together, maybe not?”
“It’s not like that.”
“‘And don’t worry, Riley, she’s no lay compared to you.’ That’s what you were going to say, right?” Riley shook her head. “Shit. You know what I thought? I thought that maybe you were embarrassed. I thought maybe you weren’t out to your roommate and…”
“She’s nothing compared to you,” Lisa said, interrupting her. “She is still my friend but we don’t sleep together.” Lisa reached for Riley’s hand. “Maybe I should have told you she was my ex. I can see how you’d think it was weird that we always go to your place. But it’s just easier. I don’t want to deal with having you and Jen together in the same room. We’re moving to Colorado in a few weeks and it won’t be an issue then.”
“Yeah,” Riley said. “There will be all sorts of new issues.”
“You don’t want to live together, do you?”
“I’m not sure. I’m used to trusting people.”
Lisa shook her head. “I didn’t lie about anything, Riley. And don’t tell me that wasn’t what you just implied.”
“Well, you certainly omitted a few details.”
Lisa stood up, pushing her pack over as she did. She walked to the car, opened the door and sat down in the driver’s seat. She looked back at Riley and shook her head. “Maybe you are right. Why the hell should we move in together? We can both move to Denver and live in separate places. That way you won’t have to worry about trusting me.”
Riley realized she was cornered. She had wanted to suggest living in different places as soon as she decided on taking the job, but Lisa had been so excited about the prospect of sharing a place that she’d given up the idea. Now that Lisa was offering it, could she accept it without Lisa being pissed?
“I can understand that you didn’t want to talk about your ex. And I didn’t mean to imply that I don’t trust you. But we’ve only been seeing each other for a month. How well can we know each other?”
“I guess I was a complete idiot then, thinking I knew you so well, huh?”
Lisa got out of the car and slammed the door. She paced down the road and back up again, finally stopping in front of Riley.
“I don’t care if I make Jen jealous by having a million girls over. It isn’t about that at all. Jen has depression issues. She’s on meds for it, but no combination of pills ever really seems to fix her. She’s been really down since I told her that I was moving back home. She even threatened to take a full bottle of Vicodin along with whatever else they give her to sleep.”
“And if she thought the move was because of a new girlfriend, it would make everything that much worse,” Riley added.
“If you knew her, you wouldn’t blame me,” Lisa defended.
After a moment, Riley said, “I don’t blame you.”
“We’re moving to Denver, Riley. We need to be able to talk to each other about stuff like this.”
Riley nodded.
A cloud of dust billowed on the road below them and a moment later they could hear a car’s rumbling engine. Lisa looked at Riley and arched her eyebrow. “I knew someone would come.”
“Is that an ‘I told you so’?”
As the car neared, the driver immediately slowed down and waved.
Lisa glanced over at Riley. “I still want to finish this conversation. Later.”
Despite being very eager to help, the man and woman in their late fifties had a wrench that fit only American-sized lug nuts. They left, promising to call roadside assistance for them as soon as they had a cell phone signal.
“I don’t think we should wait,” Lisa said, as soon as the Ford rumbled away. “What if they call for assistance, but no one can get up here for another four hours? We’d have no way of knowing. Or what if they forget to call?”
Riley was already packing their things back into the car. She grabbed the canteen, now only half full, and her wallet. “I want to stretch my legs anyway.”
The ten miles back to town were almost entirely downhill. It was near four when they reached a paved road and a truck immediately came into view. “It’s a Toyota,” Lisa said, waving at the driver. “I don’t think I’ve ever been so happy to see another beat-up Toyota.”
The truck was in nearly as bad a shape as Lisa’s car, but the driver not only had a set of wrenches but time on his hands. He drove them back up the dirt road, helped switch the tire and then gave them directions to the nearest tire shop. They were driving back down the dirt road, following the truck close enough to catch all of his dust, within the hour.
Unfortunately, the tire shop was closed, and the town was small enough to only have one such store. Lisa and Riley had already agreed that her spare tire was in no shape to drive back to Sacramento, not at highway speeds anyway. They got a room at the one motel in town and Riley called Sheryl to explain their dilemma. If all went well, the earliest she could make it to the hospital was noon.
Lisa had showered and collapsed on the bed. When she got off the phone with Sheryl, Riley stripped and showered as well. She came out of the shower and Lisa looked over at her.
“You look good in a towel.”
Riley had the towel wrapped around her waist. She had no clean clothes to change into and didn’t really want to get dressed anyway. She sat down on the bed and reached for Lisa’s hand. “Want to finish that conversation?”
“I’m not sure. I’m exhausted.” Lisa closed her eyes. “And I think I’m still mad.”
Riley leaned over and kissed her. Lisa made no attempt to reciprocate. “Well, I’m not mad anymore. Thank you for telling me what was going on with you and your roommate. I’m sorry I didn’t ask sooner.”
Part Three
Wagers
Riley found the gate for her flight from Denver to Seattle sandwiched between a flight to Cleveland and one to Sacramento. She was a half hour early and there was a good chance that the snowstorm was going to delay the flight. With the weatherman’s prediction for heavy snowfall through Christmas Eve, she figured she’d be lucky if she got home before her family finished off Mom’s Christmas cookies and Dad’s homemade beer. Riley pulled out the paperback she’d brought and sat down with a window view of the swirling snow. A de-icing machine worked on one of the planes, and the figures moving about on the ground below looked entirely miserable.
Two hours passed and Riley got up to stretch. The gate attendant had already announced that the Seattle flight would be delayed a minimum of three hours. The Cleveland flight had been canceled. The folks waiting for the Sacramento flight milled about the gate, sending anxious or angry glances at their gate attendant. Riley decided he must be new at the job. Every twenty minutes or so he announced that the Sacramento flight would be loading within the hour, and then ten to fifteen minutes later, he’d come back on the loudspeaker to explain that there was another delay.
Riley had missed breakfast trying to get to the airport in time, worried about traffic with the snow, and her stomach rumbled now. A woman sitting next to her had a bagel and coffee. Her hands cupped the coffee as if she were as cold as the tarmac workers outside. Riley eyed the bagel
and finally decided she wanted food more than she wanted to read any more of her mystery novel.
When the gate attendant for her flight announced yet another new flight time, now a full four hours late, Riley shouldered her backpack. She walked the length of the terminal until she spotted a café with bagels and empty seats. The coffee was better than expected. She opened her book to the dog-eared page and settled back into the scene. Every few minutes she took a bite of her cinnamon bagel, which was slightly stale and more chewy than she’d hoped, and then washed it down with the coffee.
“Is this seat taken?”
Riley glanced up from the book, and her breath caught in her throat. “No,” she managed, motioning to the empty spot next to her. “I guess it makes sense that I would run into you in an airport. But…”
“But? You were hoping I was some stranger who just happened to be politely asking for the last open seat in the place.” Ana set her coffee and scone on the table, but she hesitated to sit down. “Do you want me to leave you alone?”
Riley scanned the café. The place had filled, and there were no empty tables. “No. Please sit down. I’m sorry.”
“Don’t be. I’m the one who owes an apology.” Ana sat down and stared at Riley. “Where are you going?”
“Maybe nowhere if this snow keeps up.” Riley looked out the window. “Home for the holidays. What about you?”
“Same. Lodi, here I come.” Ana sipped her coffee.
“This is weird,” Riley said. “I mean, it makes sense that you’re here, but it is still weird.”
“I think you mean awkward.” Ana smiled. “You didn’t return any of my calls.”
“Or the texts or the emails. Go ahead, you can say it. ‘What the fuck, Riley?’” Riley paused. She had never thought she’d have to face a conversation with Ana after what had happened. “Do you know why? The only thing I could think to say, was, ‘What the fuck, Ana?’ and I didn’t want to leave that on your voice mail or your email or your damn text. Why? Because in the back of my head, I heard my mom’s voice telling me not to swear on the phone. Seriously. My mom. And I couldn’t think of anything to say that didn’t start or end with a swear word.”
Ana took a deep breath. She glanced at the table next to theirs. Three men in business suits were arguing about tech stock prices. Riley had been trying to tune out their conversation for the past thirty minutes.
“Yeah, what the fuck?” Ana repeated. “‘What the fuck, Riley?’” She shook her head slowly. “I’m sorry, Riley. That’s all I wanted to say. I’m sorry.”
“Okay.” Riley sighed. The apology didn’t feel like anything now. It was too late, she wanted to say. If Ana had come out of the winery, right after the kiss, and grabbed Riley then, her words would have meant a lot more.
“I wanted to apologize and even more I wanted to explain what had happened. I know I left too many messages on your answering machine, and I texted you after those voice mails, knowing you would probably think I was a crazy stalker. But I didn’t really care. I was mad that you wouldn’t let me explain.”
“It was a fling, Ana. You don’t really need to explain anything. Clearly you were already in a relationship with someone else, and I don’t really care why you wanted to have a fling with me. But it was just a fling.” Riley looked at her, but Ana didn’t respond. She set the book down, not bothering to dog-ear the page, and took her empty coffee cup over to the trash can. She stared at the trash can and at the people pacing in the terminal. Nobody’s flight was going to leave anytime soon. She walked back to the table and stood by the chair, not wanting to sit down and yet wanting to sit down so badly she felt ill with the thought of leaving. Maybe it could have been more than a fling. Maybe she couldn’t walk away now.
“It’s December 23rd.”
“And?” Ana rubbed her eyes.
“I’m going to go reschedule my flight to tomorrow. My mom wants me home for Christmas, but if I get out of here today or tomorrow, I’ll still make it in time to sing the cheesy Christmas carols she loves.”
“Okay. Well…”
“Change your flight too. Fly out tomorrow.”
“Why?”
“Because you’re sorry and so am I.” Riley struggled to think of any reason that Ana should stay. She didn’t have a logical one. “And we need to talk. Change your flight and spend the next twenty-four hours with me.”
Ana stared at Riley. Her expression was enough for Riley to guess that the answer was no. Finally, she shook her head confirming it.
“Yeah, I guess you’re right. What difference would it make?” Riley slipped her paperback into her backpack. “I missed you so damn much. Way too much for a fling.”
“I wish you’d called.”
“Why? I wouldn’t have listened to an apology. I was too mad. That first night was hard. But then I realized how stupid I’d been even thinking…” Riley shook her head. “And then I was just jealous of the guy you’d kissed. For about a month after, every time I tried to go to sleep, I would wonder where you were, what you were doing and I’d hope you were falling asleep alone. Finally, I got you out of my brain, and so of course, that’s when you show up again.” Riley forced a smile. “I guess all I can say now is I’m sorry you aren’t going my way.”
Riley went to the gate. She waited in line to speak with the attendant, who was more than happy to change her flight to the following day. He admitted that he was about to announce that the flight was being canceled. She turned to leave and nearly collided with Ana.
“I just changed my flight,” Ana said.
“You did?”
“I’m not sure if I made the right decision,” Ana said.
“We could be making a mistake,” Riley agreed. She pointed to the ground transportation sign. They took the shuttle to long-term parking, found Riley’s car and got in quickly. The engine warmed up and Riley turned the heat on high. Ana hadn’t said a word since they’d left the gate. A thousand questions sprang up in Riley’s mind, but she held them back and focused on driving. Gusts of wind turned the snow sideways, and the roads had changed from wide blacktops to narrow slushy strips between sheets of ice.
When they finally made it back to her condo, Riley found a parking place right out front. She led the way inside, turning the thermostat up as soon as she’d taken off her coat. “It’ll warm up in a minute.”
Ana kept her coat on but took off her shoes. She set her luggage in the front hallway and followed Riley into the living room. Riley switched on the gas fireplace, and the room felt warmer almost immediately. Ana sat down on the sofa cross-legged.
“You live alone?”
Riley nodded.
“Your ex moved out after the Alaska trip?”
“Sort of. When we first moved out from California, I wanted my own place, at least at first. She was supposed to be living with her mom, but all of her stuff ended up in my spare room because she spent every night here. I asked her to leave when we broke up, but most of her stuff hasn’t moved.”
Riley stood next to the fireplace, watching the flames wave between the fake logs. “I decided I didn’t really care about her stuff being here anyway. It was easier to ignore a few boxes and a pile of clothes than call her up and get in another argument about it. This place is closer to her work, so she still comes by sometimes.”
“When I broke up with Tom, I threatened to take all of his stuff to the Goodwill if he didn’t get it out himself. It’s still there. His argument is that I’m never home anyway, which is mostly true. But whenever I do come home, I can’t stand to look at all of his crap all over the place.”
Riley stiffened at this. She thought of the man she’d last seen Ana with and tried to push away the image of their embrace. “Do you want tea? I don’t really like the taste, but I like to hold a warm mug.”
“I’d like that.”
Riley went to the kitchen and set the kettle on the stove. She got out two mugs and dropped in the tea bags. The living room and the kitchen were in one
open space divided by a counter bar. Ana was watching her.
“It’s strange to see you here,” Riley said. “For some time after that trip, I thought it would be easier if I’d just imagined you and the entire thing. Now it’s hard to deny that you exist.”
“You left so fast.”
Riley opened her mouth to ask the question that had been on the tip of her tongue for months, but she stopped herself short. Instead, she said, “Suddenly, I had no reason to stay.”
Ana pulled the blue throw blanket off the back of the sofa and wrapped it over her shoulders. She stared at the fire. The kettle whistled, and Riley poured the water into the mugs. The tea bags popped to the surface. Riley carried the mugs and a little jar of sugar over to the sofa. She set a mug in front of Ana, along with the sugar, and sat down on the other end of the sofa. The steaming mug warmed her more than the fire.
Ana picked up her mug and held it inches from her chin. She breathed in the steam and closed her eyes. “When are you going to ask?”
“I don’t really want to ask. I’ve asked all of the questions too many times in my head. And I’ve heard all of the answers. For a while, my brain was busy answering for you. I didn’t like any of your answers, by the way.”
Ana snorted. “Why are you such a pain in the ass?”
Riley sipped the bitter tea. She never added sugar or cream. She stared at Ana’s profile. She was, in fact, beautiful, exactly as Riley had remembered. Her wavy brown hair dropped to just below her shoulders and a wisp of it fell forward whenever Ana dipped her chin to sip the tea. “What happened next?”
“No, that isn’t the right question. What you need to ask is, what happened before the kiss? Not in the moment before the kiss, but in the years that led up to it. A kiss is nothing without all of the moments that lead up to it.”
“Poetic, but I don’t really want to know about all of those moments,” Riley replied.
“I know you don’t. You just want to sit there and feel like you made the right decision by leaving.”
“Ouch.”
Sweet, Sweet Wine Page 12