by Bryce Oakley
Emilia’s eyes grew glossy, and she pressed her lips together. There was a sudden shift in the air and tension suddenly loomed over them.
It felt as though all the weight of what they weren't saying pressed down upon them.
She gave Cody a quick kiss and stood, murmuring something about needing to use the restroom.
Cody watched her hurry from the room, feeling a strange tightness in her chest. It felt remarkably like fear. Fear she had said the wrong thing, fear Emilia didn't feel the same way, fear Cody had said too much of the right thing.
Emilia reminded Cody of another time she had been off her game, the night of the Johanna Kissler event. She had begun to panic in the bakery, and it was the first time Cody had seen her as genuinely mortal. Frankie had joked that Emilia was a robot, that she didn't have feelings, but Cody knew that Emilia felt things very deeply.
Cody had panic attacks all the time after the car crash, and she knew what an anxious, panicking person looked like. It wasn't all hysterics. Sometimes it was just complete blankness, a shutdown, or a sudden building of walls.
Kind of like what was happening to Emilia right then.
Cody stood, walking through the apartment to the bathroom door.
"Everything okay?" Cody called through the closed door.
"I'm not feeling great," Emilia called back.
"Do you need anything? Should I come in?" Cody asked, the medical training instinctively kicking in even though deep down, she knew it wasn't anything she could fix with gauze or tools.
"No, it's fine. I just… I think I just want to be alone," Emilia said, her voice cracking.
Cody was stuck between wanting to barge into the bathroom and potentially upsetting her further, or letting her have her space.
She rubbed the back of her neck with her hand.
"Do you want me to go?" Cody asked, already knowing the answer.
There was a pause. "Yeah, if that's okay," Emilia called back, not saying anything more.
What the hell had happened?
It felt like she had been punched in the stomach. “Okay, Em. I’ll see you tomorrow. Please let me know if you need anything, don't hesitate," Cody said, knowing full well how desperate she sounded.
“Okay," Emilia said, her voice small and thin.
Something was going on, but Cody would have to wait until she was ready to tell her. Until then, she'd have to keep considering Henry's business proposition on her own, without Emilia’s input.
She grabbed her jacket and shoved her feet into her boots, lacing up the tops and tying them.
Everything in her mind screamed to stay where she was, to wait it out. But Emilia had asked her to go, and she had to respect that.
Instead, she took out her phone and texted Frankie, asking her to check in on Emilia. She’d know what to do.
Red flags all around Cody warned that she was going to have her heart broken by this woman, and that she should tread carefully from there on out.
It was going to fucking hurt, but she was going in with her eyes wide open.
Chapter 15
Emilia
Emilia listened for the door to close behind Cody, holding her head in her hands. She sat on the edge of the bathtub, taking deep breaths and trying to get through whatever had just come over her.
Cody had no idea. And she was a coward for not confessing.
When Cody was holding her, looking at her as though she put the stars in the sky, that's when she started to panic. She felt something so deeply, so quickly for Cody. It had been a matter of weeks, and already she was so comfortable with her.
The sex was mind-blowing, even when it was a quickie after a long day at work. The personality chemistry was there. For being a woman so in her own head, she found few people who could keep up with her. Frankie, Nico, sometimes Henry, but Cody was right there with her, just as fast.
It was all happening so fast. She felt as though they were in a car, speeding down the road, and she saw a barrier approaching, but Cody didn't.
They were going to crash.
That was why she had promised herself to never mix business and feelings.
This was her fault and only her fault.
Her phone rang and she picked it up to see a goofy photo of Frankie, calling her.
"Why hello there, dear sister," Frankie sing-songed as she answered.
Frankie’s voice instantly made her smile.
“Everything's okay on my end,” Frankie said quickly.
“Yeah. Same here. What are you up to?" Emilia said, forcing her own cheerfulness and clearing her throat to keep from sounding upset.
"I am stalking the whiskey section of this liquor store with the lovely Nico Esposito. Can you believe Nico thinks Maker's Mark is good whiskey?"
Emilia heard Nico's protests and laughter from both women. She paused, not wanting to speak too much for fear that her voice would crack.
"Want us to come over?" Frankie said.
She vowed to never underestimate cousinly intuition ever again.
"Yes, please. And bring wine. Bring copious amounts of wine. Or whiskey, if that's what you have in the cart already,” Emilia said.
"Aye, aye, Cap'n," Frankie said and hung up.
In twenty minutes, they were sitting on the living room rug with overfilled glasses of wine for Nico and Emilia, and a double whiskey with exactly two drops of water for Frankie. She was such a snob about her whiskey.
"Okay, so what's up?" Nico asked, swirling the wine in her glass. "You've seemed weird lately. Is it..." She looked to Frankie, and the two sang in unison, “Coooody?"
Emilia felt her cheeks warm, but instead of giving in, she rolled her eyes. "I mean, kind of. In that, I haven't exactly... told her about the email from the landlord yet."
Frankie tilted her head, and Nico laid her hand on Emilia’s. These two women were the only ones she had talked about it with, and even telling Nico made her nervous.
Nico had been their friend for years since college and had been the one to suggest even adding coffee to their shop, spearheading the effort herself and training the other baristas. If they expanded, Nico would likely be the one figuring out exactly what services they'd be able to get out of the bakery building.
"How do you envision that conversation going?" Nico asked carefully, and Frankie looked between Nico and Emilia, nodding.
Emilia grimaced, squeezing her eyes shut and putting her hand to her forehead. "I can't exactly say, 'Hey, Cody, the landlord told me Henry hasn't finalized plans for renewing his five-year lease and so we're thinking about buying the place. Sorry about your family legacy, buddy!'" She confessed miserably, taking a large swig from her glass.
"Emilia, it's just business," Frankie said pragmatically, shrugging. "Henry probably hasn't renewed for a reason."
Emilia looked at her, impressed. Since when was she the ruthless one?
"Or, it's the universe telling you that the space should be the bookshop's," Nico added, rather unhelpfully in Emilia’s opinion.
"Universe or not, I feel like I'm betraying Cody," Emilia admitted, her head falling into her hands.
Frankie gasped, pointing to the tree. “Wait a second, you have a tree,” she said, her voice accusatory.
Emilia blinked, looking at the tree. “Yeah, but not a wreath,” she said, as if that was a point of pride.
“Did Cody get you this tree?” Frankie asked, standing up to inspect it. “These lights make me think of your parent’s tree when we were kids.”
She turned back slowly, watching Emilia with a curious look.
“I can’t remember the last time you ever admitted it was the holiday season, much less decorated for it,” she said.
Emilia rolled her eyes. “It’s not like I put up stockings and garland. It’s just a tree,” she said.
Frankie pointed to the television. “Is that White Christmas?!”
“Okay, now that’s really weird,” Nico added, surveying the television.
Emilia lea
ned against the coffee table. “Stop making such a big deal out of it,” she begged.
Frankie and Nico exchanged a look. "I guess maybe we didn't realize how serious it is between you two?"
"It's not serious," Emilia said automatically, chewing on her lower lip, recognizing that was a lie. She waved her hand towards the tree. "And at the same time, it is."
Nico squealed, but Frankie looked shocked.
"And you?" Frankie asked, her eyes squinting.
"And me, what?" Emilia said, her eyebrows raised.
Frankie gave her a Really? look and Emilia stared down into her glass, swirling the red liquid around in soothing circles.
She loved Cody. She wanted to scream it from a damn rooftop, but the whole situation was keeping her from saying it at all, especially to Cody, the one person who needed to hear it most. "I don’t know, it’s pretty great," Emilia said, cushioning her answer.
"And this isn't the sex talking, right?" Nico asked, her eyes round with concern.
Emilia laughed, covering her mouth as her cheeks reddened. She had never been the friend who talked about sex with the others.
“No, that’s great, don't get me wrong. She does this thing with her tongue..." I trailed off, then realized both Frankie and Nico were leaning closer with raised eyebrows. Emilia laughed, feeling embarrassed, shoving Frankie by the shoulder and waving away Nico. "Down, girls, she just... She makes me feel really... I feel really..."
"Yeah, we can tell," Nico said, laughing into her wine glass. "You've got it so much worse than I thought."
Frankie groaned. "We're never going to expand the business with Sentimental Emilia. I need Badass Business Emilia, the one who ruthlessly got our landlord to agree to 3/4 of what she wanted to charge us because we had to make all of those water repairs, remember?"
Emilia nodded. Badass Business Emilia had been a pretty awesome version of herself, she had to admit.
"We need the Emilia that lives and breathes Between the Covers," Frankie continued.
She paused. When had she become the Emilia who didn't live and breathe for the bookstore? She thought back on the past few weeks. Ditching out early, not spending every waking moment in the evening checking out eBay and RareBooks.com listings hourly, not mocking up new marketing plans on napkins on girl's nights out.
Cody had shown her a different side of herself. Something she never expected. She could be someone who genuinely enjoyed time away from work, time doing nothing productive. She could veg on the couch for hours without worrying about squeezing in a few more hours of work. She could spend hours in bed, reveling in Cody’s perfect body without overthinking the idea of adding tables to the floor plan.
The strange glimpse into her new mindset was unnerving. Had Cody changed her on purpose? Had she ever encouraged her not to work?
Well, there were a few times when she had pulled Emilia back into the bed for another round. She smirked, remembering the exact feel of Cody’s strong, demanding hands wrapping around her hips.
"Oh, we're so screwed," Frankie was saying, wiping her hands over her face. "If Emilia has lost her cutthroat sensibilities, we're never expanding."
Nico smacked Frankie on the arm. "You should be encouraging Emilia to live a little. You sure as hell have a life, why doesn't she deserve the same?" She said, giving Frankie a pointed stare.
The corners of Emilia’s mouth tipped down as she stared at Nico, impressed with her taking a stand against Frankie.
Frankie knit her eyebrows together, then turned to her. "I hate it when Nico is rational," she said. "You're both just so inconvenient to me right now," Frankie joked, holding her hands over her face.
Emilia thought for a moment that Frankie must be embarrassed by what she had said.
Emilia reached for her, holding her wrists and looking her in the eye. "I'm not giving up on the expansion. I'm going to tell Cody. She deserves to know. Henry deserves to know, too. I just don't know exactly how to do this yet."
"Here’s how I’d approach it," Nico said, holding up a finger as she downed the rest of her wine.
Emilia eyed the glass, wary of what Nico was about to try to convince her to do after chugging a very generous pour of wine.
Frankie interrupted before Nico could finish her wine. "The thing is, you don’t want to hurt anyone. So, I’d talk to Henry only because this is about business. Cody doesn’t own the business, Henry does. So, this is between you and Henry."
"But it is about Cody, because it does fundamentally affect her, and no relationship built on keeping secrets is a good one," Nico countered. "By omitting this information, you’re lying to her. If you love her, wouldn’t you want to rely on her advice?"
Emilia looked between them as though she was watching a tennis match.
“Cody's advice is going to be biased," Frankie said, rolling her eyes.
Emilia covered her face with her hands. "Oh God, I don’t know how, but I agree with both of you, which puts us back at square one."
"Cody is a good person. We all like her," Frankie said, holding her hand on Emilia’s shoulder.
"I think I love her," Emilia admitted, saying it aloud for the first time.
Both Nico and Frankie gasped.
"Whoa, since when?" Nico said, grinning.
Frankie’s jaw hung slack.
"She told me she was falling for me about a week ago. Right after you saw us in the office, Frankie."
She paused, remembering what had happened right after... she smiled to herself before clearing her throat and continuing.
"And then tonight, she was giving me these amazing compliments, and I started to panic because I believed her. I believe she's honest when she tells me how wonderful she thinks I am, but I'm lying to her. And I… freaked out when I realized I couldn't just keep lying to her. I hid in the bathroom until you guys got here. And before even saying this, I thought I was only panicking because I felt guilty about lying to her, and I do, don’t get me wrong, but I also just feel overwhelmed by this new feeling."
Nico poured herself some more wine and topped off Emilia’s glass.
"What new feeling?" Nico asked, as Frankie stared at Emilia with wide eyes.
"It sounds weird, but I realized how much had changed in me in the past few weeks," Emilia said. "I’ve never been one to prioritize relationships, but lately, I’ve found myself prioritizing Cody. And it feels like I’m doing something for myself, too. I’m finally relaxing, enjoying TV binges, taking time to take long walks around the neighborhood, playing, having fun. She makes me want to live a life outside of work, and at the same time, she has never once asked me to work less or differently or prioritize her over work.”
“And now you’re a big Christmas fan,” Frankie groaned.
“Not big. I’m just not a Scrooge anymore, I think,” Emilia said with a laugh, realizing how silly that sounded.
“But Scrooge was a businessman,” Frankie said. Then, she paused, thinking. “Wait, why am I defending Ebenezer Scrooge? That’s definitely the wrong side of history.”
Nico held her chin in her hand, smiling wistfully at Emilia.
Frankie was looking at her like she had grown two heads.
"I haven’t even checked on the rare book sites this evening," Emilia added for emphasis. "Not consciously. I just haven’t even thought of them. And I haven't thought about the auction for the new books I found at the estate sale."
Frankie clutched at her chest, pretending to be unable to breathe. "I think Emilia has been brainwashed."
Both Nico and Emilia shook their heads, laughing.
"Emilia, in the 28 years I’ve known you, you have never talked to me about your feelings for anything other than work. You can forgive me for being a little…" Frankie paused, looking up. "Shocked."
Nico nodded. "It’s true, I’ve heard you talk about being nervous about work things or excited for books or happy about sales, but I’ve never heard you talk about a woman in this way."
It was her turn to finish her win
e in one gulp. "I just feel different. Like when have I ever watched a Christmas movie willingly before I met her? And yet it wasn't that bad! We’ve been nearly inseparable, and I know it’s just the crazy butterfly feelings, but it does feel like..." She waved a hand in the air, trying to find the right word. "Love."
"Don’t discount your feelings as not real just because they’ve happened quickly," Nico said, nodding sagely.
Frankie was quiet, staring at her with an unreadable expression. It was halfway between intrigued and worried. Maybe it was because she was a year younger than Emilia, but she had always been the one who had adventures and flings and gushed about love. Emilia felt strange to be admitting her feelings at all in front of Frankie.
Emilia was the stable one, and she usually pushed down emotions that threatened to ruin that stability in any way. Frankie teased her for being heartless and encouraged her daily to say how things affected her, but she doubted Frankie was ready for the dam to break so quickly.
"Are you okay?" Emilia asked her.
"I’m proud of you," Frankie said quietly. "You’ve been pretending to be a robot for so long that I nearly forgot you're a human."
"How are you sure I haven’t really been a robot this entire time?" Emilia joked.
"Remember when you were like, really, really into Dashboard Confessional in high school? No robot would ever like that type of music," Frankie said with a shrug like it was the most rational statement in the world. "I always wondered where all those emo feelings went."
"Dormant from lack of use, obviously," Emilia countered, grinning.
Nico tilted her head, raising her glass halfway. "I have a feeling that this isn't an end, even for the bakery, but a new beginning. A transformation into something else."
Frankie nodded, as though Nico had given her an idea. She squinted up at the ceiling, thinking hard. "So, what if it doesn’t end? What if we just reinvent it?"
Emilia lifted a brow. "The bakery?"
Frankie nodded.
She leaned forward. "Tell me what you have in mind."
She was rearranging the New Releases in the front of the store when Cody popped up in front of the big full-length windows that lined the front of the shop. She grinned, watching her make goofy faces, fogging up the glass and drawing hearts and smiley faces. After she had been so weird the night before, it was a relief to see her in such good spirits.