“Well, this sounds great,” I said, popping a mint into my mouth. It was curiously strong.
I offered the tin to Jenna, and she took one without even looking at me. She put it into her mouth and resumed her thousand-mile stare. Something was wrong, and I didn’t know what. That bugged me, and not just because I wanted her to feel better. No, it was because we were walking into the castle of a Prince of Hell, and something told me the thing bothering Jenna would probably matter sooner, rather than later.
6
As we exited Sam’s hearse, three things were immediately apparent. First, the air smelled like sex, and not just nice friendly casual sex, but heavy, full body sweaty sex. The kind that will make you walk funny for a week.
Second, every surface was wet and glistening. Even the air was hot and heavy with moisture, which made me hesitant to breathe, let alone touch anything.
Third, well, the place was crowded. Really crowded. Like Disneyland on a free day where you also got to fuck the Disney princess of your choice crowded, which may have been because there were actual Disney princesses all around, and half of them were engaged in behavior that would have made me blush if I watched for too long.
“I changed my mind,” I said, swallowing hard as I turned toward Sam and focused on the bridge of his nose because that was way less sexy than looking in virtually any direction. “We need a new plan.”
“Why?” Sam asked, and his grin spread so wide I thought his face might split open. “Worried you’ll do something you’ll regret?” He walked over and as he was about to put a hand around my shoulder, Ariel (who was an actual mermaid BTW) caught my eye and gave me a “come hither” stare.
“Hey there, sailor,” she said and her voice hit me in all the right places as she curled her index finger toward herself. My head snapped toward her as my heart began to pound in my chest. Her skin glistened under the low light and her ruby hair fell around her in a shimmering sheet. “Do you like what you see?” She ran her hands down her body, pausing for a moment to adjust the pair of seashells barely covering her ridiculously large breasts.
“I’m not even sure how that would work,” I said, taking an unconscious step toward her as I looked her up and down. She was hot as fuck until my eyes hit her waist, where her body went from human to fish so it ended in a tail covered in glittering emerald scales.
“However you want it to work,” she said, gliding toward me through the air because apparently levitating was a thing she could do. “I can be whatever you want. Do whatever you want.” A grin crossed her lips as she ran one slender hand through my hair and grabbed my junk with her other. “Here at Asmodai’s, the customer always comes first.”
I opened my mouth to reply, but before I could, Jenna decked the mermaid in the side of the head, sending her stumbling to the ground. As she landed hard on the parking lot, Jenna stepped in front of me and glared down at her.
“Back the fuck off, bitch.” Jenna reached back and touched my arm with one hand as she spoke, and as she did, the sense of lust and uncontrollable desire I’d felt for Ariel vanished into the air like smoke. I suddenly found myself incredibly embarrassed and immensely glad Jenna had stepped in. If she hadn’t, who knew what I’d have done? I mean, I’d have liked to think I was a good guy, but at the same time, this was pretty freaking sexy in a completely insane sort of way.
“Seven!” Ariel hissed, before shifting her cold, angry eyes to me. “You should have said you wanted this one.”
“Well, spread the word. No one fucks with him.” Jenna glared so hard at the mermaid she actually winced.
“Your will be done,” Ariel replied before vanishing in a burst of pink mist that smelled like sex and chocolate.
“Thanks,” I whispered, and Jenna gave me a look that made me flinch.
“I didn’t do it for you, Mac.” She snorted. “I’d like to think you’re better than this, but I know this place.” She gestured around the parking lot. “We haven’t even gotten started.”
“Doesn’t matter now. I’m pretty sure they won’t come near us now,” Sam said, shrugging as he headed toward a nearby escalator. “Talk about buzzkill. Still, it was probably for the best.”
Jenna didn’t reply to him as we followed him toward the escalator. I wasn’t sure what was going to happen once we actually got inside. I wasn’t sure if they really would leave me alone, but I sort of hoped they would. I did not need this kind of trouble in my life. I had a good thing going back home with Ricky, and I just needed to focus on that and get through this one step at a time.
Still, it would have been nice if I could have thought to myself over the loud rock music blaring in my ears for even a second. If I could, I’d have come up with a plan. Maybe. I don’t know. My plans tended to be simple. Shoot the bad guys until they died.
“Ready to get rocked like a hurricane?” Sam asked, glancing from Jenna who still had her million-mile stare to me. She hadn’t spoken since we’d gotten out of the car, and with every millimeter closer to the castle we’d come, she’d grown noticeably paler. I’d asked if she wanted to turn back, but she’d shaken her head every time. That was good because I sort of had to kill the guy in the penthouse or basement or wherever the fuck Asmodai lived. Still, if she’d wanted to wait in the car, I could live with that.
“Guess they like that song?” I asked, glancing up into the smoky ceiling as I tried to ignore the music thumping through unseen speakers. I wasn’t sure if they just had a small playlist or their random function sucked, but I’d heard the Scorpions’ song like six times already. Thankfully it wasn’t playing now.
As I opened my mouth to respond to Sam, the song began playing, totally cutting off Bon Jovi mid-lyric. Had someone realized the Scorpions had not been played in a whole thirty seconds and decided to correct the matter mid-syllable?
“No,” Sam replied, drumming out Copa cabana on the escalator's handrail as he did, the tune changed again and Barry Manilow began crooning in my ears. I wasn’t sure what the deal was with his sudden ability to change the radio station, but I really wanted it.
“What’s with your radio controlling devil magic and how could I get some?” I asked as a smile played across his face.
“The music changes to suit your likes and dislikes. Or, you know, whatever gets in your head. It makes the bird's-eye view of the dance floor interesting. Lots of people literally marching to the tune of their own drummer and all that.” Then he began whistling California Gurls by Katy Perry, and I hated him.
“Neat,” I said, trying to remember any song ever, but I couldn’t because all I could picture was Katy Perry shooting whipped cream from her breasts, which wasn’t the world’s worst image. The thing was, as it popped into my head, a girl who looked remarkably like the diva turned around on the step in front of me and batted her eyes at me.
“Normally I only kiss girls and like it,” she said it in a way that made me realize she was definitely curious for me while shifting to give me a full on view of her “gurls.” “But for you, I’d make an exception.”
I’ll admit it, girlfriend or not, at that moment I had some very bad thoughts play through my mind. Still, I was nothing if not a man of my word when it came to Ricky and staying faithful to her. After my last dealing with Ariel, I wasn’t taking any chances.
I smiled at her. “While I appreciate your offer—”
Her face twisted into a sneer. “Whatever, I didn’t wanna fuck you, anyway.” Then she evaporated into a puff of purple smoke that smelled like cinnamon and cloves, leaving me standing there staring at an empty space like a dumbass.
“Guess my word doesn’t carry as much weight as I thought,” Jenna grumbled while staring at the spot Katy Perry had occupied. It seemed to piss her off in more than just the “they weren’t listening to me” sort of way. It seemed a bit odd, and as I went to ask her about it, Sam interrupted my thoughts.
“Well, that’s one way to piss off a succubus,” Sam said, elbowing me in the side. “Who’d she look lik
e to you?”
“Katy Perry,” I replied, suddenly uncomfortable. Beleth had been a succubus and had made herself look like everything I’d wanted. Fending her off had been nearly impossible. Now we were going into a place filled with succubi? Somehow, that didn’t seem like the best idea I’d ever had. I mean, maybe if I were single, but at the same time, I didn’t like the idea of having my soul sucked out through my dick.
“Nice,” Sam gave me a shit-eating grin. “They always look like Morrigan from Darkstalkers to me, but I’m sorta fucked up.” He shrugged. “Although there was this one time they looked like Chun Li. I lost a lot of money that day.” He smirked. “Hey, I’m nothing if not willing to help a poor succubus get the money she needs by paying her to do things I want her to do.”
“I’m not judging,” I said because as he’d named both video game characters, various women throughout the crowd had morphed to match their appearances. A thought hit me… I was guessing Ariel had been one of these women too and had been playing off my own desires. Man, I was really fucked up. I mean, Ariel was one thing, but in mermaid form? Where would it even go?
“You’re both really fucked up,” Jenna said, glancing from me to Sam and back again. She had a look of disappointment on her face which was better than her shell-shocked expression. I could still see the fear just beyond the edge of her disgust, but hey, I was willing to let her be disgusted at me if it got her out of whatever funk she’d been in. We had enough problems without whatever was going on with her.
“You say ‘fucked up’ but all I hear is how fucking awesome I am.” Sam turned away from us. “Besides, not all of us can look like a certain sparkly vampire.”
Jenna blushed, her cheeks flushing so brightly, I suddenly wondered who she was seeing exactly because it stood to reason there had to be incubi here too.
“Can you see what we’re seeing too?” I asked, suddenly feeling a little bit like my privacy had been invaded although I didn’t know why.
“No, she just seems like the type who would curl up on the couch with a mug of coffee and a book about a lion falling in love with a lamb.” His grin twisted in a way that made me think he was lying, but then again, ever word out of his mouth felt like a fucking lie.
“You’re an asshole,” Jenna said, turning from him and staring up at the approaching arch. A shiver rippled through her body, and as I reached out to touch her in an effort to comfort her, she started speaking again, but her voice was so quiet I almost didn’t hear it. “Get ready.”
I was about to ask why when we burst through the archway. The darkened smoke surrounding us vanished. A huge pavilion filled with writhing bodies all going at it in a massive fucking orgy was spread out in front of us. I swallowed hard as the escalator leveled out and began moving us straight through the writhing bodies on either side of the glass walls. A chorus of moans filled my ears as embarrassment settled over me. Look, I like to think I’m not a prude, but there was something about stepping into a billion-person orgy that pushed at even my sensibilities.
Still, as I turned my eyes toward the glistening doors ahead, my embarrassment was immediately washed away by a sea of white hot rage. The walls of the castle weren’t made of stone or wood or anything. Instead it was a tapestry of still more writhing bodies. They were fitted together like puzzle pieces and from the looks of it, they had been melded together mid-coitus. They still writhed and bucked against each other, and as we headed closer, I could see the sweat on their flesh.
My stomach clenched in revulsion, and if I’d had anything in my stomach, it would have come up the express elevator. It was vile in a way I almost couldn’t fathom. How could this happen?
“Quite a sight, eh?” Sam said, gesturing at the walls. “Let’s just say, you better be able to pay your bill when you come here.” He was quiet after that, and the amused gleam in his eyes was gone. Even he didn’t seem to have the stomach for a wall of bodies.
“Your boss is a bastard,” I said, glancing at Jenna. She was gripping the slick handrail of the moving walkway so hard her knuckles had turned white from effort.
“Yeah,” she muttered, and I knew from the tone of her voice why she had been so scared. She didn’t want to end up as part of the tapestry. There was no way I was going to let that happen to her. Unlike Sam and Jenna, I knew the truth. Asmodai was hurt badly. Assuming we could get to him, we’d be able to kill him.
We passed through the writhing doors a moment later and stepped off the platform along with everyone else. The crowd seemed to disperse, heading into the depths of the place while I stared at the scene in amazement. It was like standing in a hallway where every direction led to a perfect fantasy. From my vantage point I could see at least six types of dance clubs, a couple libraries complete with naughty librarians, a few pools that would make Hugh Hefner blush, and a dozen beaches. It wasn’t enough to dispel the horror I’d seen earlier, but I tried my best, anyway. Getting psyched out now would help no one.
“Alrighty then,” I said, turning to look at Sam. “Where do we go?”
“That way,” Jenna whispered, pointing toward a door I hadn’t seen before. It was rather ordinary, reminding me more of a janitor’s closet than anything of importance and was tucked away between a pool manned by Baywatch girls and some sort of weird mix between a disco club and a skate rink. Still, part of me was annoyed I’d missed the door at all.
Without waiting for either of us to say anything, Jenna began moving toward it like a moth drawn to a flame, one hand gripping her Baby Eagle so tightly, her knuckles had turned white from strain.
Sam gave me a shrug and began to follow her. As I did the same, I suddenly worried that things were about to get bad. I wasn’t sure what was behind that door, but it was scaring Jenna, and she didn’t scare easily.
It made me instantly glad no one had tried to take away my shotgun when we’d come into Asmodai’s castle because something about the way the lifeguards looked at me told me I was about to need it.
7
“Jenna, stop!” Sam cried, reaching toward her as she gripped the plain brass knob, twisted, and pulled the door open. As he did, alarm shot through me, and I instinctively moved to protect her.
Before either of us could reach her, a pteranodon kicked the door open the rest of the way. The edge of the door slammed into Jenna’s forehead, snapping her head back as she stumbled backward clutching her face with her free hand. She hit the ground hard on her butt as the pteranodon stepped through the open door and glared at us with dark, soulless eyes.
“Thought you could escape, did you?” the creature asked in a horrible half-warble screech. “You were wrong.” He glared at each of us in turn and the movement caused his navy fedora to slide forward on his head. I wasn’t sure what to make of his threat, but I didn’t really care. That motherfucker had hurt Jenna, and I was going to make him pay for it. No one hurts my friends. No one.
“Roma, who let you in here?” Sam asked, putting his fists on his hips. “I thought this was a no fly zone.”
I ignored their bickering and brought my shotgun to bear while edging toward Jenna’s prone form. I made it about two steps before goons with yellow, reptilian eyes wearing pinstriped suits straight out of the 1920s stepped through the doorway behind the pteranodon and leveled their Tommy guns at us. Fuck.
“See, here’s the thing, pal,” Roma the pteranodon said, shifting the cigar in his mouth as he took a step forward, giant claws clicking on the stone floor. “This used to be Asmodai’s territory, but now it belongs to Mammon on account of the tiny fact no one has seen the bastard since he went up to the surface.” He blew a puff of smoke from his lips.
“You poor dumb bastard,” Sam said, laughter filling his voice as he shook his head and stepped toward the dinosaur. “He’ll be back.” Sam barely finished the words before the pteranodon backhanded him across the face.
Sam flew backward, arms flailing before he crashed into me and knocked me off my feet. I landed on the ground hard, the shotgun sli
pping from my grasp and clattering uselessly across the tile as the dinosaur leered at us, which let me tell you, was creepy as fuck. You never ever, under any circumstances, want a dinosaur to leer at you.
“No, we won’t be having any of that,” the pteranodon said, motioning for his goons to move forward. “Shoot them if you have to, but don’t kill them. For some reason Asmodai wants them alive.” It rubbed its beak with the back of one clawed hand. “Except for Sam. You can kill him.”
They moved forward quickly, pointing the gaping barrels of their guns at us. Their fingers twitched anxiously. They wanted to shoot us, but so far they hadn’t. That was good because I wasn’t terribly fond of getting shot.
“I’m one of Asmodai’s seven, fuck head. When he hears about this, you’re going to be so fucked, you’ll wish—” Jenna’s snarl was cut off as one of the thugs tried to kick her in the face.
That didn’t happen.
Jenna whirled like a fucking gymnast, sliding lithely by the bruiser’s attack. Her arm came up and caught him in the throat. His eyes bugged out of his skull as he stumbled backward, hands going to his throat. The Tommy gun slipped from his grip and fell into Jenna’s waiting arms. She spun, pulling the trigger as she brought it around. A line of bullets tore through the other grunt, spilling hot blood on top of us as the pteranodon lunged for her.
Bullets pinged off his hide as though it was made of steel. Roma ignored the shots and crashed into her like a raging bull. She managed to block his snapping beak with the barrel of the gun, but it would only be seconds until his razor sharp claws found purchase in her flesh. I couldn’t let that happen.
Her feet slid backward across the floor as I scrambled out from beneath Sam’s two-hundred-pound bulk and threw myself at the creature. I landed hard on the pteranodon’s back, knocking him forward into Jenna as I wrapped my arms around his throat in an effort to choke out the massive dinosaur.
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