by Regan Black
“I want you, Trina. Tell me you weren’t lying when you said you weren’t married. Are you with anyone right now?”
“No.” Her voice was thick, and he watched her nipples pucker under her cotton top. He saw the motion of her throat as she swallowed, and he knew she was going to give him an excuse, maybe even a good reason why they shouldn’t be together as lovers at least one more time.
Rob was tired of excuses. He hauled her to him, and she didn’t fight him but leaned in, her hands around his skull, in his hair, pulling her to him as her mouth opened for his.
“Hell, Trina.” He reveled in her reciprocal desire. They continued to kiss, and he took advantage of her being pressed up against him, running one hand up her spine to between her shoulders while cupping her breast with the other. “I’ve missed this.” He gently squeezed through the fabric, damning her bra for being another added layer in the way of her nakedness. At least she’d stripped off her body armor.
“Me, too.” She dragged her mouth down his neck, digging her teeth into his shoulder with just the right pressure. Rob thought his erection was going to split his pants and groaned when her hand touched his length, stroked him. “We’ve got too many clothes on, Rob.”
He pulled back, recognizing her need.
“Not here.” He looked around the asphalt lot. “But I know where we can be alone, and fast. Buckle up.”
He put the Jeep in gear and drove without thinking to the campsite he’d stayed in the night before his surveillance of Vasin. If he stopped to allow for rational thought, this moment would shatter the way their affair had. He couldn’t handle that, not after what they’d just been through. Not after finding out they’d made a baby together.
Rob needed to make love to Trina, if only once more.
* * *
Trina refused to listen to the logical side of her brain. She all but told it to shut the freak up as Rob drove a few miles down the highway to an exit that was marked with a camping sign. He pulled up to the guard shack and held up a tag, and the guard walked around to the back of the Jeep to verify that it matched the vehicle’s sticker.
“Good to go. Enjoy.”
“Thanks.” Rob’s hands looked steady, his demeanor calm and controlled, but she remembered how he’d looked right before he’d taken her into his barracks room the first time they’d made love. All professional and collected until his door clicked shut. Then the primal animal she loved came out.
No other man since Rob had drawn out her deepest passion as only he could, and she had to admit, it was going to be fun to see if it was the same between them. If that kiss in the hotel room, and this incredibly lusty foreplay were any indication, it was going to be better.
“There are private tent lots farther up.” He spoke low and controlled, as if afraid to break the mood. Since it was a weeknight, the place wasn’t as crowded as it would starting tomorrow, Friday.
Rob passed several campers and kept going until they didn’t see anyone in sight.
“Are you sure we won’t be interrupted?” When she’d taken Jake camping, they’d hiked all over the grounds.
“Do you care?” He ground out his reply, letting her know that he was as primed as she was. Knowing that a man wanted her was always a turn-on, but when it was the man who’d fathered her son, who’d loved her as no other, it took turned on to a new level. “Sorry. No, we’ll be alone here—see how there’s a long, private drive to each site?” He navigated through the forest, until they reached a slight clearing that was surrounded by trees and bushes.
He parked on a graveled area, meant for motor vehicles. “Meet me outside.”
She got out, and the air in the depth of the forest was so much cooler, a relief from the relentless sun they’d dealt with all day. And to her surprise, there weren’t any bugs.
“I don’t see any mosquitoes—”
Then he had her in his arms and kissed her words away, reminding her why they’d taken this detour. Giving in to the attraction that simmered between them since she’d gotten past the initial shock that he was still alive was as inevitable as ice cream melting on hot pavement. Still here—to kiss her, caress her, make love to her like she was the only woman on earth for him.
They made short work of their clothing, stripping down to nothing and both standing fully up to take each other in. Rob’s gaze feasted on her, and she’d never felt more beautiful or more powerful in a lover’s presence. The sight of him so fully aroused for her slaked the deep thirst she’d had for him since the day she thought he’d died. Trina didn’t want to think about the past any more. This moment was the most powerful of her life, save for when Jake was born.
Trina didn’t try to break the intensity of the moment with words. It would be fruitless. All there was was Rob, her and this incredible chemistry.
She ran the last two steps to him and allowed him to hold her ass as she wrapped a leg over his hip, urging his erection to press against her.
He’d laid a blanket out on the ground, and they half fell, half rolled onto it. He gently put her down on the fabric, the move incongruous with the ferocity of their hunger. She saw a flash of discomfort on his face and froze.
“Your ribs.”
“To hell with them.” He lowered his mouth to hers and Trina stopped thinking. Gave in to the deep kisses, the caresses, the expert strokes. Rob lingered at her breasts, sucking on each nipple until she thought she’d climax before they got to what she craved: Total connection with Rob.
He let out a slow exhale. “I’m good, but with these ribs I’ll have to be on top. I wanted to take the ground for you—”
It was her turn to stop his words with her mouth, her tongue. And not only on his mouth, but over his entire body, as much as he’d allow her to reach before putting on the condom that had appeared like a quarter in a magician’s hand. “Where did you have that?”
“No. Words.” He closed his eyes as he leaned over her, and it was obvious to her that the pain in his cracked ribs was warring with his desire for her. Thank God his lust won out.
Trina opened her legs, her center, her soul to him. And Rob took full advantage, thrusting into her in the slowest increments, half inch by half inch, until she began to spasm around his length. And they’d only just begun. She let the orgasm take her, but Rob wasn’t done—and neither was she. As he continued to move under her, the swell of a second, more powerful climax propelled her to keep moving, too.
“That’s it, Trina, let go, babe.” And she did, her cry matching the sheer magic he elicited from her. Before her second orgasm ended, Rob was moving with her in the cadence she thought she’d never feel again. He held on to himself so tightly that to see the carnal expression on his face, as if he were claiming her, sent her to the edge again.
She nipped his throat, licked where her teeth marks were. “Your turn, Rob. Let go.”
He stiffened for an infinitely long moment before he reached his climax, his guttural shout making the instant that much more primal. But Trina had no time to think about it as she came again, her sensitized body at his mercy. Their bodies were slick with sweat as Rob eased away and rested on his heels, his eyes on her. She stared back, unable to speak just yet. Slowly her thoughts floated back to her, until she realized she was lying completely naked in a public campground. A private part of the campground, but still. She sat up. A flash of light on the ground caught her eye—her camel necklace. She moved to retrieve it, but Rob beat her to it, held the chain in his fingers, the charm dangling in the early-evening air.
“You still wear this.”
“It’s an old habit.” She went to take it, and he held it just out of reach.
“We broke the chain.” He gave it to her.
Trina accepted the necklace in her outstretched palm. The familiar weight of the camel stirred emotions she didn’t want to address. Sadness. Nostalgia. Finality.
“It’s the charm that matters. Your poor ribs.” Her fingers lightly touched his rib cage, not wanting to cause him further pain.
“They’ll survive. Are you all right?”
“Are you kidding me? Is my hair standing straight up? Because it feels like it should be. You gave me three incredible orgasms!”
“Trina.” He kissed her firmly on the lips before he stood up and unselfconsciously walked to the back of the Jeep, where he leaned as he put on his shirt.
“Let me help you.”
“I’ve got it.” She ignored him and helped him get into his briefs and pants.
“Bruised and cracked ribs are awful. I’ve been there. I always thought getting dressed and undressed were the most difficult parts.” She blushed, and Rob didn’t miss it.
“I always loved how you would get all modest after being a complete animal in bed.”
She looked up into his eyes and searched for what she knew would be there. Their connection. Familiarity. It wasn’t familiar as much as a sense of being right. Which was fair, as they were both different people, no matter what their names were.
“What deep thoughts are you wrestling with, Trina?”
She moved away from him and started to get dressed. The frogs were chirping and the cicadas thrumming as late afternoon turned to dusk.
“It’s as if we’ve always been together, but at the same time, incredibly new. I mean, we made l—had sex, you know, like we know each other. But it was different than before.” She shrugged into her T-shirt, hating putting dirty clothes back on, but her shower was waiting in Silver Valley. “Let’s face it. I don’t know you anymore, Rob. Your name has changed, and so have you.”
His head tilted as he listened. “That’s fair. You’ve changed, too, Trina.”
“Not really. I’m older—I’m a mother. But I feel the same as I always have.”
“You’re not, babe. You’re a woman who knows what she wants, and you’re not afraid to go for it. You always had that quality, of course, or you wouldn’t have made it in naval aviation. But you’re tougher, more certain of yourself.”
His words struck a raw nerve, and she decided on the spot to wait until she was alone to process why. The sad truth that had started to sing its mournful tune from the minute she’d accepted he was still alive was growing into a full aria. She and the man she’d known were done. Rob might find a relationship with his son, and she sincerely hoped he did.
Rob and she, however, didn’t have a future together. They’d both moved on.
* * *
Rob was grateful that Trina disappeared into the woods to either find public facilities or use the forest as her restroom. He needed a little time to get his head screwed back on straight. It had been sweet of her to help him dress but he didn’t want Trina’s help. He wanted Trina.
And here was his problem, not much different from where he’d found himself over three years ago. Wanting a woman who was out of reach. They still shared phenomenal chemistry, and they worked well together in the field. That hadn’t changed. In fact, he was certain what they’d just shared was only a taste of what they’d find if they explored being together.
But it wouldn’t work. Trina had made it clear they’d both changed. He sure had, and while she looked and spoke like the younger Trina he’d known during the war, Trina had completely evolved into the powerful woman he’d caught glimpses of in the cockpit as she’d flown her plane. She no longer trusted so readily and was a ferocious advocate for her child. Their son.
Like the fully realized, powerful woman she was, Trina deserved a life partner who’d be there for her through thick and thin. Rob had a job to do as an undercover agent. It was his calling as much as being a SEAL or CIA operative had been. And it was another job that didn’t mesh with family life. Not the kind that Trina needed or was entitled to.
He still wanted to meet Jake and he prayed they’d forge a bond, that he’d develop a solid relationship with his son. But for his heart’s sake and Trina’s best interests, he had to keep it at that. He and Trina weren’t meant to be more than parents together.
Trina’s soft steps sounded and he saw her emerge from the trees, her hair still tousled, her cheeks flushed. A new ache settled, this one under his ribs. She was off limits.
* * *
“Talk about drive-through servicing.” Trina thought her quip as they left the campground was pretty funny. According to her phone they’d only been “camping” for fifty-three minutes.
Rob cast her a quick glance as he looked to the right and left for other cars on the road. Turning left, he shook his head. “Wow. You have changed, Trina. You never would have joked about sex like this before.”
“Yeah, I was more uptight then, I grant you that. We’ve both changed. This was our way of saying goodbye to the past, don’t you think?”
She watched his profile as he drove. Definitely more relaxed than when they’d left the ROC compound, but she also detected a note of resignation in his demeanor.
“Maybe. Probably.” He passed a trailer hauling horses, going up the last major hill before the road flattened out as they neared the Susquehanna Valley.
“Don’t forget we have to stop back at the kennel.”
“I haven’t. You said you named the dog Renegade?”
“It seemed natural. He fit in with us incredibly well for such a tiny guy. This is the turnoff, right?” She nodded at a green exit sign.
“Yes. Then a right turn at the end of the ramp.”
Thirty minutes later Renegade was snuggled in her lap as they sped back to Silver Valley. “He smells a lot better after a bath.” She stroked his soft puppy fur.
“Any idea how big he’ll get?”
“No. That’s okay, isn’t it, buddy?” She held up his face to hers. The puppy licked her, and she set him back down. “My son—I mean, Jake—is going to be thrilled. I know I should take Renegade to the vet first, to make sure he doesn’t have any health issues, but I’m going to throw caution to the wind.”
Nervous energy made her skin feel transparent, as if the wind that blew through their cracked windows was streaming into her center. “Rob, we need to figure out how to handle Jake.”
“Handle him? He’s not a mission to accomplish.”
“You know what I mean. When, or do, you want to meet him? Because if you aren’t up for this, I understand.” And she did. Because she’d raised Jake to this point, she knew she’d survive if Rob didn’t want to become a full-time parent.
“What the f—” Rob cut his expletive off, his face red and his eyes glued to the road. Not looking at her.
“It’s been a long time. You said yourself you’re dedicated to your career. Being an undercover operative is not conducive to stable parenting.”
“And being a US Marshal, hauling in the dregs of society, is?” Like her brother Nolan, Rob cut to the heart of what she’d been considering for the past year. Unlike Nolan, Rob didn’t know this part of her, didn’t have the years of helping her with Jake to understand her decision-making process. But the fact was that Rob knew her better than her brother did. Rob knew her on a soul level. He always had. And that was what made all of this so damned hard.
“Why couldn’t this have been a disaster?”
“What, Trina?” She felt his gaze on her like a caress. “Do you mean when we just made love?” Rob shook his head. “It’s never a disaster when we’re together. What we shared at Camp Serenity proves that.”
“More like camp screw-your-brains-out.” She couldn’t help it—she reverted to lousy attempts at humor whenever confronted by the most serious issues in her life. And it wasn’t lost on her that he’d said “made love.” It had to have been an expression. It didn’t, couldn’t, mean anything more.
“What we just shared wasn’t screwing, Trina. Don’t even try that route with me. As for my son, our son, of course I’m
going to meet him and be involved with his upbringing. I have five years to make up for. The real questions are whether you’re going to make it easy or difficult for me to do so, and what kind of relationship you and I are going to have moving forward. I think you’ve already answered the second question.” His neutral tone gave nothing away. She had no clue if he was disappointed that she didn’t want a further romantic relationship with him or not.
Romantic—the very word seemed so weak, so insipid compared to what she felt with Rob. Their bond was beyond description, beyond comparison. And it was cemented at the very least with the child they’d made.
Her instinct was to shut Rob down, close off any chance of him meeting Jake. It would be easier; there would be no hard feelings to deal with on her side. Except, knowing what joy and love Jake had brought to her life, could she possibly deprive Rob of any of it? No matter that it had been his choice to walk away over three years ago.
He’d had no idea the boy you were holding was his.
She expelled a long breath and watched the land whip by. As the sky darkened it released brilliant splashes of fuchsia and amethyst. Twinkling lights glimmered to the west, and she longed for home. To have Jake in her arms, to read him his bedtime story, to take a long, hot shower after he was asleep. Sip a cup of herbal tea and try to knit the scarf she’d started last Saturday in the Silver Valley knitting shop. Knitting was a new hobby for her, and she loved how she could sit on the back patio while Jake ran around the yard, a completely uninhibited five-year-old boy. He was as content with toads and crickets as he was with a handheld video game.
Jake deserved to know his father.
* * *
“Trina?” Rob didn’t like how still she sat, her face turned toward the passenger window, away from him. Was she going to tell him he’d never meet his kid? That she didn’t want to ever see him again, either?
And the sex they’d just had—it was life-changing. Not from the mind-blowing orgasm he’d had, or the three she’d had. He’d been damn careful, even in his frenzied need, that she had pleasure, too. It was about how readily they’d come together again, no matter that he’d bared all when he’d told her he’d made an attempt to see her again three and a half years ago. And he’d walked away.