“’Til New Year’s Day. But I don’t go back to work until after the weekend.”
Ana started to speak and then stopped. She rolled off Riley after a moment and sighed. Riley waited for her to say something, but the only sound was the heater. It ticked, then knocked, then rumbled when the heat switched back on.
Riley found Ana’s hand and clasped it in hers. “I wonder what you’ll say about this part of the story when you meet your next lover. What will be my one-line description?”
“You have to spend a little more time in my life before you get included in that list.”
“Will you spend New Year’s with me?” Riley asked. “I can change my flight, leave earlier. My parents will understand. I’ll meet you anywhere.”
“Your parents were going to be your New Year’s date?”
“Well, me and a hundred other people or so. Every year they throw a party on New Year’s and invite everyone they know. Everyone. They never really know who will show up, but it’s usually a big crowd. I won’t be missed much.”
“Ever been to Napa?”
“I drove through once on a spare tire. Don’t ask. Didn’t stop, though.” Riley paused, remembering the backpacking trip she’d taken with Lisa to the waterfall. Their tire fiasco had ended at a tire store that happened to be out of Lisa’s particular tire and they’d ended up driving the entire way home on the spare, taking care not to go any faster than forty-five miles an hour. They’d talked about going back to Napa sometime when they had time to stop, though. “I’d love to go again and actually get out of the car.”
Ana smiled. “Good. If you want to go back to sleep, now I’ll let you. But I’m starving, and I am going downstairs to see if I can find anything in your kitchen.”
“I can make you something.”
“No, all I want is toast. I saw the bread out on the counter last night.” Ana climbed out of bed. She pulled her shirt and pants on, without underwear, and turned off the nightstand light.
Riley pulled the blankets up to her chin and closed her eyes.
They ate brunch at the café five blocks from Riley’s townhouse and then went for a walk around the park. The grass, long since turned yellow from frost, was now blanketed in several inches of snow. The trees were bare except for their dusting of snow crystals, and when the sun finally poked through the clouds, the branches seemed to glow.
The icy patches on the sidewalks made the going slow, and they returned to Riley’s house just before noon. Ana made tea and opened the Denver Post she’d bought. Riley went upstairs to shower and change. She turned on her computer to print out boarding passes, double-checked her flight time and Ana’s as well, then started down the stairs. She paused when she heard Ana talking with someone. She figured she was on the phone until she heard Lisa’s voice.
“Where’s Riley?” Lisa asked, her voice full of suspicion.
“She’s upstairs. I’m Ana.”
“How do you know Riley?”
Riley waited on the staircase. She was partly curious to hear how the conversation would play out and partly sick that Ana and Lisa were talking together at all.
“It’s a long story. Are you Lisa?”
Riley couldn’t hear a reply. Finally, she made her way down the stairs. She saw a look of relief on Ana’s face as she entered the kitchen. Lisa’s expression was hard to read. She had on her mint-green scrubs and the red wool cap Riley had given her last Christmas. Her jacket was hung over one arm; she had the house key in one hand and her red mittens in the other.
“Lunch break?” Riley asked.
“Yeah,” Lisa said. “I saw your car out front and figured you’d missed the flight. I heard most of them were grounded.”
Lisa’s casual words didn’t mask her nervous tenor. Ana had left the newspaper spread out on the kitchen table. She held her empty teacup as if she had been interrupted en route to refill it. She looked over at Riley and smiled calmly. With the two women suddenly in the same space, their differences were starkly apparent to Riley. Ana could have passed for a model. Lisa was just…Lisa, a little rough on the edges from a consistent lack of sleep and no effort to make herself look any better than she had to, but still pretty just as she was. Riley realized in that moment how comfortable she felt with Lisa. Maybe it was only time and shared space that made her feel that way. Or maybe Ana was in a different class than Riley altogether and she would never be able to really relax with her.
Turning to Lisa, Ana said, “The weather was terrible. Riley offered to let me spend the night and we changed our flights.”
Lisa’s gaze darted from Ana to Riley and then down to her mittens. “You know, I think I’m going to get lunch at Sesame instead. I feel like soup anyway.”
“The Sesame Café? We just ate there. I had their corn chowder. It was delicious. The tomato soup sounded good too.” Ana acted as if there was nothing awkward at all about the two of them discussing lunch options.
Lisa turned toward Riley. Her brown curls, untamed by the hat, poked out in every direction. “You’re still going to Seattle, right?”
Riley nodded.
“I’ll see you then in a few weeks, I guess.” Lisa turned to leave. The sound of the front door opening and closing behind her came only a moment later. She hadn’t stopped to put on her coat or mittens.
Riley leaned against the wall. She had the impulse to go after Lisa and apologize, but she looked at Ana instead. “Sorry about that. It was probably more than a little awkward.”
“No, it’s fine. Whatever. You told me she stops in occasionally.”
“Yeah, but…”
“Lisa’s pretty.”
Riley recognized Ana’s baited statement. “She is pretty,” she said, watching Ana closely. “But you two are in a different class.”
“Is it really over between you and her?” Ana went over to the table and folded up the newspaper. Without looking up at Riley, she said, “And for the record, you have a terrible poker face. I hope you didn’t want her to know that we were sleeping together. She had that figured out the moment you came into the kitchen.”
“At least you won’t have to guess what I’m thinking. Or worry that I’m hiding something from you.”
Ana shook her head. “This time it’s about you, not me.”
“We’re friends, yes. But Lisa and I aren’t lovers anymore. I haven’t had sex with her since we broke up in September.”
“There’s more to a relationship than sex. Are you or aren’t you having sex is only part of the equation.”
“Being friends with an ex is always complicated. But it is possible to be just friends.”
“I think you are more than a friend to her. Just now you didn’t act like she was only a friend.”
“Well, no, she isn’t just my friend. Obviously we have history. Even after everything that’s happened between us, when I see her blindsided like she was, I can’t help but feel for her. To her knowledge, I haven’t dated anyone since we broke up. And then she comes in and sees you here.”
“If things work out between us, would you be able to tell her to stop coming over here?”
Ana still hadn’t looked up at her. Riley considered the request. It wasn’t unreasonable. She had wanted to ask Lisa to do much the same thing with Jen but hadn’t for fear of sounding jealous or, worse, controlling. From Ana, it didn’t sound like either of those things. Instead, she only seemed fearful of being hurt.
“If that needs to happen before we can go forward, I’ll let her know right now,” Riley said. She walked over to the table. Ana was staring out the window. The sky had clouded over, and it had begun snowing again. Snow crystals swirled like dust particles, disappearing before they landed. Riley reached for Ana’s hand. Ana turned and kissed her. She felt the charge race through her body.
* * *
Riley called Blair on Christmas morning, as had been their tradition for years. Blair was in Sacramento with her family. The noise of a coffee grinder and Blair’s parents’ banter was
enough to get her to take the phone call outside where it was quieter.
“My job sucks. I’m thinking about moving back here,” Blair said. “Did you know that it is sixty degrees and sunny here? Even the weather is trying to convince me to move back to California.”
“I thought winters were nice in Austin.”
“Yeah, it’s fine in the winter. But for six months out of the year it is too hot and humid to even step outside. Anyway, the weather isn’t the reason. It’s the job.”
The practice in Austin was high volume and Riley knew she was making good money at it, but they’d talked several times before and it was clear that the place had her stretched too thin. “Your family would be happy if you moved home.”
“You know, they still ask about you. My mom wanted to know if I was still keeping in touch with you. She’s ready to have me married. She wants grandchildren, and you were the only one I dated long enough for her to think of when the subject came up.”
“You’re thinking of having kids? Like soon?”
Blair laughed. “You sound freaked out by the idea.”
“I’m just surprised.”
“Don’t worry. I’ll give you plenty of time to get used to it before I get pregnant. And you know, I don’t exactly have anyone lined up to help me with the whole process yet.”
“No cute girls in Austin?”
“I’ve been dating. But, you know, nothing serious. I think I need to get out of Texas,” Blair replied.
“I saw Austin listed on some ‘top gay cities’ thing a while back. Maybe you just need to find a different job.”
“Maybe. What about you? How are things with your on-again, off-again girlfriend?”
“We’ve been off since September.”
“Your decision?”
“Well, that depends on how much it is anyone’s decision to break up with a person when she’s been cheating on you. You know that nurse she was roommates with in Sacramento? She moved to Denver. I wasn’t sure if anything was going on, but I suspected. When I found out for sure, I told her we were done. But does that make it my decision?”
“Yeah, I don’t know. Wait, how did the same nurse she was sleeping with in Sacramento end up in Denver? The one who you were pretending was only her friend even after you realized they had a one-bedroom apartment?”
“Thanks, Blair. You have a knack for making me feel even worse then I already do. Yes, that one. Jen moved out to Denver for a job. They basically picked things up where they’d left off. I figured it out and called her out on the whole thing. Then it happened again. Took me a few times to learn the lesson, I guess.”
“You know, it isn’t all bad living alone. I go out dancing with friends from work, run with a club on Tuesdays and spend Thursday nights singing karaoke like a badass. Sometimes I think I’d be happier if there was someone waiting up for me. But then she would probably give me a hard time about kissing girls at the karaoke bar. I don’t know. Maybe relationships are overrated.”
“They probably are.” Riley wasn’t ready to mention Ana. She and Blair had made a pact that they would tell each other about new relationships, but she didn’t consider Ana to be a “relationship” yet. She wasn’t ready to consider it as that, anyway. “It’s good to hear your voice. Maybe we should try and talk more than once a year. Merry Christmas, Blair.”
“You too, Riley. Hey, Riley.” Blair paused. “I quit smoking. Again. I knew how much it pissed you off that I’d started back up at it, so I wanted to let you know. It’s been a year today.”
“Good for you, Blair. That’s awesome.” Riley hung up after Blair’s line clicked. She felt guilty not telling her about Ana, but she knew it was too soon. Blair would latch onto the idea of her having a new girlfriend and would make a big deal of it, and Ana wasn’t a girlfriend, not yet.
Riley had missed Ana’s call earlier, but she wasn’t ready to call her back yet. She headed downstairs and her phone rang. It was Lisa. She answered, sitting down in the middle of her parents’ staircase. “Hey, there. Merry Christmas.”
Lisa echoed the same words. “How’s Seattle? How’s the fam?”
“Good. My brother already came and went. He was sober, which is good, but I don’t know how long it will last. My mom’s in the kitchen making pies. My dad’s cracking walnuts. What about you?”
“Mom bought a pie. We’re ordering Chinese food. Jen’s working tonight, so she’s sleeping now, of course.”
“Party on,” Riley joked.
“Exactly.” The line was silent for a long moment before Lisa added, “Okay, so who the hell was that woman?”
“You know, I am allowed to see other people. We finished things how many months ago?” Riley added, “Though that doesn’t really make a difference in your world, I know.”
“Is she even queer?”
“She seems to know her way around.”
“Jeez, Riley, you could have more tact. I don’t want to hear how she is in bed.”
“My point was, I don’t give a damn what box she’s checked. And you could keep your nose out of this,” Riley countered.
“I’m just watching out for you. I know you are going to get your heart wrapped up in this.”
“And then what? Are you worried that maybe she will cheat on me with her old roommate? Yeah, she’s been into guys so that would suck, but in the end, I don’t think it really matters who someone is with when they cheat. They’re just not with you.”
Lisa was silent.
“You know, you are right, in some ways. I barely know her. And, yeah, I could have let myself fall for her too fast. My heart was wrapped up in her the first time we kissed.” Riley sighed. “Why are we even talking about this?”
“I just know it won’t work out. She looks like she drops a small fortune every time she buys shoes. Or goes to get her hair cut. And you know she isn’t painting her own nails. I bet you didn’t notice the label on her purse.”
“Lisa, I’m not going to notice anyone’s purse.”
“It’s legit. No cheap knockoff looks that good. And she wears makeup. Not just lipstick and eyeliner, but the kind of thing that takes a half hour to do every morning.”
“So? She looks good without makeup too.”
“Look, Riley, just don’t get in over your head, okay? She isn’t going to stay around long. If she’s into you at all, it’s only because she decided dykes were trendy this week. Women like her end up married to rich old men who like to splurge. She might be into you for a while, but it isn’t going to last.”
“Words of advice from my cheating ex. Thank you.”
“I really am only looking out for you. And you can go ahead and say it isn’t any of my business. But I still love you and I’m going to stick my nose in when I need to so you don’t get hurt.”
“I’m not sure why we are even having this conversation. You are going to watch out for me so I don’t get hurt? Look, Lisa, I have to go.”
“Are you ever going to let what happened go? I want to be friends with you at some point.”
“My dad’s asking me if I want some of his home-brewed beer. I don’t think this day is going to end with anyone sober.”
“All right, fine. Just think about what I said, okay? I know you’re going into this blinded by the fact that she’s all done up and gorgeous.”
“For the record, she said you were pretty. And she was a bit jealous that you were still coming over to my place.”
“She wants you to tell me to stay away, doesn’t she?”
“Yeah.”
Lisa sighed. “Okay, whatever. Have a merry Christmas, Riley. I’ll be here when this woman breaks your heart. Call me anytime.”
Riley sent Ana a text. She had decided not to call when the late afternoon passed into the evening and she ended up watching a movie with her folks. It was nearly eleven when she climbed into bed. Her parents had kept her room essentially the same as it had been when she’d left for college. Now, all these years later, it was disorienting to be lyi
ng in the same bed after so many other things had changed. Her cell phone rang and Riley first reached for the old cordless phone. Eventually, she found her cell and saw Ana’s number flash on the screen.
She climbed back in bed and answered the call. “Hey.”
“Is this a bad time?” Ana asked. “I only realized how late it was after I’d started calling you.”
“I’m in bed, but I’m not asleep yet. Are you okay? You sound tense.”
“I’m sitting in my car, trying to breathe.”
“Uh-oh. What happened?”
“My little sister, Sabrina, got pregnant, and my mom has totally lost it. She’s been screaming at her, calling her a whore and every other bad word she can think of, all because my sister doesn’t want to marry the guy. So Sabrina, who of course is hormonal, has spent most of the day crying. My other sister, Isabel, is married and has four kids, so she’s excited that my little sister is gonna have one. This is only making my mom more pissed. I’m trying to stay out of the whole thing. I came out here after Sabrina admitted the baby-daddy was sent to jail last month. That’s when the shit really hit the fan. I’m wondering how much longer it will take before they notice I’m out in the car.”
“You could help your little sister out and tell everyone that you like pussy.”
Ana laughed. “You have no idea how much I want to say that, just to see their reaction. I think I could only do it if you were standing in the room with me, though.”
Riley listened to Ana detail the day’s events from her nieces’ and nephews’ presents to the obligatory Catholic mass, the big afternoon dinner and, finally, the evening’s fight. Ana’s world sounded so distant from the one in which she lived that Lisa’s comments kept springing to mind. She almost asked Ana what type of purse she had and if things like designer labels mattered to her. What did they have in common, Riley wondered, and did commonality matter?
Ana’s sister finally put an end to their call. Sabrina had come out to the car and Ana said, “Oh, Sabrina, sweetie, you know she’ll be excited about the baby by tomorrow morning. Let her sober up.” Then, “Riley, I’m sorry. I’ve gotta go. Can you call me when you have a chance tomorrow?”
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