by Sara Daniell
“You sure you don’t mind?” I asked between kisses, not caring that the rest of the student body leaving school were staring at us.
“I said I didn’t, didn’t I?” He laughed. “Just shut up and kiss me for longer than a few seconds.”
I laughed and reached up to turn his hat backwards. I kissed him like no one was around, even though we were in the student parking lot and turning heads.
“I’ll see you after you’re done?”
“Yeah. Sorry I can’t go with; my uncle has me doing all kinds of shit. What time do you plan on coming home?”
“By 10ish. Alyssa’s been wanting me to hang out, so I want to stay for a couple of hours.”
He kissed my cheek, my jaw, and down my neck. “Call me if that prick shows up, okay?”
I closed my eyes. Finn’s lips on my skin distracted me. What did he just ask me? I sure as hell wasn’t paying attention. My eyes fluttered open, and he laughed at me.
“Call me if Channing gives you trouble,” he repeated, knowing I hadn’t been listening.
I smiled and stood on my tiptoes to kiss him. “I will. But Alyssa promised it was just me and her tonight. No worries.”
“You say that, but I worry.”
We kissed one more time.
And another.
And another.
We couldn’t seem to stop. I moved away, and he kept pulling me back into his arms and kissing me more. The only thing that stopped us was us both bursting into laughter at how ridiculous we were being.
He let me go and stuck out his bottom lip. He was pathetic. And adorable. And sexy. And…I laughed at myself and shook my head. If I didn’t leave, I’d be all over him again.
I took off toward my car, laughing at Finn for chasing me. I got in, shut and locked the door, and stuck my tongue out at him. He laughed and shook his head.
“I love you, Elena Johnson!” he yelled loudly enough for me to hear through the glass.
I winked at him and started the engine before driving away from the school.
JANE WAS ALWAYS STAYING at my house now. My dad and Nancy were working practically every weekend, so she liked being where she could get away with murder, and I liked that I didn’t have to be alone. I was in the bathroom getting ready for work, singing the songs on the radio. Jane was in the living room, lounging on the couch, watching a movie.
I had to work a four-hour shift for a co-worker tonight. At first, I’d almost said no, since it was Saturday and Finn and I didn’t get to hang out like we wanted to the night before. Alyssa talked me into staying the night with her, and Finn understood. But my co-worker had covered for me when I went to see my grandpa, so I owed her. Besides, I’d be home by 9:30, so that’d still give me time with Finn before he had to go home.
Since we were getting more serious, his mom was getting stricter on his curfew. It used to be 11:30, and it was now 10:45. And if he wasn’t there on the dot, she was calling and freaking out on him. I didn’t like it, but I understood. She was just being protective. I almost wished my parents cared enough to be protective too. Almost. I liked my freedom, though.
I came out of the bathroom texting Finn. We were trying to figure out what we wanted to do with our hour together after work. I rounded the corner to go into the living room where my purse was and ran into someone. I screamed and dropped my phone, so I could cover my mouth. When I looked up, I cursed under my breath.
Channing.
In my house.
I glared past him at Jane who was holding her hands up like she had no choice but to let him in. I looked up at Channing.
“What are you doing, Channing?”
Finn could show up any minute. He even mentioned taking me to work and picking me up tonight. But I never responded because Channing scared the shit out of me. Jane could’ve at least warned me he was here.
“I’m going crazy without you. I get it, Ellie. You don’t want to see me. I know being friends is too much to ask, but dammit, I miss you.”
“How many times are we going to do this? How many times are you just going to show up randomly in my life before you realize I want nothing to do with you! I felt like we ended things on good terms at the funeral. Why can’t you just accept that we had our time together, you fucked up, and now we’re at a point in our lives where it’s okay to move on and be with other people?”
“Other people?”
“Channing, please leave.” I was getting nervous. If Finn showed up, he’d kill Channing. “I need to be at work in twenty minutes. I need to go.”
“Can we talk after you get off?”
I held my hands up like I was going to strangle him. “No! God, Channing! Just accept that we’re done. We can’t be friends. There is too much hurt that I’m finally getting over. I don’t want to see you!”
“I’m not gonna stop, Ellie. I won’t give up. I want you to be a part of my life. We were so good for each other.”
I growled. “Apparently, not good enough. You were fucking my best friend and all of Fredericksburg from what I’ve heard recently! How can you honestly expect me to just accept that it happened and still want to be around you?”
I moved past him, grabbed my phone from the floor and my purse from beside the door, and left.
I WAS GOING TO have to tell Finn about Channing doing this again, but then I remembered how he reacted that night at his uncle’s shop, and I just wanted to keep it from him. He was so upset, and I wanted to handle it instead of upsetting him. But if I didn’t and he found out I was hiding it from him, he’d probably think into it too hard again and think I still had feelings for Channing. I didn’t know how to start the conversation.
Hey, so Channing showed up at my house. I don’t want you to get pissed, just leave it alone. I’m fine. I’ll handle it. I laughed to myself while I brought my drawer to the night manager. There was no way Finn would just let it go.
After I clocked out, I went out to the parking lot. Finn was waiting for me in his truck. I smiled at him and walked over to his side after making sure my car was locked. God, things were so good between us. But then there were times where I’d go back to prom and seeing him with that girl. His hands were all over her entire body. I could just picture them making out like he said they did. I hated when my mind went go there because I’d start to feel sick, and I’d become so angry that I wanted to scream.
Then my mind would go to Channing and how he and Katie had hurt me so badly. I’d trusted Finn, and he’d done that. I’d trusted Channing, and on more than one account, he cheated on me. What if Finn was the same? What if he was a good liar, just like Channing?
Finn rolled down his window and went to kiss me, but I turned my head. His lips pressed softly against my cheek. The thoughts running through my mind wouldn’t stop, even though I tried to will them to.
“What’s wrong?” he asked.
“Long night.” I didn’t lie. It was. I’d tell him about Channing later when all the negativity of everything stopped stewing in my mind. The last thing I wanted to do was bring up what Finn wanted us both to forget. I didn’t want to end up in a fight with him.
“Well, we have an hour to do something. What do you want to do?”
“Can we just go to our spot out by the river?”
He smiled. “Of course.”
I got in his truck, and he drove toward our favorite place. He got the blankets from inside of his truck and laid them in the back. We laid on our backs, looking at the stars and listening to the sound of crickets and water moving.
“You know what we don’t have?” he said, turning to look at me.
“What?” I looked at him.
“A song. All couples need a song.”
I laughed. “You don’t seem like the type of guy that really cares if we have a song or not.”
“I know it’s stupid, but—” He hopped out of the truck.
I lay there smiling, wondering what he was up to. He climbed back into the bed of his truck and started scrolling through his
phone. I smiled up at him and nudged him with my knee.
“What are you doing, Finn?”
“Shhh,” he said, looking intently at his phone. “Ah, there it is.” He smiled so big, which made my smile grow larger too.
He set his phone down, and the music started playing. He belted out every single word of “She’s My Kind of Rain” as he lay beside me. This had always been one of my favorite songs. No one knew this, though.
Who knew Finn could sing? Like really well.
The song came to an end, and he sat up just enough to lean down and kiss me.
“Every time I listen to that song, it’s you. It’s so much of you that I know the universe saw fit for Tim McGraw to record it just for us. You’re everything he says and more, Ellie. I know it’s cheesy as hell, and I’m not really good at the cheesy stuff, but I wanted to tell you that.”
He started to move, but I cupped the back of his head and brought his lips back to mine. Even if it was cheesy, it was perfect and meant so much that Finn shared it with me. But as I kissed him, I remembered I had to tell him about Channing. And when I thought about Channing, I remembered prom.
I stopped kissing him and sat up. “Finn?”
He sat up beside me. “What? Did I do something wrong?”
So much. You did so much wrong that night at prom.
I ran my hands down my face. “My mind is going crazy right now.” I looked at Finn’s worried eyes. “Channing showed up at my house tonight while I was getting ready for work. Jane let him in.”
“Ellie—”
“Wait, before you say anything. He asked to talk again and wants to work things out. And don’t worry because I’m not. So don’t let your mind go there. But seeing him only reminded me of prom.”
Finn hung his head. “I thought we were okay.”
“We are, but I can’t forget what happened. You can’t go chasing after Channing to kill him, Finn. As badly as I’d love to see him get his ass kicked, it’s not fair. You hurt me too. The only difference between you and Channing is that you got me back. So, please, just leave the Channing thing alone. I just wanted to tell you that he did come by.”
He looked at me and shook his head. “I can’t leave it alone just because I hurt you too. He has to stop.”
“But you won’t be the one to make sure he does. It will only make things worse. Promise me you will leave him alone?”
“I’ll try, and that’s the best answer I can give you.”
I stared at him and saw in his eyes that he wasn’t going to change his mind. He would try, and that was better than not trying. I smiled and laid back down again.
“Will you play our song again?” I asked, looking up at him.
He smiled and hit play.
SUMMER WAS HOT FOR so many other reasons than the temperature. Swimming with Finn was becoming impossible. We couldn’t keep our hands off each other, and it was worse when fewer clothes were involved. The sexual tension between us was pretty much unbearable. But I’d made a promise to myself. As badly as I wanted to say screw the promise, I didn’t budge. What if Finn and I didn’t make it?
I tapped my feet to the music and rested my chin on my arm that was on the open window in Finn’s truck. I felt his hand on my back, and I turned and smiled at him. He tugged on my tank top until I was in the middle right next to him.
Today was scorching. 115 degrees and even hotter now that Finn’s hand found my thigh. His hand inched higher and higher. I put my hand on top of his to stop him. He laughed.
“Calm down; I’ll behave.”
I raised a brow at him then looked back at the road ahead of us. We’d found the perfect swimming spot at the lake. You had to hike there. It was a small sandy area, and there was no one around. For the past four weeks we’d been packing lunches and snacks and spending the entire day out here when we weren’t working.
I grabbed the blanket, and Finn grabbed the cooler from the back. We went to our spot and set everything up. I started to take off my tank top but stopped while I watched Finn take off his shirt. I didn’t mean to lick my lips, but dammit his body was tempting me. When he noticed me staring, he held his shirt in his hands, forgetting to drop it on the ground. Why am I acting like this? It’s not the first time I’ve seen him shirtless. I just couldn’t stand it anymore. I was on my last straw. I wanted him, and I couldn’t contain it.
Our eyes were glued to each other. I gripped my tank top harder. My knuckles were turning white. My whole body trembled as Finn walked over to me. He gently took my hand, and it relaxed, releasing the fabric. His hands started on my hips, just below my tank, and moved slowly up my skin, pulling the tank top with them. I raised my arms, keeping my eyes on Finn’s.
His eyes went to my swimsuit top. I would’ve let him take that off too if he wanted, but instead he kissed my jaw, down my neck, my collarbone, and my left shoulder. I could feel his breath on my skin as his lips touched every visible inch of my skin until he was on his knees. He unbuttoned my shorts and slid them slowly down my hips. This was it. I was giving into him. Who said she was waiting until marriage? It sure as hell wasn’t me.
He stood after I stepped out of my shorts, leaving me in my barely-there bikini and him in his shorts. No one was around, and even if they were, I’m not sure we’d care. Right now, only Finn and I existed.
I tilted my head slightly to give him better access to my neck. His hands roamed my entire body, and I let out a quiet moan when his fingers slid into my bikini bottoms. I gripped his back tightly, digging my nails into his warm skin when the feelings became so intense, taking over my senses. Each movement of his hand made the feelings intensify. My entire body felt like it was on fire.
He started to inch my bikini bottoms down, and I was letting him. I was ready. More than ready. I wanted Finn to make love to me. I wanted more than anything for him to be my first.
I was shocked when his hand stopped, and he lifted my bikini bottoms safely back onto my hips. He let out a heavy sigh and put his forehead to mine.
“Holy fuck, Ellie. What are we doing? Shit, I mean what am I doing?” His breathing was heavy, matching my own.
My mind was so hazy from all the feelings; it was like I was intoxicated. I ran a shaky hand through my hair and backed away when I started thinking straight.
“Shit,” I whispered, putting my hand to my forehead.
“I know you don’t want this yet.”
“Ummm, no, I want it.”
His eyes widened. “But you said the last time, before things got as far as they did just now, that you—”
“I know what I said,” I cut him off. “And I was about to let you do whatever you wanted to me until you stopped. Do you even have a condom?” I laughed a little.
He shook his head. “No.”
I burst into laughter. “Finn!” I shoved his shoulder.
“Well, I didn’t think I needed it because you said you were waiting until marriage which means I’m waiting too.”
I sat down and covered my face with my hands. I laughed some more and then looked at Finn who was sitting beside me. He was smiling but not laughing.
“You mean to tell me you’ve never had sex?” I was shocked. Finn was, well, the type of guy who you knew didn’t manwhore around but had definitely had sex before.
He shook his head. “Close encounters but never hit the homerun.”
We both laughed at his metaphor.
“Were you really going to let me?” he asked, still in shock.
I nodded. “I think so.”
“Can we just rewind time to where I don’t stop?”
I laughed and shook my head. “I think we should just do what we came here to do. Swim, eat, and, most importantly, behave.”
He pouted for a second, and then a mischievous grin spread across his face.
“Finn?”
The grin grew bigger as he inched toward me.
“Finn!” I squealed when his arms lifted me over his shoulder, and he took off running with m
e into the water.
I came up sputtering muddy water and splashing Finn. We were both laughing so hard that all of the tension moments ago was gone.
The rest of the day was spent, eating, lying around listening to music, and talking about our senior year coming up. There would be college applications and life decisions. It would be scary if I didn’t have Finn. I didn’t have parents who really gave a shit. I mean, my dad and I discussed it, but he was usually too busy to have a serious conversation about it.
I knew one thing for sure, I’d either need to get scholarships or student loans. Neither of my parents were willing to pay for my college. My grandpa offered, though. Under one condition: I attend Stanford if they accepted me and leave Finn. Stanford was always my dream, but the chances of me getting in were slim. And if I did, I couldn’t leave Finn.
When I told Grandpa about Finn Kerr, he wasn’t happy. He didn’t think a smart girl like me should be so involved with a boy at my age. He wanted me to be an independent woman and find a guy later in life. As much as his offer meant to me, I wasn’t leaving Finn. Ever.
FINN WAS TAKING ME to meet his real dad. I wished I could let him meet my mom and get to know my dad and Nancy more, but the harsh reality was that he never would. My mom was consumed with this new guy in jail and only called me when it was convenient for her. She didn’t deserve to meet Finn.
“You never really talk about your dad,” I said, looking out the window.
“Well, I’m just getting closer to him. He wasn’t around much when I was a kid, so it’s been hard figuring out how to work on a relationship with him again. But we’re figuring it out, and that’s all that matters.”
I smiled and looked at our hands that were clasped together, then at Finn. “Maybe me and my parents will figure shit out too one day.” I wasn’t hopeful though.
“You never know.”
Dinner with his dad was going really well. His dad was hilarious and down-to-earth. But most importantly, he was proud of who his son was becoming. I liked him.
“So, Elena, what are you plans after you graduate?”