Linda was exactly who she’d shown herself to be: a courageous, warmhearted survivor.
His mouth twisted. He was the scarred survivor of a fucked-up marriage, and he’d hurt her badly. Maybe she was better off without him.
* * * *
Linda’s store was a heaven-sent distraction. She needed to stay busy because her spirits took a dive whenever she thought of Sam…or the previous weekend…or the times with him before that. She’d thought they had more between them than just floggings and sex. She’d thought they’d…connected.
Guess not.
Scowling, she set another basket on the shelf, angling it so the subtle design showed.
With Sam, she’d felt safe. Safe enough to let go, to let pain transform into pleasure, to let herself slide into her happy place. His strength, his voice, even his brutal honesty was reassuring. So was the way he’d hold her afterward with surprisingly tender hands, caring for her as if she…meant…something.
Yeah, I meant a lot to him. As long as I stayed away from his home.
As tears burned her eyes, she set two more baskets—small bright ones—on each side of the first.
Still, no matter how it ended, knowing him had been worth it. And last weekend had been wonderful. She’d learned that other women accepted and openly enjoyed their BDSM lifestyles. And what a relief it had been to acknowledge her own need to be hurt and dominated. She smiled slightly. Her bookaholic friends “needed” to read or they got irritable, and she felt that way about pain. Since that was her “thing,” she’d better acknowledge it.
And she’d better not date men who thought unconventional meant sick.
Darn it. It wasn’t fair that the one man who accepted her—no, who really liked her other side—didn’t want more. Her lips quivered. She’d wanted to give him all of herself.
She couldn’t even hate him. Well, not much. He’d been gentle with her, slept in her house to protect her, cared for her after their scenes. He wasn’t a bastard, although she’d called him a few nasty names off and on all week. He just didn’t see what they had together as a…relationship.
Obviously, she’d read more into his actions than he’d intended. Gritting her teeth, she shoved the Overseer’s voice away. I’m not a slut.
She gave her head a firm shake. Yes, it was a pity that her little jar of hopes got knocked over, but how long was she going to whine about it? A year or two?
Do your job and be a shopkeeper.
A few minutes later, as she set the last basket on the shelf, she heard, “Hey, Mom.”
Turning, she saw her son walking through the store, and her spirits lifted. “Charles, how nice. What are you doing here?”
“I wanted to give you something.” His brown eyes warmed with happiness as he handed her a grocery sack.
“Well.” She opened the sack. It was filled with… “Sweet grass?”
“Yeah. I was over at the coast and saw dunes of it. It’s the right kind?”
“Oh, it’s lovely. It’ll make the prettiest baskets.”
He rocked back and forth, hands in his pockets, pleased as punch with his surprise. How many bouquets of flowers, sheet music, books, and pottery had her generous-spirited son gifted her with over the years? Even as a toddler, he’d brought home pretty rocks for Mommy. They were still on the kitchen table, warming her heart whenever she saw them.
“Thank you, honey. This is wonderful.”
He grinned, gave her a quick squeeze, and kissed her cheek. “I’ve got a class in an hour. Love you.”
“Love you, sweetie.”
As Charles trotted out of the store, an elderly customer approached the counter, beaming. “What a nice boy.”
“Yes.” Linda’s heart expanded with pride. “He really is.”
A quick sale later, the woman left, her newly purchased tote sagging from the addition of a diet soda and an assortment of Belgian chocolates and truffles. Someone really liked her fancy chocolates.
As the customer stepped onto the boardwalk, a man stepped back to let her pass. Lee. Linda watched him walk into the store, his expression open. Friendly. Not a fancy chocolate person. No, he was a plain milk chocolate bar. Straightforward. No surprises. Liked by everyone.
She looked away. Sam would be dark chocolate with almonds and sea salt. Complex. Not overly sweet. Not to everyone’s taste. But having experienced Sam made it difficult to return to everyday chocolate.
As Lee walked up to the counter, Linda smiled at him. “Hi there.”
“You look beautiful today.” He grinned. “I came by to see if you wanted to go to a movie tonight. We can check the listings and find something we both like.”
“You pull out one of those chick romances, and I’ll beat your butt, missy.” The memory of Sam’s grating warning made her throat tighten. When she’d tossed Dirty Dancing into his lap, she’d learned in a painful way that he didn’t make idle threats. That’s over, Linda. Move on.
“I don’t think…” She took his hand. The knowledge that her decision would hurt him pressed a heavy weight onto her shoulders. But she wouldn’t lead him on as Sam had done with her. Lee deserved honesty. “This isn’t going to work, Lee. I like edgy sex, and you don’t.”
But he’d been kind. During her awkward attempt at discussing it with him, he’d tried so carefully to hide his disapproval.
His expression was that of a man whose terrier had nipped him. “Linda, I—”
“Neither of us is wrong.” Thank you, Gabi. I know that now. “But we have different desires and needs.” She pulled in a breath, hoping she wouldn’t lose him as a friend. “I think we should call this quits.”
He stood silently for a minute as if hoping she’d change her mind. “Well. We might have found a way to compromise, but…rumor has it you’re seeing someone. I guess he’s giving you what you like.” Lee squeezed her fingers and pulled back. “If it doesn’t work out, I hope you’ll give me another chance.”
“I’m sorry,” she whispered.
“Me too.” Brows drawn together in unhappiness, he turned and walked out of the store.
She sighed. Only Lee could have handled an awkward situation so smoothly, but she still felt like scum for hurting him.
“Hey, hey, hey. Don’t look like that went very well.”
Linda pulled her gaze from the empty door to see Dwayne by the wall, his purple and green shirt clashing with the colorful paintings. What had he heard? How could she have been so indiscreet as to have an intimate talk in her own store? Dumb.
Even dumber to have discussed anything in front of a reporter. Ignoring him, she walked to the other side of the store and started restocking shelves.
He followed. “Are you having a difficult time adjusting? Going from being a slave to a normal person?” Slave. He said it as if he liked the taste of the word.
Her skin crawled. Note to self—never date a reporter. “If you’re not going to buy anything, please leave.”
“Did your business fall off when people realized what you are…were?” He casually leaned against the wall shelves, his gaze as avid as a dog looking at raw meat. “You know, I heard a rumor about a place you visited before your kidnapping. Disturbing stuff.”
Her skin went cold, and she could actually feel the blood leave her face. Even knowing her reaction confirmed his rumor, she couldn’t stop herself. “Get out. You’re not welcome in my store.” She pointed to the door.
His expression darkened. “You’d do better to talk to me. Give me something juicy, and maybe I won’t use that other information.”
“Get. Out.”
“Fine.” He paused in the door to look back. “You’re gonna be sorry.” He stalked out, bumping against the coffee shop owner who’d stopped on the boardwalk.
Oh, God. As Linda’s knees started to buckle, she grabbed the shelf. Two totes fell onto the floor, flattened like roadkill.
“My heavens, he threatened you!” With an appalled expression, Betty entered the shop. “‘You’re gonna be s
orry.’ That’s a threat.”
“Yes.” Her energy leaked away, leaving exhaustion behind. Would this never end? “But he wouldn’t be the first reporter to print nasty things.” About slaves. About me.
“What an awful man.” Betty set her hands on her hips. “I’m going to talk to Curtis about the quality of staff he employs.” Giving a huff of fury, she marched out.
Linda stared after her. Brassy red hair with graying roots, round face, quick temper, the owner of the coffee shop was as sweet as her pastries. However, if the newspaper revealed Linda had visited a BDSM club before being kidnapped, Betty’s sweetness might quickly change.
Odd, wasn’t it? As a slave, she’d thought rescue would end all her problems. Guess not. Mouth flattening, she straightened her shoulders. It was a nightmare, but all nightmares eventually ended, right? She just had to hang in there. I’m strong. I am.
Chapter Twelve
Sam scowled at the cars lining the curb in Linda’s cul-de-sac and ended up parking several houses down. As he walked down the sidewalk, he saw the red and yellow balloons dotting the yard next door. Children were laughing, yelling, whooping. Sounded like someone was having a birthday party. His jaw tightened as he remembered the one time he’d given a party for Nicole.
An hour before the party, Nancy had gone to town to fetch the cake. After demanding a refund, she’d used the money to buy drugs. Oxycodone. She’d returned midparty, higher than a kite, foulmouthed and out of control. He’d had to ask another child’s mother to supervise as he kept his wife out of the room. Had to turn the music up to drown out her yelling and cursing. Had to call the parents to pick up their children early. A major clusterfuck.
Nicole had refused any more parties. So each birthday, he’d taken her and her buddies to a children’s pizza place or a skating rink or a water park. They’d never told Nancy.
Had to wonder if Nicole would have found it easier to have a consistently abusive mother rather than one who was loving at intervals, but viciously destructive the rest of the time? Why the hell couldn’t he have made her life easier?
When he reached Linda’s, he spotted new white blotches on the house. He scowled. The asshole had marked up her house again. Because Sam hadn’t been around. Looked like he was letting everyone down.
As he tapped on the door, he felt his muscles tighten. Would she still be pissed off? Or worse, hurt?
The door opened. “Sam!” Happiness lit her eyes. Then her expression turned flat. “Go away.” She started to close the door.
Hell. He stuck his foot in the door. “I’m sorry.”
“Get your boot out.” She shoved on the door and glared.
Stubborn woman. He pushed the door open far enough for his shoulders. Far enough that he could bracket her face with his hands and compel her to actually see him. Her eyes looked haunted. His chest squeezed. “Linda, I’m sorry.”
“Apology accepted. Now go.”
Despite his remorse, he had to laugh. “That’s not forgiveness, girl. Is that hypocrisy what you taught your children?”
His insult struck home, but she didn’t retreat. “So I’m a bad example. I didn’t teach them to be fuck toys either.”
He slapped the door hard enough to make his palm sting. “You’re no goddamned fuck toy!” He pulled in a breath. Stow it, Davies. “You are undoubtedly the strongest woman I know.”
Surprise weakened her posture.
“Don’t you want to hear me grovel?”
She leaned her head against the edge of the door and closed her eyes. A second passed. Another.
The sound of her shuddering breath shook him. If she started to cry, she would break his heart.
Finally, she looked at him, then nodded. “All right. Come on in.”
AS SAM WALKED past her, the chill winter air slipped in the door after him. Linda shook her head. How in the world had he managed to change her mind? She didn’t have anything to say to him; there was nothing between them except pain and sex.
As if to refute that, he gathered her into a warm, nonsexual hug. “Even if you don’t want to”—he snorted—“be my fuck toy, can we be friends?”
Friends? Why did his work shirts have to smell like sunshine? She rested her cheek on the well-worn fabric, thinking of all the times he’d held her. Talked to her. He’d helped her scrape her house. Had cooked her breakfast. Demanded an old Clint Eastwood movie as payback for her Katharine Hepburn one. Played guitar with her and then for her as she wove a new basket. Somehow, in those few days, he’d sneaked right past her defenses. Yes, friends. “I’m sorry I was rude.”
He rubbed his chin on the top of her head. “I like knowing you can fight back.”
Me too. And more than fight back. Darned if she’d let him get away with only an apology. “Are you going to explain?”
The muscles under her cheek turned rigid. “Yes.”
Just the one word. But it was enough to tell her he had a reason for not wanting her to see his home—one that made him uncomfortable. He didn’t want to tell her.
Although Frederick hadn’t had a problem talking about anything and everything, Charles had been a taciturn teenager. So she’d treat Sam as she did Charles. “Come and help me get supper ready.” Kitchens were designed for sharing more than food.
She settled Sam on a stool at the big island and assigned him to putting together a salad. When she put a glass of wine in front of him, he gave her a surprised look.
“No beer, sorry.” Her lips twitched as she glanced at the sink where she’d dumped the contents of the three bottles of beer he’d left in her refrigerator.
His gaze followed hers, and laughter lit his eyes. “You got a nasty temper there, missy.” He took a sip of wine.
After a second of thought, she abandoned her original plan of a supper of tomato soup and crackers. Potatoes went into the oven. She browned pork chops, poured cream of mushroom soup over them, and tucked them in to bake as well.
“Salad’s done,” Sam said. The tightness had left his face, and he’d finished his wine. She poured him more and some for herself.
After putting crackers and cheese on a platter, she sat beside him. “What’s at your house that you don’t want me to see?”
“Like dead wives stored in closets?” When a corner of his mouth curved up with amusement, her breath caught. He had such a hard face that his sense of humor tended to catch her by surprise.
“Yeah, like that.” Following techniques learned from raising teenagers, Linda turned her attention to the cheese and crackers.
“She’s not dead.”
“Your ex-wife?”
“Right.” He put a piece of cheese on a cracker and simply held it. Stared at it. “She was—is—a drug addict. Made life hell.” He rubbed his jaw. “I haven’t taken a woman there since. When you…” He paused.
“Women don’t go home with you? Ever?”
“No.” His mouth tightened.
Heavens. She stared at him. That must have been one nasty marriage. Considering how many whips Sam owned, his wife was lucky to have survived. Then again, she’d come to realize that although he might be a sadist—or because he was one—he held to stronger rules of conduct than most “normal” guys. “I can’t imagine what you went through. So it wasn’t about me at all?”
“No.” He turned his hand over and squeezed her fingers. “Just me being a goddamned idiot. You’re welcome to come out to the farm, Linda.”
A simple, sincere invitation. Her heart did a flip-flop. I’m in trouble, all right. But what would it hurt to see where this would go? She leaned her cheek against his rough-skinned hand as the warmth in her heart blossomed. “I’d like to see your place someday.”
“It’s spring. There’ll soon be babies—chicks, calves, foals, goslings.” He tugged her hair. “You’ll enjoy it.”
“Because I’m a mother?” She huffed a laugh and added as a joke, “Are fuck toys supposed to be into babies?”
His bark of a laugh was a reward. “Girl
, you’re as maternal as they come.” The warmth in his gaze said he found that side of her nature attractive. Found her attractive.
The glow of that disappeared when he yanked her to her feet. “Time you learned not to call yourself names.”
Her mouth dropped open. “But…”
“No buts. No excuses. No more.” His grip was daunting, his uncompromising expression even more so.
She had a feeling that even begging wasn’t going to save her poor bottom.
* * * *
A noise roused Linda. Was her next-door neighbor working on his house again? So early? I am not getting up yet. Unless… She rolled over and disappointingly found no one to rouse. Darn early risers.
The pounding started up again. Phooey. As she tried to burrow into the bedding, various hurts came to life. The sheet scraped over her sore back and bottom. Her breasts were tender from the wonderfully ouchy clamps Sam had used. As her lips curved at the memory, her nipples tightened into peaks that made the ache even worse.
She wiggled her butt on the bed to increase the burn there, enjoying both the memory and the wakening flame inside her.
Makeup sex with a sadist was amazing.
More pounding. Could that be her door? Not fair. I haven’t even had breakfast yet. Grumpily, she slipped out of bed and picked up her robe. The children planned to visit next weekend, so it wouldn’t be them. Had she paid the paperboy yet? Probably some door-to-door salesman.
She heard the door open.
“Who the hell are you?” Charles’s voice.
Oh no. Oh bad. Frantically, she dropped her robe and yanked on jeans, a bra, and a T-shirt. Please let Sam be dressed. She hurried out.
Sam was dressed. Thank you, God. In the middle of the living room, both her children stared at him as if the man was the devil come to life.
Busted. Her lips quirked. Moms weren’t supposed to have sex, obviously. She’d always tried to be discreet the few times a man had spent the night, but honestly, she had a right to her own life. Her children were adults, after all—or so they kept informing her. “What are you two doing here?
Masters of the Shadowlands 7 - This is who I am Page 14