What bothered him most of all, more than the Creator’s evasiveness about both Cody and Dee’s master, was that now he bore the burden of the truth as well. He had it in his power to do what the Creator could not, and tell Dee that the very hope she had been holding onto all this time was for nothing. He could tell her that, but it would absolutely destroy her. The alternative was to do exactly as the Creator had so cowardly done: hide the truth for the sake of her happiness. What bothered him most of all was that he already knew which option he was going to have to take.
Chapter Twenty-Nine
The Pain That Lingers On
December 23rd, 2004
The Creator rose early the next morning as light began to pour into the guest room. He looked over to Adam, asleep on his side facing away from the Creator. When he had gone back to the room the night before, he found that Adam was already asleep. Adam wouldn’t have been likely to talk with him after their argument. He chose to let it slide, a sudden outburst brought on by stress of the coming situation. He tried not to let it bother him, though in the back of his mind the memories of the fight kept looping in his thoughts. There were very few times that anyone had ever spoken to him in such a way, and even fewer times had such a rebuking had gone unpunished.
He shut the door as he left the room and tiptoed down the hall towards the kitchen to prepare some tea.
“You’re up early,” someone called behind him. He turned around and saw Mathias walking towards him.
“So are you,” the Creator replied as he reached the kitchen. The two walked in and the Creator filled the kettle with water before placing it on the stove to heat.
“Can you blame me?” Mathias asked rhetorically. “I’m getting antsy from all this waiting around.”
“You actually sound like you’re looking forward to run into combat,” the Creator said. “Though that is your job, it’s to be expected. Just don’t get too cocky. We don’t know what kind of tricks Iilil-ja’s other half has up his sleeve. Don’t drop your guard for an instant.”
“I would think at this point that goes without saying,” another voice added. Mathias turned his head and saw Cody enter the doorframe of the kitchen.
“Good morning, Cody,” the Creator greeted him. “You’re up early as well?”
“I didn’t come here to sleep, Creator,” Cody replied. “I plan on using the rest of today to keep preparing myself for the battle tomorrow. I imagine your other half will be joining me when he wakes. Though to be honest I imagined he would be the first one to get up this morning.”
“I decided it would be best not to wake him,” the Creator said. “He should be getting all of the rest he needs, and he tends to be a bit grumpy when he wakes up.” The tea kettle whistled behind the Creator and he attended to it before getting three fresh cups from the cabinet along with the tea.
“That may be an understatement,” Mathias added. “He’s a bit grumpy in general.”
“I imagine I would be too, were I in his shoes,” Cody said. “Don’t forget that even though he’s supposedly rid himself of excessive anger, as you’ve told me, he’s still a being that was born from that anger. I would be surprised if he didn’t carry on in such a gruff manner as he does.”
“Well I did the best I could to help balance him out when the problem first came about,” the Creator said. Cody folded his arms.
“I’m sure that you did.” Before the Creator could comment on the sardonic remark, Ayumi made her morning debut and wandered by the kitchen as well.
“Morning everyone,” she said sleepily. The others set aside the negative conversation for the sake of the younger girl and Cody moved aside so that she could join them. She was the only one not dressed, still wearing a loose pair of light-colored pajamas.
“We didn’t wake you with our talking, did we?” Cody asked. Ayumi shook her head.
“No, I was just kind of lying in bed half awake,” she answered. “I heard you guys talking so I thought I would come say hello.” The Creator got another cup and poured Ayumi some tea as well. He slid it across the counter in the center of the kitchen towards her and she took it gratefully.
“Hard to believe it’s almost the day,” she said before taking a sip of the hot tea. “It’s been a long week, hasn’t it? It almost makes me think it would have been better to go get him right away.”
“I did suggest that, mind you,” the Creator said as he filled the other cups.
“It was better this way,” Mathias added. “It’s just that the wait’s made everybody kind of on edge. I know it’s driving me crazy. I bet that’s what he wanted, though.”
“If it was, it worked,” Cody said. “There’s no doubt that your team’s morale isn’t that great, especially after The Baggins went to the other side. Though to be honest, I don’t believe he ever intended to fully cooperate with your group at all.”
“You really don’t like him, do you?” asked Ayumi.
“Trust me,” Cody said, “If you really knew that man and all the atrocities he’s committed, you would be agreeing with me.”
“But that was a long time ago,” Ayumi said. “People change. The last time I got to talk with him he didn’t seem like such a bad guy.”
Cody clunked his cup down on the counter. He closed his eyes, but his anger was obvious. “Ayumi, have you ever lost anyone close to you?” His question was delivered calmly, but Ayumi was apprehensive to answer him.
“Yes,” she finally said, still stunned by the abruptness of the question. “My mother passed away when I was younger. But what does that—”
“It’s not a good feeling, is it?” Cody interrupted her. “That terrible ache that never really fades. Now take that feeling and multiply it a hundred million times. The suffering of whole countries that were devastated by war, all the lives lost. That’s the kind of pain that he caused, so don’t you dare try and defend the man responsible for that. Don’t you dare.”
“Cody!” the Creator stopped him. “That’s quite enough. We don’t need our spirits to fall any lower.”
Cody pushed himself away from the counter. “I’m sorry, Ayumi. Excuse me.” He stormed out of the kitchen and headed towards the back end of the house, leaving the other three speechless. Ayumi felt completely numb, on the verge of tears.
“Please forgive him, Ayumi,” the Creator said. “He holds many bitter memories about the war. I had hoped that enough time had passed that his heart would have healed but obviously I was wrong.”
“Daniel-kun?” she asked, keeping her eyes locked ahead of her towards the door. “Is it true? Did that man really cause so much suffering? Did he really take the lives of a hundred million people?”
“It’s not quite the way that Cody put it,” the Creator explained. “The Baggins isn’t a mass murderer. He gave others the orders to kill and they obeyed him. He’s a tyrant, and that’s the difference.”
“That’s hardly a difference,” Ayumi said, half shouting. “Even if that’s the case, Cody has every right to be as angry as he is.”
“Sounds like you’re telling the wrong people, kid,” Mathias said. He tilted his head towards the hallway, and Ayumi responded with a nod before going off after Cody. The Creator let out a heavy sigh, taking his own cup of tea in hand and drinking.
“So what’s the real reason?” asked Mathias. The Creator switched his gaze to the bounty hunter mid-sip and swallowed. “What do you mean?”
“Come on,” Mathias said. “He wouldn’t have gotten that upset about it if this was just about The Baggins being a tyrant. There’s something personal behind that hatred. Trust me, I know all about it. Is there something you’re not letting on, boss man?”
The Creator set his cup down. “I’m afraid I’m not at liberty to discuss that, Mr. Silvos. That information is confidential, between myself, Cody, and The Baggins.” Mathias didn’t question further, and was more upset that the Creator had called him by his real name. It was clear he had known the truth all along, but having the name come up ma
de him wary. He decided to drop the subject, and instead motioned his empty cup to the Creator.
“Think I can get another?”
Ayumi slid the back door open and found Cody sitting against the wall of the house on the porch. The bitter cold air immediately hit her skin, but she ignored it as he stepped out onto the snowy porch. She was thankful to have put on her slippers before leaving her room, or else going outside would have been truly unbearable. As she got closer, Cody looked towards her.
“You shouldn’t be out here dressed like that,” he said. “You’ll catch your death.”
“Same to you,” she said, noting that he wasn’t wearing any warm clothing at all.
“Ayumi, I’m sorry I got upset with you,” Cody said. “It’s just that talking about that subject gets me worked up. You couldn’t have known.”
“You shouldn’t apologize,” she said, moving over to his side and crouching down next to him. “I’m the one who stuck my nose in where it didn’t belong.”
“Don’t even worry about it,” Cody said, returning his gaze to the frozen world around him.
“Do you mind if I ask something kind of personal?” Ayumi asked.
“Sure,” Cody replied.
“Did you know anyone in the war who died?”
Cody didn’t answer and continued to stare out into the blank whiteness in front of him.
“Sorry, I shouldn’t have asked. It’s just that the way you were talking it sounded like you might have lost someone close to you in the war.”
“It’s something I’d prefer not to talk about.”
“I know how it feels to lose someone you care about,” Ayumi pushed on. “Don’t bottle your feelings up, Cody. Talk to me.”
Without thinking, Ayumi moved her hand over and rested it on Cody’s. Feeling the warmth of her hand, he pulled away and stood up with a start, sending Ayumi falling backwards onto the snowy porch. She looked up at him with a mix of shock and sadness, while his eyes returned hostility. His gaze broke away and he lowered his head in shame.
“I’m sorry,” he said. This time, Ayumi felt much less of a need to be forgiving. Her shock switched to resentment as she narrowed her eyes.
“You apologize too much,” she spat back, fighting off tears that were beginning to well up in her eyes. She tore herself up from the porch and ran back inside, slamming the door behind her.
Cody didn’t watch her go. He let out a sigh and returned to looking over the ice and snow covered garden in front of him. He thought that maybe he had been out in the cold for too long; his heart was already beginning to match the scenery.
Chapter Thirty
The Courage and Serenity
In the quiet of the guest room, Adam spent the entire day in deep thought. His experience at the temple the day before was a helpful one, but he realized that he could achieve the same kind of internal reflection in the solitude of the room instead of making his way across the city and sitting in the cold. At any rate, he didn’t feel like leaving the room. The argument with the Creator was still fresh in his thoughts and left a bad taste in his mouth. It almost made him question whether he was really on the right side or not. It was only when he considered the alternative that he remembered that he was better off fighting alongside the Creator than with his other half.
All of the negativity was getting in the way of what he should have been focusing on: learning to control the elements like a second nature and putting away any anger that managed to creep back into his mind. The Creator’s provocation certainly hadn’t helped the latter, and it made Adam realize that he didn’t have as much control over his anger as he thought he did. That kind of control would be essential in the upcoming battle, and even more so after it was over. If he couldn’t prevent his anger from overtaking him, then everything he had worked towards until now and all that had happened in Kyoto would have been for nothing.
He forced all of the unnecessary thoughts out of his head once again and tried to clear his mind completely. This didn’t work at all, as moments later there was a knock at the door. Adam let out a sigh and without opening his eyes or even moving asked, “Who’s there?”
“It’s me,” Dee said from the other side. “Can I come in?”
He didn’t really want to deal with anyone at the moment, but he couldn’t just say no to her. “Yeah, it’s ok,” he answered. Dee slowly pushed the door open and found Adam sitting on the floor, facing the window with his head down and his body still.
“Is everything alright?” she asked as she closed the door behind her. Adam still didn’t turn around and didn’t even bother to open his eyes.
“I’m fine, Dee,” he answered. “I’ve just been doing a lot of thinking in here. The quiet is nice.”
“You’ve been in here for a while now,” Dee noted from his clothes, still the same from the day before. “Don’t you want to come out for a while?”
“Not right now,” he said. “I still need more time to get everything straight in my head.”
“Oh,” Dee said. “Well is there anything I can do to help? You know I’m good at helping you sort out your thoughts and get you on the right track.”
“It’s ok, really,” Adam said.
“Is something bothering you?” she pushed.
“No, Dee,” he answered more tersely. Immediately realizing his tone, Adam corrected himself with a lighter approach. “No, I’m fine. It’s just everything that I’m dealing with right now. I need to be able to clear my head and get my mind to a good place before I go into the battle tomorrow.”
“Well then I picked a good time to come in I guess,” she said. She walked over to him and took a seat on the Creator’s bed. Adam finally opened his eyes in time to see her reach into her coat pocket.
“While we were out seeing the city yesterday Ayumi brought us to a few different shops,” Dee said. She pulled out a woven leather bracelet with a flat white stone bound in the middle. There was a foreign character written on it that Adam didn’t recognize, something in Japanese he gathered.
“The card at the store said the symbol means ‘serenity’,” Dee said, handing the stone to Adam. “Keeping this stone with you is supposed to give the power of what’s written on it. I know that even after the ritual, you’ve been uncertain about whether or not you have control over yourself. I figured if you had this, you’ll always have serenity and you’ll be able to control any lingering feelings of anger.”
“It sounds like a lot of superstition,” Adam said. “A stone can’t bring me serenity.”
“Well not with that attitude,” said Dee.
“It doesn’t make a difference, Dee. I’ll always have this anger inside of me, and someday I’m going to lose control again and hurt someone else.”
“Would you stop it?” Dee shouted, causing Adam to shoot his head up in shock. “What kind of attitude is that to have? Did you already give up on yourself? Are you going to let your angry side win because you’re afraid?”
Adam scowled at her. “I’m not afraid.”
“Stop telling yourself that!” Dee said. “I know you’re afraid, Adam. We’re all afraid. I’m afraid, for our lives, for this country, and for you! I don’t want to see you get hurt anymore, but if you resign yourself right now then what was the point of all of this? You can’t just give up on saving yourself.”
Adam lowered his head and clenched his fists. He wasn’t angry with Dee, but with himself. “You’re right,” he said. “Back at the palace I told you I wasn’t afraid, but really I was terrified. I’m still terrified even now. Everything turned around for me that night, and I was happy for the first time in a while. I don’t want to lose that because I’m too weak to deal with all of this.”
With his eyes still cast downward, Adam only heard Dee slide off the bed and move behind him. He jumped slightly as he felt a pair of warm arms wrap around his neck, her fingertips clutching the loose fabric of his shirt. Dee rested her head against his and began to speak softly.
“When I met
you a month ago, I really didn’t like you at all. You were rude, disrespectful, and downright terrifying. I was afraid of you. You were a scary guy, but I came to realize that you honestly wanted to change. The fact that you were afraid to face the anger within you shows that you did change. Everyone’s afraid sometimes, Adam. It proves that you’re not just anger; you’re so much more than that. You can’t just throw all of that away because of your fears. You’ve got to face those fears head on, but you won’t do it alone. We’re all here for you, and we’ll all go together.”
Adam unclenched his fists and looked at the bracelet in his right hand, tracing the carved black symbol on the white stone with his eyes. “Even if this alone can’t calm my anger, maybe all of you can. Thank you, Dee. I really mean it, thank you.”
Dee smiled and released Adam. “I’m going to make dinner tonight, and it ought to be ready in an hour or so. Do you want me to come get you when it’s ready?”
Adam turned around to face Dee, this time returning a smile of his own. “No, I think I’ll come join you all out there. Yes, I think I will.”
Down the hall, Cody knocked on Ayumi’s door.
“Who is it?” she asked.
“It’s Cody,” he answered. “Can I come in?”
“No,” she said abruptly.
“Ayumi, please open the door.”
“Go away! I said I don’t want to talk to you!” Her voice was strained and mixed with anger.
“Fine,” Cody resigned. “If you won’t open the door then I’ll just talk through it, because I want you to hear me out.” He waited for another response from Ayumi, but after she was silent for a moment he sighed and began to speak.
The Kyoto Ordeal (Tales of the Other Universe Book 1) Page 26