He obeyed, his body shaking with the effort. Scout sat up and pulled her knees to her chest.
“Joel got pretty physical with me tonight.” She rested her chin on her knees and tilted her face to get a look at his reaction.
Ryder nodded slowly, swallowing his need and his rage. He would deal with Harmon tomorrow. Scout was saying something right now. Telling him something. He had to focus.
“He wanted to go to the ridge and make out and he doesn’t even know me. Are all guys like that?”
Ryder coughed. “Like what?”
“Wanting sex all the time. With any girl who will go for it. Even if they don’t like her.”
“Pretty much.”
Scout groaned. “Great.” She squinted at him. “Are you like that too?”
Ryder felt the ground shift beneath him. His stomach fluttered and breathing became difficult. He shrugged and stared at his hands. “Yeah, I guess so. I’m eighteen, Scout. Wanting girls seems to go with the territory.”
The silence that stretched between them jangled his nerves. Ryder had to break it. “What about you?”
Scout stared at him, round-eyed.
“Do you think about sex?”
She flushed again and pressed her forehead to her knees. Ryder held his breath. Scout’s words were muffled by her chest. “I think about sex with you. I don’t want anyone else.”
“Oh.” Ryder exhaled.
Scout lurched to her feet and glanced wildly about for her bag. “Forget I just said that. I’m crazy. This is a stupid topic. We’re friends. Promise me you’ll forget it, okay?”
Ryder blocked her attempted escape though the window. She could never use a door like ordinary people. Scout was always crawling in or out of the nearest window. “Wait. Wait! Did you mean it, Scout? About sex ... with me?”
She looked at him, her face fierce with embarrassment and anger. “Yes.”
A ripple of terror went through him. Do with Scout what he’d done with Cindy and a couple of other girls? He’d lose her. She’d pretend for awhile that nothing had changed between them, and then she’d go off to university and find excuses never to see him again. Ryder could stand the loss of just about anything as long as he had Scout. He stood there, terrified, not knowing what to do. So he said:
“You’re telling me this now? I haven’t got protection on me and I sure as hell don’t want to be a father.”
“Good God, Ryder. I didn’t mean right this minute ... but ... you know....” She blinked and then frowned. “Wait. You mean not ever?”
It took Ryder a second to decode Scout’s question. “Not ever have sex with you or not ever have kids?”
“Both.”
“Not ever have kids.”
Knowing Scout as he did, this revelation would kill any chance of their having sex in the future. Scout wanted kids. Ryder would become less in her eyes because he didn’t. He didn’t tell her to save her virtue or anything noble like that. He wasn’t that pure. Ryder would’ve sex with her—he wanted to. But then what? Scout wasn’t a girl he could walk away from. They’d get married eventually. And when the time came to get her pregnant and he said he didn’t want to be a father, she’d hate him for trapping her. He didn’t want kids. The sooner she knew that the better.
“Scout, I don’t want to be a parent.”
“Because your parents died?”
It was like a blast of light shone in a dark corner of his understanding, and it made Ryder uncomfortable. He didn’t like that she could see him, see his weaknesses. His parents had died, leaving him alone and vulnerable. People who didn’t love him were stuck raising him. Ryder never got over it. Parents shouldn’t die but how could he protect his kid from that? People die. It was safer not to make a kid in the first place.
Ryder eyed Scout. “Don’t ever say that to me again. It is none of your business.”
Scout got the message. She never brought it up again. Ryder stood under the shower, hot with shame from the memory. He tried to make it up to her last year, at the grand opening of her store when he presented her with Grady’s old roll top desk for her office. Scout was enchanted. Later, he drew her upstairs to the storeroom and pulled a small brightly wrapped package out of his pocket. “I was going to give this to you at Christmas but now feels like the right time. I found it in the desk.”
“What is it?” Her voice was a whisper.
“Open it and see.”
She slipped her fingers under the wrapping revealing a black velvet box. Nestled on a cushion of cotton wool was a silver key threaded on a delicate silver chain. “Oh Ryder. It’s beautiful.” Scout had looped the chain through her fingers and held the elegant filigreed work to the light. Ryder moved behind her to help with the fastening.
“Do you like it?” His voice felt raw and closed. Scout turned to face him. “I love it, Ryder.” She looked full and hard into his eyes. “I love it.”
Ryder wasn’t stupid. He knew what she was telling him. She was wearing the key around her neck at Christmas. She’d probably chucked in Mandrake Falls by now.
Memory sucks.
Ryder flung the shoe he was polishing across the room. It hit the wall with a smack and crashed on top of the dresser scattering his loose change. He looked down at his shaking hands, ashamed of himself. Giving into temper was not like him. What was he so damn mad about anyway?
The wedding. Scout. What he almost had.
Ryder jumped to his feet and paced his room. He couldn’t do this. It was too damned hard. He didn’t want to care about her that way. He didn’t want her to care about him either. He’d hurt her and he was going to keep hurting her if he didn’t end it.
Maybe going to her wedding was the way back to being her friend again. Seeing her with another man, kissing him, leaving with him, that would be the cure. He’d survive this.
Let her be happy, Ryder thought, his head in his hands. Just let her have some happiness.
Chapter Four: Something Old
“SOMETHING OLD, something new.”
Lydia Rutherford circled her daughter, clipboard in hand, lips pursed.
“Must I wear this?”
Scout was tugging on the lace corset Lydia had bought her for the wedding night. The old-fashioned bones and hooks gave her daughter a shape that was almost pornographic. It was a good thing Walter didn’t know about it.
“Yes,” Lydia answered decisively. “That blue satin ribbon woven through the bodice is so pretty and it takes care of something blue.” The girls had already left for the church in the first limousine. Lydia had requested these few minutes alone with her only child to help her dress and fuss over her for one last time.
“Mom, you didn’t invite Ryder, did you?”
Trust Scout to ruin the Moment. Lydia paused just long enough to weigh the pros and cons of telling the truth. There was a clear winner. “Of course not, dear. I would never go against your wishes.”
“You routinely go against my wishes.”
“Well, not this time. Are you disappointed?”
Scout dropped to her knees to rummage through the closet for her shoes. “It’s just as well he doesn’t know about it. I’ll write him a long letter when Noel and I get back from our honeymoon.”
“I’m sure he’ll appreciate that. Now—what are you carrying that’s old? Your grandmother’s brooch is very lovely.”
Scout’s head snapped up. “I’m wearing the key Ryder gave me.”
“Which key is that, dear?”
“You know which key.” Scout impatiently fished a small sliver key from the bodice. “It was in the roll-top desk Ryder gave me, the desk in my office. He put it on this silver chain. See?”
“You’re still wearing that? That desk was in Grady’s attic for donkey’s years. I always thought it was a little too rustic for Antique Scout. It sets the wrong tone. But it is interesting you’re wearing Ryder’s gift on your wedding day. I believe you still have feelings for him.”
“I do not. It’s pretty, that’
s all. Don’t read anything into this, mother.” Scout fingered the filigreed silver. “We never did figure out where this little key fit. It’s just a thing of beauty with no practical purpose.”
“Like you and Ryder.”
Scout looked up. “What we had was definitely not a thing of beauty. Not at the end. When he gave me the key, I thought maybe we’d be more than friends. But he made it clear he wanted something else.”
“Not someone else.”
“Does it matter?”
“I think so, but then that’s me—a romantic. Like Vicki Webber on Tomorrow Never Comes, I’ll never give up believing in the power of true love. Although she’s in a coma at the moment, but the sentiment is there. True love—the real thing—is worth what it costs.”
“And what’s that?”
“Everything,” Lydia said soberly. “True love is never cheap or easy, Scout. Just remember that.” Lydia unzipped the plastic garment bag that encased the wedding gown. “All right, darling, it is time to put on the dress. I can hardly breathe this is so exciting.”
The gown was the color of thick cream, heavily beaded with a heart-shape bodice that fit snugly over Scout’s bust. The skirt ballooned out in layers of silk and summer fresh white tulle.
“Mother, don’t take this the wrong way, but there are times when I think you’re cool with me marrying Noel only because of this dress.”
Scout stepped into it and as her mother worked the long row of buttons at the back, Scout examined herself in the mirror. Darlene did a fabulous job on her makeup. She looked like herself only better. And her hair did look pretty. How did Darlene do that? Miracles worked with a sprig or two of baby’s breath.
“You could be right, darling.” Lydia’s eyes were blurry with tears. “Though it is very unkind of you to point it out. I like to believe I’m not that shallow.”
Scout eyed her mother. “I just want this wedding to be perfect and all this talk of true love is making me nervous. Mom, I know you don’t think Noel is the right man for me. I want to be clear about this—there is no other man for me. So if you have something to say about the wedding ceremony, do it now and not in the middle of the vows.”
Lydia smiled. “Nothing to say whatsoever.”
“You have that tone in your voice.”
“I never have a tone, dearest girl. I always say exactly what I mean.”
But Scout wasn’t fooled. Lydia was up to something. Maybe her mother called Ryder to tell him about the wedding. Well, fine. He’ll probably just send them a nice gift and that’ll be that.
Scout stared down at her dress. Tears blurred her vision. The thought of seeing her new name in Ryder’s handwriting on a gift card was terrible. The worst thing. She was going to be someone else’s wife and Ryder would become the family friend. There was no other way. Scout took a deep swooping breath.
“Stand still,” her mother instructed. Lydia was attaching the crown and veil to Scout’s head. Scout waited with her eyes squeezed shut. She felt like she could break down crying at any moment.
Her mother too. Lydia’s voice choked. “Oh, my baby. Look. Look.”
Scout opened her eyes and saw a bride.
Lydia Rutherford was forced to dab at her eyes with her finger tips, caught without a tissue for the first time in her life. She believed she had done the right thing in inviting Ryder but now, seeing her daughter in her wedding dress, Lydia wondered if meddling in fate was wise. Scout had not been herself since Christmas, and then Noel came along and three months later they were engaged. Was it love? It could be. But if there was anyone who would know, it was Ryder. If anything was off about this wedding, Ryder would see it immediately. Still, she was nervous.
“I’m leaving for the church now,” Lydia said softly. “Don’t be long.”
Scout met her reflection in the mirror. The key caught the late afternoon sunlight and flashed silver in her eyes. She had done her best for true love. He didn’t want her and it had almost broken her that he didn’t want her. She told herself she wasn’t bothered by Ryder’s steady stream of girlfriends. After Prom night in the fort, it was like he had something to prove to her and she had to prove to him that she didn’t give a damn.
Then he gave her the key. If he hadn’t given her the key—she wouldn’t have had thought there was hope. She certainly wouldn’t have asked him to marry her. But it was Christmas, he was between girlfriends and he looked different, older. Three rum and eggnogs later, Scout made her pitch. No feelings or declarations of love, just a simple proposal to share a life together. He loved her in his way and she loved him. How did something so pure get so twisted? The things he said to her. She couldn’t even stand to hear his name after that.
He didn’t want kids. He didn’t want her. Get over it.
Scout shook herself and the white silk rustled. Those days were behind her—Ryder, the fort, the hurt between them. The dress covered those memories in cream and white chiffon. The limousine was waiting. A waste of money but Noel had insisted. He wanted everything to be perfect when his bride met him at the altar. Scout hoped she would get through the ceremony without committing some blunder that would diminish her in Noel’s eyes.
And then and there Scout realized just how right she was to be marrying Noel Trace. He adored her and she knew it. She never had to guess how her fiancé felt about her. Ryder was a Rubic’s Cube by comparison. She unfastened the silver chain and slipped it from her neck. The key lay shining in her palm. It was time to put away the past, time to let go of little girl dreams. She dropped the delicate chain with the key into the small satin bag she wore at her wrist.
Something old.
Well, she was never much for superstition.
Chapter Five: The Jilting
HER MATRON of honor was falling out of her dress.
The shapely redhead adjusted the straps of her pink gown in full view of the congregation. Tracy looked all right; her hair was neatly tucked in a French roll. The mint green of her gown suited her coloring. There was no helping Robin. She looked like an unmade bed of yellow tulle. Scout took her father’s arm and followed her bridesmaids down the aisle as soon as Mrs. Gurney launched into the Wedding March, laboring over the yellowed keys of the church organ. Mrs. Gurney played from memory and at eighty her memory wasn’t what it used to be. But like the old organ, no one had the heart to replace her.
Tracy, Robin and Darlene were in position at the front of the church, but instead of watching Scout’s progress down the aisle, they appeared to be craning their necks looking over the congregation. Something was wrong. The veil restricted her visibility. The murmurs rose as she moved down the aisle. Reverend Carver was conferring with the best man.
“What’s going on, Dad?” Scout whispered. “Is someone having a heart attack?”
Her father squeezed her arm but kept on walking like a man carrying a casket, afraid to set it down. “I’m not sure. I count three groomsmen at the front. But I don’t see Noel with them.”
“Very funny, Dad.”
“Honey, Noel isn’t here.”
Scout flung aside her veil. The guests in the packed church stared back at her. Scout made eye contact with the group of men huddled near Reverend Carver. Noel wasn’t with them.
“Richard, what’s happened? Where is Noel?” The best man seemed to shrink. “For fuck’s sake, I’m not going to hit you! Just tell me what happened to him!”
“Scout!” Lydia cried, scandalized. “You are in the house of God!”
Scout whirled on her mother and suddenly stopped short when she met the eyes of the tall green-eyed man seated beside her. “What are you doing here?” she hissed.
Ryder smiled. “I came to see you get married.”
Scout’s hands balled into fists and she suppressed a scream. “You did this, Lydia. You went against my wishes and invited that man to my wedding. My wedding, do you hear? This event has nothing to do with you, Ryder. My mother doesn’t know why I didn’t want you here, but you do. You’re not here
to support me or wish me well; you’re here to laugh and I’m not going to speak sacred vows in front of someone who thinks this is all a big joke.”
“I don’t see what difference it makes now,” said Ryder. “The groom is a no-show.”
Heat flared through her body. Scout’s eyes swam over the congregation. Everyone was watching her very closely. The groomsmen and bridesmaids had formed a clump around Reverend Carver as though requiring his protection. She was dimly aware of her father patting her arm, of the sound of her breathing, of the corset digging into her ribcage. A wild thought broke free that she could pass out and this would all be over. But there was no chance she would get that lucky.
“Please. Just tell me where Noel is. Someone. Please. Just tell me.”
Richard approached her timidly. “We don’t know where he is, Scout. We haven’t seen him since the bachelor party last night. Noel’s landlady delivered this note just as we were leaving for church. We thought he must have got held up and he’d be here.”
Noel’s best man held out a white envelope.
“A note?”
A note. She was being jilted.
What a small word to describe such a horrible event, Scout thought in a daze. Noel is jilting me in front of the whole town. In front of Ryder. The one person she had always turned to when she was hurt. Ryder was humiliating her with his mere presence.
Scout looked down at the envelope in her hand and then ripped it open before she lost her nerve. Get it over with. Her hand shook a little and she willed it steady as she read Noel’s note.
She cleared her throat. “There is a small problem.” She sounded a lot calmer than she felt. “Nothing serious. What has happened is not what you think but I have to take care of ... of ... it. It shouldn’t take long.” Scout glanced over the astonished guests for a fraction of a second. “Don’t move,” she ordered and bolted for the door.
“Ryder, will you be a dear and go after her?”
But Ryder was already in the aisle. He knew how fast Scout could run when she didn’t want to get caught.
The Jilting: Summer (Mandrake Falls Series Romance Book 1) Page 4