“Yeah,” I say quietly.
“Then why was he using it? And why didn’t you try to stop him?”
“He wasn’t.” I stop and drop my head. “He wouldn’t admit to it, at first. And by the time I knew for sure, it was too late.”
“He’s looking for a way to stay, isn’t he?” Her sigh is sad and longing and lonely.
“He thought he could find his brother.” I swallow the feeling that I’m betraying Adam. “But we never quite made it.”
“This means he’s going to want to try again.” Stella pauses. “Sage, you’re a wonderful friend to Adam. And if you care about him as much as I think you do, you want only the best for him, right?”
“Of course.”
“Okay, I’m going to need your help.”
“Okay.” I hesitate, afraid of where this may be going. “With what?”
“Talk him out of this plan to stay.”
“What?” I choke on her words. “But why would you want me to do that? You’re his mom. Don’t you want him to stay? With you. With me.”
“I know why he wants to stay,” she says. “I know he thinks of you as more than just a friend. You’re the first person he asks about when I call him, the first person he wants to see. Every summer, the two of you, inseparable. I’m not blind. And if things were different…more normal, I would be happy.”
“I—” But I can’t get any words out. My skin is hot and my heart is racing. A tingling heat is shooting through my veins and little pockets of happiness are blowing up inside of me. I feel like I’m glowing, inside and out. I must be.
Stella’s shaking her head sadly. “You know,” she says. “When Adam was born, Laris took him. That night. I begged him not to take him.” She pauses and wipes tears from her face. “For two weeks after he left, I cried my heart out. I would come to the beach and just scream at the sky. I begged for him to bring my baby back. I knew when I got pregnant with Adam that he wouldn't be mine. That he belonged to them. But having him ripped from my arms...”
“Then you understand,” I say.
She wipes back another tear. “Laris knew I was hurting so he made a deal with me that allowed me to know my son. For eighteen years. I would get him during the summer, but he would spend the rest of the year with Laris. He told me it was the best he could do, and if I didn’t agree they would be gone. Adam was theirs. The fate of their planet depends on him. But until he's ready, I could know him and he could know me.”
I swallowed the lump that had been growing in my throat. “And this is it, the summer he turns eighteen?” I ask, but I don’t need an answer and Stella doesn’t give me one. “Adam says there's another, a brother who can operate the Nexus and save Perseida. And then he can stay here, just be human.”
“Adam will never be just human, Sage. He has a destiny…he has family who are in trouble. Who need him. He is the only one who can save them.”
“How…how do you know this?” I ask her. “Have you seen this for yourself or is this just what Laris tells you? After all, he wants Adam to go with him. So he would probably say—”
“Don’t go there,” Stella interrupts. “I’ve known Laris for a long, long time and I trust him. This isn’t easy for me, either. I’m his mom. He’s my little boy.” She wipes more tears from her eyes. “But this is the only way. The only way. Anything else will destroy Adam. He’ll never be able to live with himself. This…this is what Adam was created for. Don't let him try to stay, Sage. He’ll ultimately resent you, resent me. And ultimately that will tear him apart and kill him.”
I swallow back tears and watch the lake. The rain is coming down harder rattling the awning above me.
“If you love him, you’ll help me convince him to go.” Stella’s voice is quiet now, barely a whisper. “You’re the reason, he’s fighting this. Do you want him to die? Because that’s what will happen.” Blood and rain roar in my ears.
“I better go,” I say. “I need to check up on my mom.” I stand up and walk. Walk past the cabins, walk towards the road to the woods, walk home.
And walk away from the pain of her words.
Chapter Twenty-Six
My mom is in the living room when I barrel through my front door. She smiles sadly through pink mottled lipstick and tear stained cheeks. “Oh, Sage. I am so happy to see you.”
My heart batters the inside of my ribcage.
“Mom,” I whisper. She breaks into a barrage of tears, and I cross the room to the couch where she’s propped against the cushions with her legs tucked beneath her. I sit down next to her and pull her into my arms. “Mom, I’m so sorry.”
She sniffles loudly and wipes her face in my shirt, her tears soaking the thin material. Guilt claws and tears through me like a scared kitten.
“I’m so sorry. I should’ve never left. I should’ve called you. I—”
“We were going to go out tonight, but he forgot.” She rattles sobs and hiccups air.
I sit back until I can see her face. “Uh, what?”
“Mark forgot me.” Her cries are more whines. I glance around, at her, at the room. There’s an empty wine bottle on the coffee table and tequila on her breath and everything makes sense. It wasn’t me she was crying over.
A raw hurt clamps around my heart, squeezing what little feeling I have left. How could I have been so dumb? So stupid? Of course, she didn’t notice I hadn’t been here in four days. That my bed was still made, and my shoes and coat were missing from the front closet. Of course, she didn’t notice. She never notices. She starts crying again, a fresh wave of tears, and I can see she wants me to wrap my arms around her again and dry them. But I can’t deal with this. Not today. Not now.
I’m about to stand up, to leave, when Mark walks through the door. He raises his eyebrows at the sight of my mom. “What the hell is wrong with you?”
“I thought we were going out tonight?” My mom wipes her nose.
“Oh hell. I’m late. Nothing worth crying over.”
“Three hours late.”
Mark’s hands ball and thunderclouds grow in his eyes. Great, just what I need. Another night with them at each other’s throats.
“Maybe you should get some sleep,” I whisper into my mom’s ear. But she shakes me off and is on her feet.
“You went out without me. Who is she?” She shakes with each word.
“Oh hell.” Mark bangs a fist into the wall and he slams out the front door.
My mom sinks to the couch again. She drips tears and makeup, and I can’t take it. I am empty, completely empty. I slip from her and the room, closing my bedroom door between us and find a mess.
Overturned dresser drawers, pictures torn from the wall, bedding ripped from the bed. Clothes, pictures, my letters from Adam. Everything strewn across my floor. What the-? An angry fire burns in my veins. Somebody had been in here, tearing through my things, shredding them from wall to wall. Who would have done this? Why?
I drop to my knees and claw through the pile looking for my pictures and letters. For everything I have of Adam. For everything I have of my dad. All I find are fragments. Twisted and torn and tossed like confetti and intermixed with crushed pieces of dried pink petals. I grab piece after piece until a heavy ache overtakes me. These were my favorite pictures of my dad. The ones I hid in my top drawer. My roses. I sit back against my bed letting them scatter once again. My fingers find my locket, safe around my neck, now holding all I have left of him.
Hollow pain swells inside me. It’s as sharp and strong as the day he died. And now I’m going to lose Adam. The pain explodes in me, and I shake and cry. I curl into myself, hugging my legs to my chest and resting my head on my knees.
Tap-tap-tap. My tears are interrupted by the sound of knocking on my window. I leap from the floor and pull up the shade. Only two people have ever knocked on my window before. Adam and—
Lucas.
He stands shivering on the lawn chair, his brown eyes wide with concern. Swallowing the sinking disappointment, I slid
e open the window and screen and drag my bed back from the wall so he can climb in.
I take a step back, but he pulls me to him, wrapping his arms around me and squeezing tight. “I was so worried. I’ve been at Stella’s all day waiting, and when I knew Adam was back…”
“Did you see him?”
Lucas shakes his head. “No, Stella said he was sleeping. I rushed right over to see you. What the hell happened? What’s going on with you two?”
“Nothing. We’re fine.”
“But that phone call?” He begins to pace. “And how did you get back from Arizona so fast?”
I shake my head and look away. “You’ll have to ask Adam all that.”
“You can tell me, can’t you?” He stops in front of me. “I’ve been covering for you guys while you’ve been off acting all Bonnie and Clyde. I deserve to know.”
“I’m sure Adam will tell you everything.”
“Why can’t you tell me? Is it because of the Brianna thing?”
“Because I can’t. I just can’t.” I bite my lower lip and look up at him. Awkward silence descends between us.
“Okay.” He frowns and disappointment flickers in his eyes. “Well I am glad you’re okay. I called you in sick to school and the diner. I’m not entirely sure Liz bought it, just so you know.”
“Thanks.”
“What happened in here?” He said as his eyes swept the mess in my room.
“I don’t know. My mom’s new boyfriend needed money or something.”
“Do you need help—”
“I kind of just want to be alone,” I say a little too quickly.
“Whatever,” he says throwing up his hands. He starts for the window, but I reach for his arm. He spins to me, his brown eyes drowning in hurt. “Really. I mean it. Thanks,” I say.
He nods and whispers. “Anytime.”
As he climbs through the window, he pauses and looks back in. “I hope you can forgive me and we can be friends again.”
I sigh as I close the window and pull down the shade.
Chapter Twenty-Seven
I find Stella on the cabin porch the next morning. She sips tea while the morning sun sprays golden shadows across her and the beach. The lake sparkles blue and the waves meet the shore in peaceful caresses. I brush hair and sunlight from my eyes as I reach her.
“He’s not here right now,” she says before I climb the first step. “He’s with his dad.”
“Is he okay?”
She nods.
“With his dad? He’s not—is he coming back?” The words hurt to say, I hadn’t considered this. What if Adam’s dad had been so angry about Adam trying to find his brother, that he took him early? What if I never get to say goodbye?
“Yes. They’ll be back tomorrow. You can see him then.” I exhale and sink to the step.
“I-I-don’t think I can do this,” I say. Stella sits beside me and wraps her arm around my shoulder.
“Me neither,” she says.
“Tell me this isn’t happening, please Stella, tell me it’s not true.”
“I’m sorry.” She curls her fingers around my shoulder blades and squeezes. Her head presses into mine, and I smell the strawberry shampoo on her blond curls. Tears tickle my eyelids and I press my fingers to my eyes to stop them. Stella hugs me tighter.
“I’m sorry,” she says again. “I’m so sorry. I should’ve never let you be friends. I should’ve stopped this years ago. He was so happy. And you…” The ache inside me is a tornado, spinning, spiraling, tearing me to pieces. Listening to her. Hearing the pain. This can’t be real. This can’t be real. This can’t be real.
The breeze picks up from the lake and I blink tears and sand. Stella’s breathless sobs echo in my ears. “Please.” I’m turning into her grabbing her shoulders, looking into her eyes. “I can’t do this. There has to be a way to stop it. Please…there’s got to be something. Anything. Help me.”
She stiffens. The soft sympathy lining her faces hardens. “No,” she says. “Don’t go there. Don’t.”
“Please.”
“No. You need to let this go.”
“I can’t. Can’t you see? I can’t give him up without a fight. And you’re his mother, don’t you want to fight for him too?”
“No, stop. You’re going to make this harder than it is.” Her voice is like a slap, and I can’t answer. Can’t breathe. Why doesn’t she want to fight? This is Adam. Her Adam. My Adam. Silent anger grows between us, and I move out from her arms. Away from her.
“I’m sorry,” she says in a softer voice. “I can’t bear seeing either of you get hurt. I can’t. But he’s going to leave. And the sooner you accept that, the sooner you help him accept that, the better. Wouldn’t you rather have spent these last few weeks making memories you’ll be able to carry with you for the rest of your life?”
“You make it sound like he has some terminal disease.”
“Yeah,” she says slowly. “Yeah, I think it kind of is like that for us.”
“That’s horrible,” I’m rising from the porch. “How can you say that? He’s your son.” I am a roaring fire, heat and anger and fight. I stand in front of her, hands on hips, eyes searing into hers. “How can you not fight for him?”
“Don’t you think I did?” Her voice is a whispery hiss. “I’ve known about this deal for his entire lifetime. You just found out. I’ve had years to search for solutions. Don’t you think I tried?”
“Not hard enough.”
“He’s my son, Sage.” Her words are bitter. “That means I’d search to the end of this earth, until the end of time, to find a way to keep him with me. But there’s nothing—nothing. No brother or sister or long lost uncle. Adam is it. He has to go. This is the best thing. When he returns to Perseida and frees his people, he’ll be their king. King, Sage. Imagine that? He has an incredibly bright future.”
“Yeah, but shouldn’t this future be his choice?”
“Someday when you have kids of your own you’ll understand. What it’s like to be a mother. What it’s like to want the best of everything for your kids.” Her words stir up the smoldering ashes and I’m on fire again. A raging, burning inferno.
“That’s just it. I’m not going to be a mother someday. I’m not going to be anything. Without Adam, I am nothing. Nothing.”
“Don’t say—”
“He is my whole world. My whole world.” The rage grows inside of me, its claws burrowing into my skin and my blood and my heart. I want to scream. I want to rip the sand from the beach and the sun from the sky. I want to tear down this porch and this cabin.
Stella says my name. She tells me to calm down, to listen, but her words are far away and I don’t care. I just don’t care.
The balloon of anger bursts inside of me and the tears break free. I crumble, dropping to the porch step, pressing my hands to the top of my head, entwining my fingers into my hair. I rock back and forth several times, groaning and crying before collapsing. My arms rest on my knees and my head in the crook of my elbow. And I cry.
And Stella sits silently at my side.
Chapter Twenty-Eight
Stella drives me to school, but I’m still late. Second period is underway when I slip through the doors and head for the stairs. I should head to Mr. Hutton’s English class to discuss Romeo and Juliet with Lucas and Brianna. Yeah, that would be fun.
I head for the empty hallway and my locker bays instead. Sinking onto the gray carpet, I wrap my arms around my legs and rest my head on my knees.
My face and my head and my chest burn. And inside I’m all aches and cuts and tears. This hurts too bad.
“Sage?” Lucas stands over me, eyebrows raised, arms crossed. “What are you doing here? Why aren’t you in class?”
“Didn’t really feel like it today.” I choke back a sniffle. “What are you doing here?”
“Bathroom,” he says holding up a pink hall pass. “And then I saw you, so I followed. You haven’t been to class in a few days…you’re behind
.” He taps his fingers on the floor.
I roll my eyes at him and shake my head. “What are you, the school police?”
“No-no.” Lucas waves his hands. “I’m worried about you.”
“I’m fine.” I lean my head against the lockers and close my eyes. He smells like soap and toothpaste, so familiar. Go away. Just go away. Far, far away.
“I’m here for you, Sage. I meant what I said last night, I’m your friend.”
I’m tired. I don’t have it in me to be having this conversation. So, I snort. “You’re kidding right?”
His jaw twitches and he curls a lip. “No, I’m not.”
“You quit talking to me, Lucas. In the hall. At lunch. Maybe it was because it was weird with you dating Brianna, but you two have been broken up for months and you still ignored me.”
“I’m sorry.” He drops his gaze to the floor and picks at the carpet. “I know I screwed up. I didn’t know how to fix it.”
“Maybe it’s too late,” I say. “Maybe you can’t.”
“Sage, we’ve been friends for years. You’re like family. When Jake died,” he chokes on the sound of his brother’s name. “I-I-I’m really sorry. I want to fix this. I want us to be friends again. I want to be there for you, Stella said—”
“Stella said. Wait. Did Stella put you up to this?” The answer flashes in his eyes and flames fill my cheeks. I cover my face with my hands. “I-I can’t believe this.”
“Sage, no,” he says, crouching down and pulling my fingers from my face. “She asked me to watch out for you today, but that’s all. I’m here because I want to be. When you called me…when I lost you on the phone…I promised if you came back okay, I would make things right between us. Because it’s not right what I did. I want us to be friends again, like we used to be.”
“Like we used to be. You chose Brianna, Lucas. Brianna. Of all people, you knew what she did to me. You heard the names.” His face and ears turn purple and his head falls.
“I’m sorry,” he says. “Brianna’s not a bad person. She gets a little carried away.”
One Starry Knight: A Scifi Alien Love Story (The Starry Knight Saga Book 1) Page 15