Clearly, the doctor knew what she was doing as the one nurse replaced the other to hold Hailey up with Mark, and she crouched down as she slipped a glove over her hand. Anxiety and anticipation swirled in my gut, and I leaned forward with wide eyes to watch her nod firmly.
“You’re fully dilated, Hailey. Are you ready to push?” The question only pulled a yowling ‘no’ from Hailey as she doubled over, and the doctor ungloved her hand with a sympathetic look. “I’ll be back in a couple minutes, then.”
But that couple of minutes turned into an hour of screaming, of pain, until Hailey finally braced herself on the bed. Her sister cheered her on, and Mark sat on the bed to hold her shoulders as a nurse sat on a sheet of plastic on the floor. Harsh, shallow breaths pulsed from the television speakers, and the camera wobbled violently.
“I can see her head—push, Hailey. Push hard.” Hailey screamed a blood-curdling sound, and the camera jostled until I had a perfect view between her violently trembling thighs. Slick with blood and fluids, Antonya’s head of sparse, black hairs emerged, and my heart nearly stopped beating entirely as her body slipped from its cradle. Her chest inflated in a gasp, and her mouth opened wide in a wail that could shatter glass.
For just a second, Antonya disappeared from the camera’s view as the nurse pulled her back to avoid being crushed by Hailey’s body as she crumpled onto the plastic. Blood seeped from her to coat her legs and gown, but her groans and grunts of exhaustion were dampened by the newborn shrieking just beyond my view.
“Here she is, H, you did it. It’s over.” Two nurses and Mark helped Hailey onto the bed, and Antonya was set on her chest face down. Both mother and child relaxed instantly, and this woman that had just done this extraordinary thing passed out just as quickly.
“Are you gonna stay, Mark?” The feminine voice behind the camera spoke up as Mark rubbed his hands down his drenched shirt, and he shook his head wildly.
“Hell no—do you know how mad Kaitlyn was when I asked her if this was okay? She thought I cheated on her with my boss. No, I promised to be here to help Hailey get through the birth, but now I have to go grovel for Kaitlyn’s forgiveness.”
“I hope things won’t be awkward between you two.” Grimacing at that, Mark shook his head wildly as he flapped his t-shirt absently and swiped back his sweat-dampened hair.
“There was no one else she could ask, and Kaitlyn knows that. Besides, I’ve known Hailey since she was 15—I’m the one that hired her in the first place. I’m not going to cheat on my wife, and if I did, it wouldn’t be with someone I saw in a My Little Pony bathing suit top.”
Laughter was cut off when the video went into a blue screen, and I inhaled a harsh, rattling breath into lungs that refused to inflate. Turning my gaze to the baby in my lap, I blinked hard to rid myself of the burning behind my eyes.
“Are you okay, Anthony?” The soft, tentative question pulled a harsh grunt from me, and I jerked my head side to side. “I told you it was hard to watch.”
“It’s okay…” Rasping harshly, my assurance burned my throat, and I stroked Antonya’s belly. She twitched, mouth opening and chubby cheeks stretching as she yawned, and a smile cracked the dry skin of my lips.
I should’ve been there, but I was going to take a page from Hailey’s book. I will be here from now on.
Chapter 13
Hailey
Drumming my fingertips against my knee, I stared absently at the small television mounted on the wall. Antonya snoozed away in her car seat by my feet, but it was the muscular body next to me that tightened my abdomen with nerves.
“Are you sure you want to be here? It’s just my six-week check-up. It’s not a big deal.” Posing my question for the fifth time in about half an hour, I glanced over to watch Anthony nod while he flipped through a woman’s health magazine. Irritation mixed with affection in my chest, and he scanned a flimsy page under furrowed brows before opening his mouth.
“It’s a big deal to me. Why do you keep asking like you don’t want me here?” He wasn’t particularly standoffish, but I couldn’t help but sigh in annoyance. Taking his eyes from the magazine, he stared at me levelly, daring me not to answer. Licking my lips heavily, I leaned back in the uncomfortable office chair before opening my mouth.
“I don’t know, I thought guys were afraid of the gynecologist's office. You know, tampons and periods and stuff.” My half-hearted excuse only pulled a gruff snort from Anthony, and I arched a brow as his expression twisted in disgust.
“You mean boys are afraid, Hailey. My masculinity isn’t threatened by this study about ‘pad-rash’, you know.” Waving the magazine dully, his bland voice caused my lips to twitch into a slight smirk even as he turned his gaze back to it. “Besides, you don’t trust me to watch Antonya alone yet, and you took the morning off for this appointment. We’re getting brunch afterwards. There’s no legitimate reason not to come with you.”
“I don’t not trust you, Anthony…” Trailing off under Anthony’s disbelieving grunt, I reached to rake my hand through my hair even as words failed me. Clenching and releasing my jaw, my slight smirk morphed into a frown; he didn’t seem at all put out by the fact that I just didn’t like the idea of him watching Antonya alone. “I can’t explain it.”
“Which is exactly why we’re going to brunch. I feel like I have more of a relationship with your sister than I do with you, Hailey. I understand that it’s nice to have her around because you trust her, but you need to learn to trust me, too.” The firmness with which Anthony had decided this morning that we were going to brunch resonated deep inside me, and I fell silent. He hadn’t asked me if he could come to my appointment or bring me to brunch; he’d just declared that that was how we were going to spend our morning.
And I had no problem with it even though I knew I should’ve.
“I get it, Hailey—” Drawing my attention, Anthony caught my gaze and held it tightly with a command that rolled up my sternum to slither into my ears. “Going to Kelly’s house is not a bad thing, in fact, it’s a great idea since I had no idea how to do anything. But I got a handle on things now. It’s just for four hours, and you can call me or video chat or whatever you need to do to feel safer. If I can’t handle four hours after 8 days of practicing, I’ll call you immediately.”
“… Immediately… you promise?” Anthony nodded firmly, flashing me a smirk laced in assurance and triumph, and my chest loosened as the uncertainty lodged there lessened. “Okay.”
“Hailey?” The call from the nurse stiffened my spine, and I cast one last look at Anthony before pushing myself up from my seat. Striding across the waiting room, I wrung my fingers absently as the woman let me into the office. “How have you been feeling lately? Any cramps, bloody discharge, anything of note?”
“I’m okay… physically, at least.” My confession earned me a curious glance as we ducked into an exam room, and I sighed heavily. “That guy out there is Antonya’s biological father—he just showed up out of nowhere last week… It’s been really stressful.”
“Is he here for a paternity test?” Shaking my head as I slipped out of my low heels, I stepped on the scale as the past week raced through my mind.
“No, actually, he’s crazy about her. He’s been sleeping on my couch, taking her night feedings… he’s even been going to my sister’s house every day while I’m at work to watch her. Not once has he even hinted any doubt at all that she’s his. But… I don’t know what I’m supposed to do now.”
“Ah, so, are you stressed because he’s talking courts?” Shaking my head as I stared at the scale, I held back a sigh even as the nurse frowned over my shoulder. “You’ve lost a lot of weight since you gave birth. Are you eating well?”
“Better than I ever have, honestly… but I’m producing a lot of milk. Way too much. I don’t know what to do with it all.” The momentary break from the Anthony conversation was welcome, and I cupped my breasts unabashed as the nurse hummed softly.
“Antonya only eats 4 ou
nces, but I make 10 easy.”
“I’ll give you a number to the NICU at the hospital, you can donate your breastmilk after a few tests… So, why are you stressed if he’s basically being a dream?” Scribbling my weight on an exam chart, the nurse turned the conversation back to Anthony while I stepped off the scale and back into my shoes.
“I don’t really have a reason… not a viable one, anyway, more like those fantastical fears that’ll never happen but make me worry anyway, you know?” Once again, the nurse nodded, and she offered me a little cup and lid in a bag. “It really sucks.”
“Well, everyone has those fears, but if he’s trying to make it work without getting the courts involved, I think you’re fine. You two, or, you three, I should say… I wouldn’t have thought that you two were essentially complete strangers. Maybe you should stop listening to your worries and just let be.”
The nurse’s words rang in my head through the entire exam, and I emerged from the doctor’s office with a lollipop and some paperwork in hand. My gaze found Anthony easily, and a smile tilted my mouth as he fed Antonya leisurely. Tearing his eyes from her, they narrowed on me as I made my way to the other side of the waiting room.
“How’d it go?” Scanning me intensely, Anthony cocked his head slightly as I sat next to him.
“It was fine. Since I got my corporate promotion, I have reproductive health care, so I got a birth control implant while I was in there. Uh, do you want to finish feeding her while I make this call?” Arching a brow in question, he nodded firmly, and I pulled my purse out from under the chair to fish out my phone.
“I’m going to donate my breastmilk. I don’t have any freezer space left, and it lasts up from six months to a year in there.”
“Okay.” Flipping through the paperwork while Anthony turned his attention back to Antonya, I nibbled my bottom lip absently as my mind wandered.
The shock of Antonya had slowly been wearing off, and Anthony’s commanding side had started to shine through the uncertainty and dazed confusion of suddenly being a father. I could hear it in his voice, see it in the way he moved, feel it in the way he looked at me. He didn’t question the decisions I made, but if I was unsure, he would step in.
Like with brunch today. The decision was small, so small it could’ve been overlooked if I didn’t know better. Slowly, with extreme precision, Anthony was inserting himself into my life in ways that had very little to do directly with our daughter. Even his crashing on my couch was something that just happened without my say-so; he’d offered to take one night of feeding so that I could sleep, and that one night turned into five.
Last night, Anthony bought pizza as a surprise for exactly half an hour after we got back to my apartment from Kelly’s. When I worried about eating it, he opened the freezer stocked with breastmilk and suggested I use my electric pump and toss the pizza-tainted milk.
I hadn’t argued because I hadn’t eaten pizza in months, but it also came with a realization.
Anthony was picking and choosing his battles with ruthless efficiency, doing just enough to get under my skin but not enough for me to notice. He was trying with every drop of intelligence and strategy he owned to make this work.
And it was working extremely well.
Chapter 14
Anthony
“So, what did you do for the past ten months, Anthony? You know what I did—” Lifting Antonya out of her car seat, Hailey glanced at me across the table with eyes burning with curiosity. “I know you mentioned trying to get out from under your father’s thumb…”
The restaurant we’d picked out was quiet despite the lack of empty seats, and I flipped through my menu without really looking at it. Across the small table, Hailey held our daughter in the crook of her right arm and bounced slightly to keep her calm. For a long moment, I only stared, and I inhaled a deep, steadying breath before opening my mouth.
“I started going to therapy, actually…” The shame, the self-loathing, that I had always felt about needing professional help was absent, and a grim smile lifted my lips as Hailey stared in wide-eyed, open-mouthed shock.
“Yeah- after what happened, I realized that I needed help, not distractions. I went twice a week… I only stopped going to come here at the insistence of my therapist.”
“Your therapist told you to find me? To apologize?” Hailey’s voice was void of everything but surprise, and I leaned back in my seat to stare at her blankly.
“I told him I wanted to, I just didn’t think it was a good idea. I really… you can never understand the shame I felt for what I did to you, Hailey. He said I should try to get closure, to know you’re alright, and maybe even forgiveness. Now that I’m here…”
Trailing off as I ran out of words, I pursed my lips tightly as Hailey furrowed her brows sharply. My gaze flickered to Antonya, and my heart twisted in its cage.
“I don’t want to go back. I shut off my phone, you know—last week. I don’t want to turn it back on.”
“Anthony…” Breathing my name softly, Hailey smiled slightly, and she reached across the table to hold my hand. The contact sent goosebumps surging up my arm and chest, and I narrowed my eyes on her as she tinged pink. “You beat yourself up too much about that, Anthony. To be honest… I… I don’t think I’ve ever been so satisfied. Not to say it didn’t hurt, of course, but it didn’t hurt, you know?”
My heart nearly stopped beating entirely at Hailey’s sheepish confession, and I stiffened when she tightened her grip on my hand. Bells trilled in my head alongside the blaring of tornado sirens, but there was no way to tell if they were in warning or celebration. A tsunami of relief, even a tickle of pride, rushed my chest, and I squeezed her slender fingers before she opened her mouth again.
“I’m happy you got help, though. What did your therapist have to say about your father?” Grinning slightly at Hailey, I nodded absently, but the conversation was halted by the appearance of our waitress. She was clearly busy, and I quickly scanned the menu as Hailey ordered with confidence.
“My father doesn’t know I go…” Speaking up once the waitress rushed off with our menus and orders, I shrugged slightly at Hailey’s soft hum.
“I’ve been working for the past six months trying to distance myself from his companies—appointing new officials and stuff. The therapist helped me make a plan on how to do it. I finally just finished closing out, and this was what ended up happening. As for my therapist… his professional opinion is that my father is a narcissist—which isn’t such a stretch.”
“So, your plan is to just disappear until your father is forced to take back this burden he put on you?” Licking my lips heavily, my gaze landed on Antonya, and Hailey didn’t need any further explanation. It wasn’t my plan until I found out I had a real reason to disappear. “What if he comes looking for you?”
“I know what our contract says. Since my father insisted on keeping the final say in all major decisions, I don’t need to be involved in the small stuff, which is mostly everything. He can try to get me to come back and be a puppet, but I’m not legally obliged to do so.”
“That’s why you closed out, then. And even if your father did come looking for you, you can fall back on your therapy and go for medical inability just like he did.” Nodding firmly, I relaxed in my seat at the prideful smile Hailey shot me, and we fell into a comfortable silence.
My gaze settled on Antonya, and I leaned forward to reach across the table. She slept peacefully all morning, but a voice just behind my eardrum told me she’d wake up in a half hour, maybe, to eat. Her smooth skin was warm under my fingertips, and her tiny hand flexed at my touch.
“If you want, you can just keep crashing on my couch—I know you’re still paying for the hotel room, but it’s got to be racking up after so long.” Hailey’s fast words stiffened my muscles and sent prickles down my spine, and my eyes flickered to find her turning beet red. Clenching and releasing my jaw in the tense silence that surrounded us, I thought on the offer for a long moment befor
e slowly shaking my head. Clearly, but not hurtfully so, she hadn’t meant to blurt that out, and I wasn’t going to push her.
Not yet, at least.
“It’s okay, Hailey. I might be on hiatus, but I still own a few billion dollars in equitable ventures. I can handle paying $300 a night for a hotel room.” My response only caused Hailey to blush brighter, and I leaned back to laugh and reach to scratch the back of my neck. “It’s okay- I’ve forgotten about that a few times here, too. It’s surprisingly easy to forget.”
“Yeah.” Falling into silence, I stared at the tabletop absently as I realized exactly how easy it was to forget who I am here. In this city, with Hailey and Antonya, I was just a man who had a daughter with a one-night-stand. I wasn’t rich. I wasn’t burdened with responsibility I didn’t want. Hailey didn’t expect me to pay for shit; in fact, she usually fought with me about it.
This must be what it’s like to be happy with where you are and what you’re doing with life.
The sensation was almost alien; I hadn’t been happy—truly happy—for a long time.
“Uh, if you turned your phone off, how do you call me and stuff?” Flickering to Hailey, my eyes narrowed as I spotted our waitress emerging from the kitchen across the floor behind her. Reaching into my pocket, I pulled out my new phone to set it on the table. The only contact numbers displayed on the screen was Hailey’s, my therapist’s, and my voicemail, and she shuffled in her seat to lean forward.
“I got this one after I left last Monday. I was wondering when you’d ask why I never got any calls or anything.”
“I never noticed. I—” Speaking up quickly, Hailey sat back in her chair as the waitress stopped against the side of the table. Balancing the tray with one hand, the woman arranged our plates and drinks before wordlessly leaving once again, and Hailey adjusted Antonya in her arms before continuing. “I just thought you had it on silent or something when you’re at my house. You go back to the hotel every morning, so I just figured you’d check your stuff there.”
Needing Her Page 7