Throwaway

by Heather Huffman

  With that, she was out of her seat and headed towards the stage and the door that stood beside it.

  “I resent that,” Gabe was right on her heels. “…I don’t need to check.”

  “Whatever,” she rolled her eyes, pausing to glance down the street.

  It was clear and she took the chance to dart towards the White Castle as Vance went in the Oyster Bar’s front door. She ducked into White Castle, ordering a coffee for herself and Gabe to kill some time while she surveyed the streets around her.

  The Mercedes rounded the corner, apparently circling the block while Vance was inside. The second it was out of sight, she and Gabe went out the restaurant’s side door and crossed Broadway. They disappeared behind a large brick building with a painting of an oversized owl and a wizard issuing the peace sign.

  Jessie stopped and leaned against the cool brick of the building while she thought about what to do next. Gabe leaned beside her, shielding her from the view of the street with his body. The small act of chivalry wasn’t lost on her. Neither was the fact that with him this close, the need to touch him was almost palpable.

  “So… do any of your associates spend much time in South County?” he tenderly brushed an errant hair from her cheek as he spoke.

  Jessie licked her lips distractedly before answering, “Not usually.”

  “Come on, then.”

  He didn’t offer any more explanation and she didn’t ask for it. He took her fingers loosely in his and led her to his car. She wasn’t surprised that he drove a beat up old Jeep. At one point in its life, it was probably red. Now it was faded and looked as if it spent more time off the road than on. It suited him.

  She was a little surprised that he was listening to Leonard Cohen. It seemed a bit dark for him… not that she really knew him at all. The music pumping from the speakers pronounced the dice as loaded, the fight as fixed. It was a statement Jessie could get behind at the moment. She hadn’t wasted much of her life feeling sorry for herself, but she allowed herself that small indulgence as the road passing underneath took her further away from the city.

  Her childhood had consisted of being bounced from foster home to group home and back again and she’d taken that in stride. When the state had kicked her out on her eighteenth birthday with $47 to her name and nothing else, she’d dusted herself off and found a way to survive.

  When the means of survival turned out to be less than ideal, she looked for the good in that, too. She’d held her head high when Spence degraded her. She rolled with the punches—proverbial and not.

  But this was just ticking her off. She looked up at the stars and mentally asked them if she’d ever done anything to harm the cosmos. Was there a reason she wasn’t even allowed the pleasure of a crush? She wasn’t even asking for love here… just a crush. It was the minutia of the wish being denied that infuriated her.

  “Penny for your thoughts.” His hand twitched, as if he wanted to touch her as badly as she wanted him to.

  Jessie chuckled at that. “If that’s all thoughts are worth, I guess I did land myself in the right profession.”

  Gabe shook his head, but Jessie could see his grin in the dim light.

  “You don’t want to know my thoughts,” she added. “Hell, I don’t even want to be in my head right now.”

  “I know the feeling.”

  “So… where are we going?”

  “To a little diner the guys took me to a while back. It’s open all night and the coffee’s good. And no one we know should be there.”

  Jessie nodded, not really sure what else to say.

  “When did you figure out I was a cop?”

  “When Vance told me. I’m normally pretty good at picking out the cops. I guess my radar is a little rusty. Would you really have arrested me?”

  “Absolutely.”

  “Really?” Jessie tried not to look hurt.

  “I’d like to think so.”

  “Jackass.”

  “It’s my job.”

  Jessie merely arched an eyebrow at him. She had ditched her job for him—he could at least lie and tell her he would have done the same. She certainly wasn’t going to admit that to him now.

  “I should arrest you now.”

  “I haven’t done anything illegal.”

  “Contributing to the delinquency of a minor.”

  “I don’t like you anymore.”

  “You like me?” he asked playfully.

  “Used to. Maybe. A little bit.”

  “Used to?”

  “Yep.”

  “What if I admit that I was supposed to take you in after you got Harmony into Aruba?”

  “That could possibly work in your favor,” she considered, biting the edge of her lower lip rather than smile.

  “Come on, I’ll buy you the greasiest burger you’ve ever had in your life,” he smiled charmingly at her as he slid the car into the last remaining parking place.

  “Sounds appetizing,” she didn’t even try to keep the sarcasm from her voice.

  “You’ll love it,” he promised as he rounded the car to open her door. The only reason she was still seated when he got there was shock on her part.

  “I place my life in your hands,” she replied saucily, accepting the hand he offered as she climbed out of the Jeep. A look flashed in his eyes, one that seemed to wonder if there was more to that statement than a joke. Jessie sobered briefly at the thought.

  If the smell hadn’t given it away, the yellowing wallpaper stood testament to the fact that this little dive was one of the few havens remaining for smokers. It was crowded, but not claustrophobically so. It was more of a bustling atmosphere. A jukebox sat across from the counter, and from it Janis Joplin was reminiscing about Bobby McGee.

  “Whatchya’ drinkin’?” a waitress called to them before they had even found a seat.

  “Two coffees,” Gabe called back, his gaze asking Jessie if that was the right choice. She smiled and nodded. Although she still didn’t believe him that a greasy burger was a good thing, she found herself liking the place instantly.

  Sometimes in life there are pivotal moments. While seemingly benign on the surface, something within acknowledges that a bridge has been crossed.

  Jessie smiled at the waitress who brought their coffee as Gabe ordered their dinner. When she turned her eyes back to his, it struck her that she was crossing just such a bridge. Her life had irrevocably changed on this night.

  Chapter Three

  There was a certain decadence to the world’s greasiest burger, and that’s what made it good. Jessie grudgingly admitted as much, earning a grin from Gabe. In between bites, they discussed their current situation in hushed tones.

  “So… why didn’t you arrest me?”

  “I have no idea,” he admitted. “Maybe it’s because I find you fascinating.”

  “There’s a description I don’t normally hear,” Jessie smiled at the irony. She wasn’t normally the type of person to belittle herself, but there are certain realities in life that just are. One of those being the fact that men like Gabe don’t find women like Jessie fascinating. Men like Gabe don’t usually look much beyond the cleavage, in fact—unless they want to check out her legs.

  “You’re a hell of a lot purer than most women I meet,” he argued. “There’s something very true about you. What I can’t figure out is why you run around with someone like Spence. Do you really have me that fooled or are you in trouble?”

  “I’m not looking for a knight on a white horse to come save me, babe,” Jessie scowled. “If you’re looking for a damsel in distress, you’re in the wrong spot.”

  “God forbid someone try to help you,” his expression was as dark as her own.

  “I’m not sure what you want me to do, Gabe,” Jessie threw her hands up in exasperation before leaning in to add in a whisper, “I have nowhere else to go.”

  “Surely there is somewhere else in this great big world for you to ply your trade.”

  “You really are in
sufferable, you know that?” Jessie huffed. “And don’t call me Shirley.”

  “Airplane reference… nice,” he smiled approvingly.

  “It’s not as simple as you make it sound,” she returned to the conversation.

  “Sure it is.”

  “From your very limited vantage point, maybe. From where I’m sitting—you’re asking me to risk my life.”

  “If you really wanted out, I would help you. I could protect you.”

  “I’m not sure where to start with that one,” Jessie wanted to laugh. Or cry. “First, why on earth would you want to do that? You don’t know me. You are nothing to me. You have no idea what you’re getting yourself into. Second, are you going to guard me every moment of every day? Are you going to tuck me away somewhere Spence and his crew can’t find me? I don’t think so. I think Spence is the kind of guy to keep what is his—and I am his.”

  “When you say you’re his,” he seemed to be considering his next words carefully. “Do you mean you work for him? Or is there another layer to this that I’m missing?”

  “I think I make Spence a lot of money, so he usually leaves me alone. But I’m not allowed to have relationships outside those he permits—friends, boyfriends, any of it. Someday, he’s going to retire me and keep me for himself.”

  Jessie stared intently at her coffee cup. Shame crept into her cheeks at her admission. It was the first time she’d spoken aloud the words everyone seemed to know.

  “Do you want to be his?” Gabe’s voice was low and gentle.

  “No,” Jessie’s eyes flew to his and her voice rose instinctively.

  “I can’t not arrest you indefinitely,” he sighed. “My boss is really pushing me to bring either you or Harmony in.”

  “That’s what Spence is banking on.”

  “Really?”

  “He wants us to find out what you know.”

  “And he’s using you as bait?”

  “Sure. He figures I won’t stay in long if I get caught. And he knows Harmony isn’t around for long anyway.”

  “Why isn’t Harmony around for long?”

  “They have a four-year contract. She’s different than me.”

  “Why don’t you have a four-year contract?”

  “I wasn’t offered the choice.”

  Gabe took a breath to speak and then let it out slowly. His expression said he wasn’t really sure what he could possibly say at that moment. He finally decided on “Well that sucks.”

  “Yes, it does. Do you want more coffee?”

  “Here, I got it,” he grabbed the refill pot left on their table and replenished both cups.

  “Thanks.”

  “You want to check out the jukebox with me?” his mood lightened.

  “Okay.”

  It should have seemed odd, to just change the subject from one so dark to the merits of Fleetwood Mac over vintage Alice Cooper. It should have, but it didn’t. They stood side by side, not quite touching, as they scoured over the selections on the old machine. When he told her he was playing “Poison” in her honor, she bumped him out of the way playfully with her hip and entered the number code for “Go Your Own Way.”

  That started a war and each of their selections from that point on were geared to irritate the other. By the time their money was spent, both were laughing.

  There didn’t seem to be a compromise to be had that night, so they steered clear of the topic that had brought them there. Instead, they talked about their favorites—music, food, seasons. Neither seemed inclined to discuss their past and the future wasn’t a good topic either. So they stuck with the present.

  Jessie wished she could stay in that place forever—or at least an hour more. But the Pepsi-Cola clock on the wall was telling her that she would have hell to pay already.

  “Can you give me a ride back to my place?”

  “Sure,” he agreed a little reluctantly, grabbing the bill when Jessie made a move for it.

  “Let me leave the tip?” she bartered.

  “If you must,” he stood, waiting for her.

  Jessie liked that he knew her occupation and still treated her like a person. Not many people outside the trade did.

  “We still haven’t figured out what we’re going to do,” Jessie commented as she stood in the parking lot waiting for him to unlock the car.

  “No, we haven’t,” he agreed, opening the door for her. “Do you have any ideas?”

  “You could take your band of merry men down to Soulard and let us have the Landing,” Jessie suggested once he’d joined her in the car.

  “I don’t have a band of merry men.”

  “I doubt you’re all alone.”

  “It’s not going to happen.”

  “I know. If you have to take someone in, take me. Harmony doesn’t need a record.”

  “Or you could just cooperate with us and let me get you out of there.”

  “That’s not going to happen, either,” she shook her head.

  “Then we’re right back where we started.”

  “I guess we are,” Jessie stared at her reflection in the window, illuminated by passing streetlamps.

  “I could always pretend to take you in.”

  “Spence would check in on me.”

  “Maybe we could convince him you’d been sent somewhere far away.”

  “Maybe.”

  “Does that mean you’ll think about it?” hope crept into his voice.

  “Maybe,” Jessie turned to study him thoughtfully. “Do you want to go to a movie with me tomorrow?”

  “Are you asking me on a date?”

  “Yes, I believe I am. That’s a first for me, you know.”

  “I’m supposed to be working.”

  “Me too.”

  “What do you want to see?”

  “I have no idea. I don’t normally go to movies. It just seemed like the date thing to do.”

  “I’m sure we can find something. Do you want me to pick you up?”

  “Sure. At the corner of First and Lucas. About eight o’clock?”

  “How much is this going to cost me?”

  “I hate you,” she crossed her arms over her chest and scowled at him.

  “Just asking.”

  Jessie felt a little giddy and a lot terrified as she hopped out of Gabe’s Jeep and dashed up the stairs to her apartment. Spence would kill her if he caught her, but she had a plan to keep that from happening. He kept tabs on her during her nights off. But when she was working, as long as he saw her on the streets at some point and saw money the next day, he left her alone.

  “Where were you? Spence is going out of his mind looking for you,” worry marred Harmony’s pretty brown eyes.

  “Sorry,” Jessie meant it—she didn’t want to make things difficult for her friend. “You probably don’t want to know where I was.”

  “You were with that guy, weren’t you? The one from the other night. I’m sorry; I never should have encouraged you to flirt with him.”

  “No,” Jessie shook her head. “I’m glad you did. I felt almost… normal tonight. But we can talk about this later. Spence will be on his way. I’m sure he had Vance watching our door. You should go to your room until he leaves.”

  “I’m not leaving you alone with him—not if he’s angry.”

  “I appreciate the gesture,” Jessie took her friend’s hands in her own. She knew how much courage it would take Harmony to face Spence. “But that would actually make things worse. The less reason we give him to think something is going on, the better.”

  “I don’t know.”

  “It would help me if you went to bed. Now if you’ll excuse me, I have to take care of one thing before he gets here.”

  Harmony grudgingly went to her room and turned her radio on. Jessie took the world’s fastest shower and threw on a pair of pajamas, then pulled several bills from under her mattress. She had just put the money in the bamboo pedestal bowl that sat on the table in the foyer when her front door burst open and the man h
imself strode through it.

  “Where were you?” he growled, grabbing her arm and jerking her to him.

  “What’s going on?” she did her best to look confused.

  “You traitorous bitch… where were you?” he didn’t need to shout; the venom in his voice was sufficient to make her stomach tighten.

  “Working.”

  “Don’t lie to me,” he spat out the words as he backhanded her.

  “The money’s in your bowl,” she gingerly touched her cheek. Pain radiated from it. “I think that’s going to leave a mark.”

  “Why were you working on your night off?” he was suddenly composed as he plucked the money from the bowl. That was as close to Spence ever got to an apology.

  “A regular at the Broadway Oyster Bar recognized me. Asked what it would cost him to forget his ex. I obliged. I thought you would be happy.”

  “Next time check in.”

  “Sure,” she nodded, going to find an ice pack for her face. “You want us on the west side again tomorrow?”

  “Maybe for a couple more nights,” he nodded, taking a step towards her.

  “We can do that,” she fought the instinct to shrink from his touch when he leaned over to kiss her cheek. Instead, she closed her eyes and pictured Gabe’s dimple.

  When she was alone, she sank onto the couch in an exhausted heap. Harmony tentatively stuck her head out the door.

  “Aw, Jess, you should have let me stay with you,” Harmony exclaimed when she saw the bruise already welling up.

  “Trust me—this was better than it could have been.”

  “I hate that man.”

  Jessie nodded, not trusting her voice enough to speak. She was suddenly very tired. She didn’t protest when Harmony poured her a glass of wine and curled up on the couch beside her.

  “So… tell me about this guy.”

  It was the kind of normal conversation Jessie had always wished she could have and it was exactly what she needed at the moment. A smile tugged the corner of her mouth.

  “He has amazing brown eyes—they’re almost golden. And when he laughs, I feel ridiculously happy inside.” Like a cat with a bowl of milk, actually. But she kept that to herself—it seemed a bit over the top.

  “What’s he do?”