by Sara Crest
She climbed out of the window and jumped the small drop onto the ground. “Now I know why you’ve been avoiding your friends, you’ve been playing around with that little boy toy of yours.”
“I’ve only known him for a day” I said as we both began walking back towards the entrance of the house.
“Well look at you, big sis is finally starting to notice guys. I was starting to think you were a virgin.”
“You know I haven’t been a virgin for a while.”
“The rule is if you haven’t had sex in 4 years you automatically regain your virginity.”
“Even if that rule was somehow true it still wouldn’t apply to me Milly, you know that.”
“Just saying” she replied shrugging her shoulders.
I was starting to get annoyed with her, don’t get me wrong I loved my little half sister. Hell I practically raised her with mom off working weird hours as a nurse a county over and John being the negligent shitbag that he was. It was just…
I hated myself for thinking like this but knowing that she was just my half sister, knowing that she was technically half of John, was a constant reminder of what he did and said to me. Even after all the times she physically helped me defend myself from him, all the times that she stood up for me, all the good memories we had together, I still looked at her and saw John’s green eyes and his sandy blonde hair. She was a constant reminder of him, it made me hate John even more to know that his blood was running through someone I loved so much. I guess it’s why I still only called her my half sister rather than sister like she called me.
I gave her a side hug, I always tried to drown out the negative thoughts I had about her being related to John through loving acts. At the end of the day her and I were still related and I couldn’t imagine her out of my life, I guess it would just take some time with John out of our lives before he became nothing more than a distant memory to me. I should just throw away my old diary and let the past be the past, but I’m not sure if I was ready to let it go yet. Yes holding onto a grudge is unhealthy, it’s like drinking poison and hoping the other person dies, but I felt like if I threw it away I would be freeing him of everything he’s ever done. I wanted justice but I knew that it would never happen, who knew where he was now.
Milly went into her room to change her clothes while I went into the kitchen and poured a cup of coffee, after only a few hours of sleep I knew that I’d need a few cups to get me through the day. I turned and called out to Milly and asked her if she wanted me to pour her a cup.
“No thanks! I have so much energy that I don’t need coffee.”
“You know you’re just gonna crash right? There’s no way you can keep this level of energy up all day.”
“We’ll see about that” she said running out of her room; putting one hand on her hip and the other pointing straight at me. You’d think that she was only acting this way because she was possibly still drunk from her party but this was honestly how she was all the time.
I smelled the brewing coffee, I never really cared much for the taste of it but I loved the smell more than anything else in the world. Even when I was a kid I’d sniff the coffee beans just because I loved it so much.
I went to go sit down but I spotted that my diary was still on the counter from when I was reading it the night before. I quickly grabbed it and threw it so that it slid across the floor and underneath the couch. I’d be so embarrassed if Milly saw that I was reading my old diary. I’d like to think that she’s never read it in the 4 years I’ve been gone for college but I knew that couldn’t be true. At least I had some wishful thinking about it.
I sat down and turned on the TV for some background noise, Milly came out in her fresh change of clothes and plopped down next to me.
“So, is he your boyfriend?”
“Excuse me?”
“Sven, is he your boyfriend?”
“Oh my god Mill can we not talk about him for like 5 minutes.”
“Hey if you’re going to be dating a guy that I’d hop into bed with then I get to ask as many questions as I want.”
“That’s not-”
I was interrupted by the sound of a car door closing outside. I rushed to the window to make sure that it wasn’t those same men who had returned but sighed in relief when I saw that it was just my mom.
“Jesus you’re on edge this morning, everything alright?”
“Yeah, yeah I’m fine” I said lying. I was still worried about those men, do I tell them about what happened last night and make them worry or do I keep it to myself? For all I know they could have had the wrong address and might never show up again. At least that’s what I hoped.
Mom walked inside, greeting both of us with a smile. “You two are up early.”
“Just wanted to see you coming in” Milly said smiling back at her. I looked at Milly and I could already see that all that morning energy she had was leaving her, she was practically falling asleep on the couch.
“Well that’s nice of you, since you’re already up would one of you care to join me in getting groceries? We have no food in this house and I really need to go pick some up.”
“Mom you just had a 12 hour long shift, don’t you want to at least rest first before you go out?”
“I’ll rest much easier knowing that there’s food in the house for me to wake up to.”
I looked at Milly who looked like she was now struggling to stay awake, looked like I was gonna have to go out with mom. It would probably be the most time we spent together since I got home.
I was just hoping that everything would be alright.
Chapter Twelve
(Sven)
I walked into my apartment, yawning from the little sleep I had.
We had rented our places out for two months, we didn’t think we would actually need that much time but now it seemed like we might have to be here even longer. The whole building was so run down that the owner let us rent our rooms for such a short period of time, even if he did practically beg us to stay here for longer. Depending on how long this thing takes he might just get his wish.
I jumped into bed and ran my hand down my body, I was exhausted after everything that I did with that girl last night. Goddamn she could ride me like a champ, most women had a tough time fitting all of me inside of them but I slid into her like a glove. Not to mention she was a tight fit, just the way I liked it.
I heard a banging on the door, knocking me out of my half awake trance and ruining my daydream about the night before. I was thinking about just pretending like I wasn’t there until I heard Barron’s voice call out.
“I know you’re in there Sven, I have the peephole viewer I can see inside.”
I sighed and rolled out of bed, walking over to the door and opening it up to see both Barron and Saul standing there. In Barron’s hand was a small glass device we used to look through the other side of peepholes, came in handy when we had to bust into someone’s apartment.
“Did you really have to use that thing on me?” I asked trying to snatch it out of his hand but failing.
“You’re the one that disappeared on us last night, are you forgetting we have a job to do?”
I groaned and ran my hands down my stubble covered face in frustration. I clapped my hands together and pointed them at Barron.
“Barron your job is to figure out what we’re even doing here and to find who we’re looking for. My job is to help you when you need it and to play clean up crew with Sauly boy over there. As far as I know you have no leads on the head cook after we’ve cleaned out our third house within a 20 mile radius of this town. We’re up shit creek without a paddle so excuse me if I leave the scene a little early to go help out a lady friend of mine.”
“So you were with her” Saul said leaning against my doorway.”
“Jesus Christ- yes I was with her Saul. There was a problem and I took care of it that’s all that needs to be said.”
“Sounds like her problem was she had a deep itch that only a
man could scratch” Barron said chuckling to himself.
“Look fellas it’s been a long night, can I please get some sleep?”
“Go ahead loverboy” Saul said walking away as Barron followed him. “Just know that if we need you we’re not gonna serenade you awake with a tender sonnet, we’re busting that door down.”
I didn’t even respond, I just shut the door. Something was up with those two, ever since we got into town they’ve been acting differently. Maybe it was just stress, this whole job the MC had us doing was just stressful. Every time I thought I had some peace and quiet to enjoy this town, every time the faces of the men I killed had left me if even for just a moment, I had Saul or Barron barking in my ear about how I’m here to do my job.
I took off my shirt and tossed it aside, looking at the scars on my arms and core.
“I’ve done my fucking job, I’ve always done everything I could for this brotherhood.” Even my body showed it. They were marks that would never heal, marks that I thought I wore like badges of honor, now I wasn’t sure how to feel about any of it. Hell they still haven’t even given me my minuteman “M” tattoo, even though I’ve been doing it for more than a decade. I’ve earned every one of my tattoos yet the one I deserved most was being kept just out of my reach, if I didn’t know any better I’d say Walsh was responsible.
Was it worth fighting for this club when they pumped drugs into the city I loved so much? When they asked me to do things that’d haunt my memories forever.
“No, no you’re doing the right thing Sven. Your father was strong enough to do it, his father was strong enough to do it. If they can do it I can too. In the end this will all be for the greater good.”
I crawled into bed, I didn’t even need a full night’s rest I just needed a few hours and I’d be fine.
“All for the greater good” I mumbled into my pillow.
Chapter Thirteen
(Emma)
I stared out the window my mom’s car as we headed back home from the grocery store, I wanted to sleep but mom was talking my ear off about all the young girls they had gotten at the hospital where she worked and how they didn’t know what they were doing.
“You should have trained to be a nurse” she suddenly said, catching me off guard.
“I don’t think that would have been for me mom…”
“And laying around the house all day is for you?”
“It’s not like that, I’m trying to figure out what to do. I’ve only been back a few weeks.”
“I don’t know what it is with you and trying to leave this place, what’s wrong with this town? You grew up in this town.”
“There are just some things I’d like to leave behind mom, some things that I’d like to forget. This place is a reminder of things I wish didn’t happen.” A motorcycle passed us on the road, I looked to see if it was Sven or even one of the men that came to my house last night but it looked like he was just a recreational rider. Or at least I hoped he was, he didn’t have the same goofy look a lot of men around this town had.
“Oh please, you had a picture perfect childhood. You should love this town.”
“Mom you know that isn’t true…”
Mom always looked the other way anything bad happened between John and I. She overlooked the bruises on my wrists from when I fought back, she overlooked all the times Milly screamed, she overlooked the things John said the next morning. I guess to her since John never successfully did what he wanted to do to me it was just water under the bridge.
“Are you really referring to your father again?”
“No I’m referring to my step father. My real father is unfortunately dead and gone, I never even got a chance to meet him…”
“John bought that home. He put a roof over your head and food in your mouth, as far as I’m concerned he was your real father.”
“You put food in my mouth, you kept the roof over our heads. All John did was take out loans that we’re still paying off, he didn’t do anything right and now we’re still suffering for it. He ran away for days on end to god knows where and spent our money, coming back smelling like booze and smoke. Why can’t you see that mom?”
“The only thing that man did wrong was leaving me when we needed him the most he-”
“Stop the car” I said interrupting her.
“Excuse me?”
“Stop the car mom, I’m walking home.”
“Just because you can’t see that John was a good man with some faults you want me to-”
“Mom, PLEASE, just stop the car!”
She pulled over and I immediately got out. “I’ll see you at home” I said as I slammed the door behind me. She looked at me for a few seconds before sighing and pulling away. She turned in a separate direction than we normally go to get home, either she was taking the long way back or she needed some time to drive around and think.
I started walking back home, it would only take me about half an hour from here, maybe less. If I had the guts I would hitch hike but the last thing I needed was to be kidnapped by some fat trucker who was passing through and saw me as an easy target.
How has one man dug so deep into our lives that he still finds his way in our thoughts, emotions, and conversations even after half a decade? Why is it that he still causes a divide between my mom and I? It wasn’t fair, nobody deserves to hold people’s minds hostage like John did.
I took a deep breath and thought about Sven. I wish he was with me right now but I knew that after all that work he did last night, both in and out of the bedroom, that he would want to sleep. I wanted to know more about him, I wanted him to take me away from here even if it was only a few hours away to Boston. I was tired of this town, tired of these people, tired of this life.
Sven was growing on me faster than any other man before, even though I barely knew anything about him I could tell that he was far more genuine than any man I had ever dated. I could tell that he wanted to talk to me, that he wanted to tell me about his life, he was just hesitant to see what kind of person I was. To see if he could trust me. I would make sure he knew he could trust me, he was the best thing to come into my life in years and I barely even knew him, imagine what it’ll be like once we’re really together.
Chapter Fourteen
(Emma)
I finally reached the house, noticing that mom still hadn’t arrived. I guess she really had to go and think after the argument we had. Maybe now she’d finally realize what kind of impact that man had on my life.
Suddenly Milly burst out from the front door, startling me so badly I nearly lost my footing and fell down the hill our house was on.
“Jesus Milly you almost gave me a heart attack” I said putting my hand to my heart, feeling it beat in my chest.
“You have get out of here” she said putting the keys for the car her and I shared in my hand.
I noticed a black car pulled up to the side of the house, realizing that it was the same one that was at our house the night before. Was Milly involved with something? Why were they were?
“Milly is something going on? Did you invite people over? These guys were at the house last night knocking at the door were they looking for you?”
“No Emma it’s not like that at all please you need to leave now.”
The door opened again and I looked over Milly’s shoulder to see who it was. At first I didn’t recognize him, or maybe I didn’t want to believe that he was standing there in our doorway.
It was John, my shitty, abusive, disgusting, asshole stepfather John.
I wanted to turn and run, I wanted to run right back up the road that I just walked in from. I wanted to take out my phone and call Sven for help but I was shocked to see this man here that I didn’t know what to do.
“Well, I’m surprised to see you here, I thought you’d be off doing god knows what” he said as he began walking down the front steps towards us.
I was petrified, I just didn’t know what to do, I thought that I would never see him again i
n my life and now he was back here. Why? Why would he come back? Why couldn’t he just leave our lives forever?
“Emma please run away now” Milly whispered to me, she knew that John wouldn’t hurt her, but having him see me here would put me in danger.
Two men appeared in the doorway and came down after him, I recognized one of them as the man who was banging on our door except this time he wasn’t wearing his MC jacket.
John walked up to me and tried to grab my chin but I backed away, as expected it pissed him off immediately.
“So what you don’t see your dad for years and that’s how you treat him?” he said angrily.
“You’re not my dad John, you were barely even good enough to be called my step father. What are you even doing here? Why would you come back after all these years? Why couldn’t you just leave us alone!”
Milly took cover behind me, holding onto the back of my shirt as I confronted her father. John never abused her but she saw how he treated me, unlike my mom she acknowledged what was going on.
“Man can’t come back to see how his girls are doing?”
“I don’t buy that for one second you sadistic asshole, now tell me why you came back.”
“It’s none of your fucking business” he said scowling. “And you better watch your damn tone around me little girl.”
I was afraid, I was afraid for me and I was afraid for Milly. I was afraid of John’s intentions and I was afraid of the two men he had who I had never seen before. I wanted this to be some terrible nightmare that I would wake up from, how could he be back. I held my hand behind my back and began to call Sven on my cellphone, hoping that even just a call would bring him over, that he could prevent the worst from happening.
“What’s that you have in your hand there?” He asked noticing my failed attempt to try and call Sven without him noticing.
“None of your fucking business” I said mocking the way he said it as I backed away.