by Pace, Pepper
He averted his eyes. “But I trust you and I know you can take care of what needs taking care of. Just call me, okay?”
“I will.”
He hugged her and she left for her trip to Winton Terrace.
Chapter Thirteen
She would knock on her aunt’s door and hope that Jalissa answered so that she wouldn’t have to speak to the woman. But it wouldn’t be that easy, she was sure.
As Vanessa parked her car in the parking lot outside of the apartment that her aunt had been living in for nearly twenty years, fear nearly sent her retreating back to Scotty’s place.
Who would judge her if she chickened out? She had thrown a phone at her aunt, for God’s sakes!
But that wouldn’t happen either.
Vanessa got out the car, making sure the doors were locked before she hurried up the walkway to the apartment. Even though it was cold outside several kids were playing in the snow and Vanessa remembered the time she and Jalissa had built a snow fort. It was what pre-empted her getting jumped by a gang of girls. It was also the moment that she had learned to fight back.
Vanessa smiled grimly as she remembered the way Jalissa had taken up for her when she had sat there with her hands covering her head. Scotty had just looked at her and said, ‘Don’t tell me that you can’t fight …’
Vanessa knew that she had come a long way since then. She hurried into the apartment and located the familiar door. She inhaled deeply and then knocked.
“Who is it?!” Callista called.
Vanessa swallowed.
“I said who is it!”
“It’s Vanessa. Vanessa White.” She rolled her eyes as if the woman wouldn’t recognize her voice.
Vanessa heard the locks sliding back and then the door opened. Callista Cornel stood in the doorway peering up at her.
Vanessa was confused. This was her aunt but she was completely changed. She had always been shorter than her but now it was in a different way. Callista was stooped over and her back had a hump to one side. She held a cane and Vanessa noted that her knuckles were gnarled.
Callista had to tilt her head to the side in order to look up at her. Instead of her usual wig she wore a scarf. But it was tilted back so far that Vanessa could see tufts of hair poking out from beneath it in patches.
“Hello, aunt Callista.”
The woman stared at her. “Aunt? I thought I was a lying bitch.”
Vanessa’s jaw clenched. “I’m sorry to bother you but I’m looking for Jalissa. Is she still living here?”
Callista’s mouth twisted into a sneer and Vanessa could see that some of her teeth were missing.
“No. I haven’t seen Jalissa in months. And I don’t know where you can find her.” The door shut in Vanessa’s face. She almost raised her hand to knock again but stopped herself. She was unable to face that ghastly sight again.
Her aunt had turned into a monster that matched her outside to her inside.
But now how was she going to find her cousin?
Vanessa left the apartment and stopped to look around. They used to have a girl’s gang. Rochelle’s mother lived next to the cookie lady. Theresa had been the leader and she had lived behind Aunt Callista’s apartment. Then there was Sal who lived one court over, and Malinda who lived two doors down from Carmella.
Vanessa didn’t bother with the car and just went behind the apartment building for the adjacent court where she remembered that Theresa used to live.
Theresa’s mother said that Theresa now lived in Findlater Garden and gave her the telephone number and address. Vanessa didn’t even call. She just drove up the road to a place where two years before Scotty had beat a man to death. She suddenly remembered asking Beady if she ever made a trip down memory lane through Winton Terrace. What a stupid question. There was nothing she wanted to remember about Findlater Garden.
Vanessa knocked on the door and after a few moments a man opened it. He didn’t look pleased that someone was knocking before noon.
“Hi. Sorry to bother you. Uh … is Theresa here?”
“Who are you?” The man asked. He was dressed in jeans and no shirt.
“Vanessa. A friend of Theresa’s.”
The man’s eyes swept over her and then he opened the door wider and allowed her inside.
The apartment was neat and decorated nicely. Pictures of Theresa and a little boy hung on the walls along with artful paintings of African Warriors and children and babies enclosed in strong hands.
The man went upstairs and Vanessa assumed that they were late sleepers. She finally heard scuffling and a little boy came downstairs dressed in pajamas. It was Ricky!
He looked about five or six and he looked at her before sitting on the couch and turning on the television.
“Hi Ricky. I’m a friend of your mother.”
Ricky shrugged and then ignored her.
Theresa came down the stairs next. When she saw Vanessa she squealed in delight. The two women hugged and the greeting lifted her spirits.
“Oh my God, you look so good!” Theresa said.
Theresa was still pretty too and Vanessa told her so. She commented on how big Ricky was and Theresa made a face and dismissed all references to the boy.
“I heard about what happened to you, girl and how Scotty was arrested.”
“They dropped the charges against him and we’re together.”
Theresa looked pleased at the news. Vanessa knew that she could stand there getting caught up with her friend but she was on a mission
“Look, I’m trying to find Jalissa. Do you know where she is?”
Theresa looked sad. “That was bad. You two used to always fight and I used to always tell y’all to stop because y’all were cousins. See what happens when I’m not around?” Theresa moved to the table where she found a scrap of paper and an ink pen.
“I don’t see Jalissa much. She keeps to herself these days. But this is her address and phone number.”
Vanessa thanked her.
“I hope you two fix whatever got broken.”
Vanessa folded the paper and put it in her purse. “I do too, Theresa.”
Vanessa left and this time she decided to call before just heading over to Jalissa’s home.
Knowing that Scotty was worried, she drove back to his place to make the phone call.
He was at the door holding Crash as soon as she opened it.
“How did it go?” He asked before she could speak to say hi.
“I have her address and phone number. I thought I’d call from here … at some point, but not today. There’s too much going on. Plus it’s too close to Christmas.”
He put Crash down and took off her coat and then led her to the couch. He placed his arm around her shoulder.
She gave him a suspicious look. “You’re going to try to talk me out of waiting, aren’t you?”
“Yes. Because the longer you wait the harder it becomes.”
Vanessa took a deep breath. “You’re right.” She stood up and went to the telephone.
She dialed and listened to the ringing of the phone.
“Hello?” Came a soft voice that only sounded vaguely familiar.
“Jalissa?” Vanessa asked.
“Yes.”
“Jalissa, this is Vanessa.”
There was no response.
Vanessa cleared her voice. “I hope you don’t mind me calling. But I wanted to talk to you.”
“About what?” Jalissa asked quietly.
Vanessa paused. “About us.”
“Okay.”
“Can we meet somewhere?”
There was another prolonged pause. “I need to pick up my son from daycare. If you want, we can do it after that.”
“Yes.”
They set up a time for later that day, and a place that wasn’t too far from Scotty’s apartment or Jalissa’s day care. Vanessa also wanted to take her son. But didn’t mention it. Crash could be the universal ‘ice breaker’.
She would need it bec
ause Jalissa sounded far from happy to hear from her.
Vanessa walked into the coffee shop and looked around. She didn’t see Jalissa so she went to the counter and ordered hot tea and a pack of mandolins to share with her son.
When she turned to find a table, she saw Jalissa enter the shop while holding the hand of a little boy. They locked eyes and than Jalissa’s eyes moved to Crash where she took in everything from his feet to the blond hair that stuck out from beneath his hat.
And while Jalissa was doing that Vanessa was doing the same thing to her and her son.
Jalissa had changed. Gone were her long braids. Her hair was now natural and cut into a short afro that looked fantastic on her. She had slimmed as well. The coat she wore showed that much.
But the most drastic change was that the smile or scowl that was usually present on her face had disappeared and her dimples weren’t showing. Her expression did not show an ounce of her emotion.
But she was here and that said a lot.
Vanessa pursed her lips and walked to her cousin.
“Hey Jalissa.”
“Hi,” Jalissa looked at Crash. “I didn’t know you had a baby. Is there something wrong with his feet?”
Her voice was whispery soft.
Vanessa wasn’t sure how she would respond. The way Jalissa acted worried her and she wanted to ask what was wrong with her. Instead she explained about her son’s club feet.
Vanessa looked down at the little boy who held his mother’s hand, waiting patiently. He was so beautiful that her heart swelled with longing to touch him.
“What did you name your son?”
“Marcus. Mark.”
Vanessa crouched down to the toddler’s level. “Hello Mark.”
“Hi,” he replied.
Vanessa smiled and looked at Jalissa whose expression had only changed enough to show sadness and regret.
“I’ll get us a table if you want to get your drink.”
Jalissa looked toward the counter and then nodded and led her son there while Vanessa secured a small table which had room for an extra chair with a booster seat for Mark.
Jalissa joined them a few moments later. She took off her and Mark’s coat and hung them neatly behind their chairs. She set a bottle of juice before Mark and had a large coffee for herself.
“I’m happy you came.” Vanessa said. “I’m sorry so much time has passed. After Scotty’s trial I left town and moved to New York and I just got back a few days ago.”
Jalissa tilted her head. “You moved?”
“Yes. I’ve been living in New York.”
“Did you become a singer?”
“I did some singing—but mostly I just danced and sang behind other people.”
Jalissa nodded and looked at Crash who was getting cranky and wanted to get out of his mother’s arms so that he could walk. It might have taken him a long time to learn to walk but he certainly tried to make up for lost time.
“May I hold him?” Jalissa asked.
Vanessa was surprised but stood and passed her son to her cousin. Jalissa propped him gently onto her lap, turning him so that she could look at him.
“Hi sweetie.”
Crash quieted, probably due to her soft, soothing voice.
“I’m your auntie,” she said while kissing his cheek. “You’re awfully handsome.” She kissed him again and Vanessa noticed that her dimples were present as she smiled at him.
She looked at Vanessa and her dimples disappeared again as her smile faded.
Vanessa folded her hands in her lap, intertwining her fingers tensely.
“I was mad about everything that had happened, but I was wrong to put it on you the way I did. I’m sorry. I have missed you. I think about you everyday.”
Jalissa nodded. “I missed you too.”
“Jalissa,” Vanessa leaned forward, her eyes passionate with emotion. “Can you forgive me? I want us to be cousin’s again.”
Jalissa pulled a tissue from her pocket and dabbed her nose and sniffed. “How can you even look at me after how I treated you?” She whispered.
“What do you mean?”
Jalissa looked at her with eyes swimming with tears. “I turned my back on you at every turn. I knew you didn’t have many friends and I pushed you around, yelled at you all the time and didn’t care if I did things to annoy you. On some level I was mad too and even though I wanted you in my life and I loved you as my sister, I also liked knowing that you would never go away because you didn’t have anyone else.”
Vanessa grabbed the napkin from the table and wiped her eyes and nose. “That’s only one way of looking at things. I was recently thinking about that time those girls attacked me when we were building that fort. Do you remember that? I knew nothing about fighting. I just lay there with my hands over my head.”
Jalissa looked at her with wide eyes.
“You protected me that day. And every time I was in Winton Terrace you watched my back. You made that time of my life … memorable. Yes, you intentionally did things to aggravate me, like stuffing an entire pack of fruit stripe gum in your mouth-“
Jalissa laughed.
“But that’s the things that kids do.” She reached out slowly for Jalissa’s hand and her cousin clutched it tightly. “I was wrong to throw that in your face.”
“I wasn’t the best cousin that I could have been-“
“Don’t criticize my cousin,” Vanessa smiled. “I love that girl.”
Jalissa laughed and wiped her eyes with her tissue. “Yeah well that girl is pretty much gone.” She looked at Vanessa. “But the woman that replaced her misses you and loves you very much.”
Chapter Fourteen
“Catch me up on what’s been happening with you?” Vanessa asked. Her tea had grown cold but she didn’t care. Marcus was playing with Crash, while they drove toy cars across the tabletop, both making zooming sounds.
Jalissa looked down and shrugged. My life is nothing as interesting as living in New York and working on a stage.”
“Are you still with your baby’s father?”
“No. Dante doesn’t even see his son. Which is for the best. He’s still into that life. And that’s not a life I want for my child.”
~***~
Jalissa explained that she had gotten subsidized housing which allowed her to move out of her mother’s apartment almost as soon as her son was born. Callista had paid very little interest in the baby and that was a catalyst to cut her ties with the woman.
All of that talk about getting her grandchild out of the ghetto and wanting a better life for him was just a ploy to get at any additional money that she could crook Vanessa out of.
It had gotten to the point that even the sight of her mother sickened her. As soon as she got the keys to her new home she called her friends to get her moved in. Theresa babysat for her while she worked.
She had landed a job as a receptionist and though she didn’t make much she could pay her rent and take care of her son and that was all that mattered.
She saw Dante one day when she was picking her son up from Theresa’s apartment. He was driving a Lincoln Town car and had a woman in the passenger seat. It had hurt her, but mostly because she had made such bad choices for herself and her son.
Once Dante had seen her sitting at the bus stop with Mark when he was about a year old. He slowed his car long enough to look at Mark before he drove off.
That was the last time she travelled into Winton Terrace. Jalissa found a nearby daycare and enrolled her son there. It dug into her finances but to her it was worth it.
Jalissa didn’t have a boyfriend—she no longer thought having a boyfriend was ‘jive’. She merely had no time for romance. In order to pay rent and daycare she had to work two jobs.
She refused to do anything the way her mother did things and therefore had rejected going on welfare. It was hard. She had a part-time job at nights so that she could work while her son slept. Her next door neighbor offered to let Mark sleep over there
while she worked as a night watchman at an office building.
It was easy work and it allowed her to study for her GED. But there was still times when she found it hard to make ends meet. Sometimes she would shop for groceries and it was just a can of vegetable soup where her son got the vegetables while she drank the broth. Even when times were better she still had to do her grocery shopping very carefully. The best is when she could cook a pot of pinto beans or chili. But they couldn’t exist on that forever. So on days when there was a meat, a starch and a vegetable she was generally left hungry.
If she purchased a pack of meat that had four pork chops she knew that she could squeeze two meals out of it. She always shopped for even number pieces of meat; one for her and one for her son—in theory.
But at night she watched her son eat his share and when he was finished she asked him if he wanted more meat. On days when he said yes she would give him her pork chop or chicken breast or beefsteak. And once he finished eating she would send him to his room to play and she would finish whatever he left on his plate.
She was often tempted to prepare a third piece of meat but she knew that if she did it would result in one less meal and if there was only one piece of meat to prepare it would end up just going to him anyways.
Jalissa knew that she could always turn to Welfare if it got to the point that she was unable to take care of her son. But the idea of it brought thoughts of a past when she figured her life would just end up in the projects with nothing but what the Welfare system allowed her to have.
Even financially strapped, no one dictated how she lived or how she made and spent her money and that feeling was worth a few hunger pangs every once in a while.
After she got her GED, Jalissa was able to get a raise at her main job and moved from receptionist to customer service rep. It was enough for her to get a car with a reasonable monthly payment.
And that is where she was now. A little beat up but all the more stronger for her struggles.
“I’m proud of you for doing it on your own terms.” Vanessa said. “There is no one special in your life?”