“Yeah.” The sound of footsteps had her plastering a smile to her face, the one she used when everyone was here. But I saw when her facade dropped. She didn’t feel the need to put a front on when it was just me, her, and Lorenzo. I understood it, but I wished I could tell her that she didn’t need to rush her healing. Physically or mentally. “Anyway. I hope they enjoy the pasta.” She took a step back, lifting her hand in a wave. “See you in the morning.”
“See you,” I murmured, the words drifting behind her as she spun around and moved back into the dining room.
I didn’t move for several seconds as I stared at the mansion. I sometimes wondered what it would be like to live here instead of the tiny apartment, but being here came with a catch. It wasn’t easy, no matter how much Lorenzo made it look that way.
With one last look at the door to the command center, I left, ready to switch from Mafia captain to big brother.
CHAPTER 5
LUNA
I’d started to come to college earlier and earlier each day while getting home later and later. The less time I spent inside the havoc that was my apartment, the better. There was always someone new inside the four walls, and if I was honest, I just didn’t feel safe there anymore. If I had somewhere else to sleep, I wouldn’t have gone back at all. But I didn’t. I had to go back there whether I liked it or not.
I gritted my teeth, hating that they’d fooled me. I should have known better than to believe them when they said they were clean for good this time. I was a fool. A fool with hope that got destroyed at every turn.
A fool who was catching the first bus of the day and getting onto campus before the sun had fully come up. And today wasn’t any different. I’d walked around the campus for a little while before settling on a bench on one of the many pathways that interconnected all of the buildings. I had an assignment to finish, and even though my laptop was one of the cheap ones, it did the job of being able to electronically send my assignments in without me needing to be in the library.
It was one of the only things I’d splurged on with my scholarship money. Had it not have been a necessity, I would have saved the money for the expensive books I needed. But in this day and age, almost everything was done online. Something I was grateful for but also annoyed at. Not everyone had the money for countless devices that they didn’t even technically need.
I blew out a breath as I clicked send, then leaned back on the bench. More students had filed on to campus now that the sun was high in the sky, but it was still relatively empty when a familiar SUV pulled up to the edge of the curb.
Blinking, I scanned the dark windows and the gleaming metal work. I frowned, trying to ignore the dip in my stomach at the sight of it. I’d spotted him here a few times since we ran into each other—literally—but I still hadn’t figured out why he was on campus. I didn’t want to admit that I looked out for him when I was here, or that my gaze veered to his makeshift spot at the apartment building. But it did. There was something about him that I couldn’t put my finger on. Something that pulled at me from deep within.
I slipped my laptop into my bag, not taking my gaze off the SUV as the back door opened. A woman dressed in black jeans and a short white jacket stepped out. Her long black hair was to the middle of her back and perfectly blown out. I reached up to my own hair, the brown looking lighter thanks to the summer months, but I knew by November it would darken right back up again. My messy bun on the top of my head was nothing compared to the shiny gloriousness that was her hair.
I was comparing myself to a woman I didn’t even know, yet I couldn’t stop it.
Was this the reason he was here? Was she his girlfriend?
I pressed my hand on my stomach, wincing at the sinking feeling. Why did the thought of Mateo with someone else make me feel like I was dropping to the bottom of a murky lake with no rescue in sight?
Clipping my bag closed, I stared at her. She threw her head back laughing, the sound so easy breezy. I’d never be like that. I’d never be able to laugh so freely that I didn’t care who heard. I was always hyperaware of everything around me, not wanting to make myself the center of attention. It was easier that way. If I went by undetected, then I wouldn’t be anyone’s focus. But I couldn’t help wondering what it would be like if I didn’t care who saw me. What would people think of me if I didn’t hide in corners and keep my head down?
They’d think I was just like my mom and dad.
I swatted that thought away as soon as it leaked through my consciousness. They were always there, in the back of my mind, controlling how I acted without them even knowing. They said that you were a product of your environment, but if that was true, I was destined to be consumed by drugs. My skin crawled when I thought about how easy it would be for me to turn into that.
I refused to be like them. I’d be the outlier, the one who pulled herself out of a situation without falling into the deep pit of despair with no way out.
Her laugh filtered through my thoughts, and I snapped upright, standing, needing to get away from the situation in front of me. I took one last look back at the SUV, and as I did, the front driver door opened. My breath caught in the back of my throat as he stepped out dressed in his suit pants and shirt with the sleeves rolled up to his elbows.
Holy shit.
The woman closed the back door at the same time as Mateo, and I wondered if he was going to just leave the SUV parked there. It was a "no parking" zone, but as he started to walk up the pathway next to the woman, I realized that he didn’t care. The way he held his shoulders back and his head up high said more than any words ever could.
He flicked his head up, his gaze immediately piercing mine as if he’d known I was there all along. I was glued to the ground, my feet not working, and my stomach a mess of butterflies. His lips lifted into a knowing grin. Damn him.
Why did he make me feel like that? Why did one look render me incapable of doing anything else? This wasn’t normal, right? He shouldn’t have been able to make my body not feel like my own.
I scrambled, holding my bag tighter to me, hoping he’d just walk on by me as if I didn’t exist. And maybe to him I didn’t. I’d only officially spoken to him once. I mean sure, I saw Cardo and Chiara nearly every day. I’d even brought burgers home with me last night and we’d had a makeshift picnic until Cardo had said it was time to go back to his apartment.
I’d seen the same hesitation on Cardo’s face that I knew was on mine every time I started the walk up the stairs to my own apartment. I hated to think what was happening between his walls when Mateo wasn’t there. But I knew it wasn’t my place to ask. Too many times when I was a kid a nosy neighbor would intervene, and all it would do was make things ten times worse. My mom would stress out and get high, my dad would try and calm her down, then join her in her high, and I’d be left alone.
So I stayed in my lane. I kept my feelings to myself and tried to do what I could without stepping fully in. But now Mateo was a couple of feet away from me, and the woman he was with was smiling back and forth between us.
“Hi,” I croaked out, cringing at my too loud voice in the otherwise quiet space. Crap. Why did I do that?
“Hey,” Mateo smoothly replied, halting in front of me. His dark eyes scanned my face, taking in everything that he could, which I knew wouldn’t be much. I’d become a pro at guarding all of my emotions.
Neither of us said anything for what had to be nearly a minute. It was becoming awkward, but I wasn’t sure what to say. Did I ask why he was here again? My attention moved to the woman. Maybe I should ask who she was? Maybe I should mention the burgers from last night. Maybe I could—
“Hi,” the woman suddenly said, stepping closer to Mateo. It was a subtle move, but the lack of touching was a blasting siren. “I’m Aida.” She held her hand out to me.
“Luna,” I whispered, placing my hand in hers. “Do you go here?” I couldn’t help myself. The question was out of my mouth before I’d even registered it.
“Yep.” She shuffled on the spot. “I’m in my second year.” She paused and waved her hand between us. “You two know each other?”
“No,” I blurted out. Mateo raised a brow and pushed his hands into his pockets, his stance and grin telling me he was enjoying the burning of my cheeks. “I mean, kind of.” I shook my head, laughing awkwardly. “I live in his apartment block.”
“Oh.” Aida nodded like she understood. “And you go here too?”
“I do. I moved here for—” I pinched my lips together to stop talking. When I was nervous, I talked way more than I should. It had been my downfall when I was younger. I thought I’d gotten ahold of it, but apparently I reverted right back when I felt like I needed to fill the space with talk. “Yeah. I go here too.”
“Nice.” Aida smiled, the kind of smile that caught you off guard. “I need to head to class.” She turned to face Mateo. “I’ll see you in a few hours?”
“I’ll be here,” he said, pulling something out of his pocket. It looked like a cell phone, but also didn’t. “Want me to walk you to class? I don’t need to be back at the mansion for another hour.”
Aida shook her head, her hair flipping around her. “No. I’ll be fine.” They stared at each other for a beat, a silent conversation happening that I felt like I was intruding on. She suddenly whipped her face around to look at me. “It was nice to meet you, Luna.” She waved, not glancing at Mateo as she walked away, rushing down the pathway and leaving me and Mateo standing here.
“So…” I cleared my throat, looking at his hands that were still in his pockets. “I better head to class too.”
He didn’t move, not until I finally looked up at his face. His easygoing grin was gone, and in its place a look that made me take a step back.
“Tell me, Luna.” He advanced two steps, leaving only a few inches of space between us. “Is there a reason you’re buying food for Cardo and Chiara?”
“I—” My eyes widened, and I gripped my bag harder. “I was just…erm…I had extra, so—”
“No you didn’t.” His chest expanded on a breath. “Don’t lie to me, Luna.” His eyes narrowed on me. “Ever.”
“I...” Fuck. Why did I feel like he was seeing down into my soul and reading all of my secrets? He was exposing me with a single look and a few words. How the hell did he do that? “I’ve been…” I shuffled on the spot, trying to figure out how to word it. Hanging out with them didn’t sound right. What kind of eighteen-year-old went out of her way to hang with a seven- and four-year-old? I knew it sounded weird, but my gut was telling me they needed some normality. My shoulders drooped, my breath whooshing out of me. “I’ve been keeping an eye on them.”
“Why?” Mateo asked, his voice lower now. His finger trailed down my wrist and to my hand, hooking on to the end of my pinky finger. I felt his touch everywhere, but the look shining in his eyes—like he was being stripped bare—punched me right in the stomach.
“Because.” I swallowed past the lump in my throat. I didn’t know this guy, not really, and yet it felt like I did. It felt like my soul had always been part of his. “I see the same look in their eyes that I have.”
His finger tightened on mine. “And what look is that?”
“Like…like they don’t want to go home,” I whispered.
His eyes stayed on me, analyzing the words I was saying. It was the truth. He’d told me not to lie to him, and I hadn’t. I didn’t want to go home, I never did. The only reason that I walked back in that door so many times was to make sure my mom and dad were still alive.
Mateo slowly nodded, his eyes shuttering with each of his movements. He was pulling himself back, erecting the walls that kept him safe. I knew all about those walls, so when he unhooked his finger from mine and stepped back, I knew that was all he was going to give me right then.
A person who didn’t recognize the pain would have pushed him for more, would have asked why he wasn’t saying anything. But I didn’t. I just stared at him, knowing that the unsaid wasn’t spoken for a reason.
He took another step back, his gaze not moving from mine until he pulled a pair of sunglasses over his eyes, cutting me off completely. I’d have been lying if I said I didn’t feel the loss, but I understood it. More than he would ever know.
“I’ll see you around, Luna.”
“Okay.” I readied my body to turn away from him, but at the last second added, “If you ever need anything…” I trailed off, knowing that he would understand what I meant. He didn’t acknowledge my words or move his body, but I knew he’d heard me.
So I turned, feeling his gaze on me the whole way down the pathway as I headed to my first class of the day. I halted in front of the building, glancing over my shoulder seeing him standing in the same position, his head turned my way. I blinked, pulled in a breath, and tried to forget the way he made my skin burn when he looked at me.
I wasn’t sure what he was: a danger, or a glimpse of light in my darkness. Either way, I didn’t have time for people like him. I had a plan, one that would get me out of the life I’d always been stuck in. As I opened the building door, I solidified that fact and pushed everything else out of my mind. I was here for a reason, I just needed to remember that.
* * *
MATEO
I hadn’t spent enough time at home lately, not since I’d been made a captain. The perks of captain were what we needed as a family, and I was already working on buying our own place, but it’d be at least a couple of weeks until the paperwork could be signed.
In the meantime, I was traveling from the apartment to the mansion and working longer hours. I was doing all of this for the kids, that was what I kept telling myself, but to them, all they wanted was me at home as a buffer between them and our mom.
Guilt choked at me as I walked into the apartment after another fifteen-hour day. I made sure I was here every morning to take them to school, but after school was a different story. Each time I sent a new babysitter to the apartment, Mom would kick them out within minutes. Riccardo had told me that she’d do the same to him and Chiara not long after, leaving them with no place to go but outside in the apartment block. I hadn’t known until I’d come home last night and they’d been outside alone in the dark.
Fuck. Something had to change. Fast. I couldn’t let them keep being treated like this.
Mom was an alcoholic; had been since before I could remember. The bottle came first. Always.
Every fiber in my being wanted to abandon her, but there was still that niggling feeling at the back of my brain. I couldn’t listen to that any longer though. I had to do what was best for Riccardo and Chiara, even if that meant leaving the woman who had birthed us behind.
I puffed out a breath and stared at the TV. It was only 10 p.m.—I’d made it home earlier than usual—and everyone was already in bed. I’d even managed to put my mom to bed, although I had a little help from the bottle of vodka she’d been drinking all day. And now I was surrounded by peace and quiet with only my thoughts to keep me occupied. Thoughts that I kept at bay by being busy. But now they were at the forefront, demanding the change that was in motion.
I pulled my cell out and typed an email to the lawyer handling the purchase of the new house I was buying. I needed it to go through quicker, even if it meant spending more money. The faster we got out of this place, the better.
Just as I clicked send, my satellite phone rang. Lorenzo’s name flashed on the screen, so I snapped it up, answering, “Boss?”
“Need you at the mansion asap.” He didn’t say another word as the line went dead. It was straight to the point, giving nothing away, just like he always was. My body worked on automatic as I stood and headed to my room. Once I was changed into a pair of jeans and a T-shirt, I headed toward the front door.
Fuck.
I halted. I couldn’t leave the kids here alone with Mom. I’d never left them on their own during the night. If I’d had to go and handle business during the darkness, I called the babysitter in, but now we d
idn’t have one. Goddammit.
My heart raced. There was no way in hell I couldn’t go to the mansion. Lorenzo had called, and you didn’t just not turn up when he demanded you there.
I glanced around the apartment, trying to search for answers when my gaze landed on a bright-pink hair tie Chiara had left on the table.
Luna. I could ask Luna.
Her words from a few days ago echoed in my mind. If you ever need anything…
This was that time. I needed her, even though I didn’t want to admit it fully. I’d read her full background check and I knew more about her than possibly even she did. Her parents were addicts, had been before she was born. She’d grown up in the same house as them, never leaving their side. She’d even moved them here with her. Maybe they were getting a fresh start. But something in her eyes told me that it hadn’t gone to plan. Not only that, but I wasn’t the only one who had noticed the random people going in and out of her door.
We lived in a rough part of town, one where we didn’t intrude on people’s lives, mainly because we didn’t want people poking their noses into our own business. Which was why I hadn’t said anything to her.
But right now, I needed her. So I opened the apartment door and rushed up the stairs. I’d never been up here to her apartment, but I didn’t need to to know which one hers was. I’d stared at the peeling paint of the door way too many times since I’d found out which number she lived in, thanks to the background check.
Music blasted through the apartment door and I frowned. I didn’t know Luna, but from the few times I’d met her and spoken to her, she didn’t come across as a party girl. Maybe this wasn’t such a good idea after—
The door swung open followed by a small squealed, “Holy fuck.” I stared down at Luna, narrowing my eyes and trying to figure her out. She was a mystery to me, one that begged to be solved. Too bad I had too much on my plate to even consider it. “You scared the life out of me.” She laughed, the sound too high. Her hand landed on her chest, and I moved my attention down to it. Her breathing was faster, causing her tank top to pull taut.
Mateo Caputo: Unseen Underground Page 6