"Right here," Will instructed me, pointing to his lips.
I knew he was alluding to his declaration that he got to choose the next placement of my lipstick. “Okey-dokey,” I answered, borrowing Melinda’s response. I didn't have to worry about wrinkling my dress anymore, so I got up from where I was sitting next to him, faced him, and scrunched my dress out of the way so I could kind of sit on his lap but with my legs folded under on either side of him. Then I guided his hands to my waist.
Once situated, I took my time―running my fingers through his hair, touching and stroking his face. "I loved going out with you tonight," I began, letting my hands rest on his shoulders, my eyes gazing into his. "I enjoyed what we did, but it wouldn’t have been the same without you. In fact, I wouldn't have been able to manage it without you." I took his face in my hands. "You make everything wonderful in my life possible." I paused. "You are everything wonderful in my life, Will Stuart."
And I kissed him, very lightly at first. Once. Then twice. It was on the third time that we seriously messed up my lipstick. And my breathing. And his.
Then, suddenly, he stopped kissing me and, instead, clasped me to him and held me there―my head over his shoulder, my arms around his neck. He turned his face toward my ear and whispered softly, "You are my life, Cassie." I let my head lean against his. He sighed, and pulled me even closer.
"Are you two coming up? Tonight, maybe?" It was Melinda calling to us.
Will helped me get off the sofa, then picked me up in his arms and carried me toward the stairs.
“I can walk, you know,” I offered.
“And you do it so well,” he affirmed, pausing at the bottom of the stairs. He approached his lips to my ear―close enough to tickle it with his nose. I giggled. “But do you mind if I do it for you this time?” he asked.
“Not if you don’t.”
He must not have, because he tickled my ear again, I obligingly giggled again, and he continued up the stairs. He stopped outside the open door of the guest room, Melinda and his mom watching from where they waited on the bed. "I love you, Cassie."
"I love you, too."
He set me on my feet without releasing me from his arms. "Sweet dreams" he said, and kissed me one last time. Then he turned me around, put his hand on my back to gently send me through the doorway, and closed the door behind me.
Thus began my winter break.
Will and I both slept in the next morning. In fact, I was still sleeping when I heard a funny buzzing sound that started and stopped. Started and stopped. It was then that I realized it was my cell phone vibrating on the nightstand next to the bed. Will rarely used it to talk to me anymore―no need. No one else ever called me on it, not even Sam, since we talked regularly at her mother's shop. Who could it be? I checked the caller I.D.
It was Mark.
"Hello?"
"Good morning, Cassie. You still sleeping?" he asked.
"Actually, yes. But I probably ought to be getting up."
"Did you have a good time last night?"
Exceptionally. "Yes. It was great." Afterthought, "Did you and Gina enjoy your party?"
"We sure did. Just got home a few minutes ago." He hesitated. "Say, Kiddo, would you mind if I come pick you up instead of Will driving you home?"
"Not at all." Uh-oh. What was this about? "What time do you want me to be ready?" Not too soon. Please.
"Whenever you want. It's about nine thirty now. How about eleven? That will give you enough time to do whatever it is you need to do, won't it?"
Yes. But not everything I want to do.
"You're awake? I thought you were still sleeping."
I was. Until Mark called on my cell. I'm talking to him now.
"Oops. Talk to you in a bit."
Thanks.
"Cassie? Are you still there?" Mark asked.
"Yes. Sorry, Mark. I guess I'm still half asleep."
He chuckled. "I know what you mean. So, is eleven o'clock okay?"
"Sure." Should I just ask? "Uh, Mark―what is this about?"
"Just wanted to spend a little time with my girl, that's all. We've both been so busy these last few months, we haven't done that for a while."
Had we ever really done that very much? Most of my time with him had been with Gina, too―as a family. Better read him and see what was really on his mind so I wouldn't be blind-sided. Especially since it probably had to do with Will. Probably couldn’t get him at a distance, though. I would wait until he arrived so I could put it out of my mind until then. Or try to, anyway. "Okay. I'll be ready at eleven."
"Thanks, Kiddo. See you then. 'Bye."
"'Bye." And I pressed the end button.
"Why is Mark calling you?" queried Will, now opening the bedroom door.
"He wants to pick me up instead of having you drive me home. So he can spend some time with me, he said."
"Ah. Do you think it might have anything to do with me?" he asked as he sat down in the chair.
"I think it probably has everything to do with you." I bit my lip. Nerves. So much for just putting it out of my mind. "Can you read him? Now?"
"I can try," he responded. It was interesting to watch him as he concentrated on trying to find Mark. Getting in should be no problem if he was able to connect with him. He seemed to focus on a spot somewhere in space in front of him. He frowned slightly, then closed his eyes. After a few seconds, the frown disappeared and a look of curious interest took its place. Finally, he smirked. Then opened his eyes. His gaze came to rest on me.
"Well?" It came out tersely, which I hadn't intended. "Sorry. I guess I'm getting kind of nervous about this. I'm not very good at these one-on-one's with Mark and Gina."
"Understandable. But you don't need to worry. In fact, I think you'll be pleasantly surprised at his take on us. He just wants to find out directly from you how things stand between us. They like and trust me and my family, and know we all care a lot for you. And it's quite obvious to them that you and I are―let's see, there was a certain expression―'Head over heels.' That's it. You and I are 'head over heels' in love with each other. Just like he and Gina were at about our age." It wasn't hard to picture them that way, actually. They still got kind of goofy with each other from time to time, which I now understood better.
"He seems to think . . . . You know, I like these expressions he uses. Anyway, he seems to think that it would be 'courting trouble' to expect us to wait very long if we want to get married. They've always considered you to be mature for your age―the way you've had to discipline yourself just to deal with daily life and all. You've always been responsible. And they are very proud of the way you have set high goals and achieved them at school."
"They've told me all that before, but it sounds different coming through someone else. I guess I thought that maybe part of it was just trying to build my self-esteem, and that they didn't entirely mean it," I observed.
"No. They meant it―entirely. I only read Mark, but he was very clear that he and Gina both see you the same way. And love you very much."
They must, what with all that they had gone through because of me. But that was a topic for another time.
Prompting Will to continue, "So what about us getting married?"
"Mark is convinced that you and I have already started talking about doing just that. Gina―if Mark's perception is accurate―wouldn't be surprised if we had, but is concerned that you've fallen too hard and fast for me, and that you may be confusing your feelings toward Dad, for helping you to get so much better, with how you feel about me. Transference might be the appropriate clinical term, but that would be a somewhat unusual variation of it," he editorialized.
"So, where does that leave us? About getting married?" I tried to be calm, but the idea of not having to wait "very long" was unavoidably exciting.
"Mark thinks they should just go ahead and give you their consent to marry whenever we want to. Gina―again, through Mark―is of the opinion that it would be wise for us to wait until a
t least the summer, to give us a chance to get to know each other better and to make sure this isn't some kind of emotional mistaken identity. Mark thinks Gina also wants to have the chance to do a traditional June wedding for you. Though that's not her primary concern." He was grinning widely by now. "Do you think you could hold out until June? It's only two months less than waiting for your birthday in August. But it is two months closer, and Mark thinks Gina's pretty set on it."
Anything sooner was miraculous! I hadn't thought there would be any chance at all! "Yes!" I cried out, bouncing with the word.
Will laughed. "Are you going to be able to let him do this his own way? And not give any indication that you already know?"
Could I? Yes. He would probably attribute my cheerfulness to my evening out with Will. I would just be sure to keep it toned down enough to fit that. And I could read him to make sure it was working. "Yes. I am." But I didn't have to do that now. So I jumped out of bed and ran over to throw myself at Will. His arms took me in gladly. We were about to kiss, when I drew back and put my hand between my mouth and his. I had been meaning to ask him―"Is my breath very bad in the morning? I've been kissing you anyway. Carried away, I guess. But I can go brush my teeth first if you'd rather . . . ."
He smiled knowingly. "It varies from time to time. But it's never been . . . um . . . potent enough that I wanted to stop for you to do anything about it. I'm sure mine isn't always the best, either. Shall we just agree that we'll let each other know if it becomes important?"
"Thank you. Yes. What about now?" I asked.
"Let me see," he instructed. He nudged my hand out of the way with his nose, then commenced his investigation by touching his mouth to my slightly parted lips. "A hint of garlic―probably from dinner last night," he assessed. "I like garlic," he concluded, and resumed his inspection.
I was all ready for Mark when he arrived to get me. I was waiting out in front sans Will for a change. I smiled to see him, for more reasons than one. Among other things, he was easy to read and easy to get along with. This conversation should go well. "Hey!" he greeted me as I opened the passenger door and handed him my suitcase to put behind the seats, then got in the truck.
"Hi!" I responded.
"You sure seem happy," he commented as he turned out of the driveway.
"I am. We had a great time last night. And no panic attacks. Just a couple of twinges."
He grinned at me quickly, then looked back at the road. "That is great, Cassie! You've sure come a long way the last few months."
"Yeah. Dr. Stuart has been a huge help, teaching me what to do. And Will has helped me a lot, too."
Mark glanced at me again. "I actually wanted to talk to you about Will."
"Oh?" That sounded innocuous enough. I'd make this as easy as possible for him. "What about him?"
Mark pulled into a nearby convenience store parking lot and turned off the engine. He was thinking, so I waited. He decided to "just give it to her straight"―in his words, in his mind. "How do things stand between you two?" (Almost word for word what Will had said earlier.) "I know you really care about each other. But, have you talked about your relationship much? Where it's headed? Anything like that?"
Again, I would help him. "Do you mean, have we talked about getting engaged or marriage?"
He was relieved that I was willing to be specific. "Yes."
"Well," I began, "we have talked about it. But, since I'm only seventeen, we figured we would have to wait until my eighteenth birthday. And we wouldn't want to get married without your and Gina's approval. So we've been trying to take it slow." Although we really hadn't been very successful at that part. "It's been kind of hard, though." Should I go on? He was very receptive, and pleased that I was sharing all this with him. So, yes.
"Will is adamant about not getting" (careful―better not use the s-e-x word) "physically involved." I paused and looked at Mark. "You know what I mean?"
He nodded.
"Okay. Not getting physically involved until after we're married. Among other things, Will feels strongly that I need to not deal with, uh, physical intimacy until I've conquered my anxiety issues thoroughly, and we've had a chance to settle into our relationship more." That was probably accurate enough, and vague enough. I could tell that Mark approved wholeheartedly. "But, in spite of all the precautions we take―and Will's family has been really good about helping us―it still gets really . . . um . . ."
"Frustrating?" Mark offered.
"Yes. Exactly." Maybe he did understand.
Mark sighed as he remembered back to his lengthy courtship with Gina. "You know, Gina and I decided to get married when we were seniors in high school. We just didn't let our parents know until after we graduated and had been at college for a semester. Didn't want them to think it was just a teenage crush or something. But we knew it wasn't. I don't mean the cocky teenage 'I know everything' stuff. We really knew we were just right for each other and wanted to marry, have a family, and spend the rest of our lives together.
"You know what I mean, don't you, Cassie?" looking me straight in the eyes.
"Yes, I do." I had certainly underestimated him. In most ways I could think of at the moment.
"Yup. You do," he confirmed. He had his own ways of reading people. Not as complete as Will's and mine, but accurate nonetheless. "So, anyway, Gina and I waited until we finished our bachelor's degrees to get married. But times were different then. And you and Will are different than we were. I don't know a lot about Will's background, but I do know that he is very mature for his age, has a great future ahead of him, and loves you more than he knows what to do with. He's good for you." I liked the way he put that―about how much Will loved me.
"And you feel the same about him, don't you?" he asked.
Oh, my, yes! "Yes."
"This may sound . . . ." "Out with it," he told himself. "She'll get it." "Are you two best friends? I mean, along with being in love. That's got to be there if you're going to be happy married to him."
"I know what you mean. He's the best friend I've ever had." That didn't hurt his feelings, did it? After all he and Gina had done for me? No, I read. He understood. No problem. "We just like being together. Doing anything together. And we've been able to work through misunderstandings and disagreements, too." Dared I say more? Or would it sound infatuated, obsessive? Well, I was. "I can't picture my life without him."
Mark simply nodded in assent and continued, "Do Will's folks know you've talked about marriage?"
"We haven't told them. But I would be surprised if they were surprised."
He sighed, put his arm around my shoulders and pulled me over by him. "A few months ago, I wouldn't have dreamed we would be having this conversation. It's like a miracle the way you've kind of blossomed. I have been so concerned about you for so long. It's a huge relief that you have finally come out of your shell and are moving on with your life. And it's great to see you so happy, Cassie." He kissed my hair―a rarity for him, which increased its meaning for me.
"Well, as far as I can see, there's only one thing to do. You two should get married." I had seen it coming, but actually hearing it was infinitely better. "And it seems to me that you ought to do it―and probably need to do it―soon."
"Thank you, Mark." Now to the crux of the matter. "I'm not sure what you mean by 'soon,' though." Other than what Will had already told me. I didn't sense anything more specific directly from Mark.
"Well, Kiddo, I'm not exactly sure, either. Gina and I have talked a lot about this, and she approves of Will and all. But she thinks you ought to wait until at least June. She wants to make sure that you're sure you're getting married to the right person for the right reasons. We're both willing to give our consent, but I don't see the need to wait like Gina does. I'm convinced you are already sure, and for the right reasons."
"Thank you. I'm sure that I'm sure, and for the right reasons, too."
"Can you hang in there without the sex for another six months?" Ha! He said it. U
nderestimated him again. "We would rather get you in to the gynecologist for birth control than have an unwanted pregnancy hanging over your heads." And again.
At that moment, I realized Will and I hadn't talked about children, or birth control, or a lot of other things. The possibility had seemed so far off. Maybe it’s time.
I agree, Love. He was listening. Thought so.
"We can manage for six months,” I assured Mark. As long as we continued to help each other, that is. “But I'd better find out about birth control before we get married. We're planning to not have children right away. I'll . . . we'll need some time to adjust and all before going through a pregnancy and becoming parents." Right?
"Right."
"Well, let's get through the holidays first, then. Whenever you decide to make your engagement official, we'll be ready. You'll let Gina and Will's mom have some kind of party or something, won't you?"
I frowned. "As long as it's small."
"I think they know that," he chuckled at me. "Well, let's get home. Gina will want to know how our talk went."
"Why didn't she do it? Wasn't this kind of a mother-daughter thing?"
"This is one of those sensitive mother-daughter things where she thought a cooler head, so to speak, would do better. She’s been getting kind of emotional about all this. She feels pretty protective of you, you know? So, we decided on father-daughter instead. It wasn't so bad, was it?"
"No." Not at all. And my eyes had been opened to a side of Mark I hadn't seen before. "Thanks."
"Thank you. You made it easy, Cassie. It's nice to talk to you this way―as another adult. You're not a little girl anymore."
No, I wasn't. I had grown up. In fact, it now looked like I would soon be married. And in a little over six months instead of eight. Yea!
.Chapter Twenty-two
Gina was waiting in the living room for us when we got home. I was tuned in to her before we got to the front door. She was nervous that I might have felt defensive or something and closed up to Mark. Or, that I would be angry about her opinion on the time frame. But, once she was reassured that it went well, I was confident that she would be fine.
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